Part 1
After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not
talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused, "What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."
Part 2
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
or
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What's the best way to drive a man insane?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him he can choose only one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals" or "maps"
I didn't have time to search the whole bin to see if these have been used before. Me disculpo if they have.
SLM
After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not
talking to each other for days.
Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was.
"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."
He looked confused, "What are you talking about?"
"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged.
"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."
Part 2
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
or
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Q. Why do doctors slap babies butts right after they're born?
A. To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What's the best way to drive a man insane?
A: Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him he can choose only one.
Q: What do men and pantyhose have in common?
A: They either cling, run or don't fit right in the crotch!
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals" or "maps"
I didn't have time to search the whole bin to see if these have been used before. Me disculpo if they have.
SLM