Emotional Visit to a Local's House

JanH

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Dec 26, 2002
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We didn't see the need to write a Trip Report this time because our stay in April was strictly getting our newly purchased villa furnished, etc. After a week of working on the house, we were on our way to a nice restaurant on our last night in DR. The following story is the sole purpose of this thread and all other things we accomplished/enjoyed during that week are reduced to meaningless drivel. This story also reinforces the primary reason we chose the DR ? the culture.

For all of you living in the DR, you will be bored with this story; but this was just our second experience at a local?s house. After seeing general living conditions of many Dominicans, we believe these two experiences have not been with dirt-poor locals ? but maybe lower-middleclass?

On our way to dinner, we noticed the office secretary of our community was standing at the road, waiting for a publico. Not being in any hurry, my husband asked if she wanted us to take her home. She accepted and we assumed she lived around Sosua. After driving to almost Puerta Plata, she finally told us to turn (she speaks a little english).

We drove down this dirt road and came upon a village of maybe 200 dominican-type houses: tiny clapboard houses, some painted. We continued block after block, not seeing any other cars, and watched people coming out of their houses observing us. We were in awe at the site of all of these little houses - one right after another - with many people sitting on miniature porches or walking down the narrow muddy road. We were in the midst of poverty, with the "white man's world" seeming to be 10000 miles behind us. The secretary motioned us to stop. We were at a dead-end street. She pointed to her house. She asked us to come in.

My husband claims I was out the door before she even finished her sentence - I don't remember. I remember this strange emotion overwhelming me, as I stepped up to the tiny porch. Her mother and father were sitting in chairs. She introduced us and asked us to come inside. I stood there dumbfounded, speechless, and on the verge of tears (so was my macho husband). There in this tiny room - no wider than 8 feet and about 20 feet long was a living room, family room, and dining room. The furniture was immaculate; there wasn't a speck of dust on the tables, and the swags hanging on the window (actually a square hole in the wall) were clean and pressed. The concrete floor was painted bright blue. She asked us to sit down. The "living room" consisted of a Victorian love seat, 2 chairs, and coffee table. It was such tight quarters, that all 4 pieces touched each other. We moved the coffee table and sat down. Two feet past this living room was the "family room" which consisted of 4 rocking chairs with brightly colored seat pads. These chairs surrounded a color TV on a bookshelf. Two feet beyond was the dining table with a china cabinet.

She offered us a drink and we, of course, accepted. We watched her go to the china cabinet and get two wine glasses. She disappeared in the kitchen, which, from my seat, looked like a covered porch with no walls. (I was afraid it would be rude if I got up and looked).

While waiting for her, I noticed a ceramic rabbit on the TV shelf. I couldn?t believe it. I had thrown that rabbit out the day before, because I was getting rid of the previous owner?s furnishings. I looked at my husband ? he appeared ?choked up?.

She finally came from the kitchen with a large bottle of Presidente and a bottle of wine. We chose the beer. While we sat there, people came in and out and we were introduced. BTW, four people lived in this house: A father who didn?t work, a mother who was a maid/cook, her teenage sister, and her.

She left again and went into her ?bedroom?, I guess. It was an opening with a curtain. She came out with a floor fan and placed it near us. I?m really fighting the tears now. This whole house could fit in our living room, and she?s worried that we may sweat a little!

I looked around at the wall hangings. There were 4 framed certificates where she had gone to some technical school and had some computer programming courses (DOS and BASIC - yuk). I commented on this and praised her for furthering her education.

After about 30 minutes, we decided it was time to leave. We went to our car and everyone was standing in the doorways, smiling and waving. Do we really have to leave???

We went back to Sosua for dinner. While eating, in mostly silence, my husband spoke up and said, ?This experience tonight is why I don?t give a rat?s ass anymore about my job, my golf cart, or my sports car back home. And I would jump at the chance to eat dinner with that family, rather than sitting in this fancy restaurant, listening to stupid dinner music.?

From that, we left the next morning, even more depressed than ever, and counting the days until we can get back to our beloved DR.
 

kjdrga

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Mar 25, 2002
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I really enjoyed your story. I had the wonderful opportunity to live in such conditions with such people for 2 plus years while in the Peace Corps in the D.R. What you experienced I lived every day and I must say it was wonderful.

I was lucky though to be able to afford the 300 peso rent for my own house about the size of what you described but my neighbor who has 15 children lived in a house the same size, and they had just two beds. If I ever find a scanner I will post pictures of my lovely house!

It is great to see other forgeiner experiencing and seeing where and what conditions at least 85% of the population live in. On my little salary once a year I was able to afford staying at an AI and usually it was because friends from the states were visitings, one friend even paid for me since I couldn't afford $40 a night.

I hope your story inspires other to go see the real "Dominican Republic"
 

Jwb

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Jan 10, 2002
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Excellent story Jan

the DR needs more westerners like yourself and your husband, as opposed to some other pompous jerks that wastes good bandwidth posting about who is lighter than who? or what can they get a Dominicana to do for a buck or two.
 

Criss Colon

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I don't understand the "Point" to your story? You are rich,they are poor,what?

You should travel to Africa,India,Vietnam if you want to see "Poor People"!Don't feel guilty about your conspicuous consuption,you worked hard for your money.Be happy you were fortunate enough to be born in North America! Invite them to live in your house when you are not here if their poverty bothers you so much!I didn't think so! Cris Colon
 

Forbeca

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Mar 5, 2003
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not guilty - compassionate

I think Jan felt sympathetic towards them.

You know what's astonishing to me Jan, that your husband was also affected. Men, for the most part are not compassionate.
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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The funny thing is, people like that are often far happier than those who have tons of money.

My experience of visiting poor countries is that those who have nothing will give everything, while unfortunately the reverse is not usually true.

So don't be sad that they don't have money. They have a closeknit family, and always something to do. If any of them ever gets into trouble, they can count on 50 neighbours to help them out.

There's more to life than money!!
 

JanH

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Dec 26, 2002
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Thanks for all of the replies.

We don't feel sorry for them. They seemed to be very happy people. In fact, Dominicans generally seem to be happy people.

And I definitely know money doesn't buy happiness - so I'm not sad they don't have money.

The point of the story was the pride of these people. the primitive house, but with spotless interior. The graciousness of the family toward us. They had alot more class than some we've met with loads of money.

Chris Colon: I didn't think I had to spell all this out. But I figured we would have a small percentage of posters berrating us for the feelings we had. I wouldn't hesitate to invite these people to take care of our house while we weren't there, but it isn't necessary.
 

johnsr

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Apr 13, 2002
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There's more to life than money!!

We had a similar experience two weeks ago while staying at the Coral Marien. My wife, myself, and another couple who were traveling with us were invited to the home of one of the staff for rice and beans. The five of us (her included) took a cab to a very poor neighborhood in Puerto Plata. She told the cab where to stop and indicated that her house was the one up at the top of very steep hill. We climbed up the hill like mountain goats, as there were no steps. The home was built with lumber from another demolished house, tin roof, no doors or windows, just shutters held open with rocks and a concrete floor. We were given drinks, orange juice and coffee, and a delicious meal of rice beans and spicy pollo.
She lives with two sisters, mother, and pregnant aunt who have a one-year-old baby. There were two small beds that they all share.
Even though we were strangers to her family we were treated like long lost relatives. Everyone couldn?t have been more friendly! It was a wonderful experience!
Next day we visited with another friend who lives at the other end of the spectrum, the wealthy section of Puerto Plata. My whole house would fit in their kitchen!!
The common denominator was the hospitality and overt ?joy of life? that each imparted to us. These two experiences made me question some of my ?North American Values?.
John
 

Escott

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Jan 14, 2002
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Re: Excellent story Jan

Jwb said:
the DR needs more westerners like yourself and your husband, as opposed to some other pompous jerks that wastes good bandwidth posting about who is lighter than who? or what can they get a Dominicana to do for a buck or two.

Do you really have the need to put others down while you are giving her a pat on her back for her tears?

The DR needs any westerners at this point to bail the DR out of what the government put the country in with their DOLLARS. Prostitution may be in the top ten INDUSTRIES in the Country. Who do you think does more whores, Dominicans or Westerners? Dominicans is the answer.

It is usually the Dominicans that have and expound the prejudice relating to skin color NOT Westerners.
 

JanH

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Re: There's more to life than money!!

johnsr said:
The common denominator was the hospitality and overt ?joy of life? that each imparted to us. These two experiences made me question some of my ?North American Values?.
John

John - you explained it better than I did. Our values have changed so much since visiting the DR.
 

JanH

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Re: not guilty - compassionate

Forbeca said:
I think Jan felt sympathetic towards them.

You know what's astonishing to me Jan, that your husband was also affected. Men, for the most part are not compassionate.

I wanted to clarify up front that this is Mr. JanH responding.

What spurred my "compassion" was empathy. My family is from central Kentucky and there were 9 of us children raised in a house that was not much bigger than most people's garages. The closeness of that family and their ability to offer kindness without pretension really struck something deep inside me.

I saw the same look of graciousness in the eyes of those wonderful Dominican people that I have seen in my own family's eyes when the preacher came to visit and he was served the last of the sugar in the house to go in his coffee.\

Where ever you are in today's society, the greatest gift is graciousness, and on that day in the small town of Monte Illana we were served that gift in generous portions.
 
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Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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A very impressive report, Jan & Doug. You are off to a very good start.
 

Camden Tom

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Jan, thanks for sharing an extraordinary and touching experience. It's what life and learning is all about.
 

Criss Colon

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Isn't it fun to go "Slumming" and see how "Happy" the poor people are?

"NOT!" How happy are they that their children get no education,and will be just as poor,or poorer,than they are? How happy are they whe their child is dying,and they can't buy medicinr or pay for surgery? This is how ,sadly,most of the World exists! Your story only points out that most "Westerners" have no concept of the "REAL WORLD"!
Its just that I have grown a little tired of visitors who come here,and go to the home of a poor Dominican and say how happy the poor dominicans are even though they have no water,electricity or food! You think it is "So Cool",because you don't have to stay there for the rest of your life! Kind of like "Going Camping"for a week.

Put your money where your mouth is! If you are from Kentucky,you know that there are people there living just like poor Dominicams.Go visit them!CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 
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Indie

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Nov 15, 2002
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Thank you Mr. and Mrs. JanH for your very well-written and touching post, and thank you for highlighting the inherent Dominican generosity and hospitality traits which have become our trademark!

-Indie
 

johnsr

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Apr 13, 2002
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Its just that I have grown a little tired of visitors who come here,and go to the home of a poor Dominican and say how happy the poor dominicans are even though they have no water,electricity or food! You think it is "So Cool",because you don't have to stay there for the rest of your life! Kind of like "Going Camping"for a week.

Criss, I think JanH and myself were clear in the meaning and content of our posts! Neither of us mentioned it as "So Cool"!! Possibly that very LARGE CHIP that you carry around on your shoulder makes you read things that are not there!!!!!
John
 

Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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I can understand them

In spote of CCCCC's comments, I think I know what JanH and her Husband felt. That post by the ex-PCV was probably the closest.

You guys, when you come back we can get together and i can show you where I lived for two years...

That was a good post, make no mistake. If I felt it was phony, I would come on as my typical curmudgeon self. You see, folks from really upscale areas just don't understand how people with so little can be so hospitable. It is the culture.

Now, these folks aren't the poorest. Color TV? Cement floor? A fan? They were a lower middle class, two income family. the operative word being family. And, true enough, at the end of the line with all the inflation going on....

I liked it. Keep us posted..

HB