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Thread: For MQ before she has a baby!

  1. #1
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    Jan 2002
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    Default For MQ before she has a baby!

    ***********************

    An irate wife was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the
    pub, so one night he took her along with him.

    "What'll ya have?" he asked.

    "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.

    So the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his "down the
    hatch" in one go. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and
    immediately spat it out.

    "Yuck, it's Bloody AWFUL!!!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink
    this stuff!"

    "Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And YOU think I'm out enjoying
    myself every night!"

    *************************************************
    football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to
    his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed
    math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math
    question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the
    coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what
    is two plus two?"

    The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

    "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

    At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach,
    give him another chance!"

    =======================================

    School Days

    A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one
    day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the
    chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
    She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just
    saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't
    want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the
    chalkboard.

    Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the
    very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from
    another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"

    "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of
    my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to
    see
    you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when
    she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is
    an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see
    Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you are going?"
    she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

    *******

    A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales
    representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his
    papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best
    schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is
    unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought.
    However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and
    we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential
    customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you."

    "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"

    "Really? Great! Show me!"

    So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling
    out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms,
    flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of
    aspirin. He breaks it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking
    in a few moments.

    "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is
    a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanising
    all over the country!"

    "Womanising? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"

    "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

    "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy,
    winking, and asked for aspirin?

  2. #2
    Miami Nice!
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
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    Thank you Jazzy...Your apologies are accepted!!!

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