casual sex?

Amber

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This may seem an odd question, but I'd really like some real answers. How does a person learn to take sex casually, as in no emmotional attachment? How does one deal with the double standards? Ignore them or what?
thanks,
amber
 

Nathan

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Feb 3, 2003
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Weeeeellllll!

I am a Libran, so it's hard for me not to take it personal.

Now, when I was single and touring Middle East & Asia as lead vocalist for a Canada based band, I had no problems with that.

I mean I could point my finger and I would have anyone I wanted in that club (my band hated me for that cause I left them the leftovers). I mean they were all dear to my heart. I took care of all of them and treated them with respect. I even became friends with those women. Sometimes they would come to the club or call me and ask if I had some other girl lined up. I would say yes, and they would take a raincheck.

I guess when it comes to casual sex...for me at least, befriend the person and become friends first of all and then do the deed. Plus you never know, you might end up with something.

Your question is a tough one!

I don't know what I am going to do when I get to DR. I am getting divorced right now (wifey can't deal with the music business..not unfaithful ever...just busy all the time!)

I hope someone comes with a straight answer. I think it's hard! I guess you gotta be drunk!


Once in a while I would wake up and find some chick in my hotel room and say "Who the freak are you?" "Get the hell out" (4 am)

I was bad really. My wife cahnged that and turned me into a family man. I guess I've forgotten the game and what it feels like.

That's all I gotta say!


Good luck finding a "straight answer!"

Hug,

Nathan

PS
Please don't think I am this conceited bastard. I am not! I am not even that good looking...just sing like a mother and can dance and shake my pelvis better than Elvis so women wondered. That's all!
 

andy a

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Feb 23, 2002
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If you want a straight answer, the naked truth is that casual sex is the only kind that Dominicanas do.
 

judyisnice

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Oct 11, 2002
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You must think of it as the last sex you'll ever have...or start thinking your much better then they are , and they are the lucky ones to be getting you.

But if this is so hard for you to deal with , why do it at all?
Hope you find the answer and can deal with it real soon if your going to thr D.R.
Could you not just go for the sun and sand? Are the men all that hard to pass on while your there?
TRY just enjoying yourself or maybe meet some of the DR1 members instead...??? Judy
 

Pib

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Jan 1, 2002
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[B]andy a[/B] said:
If you want a straight answer, the naked truth is that casual sex is the only kind that Dominicanas do.
And this children is what the ancients called "Stupid Lie". It was supposed to be extinct in the 21st century, but as you can see thanks to the kind efforts of a charity called B.I.G.O.T. they have been kept alive.
 

Criss Colon

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Jan 2, 2002
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"If you're not near the One you love,love the One you're near"!

"Nathan's" comment about waking up at 4 AM and wondering who you were with reminded me of my "OLD DAYS" in the DR! I remember having to turn the light on in the bathroom,to see who I was in bed with that night!..........25 different girls a week was about "normal" in those days......My "New" technique is: I have several "girlfriends" who are my "Scouts".These girls talk to other girls in their neighborhood about a guy who likes having sex with pretty young Dominicanas.He pays 300 pesos and you are in his apt. for about an hour.Now these girls are giving it away to the "Tigres" in their barrio,so why not have some money in their pocket for doing what they are already doing? My "Scouts" call every day with details on the "New Recruits". I set a time if they sound good.I go to my apt. take a "Viagra",and a shower,and stretch out naked on the kingsize bed to watch a little TV.My "Scout" arrives with the "Newbie" and they come right in,I leave the door unlocked.We say "Hello",while the young lady hits the showers,my "Scout" warms me up a little,until the other girl returns.At this point,several "scenarios" are possible.We can have a "Threesome,a "Twosome",and sometimes if my "Scout" brings two girls a "Foursome" is a possibility!!!!Some "Scouts" are married,so they may not participate when there are other girls present,but not because they are "True" to their husbands!...So "AMBER",is that "casual" enough for you?I don't even remember their names! I have to describe them to my "Scouts" if I want them to bring them back again! Send me an email,and I'll have a "Scout" give you a call!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:lick: :p :laugh: :smoke:
 

Robert

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Jan 2, 1999
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andy a said:
If you want a straight answer, the naked truth is that casual sex is the only kind that Dominicanas do.

"andy a" you have made some great posts, but in my opinion that's the most "blind" post you have ever said on this board :)
I think you have been hanging out with the wrong crowd?

judyisnice - Amber lives in the DR.

Amber, ignore what people think or say, it's your life, live it the way you want to live it. You don't need anyone's permission, especially not ours! Just be aware of what your doing and why.

In case you don't know it, there is nothing casual about sex.
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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Amber, I think females have a tougher time doing the casual sex thing.
Ok I'll add this so I don't have to hear from anyone.....NOT all females but I would say most females find it harder than males. We have that darn built in nurturing, caring, motherly thing. Which is why it makes it hard for us to get that intimate with someone and not get attached.
 

mkohn

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Jan 1, 2002
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I think men have nurturing and caring instincts too, some just "tune out" when their ^^^ is doing the talking.
:)
mk
 

andy a

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Feb 23, 2002
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to Robert,

Am I missing something?

1)
"Casual" was found in the Cambridge International Dictionary of English at the entries listed below.

casual (NOT INTERESTED)
casual (TEMPORARY)
casual (CHANCE)
casual (INFORMAL)

Which interpretation is insulting? The comment itself was meant to be somewhat satirical.

2)
Isn't this the forum where men and women are expected to have different viewpoints? Are women really from Venus or men from Mars?

If it's an unwritten rule that this forum is one where those "from Venus" can say what they want and others are brutes for responding, then I will certainly stay away from this forum.

4)
Is there some reason the offended party can't speak for herself?

3)
I didn't just fall off the yucca truck. The archives are full of posts telling men how foolish they would be to marry a Dominican, and advising them about the high divorce rate. One doesn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to notice that many Dominican women have children from multiple men.

OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO ANYTHING AND ONE IS AT LIBERTY TO INCLUDE HIMSELF (OR HERSELF) IN THOSE EXCEPTIONS.

I don't recall having ever called anyone out by name in a negative way on this board.

Why do people post unless they want responses? In those posts, a bit of satire and levity can help to keep the discussion lively, yet friendly. In a different thread, I made an accurate (but I hoped comical) statement about Dominicans' use of toilet paper, and got an assinine reply. I ignored it. Sometimes it's better to simply go on.
 
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Amber

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Jan 24, 2003
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Maybe all of you are both right and wrong to some degree. First let me clarify that many Dominicans do not take sex so casually. Especially women, so some of you ae definetly hanging out in the wrong places and with the wrong women. Having decided to stretch my wings a bit in the past year, my perception is that yes, there are a lot of people who take sex very casually not only in the DR, but in the US as well, which is what caused me to wonder about it. How can you "lay on a kingsized bed and wait fo a total stranger to get there?" How can anyone wake up next to someone they don't know? I am not judging this in any way. In fact, when I listen to friends brag about their exploits, I wonder if I am not missing out by sitting in the bleachers. The idea of separating the caring and love from sex just stumps me, though. It all sounds like pure mechanical acts. Perhaps I lack some key ingredient of detachment. It sounds like there must be a mixture of attraction and detachment to have casual sex. If there is such a thing, as Robert says. And yes, I don't have to do anything I don't want to, which is the policy I have so far followed, Judy. :)
By the way, Nathan, We are in similar spots, I am still married (legaly anyway) and being faced with the single scene after many years of mariage is not a piece of cake. Get lots of info and check out the clubs, etc. before taking action. By the way, I am a libra as well and we seem to be total opposites, so don't go by that. :)
Thanks for the info, guys. It's been food for thought.
Amber
 

Pib

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Jan 1, 2002
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Well andy a, I don't think Rob was speaking "for" anyone. Maybe he also is entitled to an opinion.

How exactly "many women" having children from different men has to do ANYTHING with casual sex. Not connecting. Besides, are Dominican women the only ones having children from different men? Generalizations are offensive, so since I, as a Dominican, am entitled to be offended I, as the offended party, told you what I think.

I am not judging "casual sex", whatever that is, inmoral. To each their own, but I resent the implications of your post. If it was meant as satire... Satire implies a certain level of humor that I fail to find in your post. Maybe you should try and polish your satire act and quit it for the time being. You are coming across as bigoted and ignorant. And that is my opinion.
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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This topic comes up all the time in these forums and will continue to do so as long as men and women exist on this earth.

For me, of all the men on the board Jim Hinsch has made the most insightful observations about this in the threads I have read and/or participated in. Worth looking up.

Chiri
 

Robert

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Jan 2, 1999
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Re: to Robert,

andy a said:
Am I missing something?

Hehehehe, calm down.

You said: "casual sex is the only kind that Dominicanas do"
ALL Dominicanas are not the same.

So, in my opinion, that's not true.

Also...

I said: "andy a" you have made some great posts"
Come on, that's gotta be worth some brownie points?

I agree with Chirimoya, Jim has made some very insightful posts on this subject that me and many others can learn something from.

Robert, spreading the love like cow manure on a cabbage field...
 

Amber

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No one speaks for me unless they want to get clobbered. If something offends me or bothers me, I tell the person myself, with lots of graphics. ;)
But let's get a grip here about generalizing the conduct of a culture. I do not agree with what some people do, but I respect their right to do as they please.
I think Ana is right about women having a stronger nesting instict than men, not to say that there are exceptions to that as well. some women have been known to throw their newborn offspring into garbage dumps in NYC as well as here. Some men have no idea how many kids they have spread out. These aren't things that happen just in the DR or US. Neither is casual sex a local idea. I just get the impression that in the past 15 years or so, what was once the exception is becoming the norm. So how do us old fosils deal with it?
By the way, I'll look up that article that Jim wrote. Thanks :)