Top 17 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife

17. "I finished the Oreo's."

16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid
weighs forty pounds."

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that
Pamela Lee had a baby!"

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that
flabby forever."

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the
Super Bowl."

12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a
surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea.
Boy, that's gotta hurt."

10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next
to Willard Scott!"

9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of
childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your *own* ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

5. "Got milk?"

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary,
Bambi."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of
Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains
water."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant
Wife...

1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger........."