Elect Me President and I Will ...

Apr 26, 2002
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Begin to develop weapons of mass destruction, threaten neighboring countries and support known terrorist organizations. Then the USA will invade, forgive the country's crippling debts and pay its own money to rebuild us.

Okay, there are a few problems with this idea, such as:

-Who would take us seriously?
-We couldn't develop aspirin not to mention anthrax!
-We're somewhat lacking in rocket scientists right now!
-Who could we threaten? The US would actually like us to threaten Haiti right now.
-We have no oil!
-We have no canal!

Also, what Dominican president, with millions of dollars in foreign banks, would wait to be bombed in his palace after being offered asylum. Stupid Arab potenates! I'd take the buy-out offer.
 

Pib

Goddess
Jan 1, 2002
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www.dominicancooking.com
-Who would take us seriously?
Who cares. Dominican presidents are not stopped by what others think of them.

-We couldn't develop aspirin not to mention anthrax!
Free habichuela con dulce to all the population before each battle. Let's see if they can take that.

-We're somewhat lacking in rocket scientists right now!
Don't need them. Have you seen our "conchos". A few spare parts from a bike, an old blender and a washing machine and these guys can do wonders.

-Who could we threaten?
THAT is a problem.


That was funny Porfi. But I won't vote for you though. :)
 
Apr 26, 2002
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Pib,

True, habichuela con dulce was banned as a potential chemical weapon at the last Helsinki conference. After last Semana Santa, I now know why!

Question: Does this make mi abuela a possible war criminal?
 

Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
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The "IDEA" was tried before!!!

In a movie called;"The Mouse That Roared" Idea was to declair WAR on the United States,and the immediately surrender! Never saw the movie,so it might still work! CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 

PJT

Silver
Jan 8, 2002
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Live Fire Exercises

Us New Englanders have our own invasion secret weapon to provide the Marines (Infante del Marino) to counter habichuela con dulce. It is called B&M Baked Beans. It makes all New Englanders/Down Easters war criminals. The live fire exercises take place every Saturday Night.

Porfio, you won't stand a chance for the Presidency unless you sign a treaty to replace habichuela con dulce with B&M. Regards, PJT
 

Pib

Goddess
Jan 1, 2002
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[B]Porfio_Rubirosa[/B] said:
Question: Does this make mi abuela a possible war criminal?
Same as my mom who sent me a big pot of habichuelas con dulce all the way from my hometown. Stand back and be afraid!

I wonder how much Bush would give me if I turn in my mom...
 

Jon S.

Bronze
Jan 25, 2003
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Habichuelas are beans..........let Pib break it down for you since she's the cooking expert on the site and can show you the marvels of the bean. Now I'm getting a weird craving for habichuelas con dulce and arroz con leche :cross-eye me tiene vizco el hambre
 

Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
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I think this may help you "King"!

Bean,beans the musical fruit
The more you eat
The more you toot!

The more you toot
The better you feel

So lets eat "Habichuelas Con Dulce" for EVERY meal!

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 

Tony C

Silver
Jan 1, 2002
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I was elected Pres of the DR I would:

Free Beano for everyone!

Import Fat Canadian Chicks and German men to "mejorar la raza"

Capital punishment for any tourist who believes a Dominican who tells them they need money for their Sick Mom/Grandmother/Sister.

Ban Carro publicos

Bulldoze any colmado that plays loud music.

Create a special "Fools Brigade" to publically laugh at any tourist who falls in love with a Sankie or a AI Animacion team dancer.

more to follow soon!
 

Jon S.

Bronze
Jan 25, 2003
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I'll say this, diceman: you eat too many habichuelas con dulce and you'll become "king of the crapper", thats for sure......let's get back to the original question, I wouldn't go for it, I would piss too many people off and be assasinated or something like that. Oh well I'll be remembered as the JFK of DR hehe ;)
 
Apr 26, 2002
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Tony,

Quisqueya inhabited by the offspring of Canadian chicks and German guys!?!? This island would sink from the weight! And the glare from the tropical sun reflecting off those pale bellies hanging over the waistbands of the speedo and bikini bottoms - ay mi madre! Merengue replaced by oompah. Presidente replaced by Moosehead. Sultry Dominicanas replaced by Ilsa, shewolf of the SS. Sankis replaced by sensitive, new-age guys.

"Mejorando la raza"?!?! Que pesadilla!
 
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kingofdice

Active member
Jan 16, 2002
406
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Elect me DR President and I will...

1. Make PIB Vice-President. (She's mucho intelligente!)
2. Appoint Hillbilly Special Counsel, like David Gergen was
to Bill Clinton.
3. Refrain from affairs with PIB on advice of Special Counsel.
4. Make special volume purchases with Timex to purchase
cement shoes for detractors.
5. Erect Tower of Santo Domingo similar to Tower of London,
where greedy Spanish Electric Company officials would
be "stretched out" on the rack.
6. Appoint Chris Collins as official stretcher.
7. Seek tenders for a high-speed light rail system for S.D.
8. Pave the streets in Andres. Actually, extend that to all the
unpaved streets in small towns and cities.
9. Establish a national minimum wage.
10.Eliminate the 1.5 % gross tax on revenue.
11.Eliminate the ITBIS tax.
12.Double the tourist card fee.
13.Immediate end to lengthy delays in sentencing those
who have committed crimes.
14. Immediate end of export taxes.
15. 8x10 pics of JAN and Theresa in Presidential Palace.
(hey...I like this being President...to be continued!!)
 

Pib

Goddess
Jan 1, 2002
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Been there, done that...

An old post:

The US once held our Customs for a debt of about 9 million USD. If we ignore the obvious devaluation of money over a little more than 50 yrs. then a few of us could just pitch in and buy the country from Trujillo. Ok, the idea is far fetched, but follow me for the sake of humor and a pointless exercise of irony.

This is what I would do:


  1. Obviously name myself Empress, or Queen, or something of the such
    queen1.gif
    and behead all of you people who put money into buying this. I never said this was to be a democracy. I learned better from Queen Elizabeth of England.
  2. Change the name of the country to Dominicana. To avoid confussions I'll then proceed to invade Dominica and make it a colony. I'll rename the new colony in Dominica as Pibland.
  3. Dump the coat of arms. I'd like to have a simpler flag.
  4. Make a free trade agreement with a few countries in Africa and then buy those colofull clothes. I will also start a trend of using those cute turbans used by African first ladies.
  5. Excommunicate To?o Rosario (oh well, I can't do that without being a pope, I guess I will have to make do with beheading him).
  6. Change the law to make violating the traffic laws a capital crime.
  7. Ditto with littering.
  8. Print my face on the 2000 pesos bill. We need more women in our bills.
  9. Having the police uniforms re-designed and make it bermuda pants. Policemen with ugly or skinny legs will be fired.
    [/list=1]
    What would you do if you could buy/rule this country?

    Your pointing out the impossibilities of some of these ideas will lead me to seriously doubt that a)you have a sense of humor and b)you have *any* kind of sense at all
 

kingofdice

Active member
Jan 16, 2002
406
29
28
Letter to PIB Empress,

I have a few little requests.

First, could you have all the merengue bands that play too loud arrested and their instruments taken away? I can't hear myself talk at the bar when I'm trying to put the move on a socialite mujere.

Secondly, don't sell yourself cheap. Since the devaluation, you should consider issueing a 2500 peso bill. Naturally, put your lovely face on it.

Last, could you stop using that word "beheading" so much? My neck was starting to twitch.

--Muchas gracias
 

Tony C

Silver
Jan 1, 2002
2,262
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More things I would do!!!

Make the official motto "Shut up and get to work!"

Make not paying for electricity a crime.

Privatize The power, water, garbage and healthcare systems.

Execute anyone who paints the lower part of a tree.(I hate that!)

Deport all Fat euros in Speedos. Except the germans who are here for breeding purposes.

Lower taxes(Duh!!!)

Get rid of 3/4 of the National holidays.

Tax the income and property of all churchs just like any other business.

Make unemployment illegal. Can't find a job? Here is a broom. Start sweeping!

Make mandatory that all families in the top 5% of the income bracket adopt a orphan child.

more to come!!!!!
 

kingofdice

Active member
Jan 16, 2002
406
29
28
Forgive me PIB, I momentarily forgot that you were a Goddess. Don't forget to fold your Angel wings when you go to bed, to keep from creasing them.

Back to being President of the D.R. , ...swift prosecution of corruption cases and justice to guilty parties need meted out. That goes for Pepe too, who will probably somehow wrangle to become the next El Presidente (Lord help us.)

Get rid of all those motoconchos. Dang things give me a migraine headache in Boca Chica. Pesky contraptions disturb my evening meals on the veranda.

Institute annual car inspections. Can't pass the inspection? Too bad, get that 1982 Datsun 210 off the road.

For God sake, put some decent street lights in the city. I'm petrified to walk 12 ft. without being flanked by 4 bodyguards.

Close down all the girlie places in the city. Well, keep Remmington's open - I still owe a bar tab there.

No more government spending without legitimate tenders. Absolutely no awarding of tenders to clandestine companies that do not return phone calls, have no businesses at their listed address, and have no officers that can be contacted. Good grief, half the tenders in the country will have to be cancelled.

Okay, I'm getting weary. This Presidential think tank stuff can be tiring.
 
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