- Thread starter maldito
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Is it love or a visa she/he is interested in?
Ken said:
Nope I haven't heard none of that from her.
But what makes me question is
1) She lives alone, she's 26 years old (I am 28 yrs old) works and goes to School (university).
She says she gets $$ from her sister here in the states and her sister confirmed that. to help pay for rent.
2) I'm heading back in july and I meet her in april and I asked her if I could sleep at her apartment and she turned me down. Could be out of respect for her home (that is what she says) or just that she doesn't want neighbors talking.
3) We haven't slept together, but she tells me she has dreams were we are having sex and tells me she isn't wearing anything but a thong and I'm about 900 miles away
it drives me locowhen I tell her that I can't wait to see her and that I want to eat her alive she tells me she doesn't want to have sex with me until we get to know eachother a bit better.
She introduced me to her friends and family as her boyfriend and she had me tell her mother and 1 of her eldest brother my intentions as far as marrying her.
I would think it is real love cause I believe someone who is only interested in coming to the U.S. wouldn't go that far, to introduce me to friends, family, and wanting to speak with my mother to convey her intentions aswell.
It could be a cultural thing, I never had been to the Dom. Rep. til april this year
B.T.W I am of dominican decent, but born in the U.S. I know her about 2 months now. It
If you are asking such a question of total strangers then you must have a gut feeling that something is wrong somewhere.
Read this and see if anything sounds familar. It applies to both men and women. Read everything in this forum and don't get upset when you read something you'd rather not hear like some of the women that come here asking these questions
Thanks
Read this and see if anything sounds familar. It applies to both men and women. Read everything in this forum and don't get upset when you read something you'd rather not hear like some of the women that come here asking these questions
Thanks
Send me her name and telephone number and I will have her checked out :bandit:
Right now she is pulling the strings, coz you're thinking with your little head. She knows how to play the game, she has had to fight off Dominican men all her life.
While you have an "American" mind set, she will eat you alive and not how your wishing
Your might not like some of the advice you are about to get on this board, but it comes from the world's largest pool of "DR Related" knowledge.
Enjoy!
Right now she is pulling the strings, coz you're thinking with your little head. She knows how to play the game, she has had to fight off Dominican men all her life.
While you have an "American" mind set, she will eat you alive and not how your wishing
Your might not like some of the advice you are about to get on this board, but it comes from the world's largest pool of "DR Related" knowledge.
Enjoy!
Your story is certainly interesting because most of the threads on this subject matter are the other way around. Meaning a female who has met a Dominican male who is abroad and seeking advice on the veracity of the relationship or the person's feelings towards her. Based on your reply to Ken it seems like you have had some consistent communication with this woman.
I will keep reading the thread to hear what others have to say.
===========
Okay now that I have had a few moments to think about this I think you should be careful. I like to keep an open mind regardless how many people will say that they "smell a rat" but based on your response to Ken this woman has already managed to play with your emotions in my opinion and to certain extent she has to because you are far away she has to ensure that you keep calling her. Now in your posts you have not stated something fundamental. Do you like this person? Do you envision yourself in a real relationship with her? I clearly can see where she is going. To me so far it sounds like a classic case of: "you have handle she has the blade". So proceed with caution.
Honestly, if you like her it's worth pursuing. I am assuming that you speak Spanish since you are of Dominican decent so therefore in my opinion you have an upper hand on most people who are in these overseas relationships and the extent of their Spanish is "como estas" and viceversa at best. So I think you need to go with what you feel. Have you asked people who are close to you for their input? A family member a close friend. I think they should be the ones you go to for advice because I can tell the people here on this forum can be and will be cruel and their opinions mostly are based on their own personal experiences which I find should not influence your decision. I know I would not let it influence mine if I were in the situation. One thing you need to do as you continue to talk to this woman is heed the warning signs. If something does not seem or sound right that's probably because it's not. However, I would like to think that you keep the faith and that it does work out. I don't think you are asking too much in this world if you want to be in relationship with a sincere person.
Te deseo la mejor de las suertes.
LDG.
I will keep reading the thread to hear what others have to say.
===========
Okay now that I have had a few moments to think about this I think you should be careful. I like to keep an open mind regardless how many people will say that they "smell a rat" but based on your response to Ken this woman has already managed to play with your emotions in my opinion and to certain extent she has to because you are far away she has to ensure that you keep calling her. Now in your posts you have not stated something fundamental. Do you like this person? Do you envision yourself in a real relationship with her? I clearly can see where she is going. To me so far it sounds like a classic case of: "you have handle she has the blade". So proceed with caution.
Honestly, if you like her it's worth pursuing. I am assuming that you speak Spanish since you are of Dominican decent so therefore in my opinion you have an upper hand on most people who are in these overseas relationships and the extent of their Spanish is "como estas" and viceversa at best. So I think you need to go with what you feel. Have you asked people who are close to you for their input? A family member a close friend. I think they should be the ones you go to for advice because I can tell the people here on this forum can be and will be cruel and their opinions mostly are based on their own personal experiences which I find should not influence your decision. I know I would not let it influence mine if I were in the situation. One thing you need to do as you continue to talk to this woman is heed the warning signs. If something does not seem or sound right that's probably because it's not. However, I would like to think that you keep the faith and that it does work out. I don't think you are asking too much in this world if you want to be in relationship with a sincere person.
Te deseo la mejor de las suertes.
LDG.
maldito said:
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Have you read HB"s Golden Rules?
How long were you here in the DR? Was it a one or two week vacation?
I won't say anything about talking of marriage after only knowing the gal for two months -part of which is long distance.....(I married my guy {Italian} after only four months-one of which he spent in Italy 'cause his mother had died).
Then again we met in my country (Canada) and he met or exceeded all of HB's "Rules" and we both spoke the same language.
Having spent a considerable amount of time living in a tourist area of the DR. I DO have a tendency to be highly suspicious of these relationships (seen and heard TOOOooooo much) but I'll be nice and just tell you not to rush into anything. Remember down here in the DR taking someone home to met the family is just part of the gameplan leading to the "Big Score" which could be money or a ticket off the island.
Kinda like the time the guy from New Jersey fell for one of Juan Dolio's biggest hookers (she worked as a bartender at one of the local bars) and even against the advice of some fellow countrymen he married her after only a few visits down. She stuck with him long enough to get to the US and get her "permanent" status (after having made a serious dent in his bank account while she was still in the DR and after joining him in New Jersey). Now she "summers" solo in the US and plys her trade winters in Juan Dolio and he is divorced with no wife and a whole lot less cash!!
Make sure you don't have the word "SUCKER" written across your forehead and for heaven's sake try not to let her know HOW OVERBOARD you've fallen for her!!! Sounds to me like you've bitten hook, line, and sinker and she's just waiting to reel you in!! :speechles
How long were you here in the DR? Was it a one or two week vacation?
I won't say anything about talking of marriage after only knowing the gal for two months -part of which is long distance.....(I married my guy {Italian} after only four months-one of which he spent in Italy 'cause his mother had died).
Then again we met in my country (Canada) and he met or exceeded all of HB's "Rules" and we both spoke the same language.
Having spent a considerable amount of time living in a tourist area of the DR. I DO have a tendency to be highly suspicious of these relationships (seen and heard TOOOooooo much) but I'll be nice and just tell you not to rush into anything. Remember down here in the DR taking someone home to met the family is just part of the gameplan leading to the "Big Score" which could be money or a ticket off the island.
Kinda like the time the guy from New Jersey fell for one of Juan Dolio's biggest hookers (she worked as a bartender at one of the local bars) and even against the advice of some fellow countrymen he married her after only a few visits down. She stuck with him long enough to get to the US and get her "permanent" status (after having made a serious dent in his bank account while she was still in the DR and after joining him in New Jersey). Now she "summers" solo in the US and plys her trade winters in Juan Dolio and he is divorced with no wife and a whole lot less cash!!
Make sure you don't have the word "SUCKER" written across your forehead and for heaven's sake try not to let her know HOW OVERBOARD you've fallen for her!!! Sounds to me like you've bitten hook, line, and sinker and she's just waiting to reel you in!! :speechles
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What's that smell!!!!
Ps: I want to ask 1 question and 1 question only; how is it that some members have problems even going to the Gallery screen for weeks after becoming members and some new members even know how to highlight a post when they want to quote someone AFTER ONLY POSTING ONCE!!!!!!?.
Am I the only one smelling "SOCKO"?. I hope that I am wrong since I am in the "ripping another holl" mood!!!, hehe.Anna Coniglio said:
Ps: I want to ask 1 question and 1 question only; how is it that some members have problems even going to the Gallery screen for weeks after becoming members and some new members even know how to highlight a post when they want to quote someone AFTER ONLY POSTING ONCE!!!!!!?.
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What
Charlie
Hey, Miguel and I were setting up a detective agency to check on snakies. What is this ?Send me her name and telephone number and I will have her checked out.? Are you in the public service business?Robert said:Send me her name and telephone number and I will have her checked out :bandit:
Right now she is pulling the strings, coz you're thinking with your little head. She knows how to play the game, she has had to fight off Dominican men all her life.
While you have an "American" mind set, she will eat you alive and not how your wishing
Your might not like some of the advice you are about to get on this board, but it comes from the world's largest pool of "DR Related" knowledge.
Enjoy!
Charlie
Shoes
The best advice I can give you is never pay the shoe saleswoman a dime until try the shoes on. If they fit, buy them, but ask for a discount. Once they are scuffed, throw them away and buy a new pair.
Charlie
maldito said:Nope I haven't heard none of that from her.
But what makes me question is
1) She lives alone, she's 26 years old (I am 28 yrs old) works and goes to School (university).
She says she gets $$ from her sister here in the states and her sister confirmed that. to help pay for rent.
2) I'm heading back in july and I meet her in april and I asked her if I could sleep at her apartment and she turned me down. Could be out of respect for her home (that is what she says) or just that she doesn't want neighbors talking.
3) We haven't slept together, but she tells me she has dreams were we are having sex and tells me she isn't wearing anything but a thong and I'm about 900 miles away
when I tell her that I can't wait to see her and that I want to eat her alive she tells me she doesn't want to have sex with me until we get to know eachother a bit better.
She introduced me to her friends and family as her boyfriend and she had me tell her mother and 1 of her eldest brother my intentions as far as marrying her.
I would think it is real love cause I believe someone who is only interested in coming to the U.S. wouldn't go that far, to introduce me to friends, family, and wanting to speak with my mother to convey her intentions aswell.
It could be a cultural thing, I never had been to the Dom. Rep. til april this year
B.T.W I am of dominican decent, but born in the U.S. I know her about 2 months now. It
The best advice I can give you is never pay the shoe saleswoman a dime until try the shoes on. If they fit, buy them, but ask for a discount. Once they are scuffed, throw them away and buy a new pair.
Charlie
Ok, I read all the replies and this is a bit more background.
I was in DR for a month.
She worked at the hotel I was staying at, it wasn't a resort, It is a hotel my dad goes to when he goes to DR. MY dad knows the owner and the owner knows the girl's family aswell.
And My dad's friends go to the hotel to eat aswell and know her aswell. (atleast what they know from her interactions with clients, since it a small place)
both the owner and my dads friends (my dad checked up on her aswell) say she is an educated girl, comes from a well respected family, and they always heard guys (white americans, dominicans born in the US, and Dominicans) promising her riches, visas, cars...etc.. and she would tell them no, I have a man (when they were persistant) and no I don't want to date anyone.
I even (before I showed any interest in her) saw guys flirting with her and she wouldn't pay them no mind. But I used to talk to her more about what things can I do in DR, since it was my 1st time there and she would tell me tourist places to visit...etc,..
Then about my 2nd week there I started flirting with, nothing to heavy just little things, and she thought I was cute, but thought I was 21 years old, (I look young, godbless my dad and his younger than he looks genes ) so when she found out I was 28yrs old, and that I wanted to hang-out with and get to know her better she agreed to go on a date.
we went out and we discovered we had alot of things in common, we both want kids (Now!!!), We both were brought up, with the same humility and she and her family and my mom were raised in campos, which is a different lifestyle from the cities.
and as far as I know, she didn't give me any reason to doubt her, and I have a secret mole where she works who before I asked her to go out he told me she is a good girl, who doesn't flirt around, like alot of girls over there (I had to bat them away) and from what he tells me everytime I call her at her job she gets happy and they never seen her happy like that before. (I believe what he tells me cause he doesn't gain anything or loss anything from it, and he is an american (son of the owner) and he wouldn't let me mess around with any girls that wanted visas.
Also when I told her I wanted to be with her, and marry her she said that we didn't know eachother well enough to get married or talk about it (I said cause I wanted to see her reaction if it would be her saying yes right away) cause I met another girl, on a bus trip and she was already talking marriage . But as time went on we knew we liked eachother and wanted to be together.
And her sister married an American man and they been together a couple of years now and they are happy together.
could it be that she sees her sister happy with with an american in america?
could be. I proposed that I would live in DR and she said she didn't care, as long as we were together , she said she could help me get a job over there and we could live together. Could it be a front, knowing or thinking I wouldn't follow through with moving to DR?
could be!! but I have to believe otherwise
and yes I love her and I believe she loves me too.
I mostly asked cause my parents are worried she could be using me and I wanted to protect myself aswell
I was in DR for a month.
She worked at the hotel I was staying at, it wasn't a resort, It is a hotel my dad goes to when he goes to DR. MY dad knows the owner and the owner knows the girl's family aswell.
And My dad's friends go to the hotel to eat aswell and know her aswell. (atleast what they know from her interactions with clients, since it a small place)
both the owner and my dads friends (my dad checked up on her aswell) say she is an educated girl, comes from a well respected family, and they always heard guys (white americans, dominicans born in the US, and Dominicans) promising her riches, visas, cars...etc.. and she would tell them no, I have a man (when they were persistant) and no I don't want to date anyone.
I even (before I showed any interest in her) saw guys flirting with her and she wouldn't pay them no mind. But I used to talk to her more about what things can I do in DR, since it was my 1st time there and she would tell me tourist places to visit...etc,..
Then about my 2nd week there I started flirting with, nothing to heavy just little things, and she thought I was cute, but thought I was 21 years old, (I look young, godbless my dad and his younger than he looks genes
) so when she found out I was 28yrs old, and that I wanted to hang-out with and get to know her better she agreed to go on a date.we went out and we discovered we had alot of things in common, we both want kids (Now!!!), We both were brought up, with the same humility and she and her family and my mom were raised in campos, which is a different lifestyle from the cities.
and as far as I know, she didn't give me any reason to doubt her, and I have a secret mole where she works who before I asked her to go out he told me she is a good girl, who doesn't flirt around, like alot of girls over there (I had to bat them away) and from what he tells me everytime I call her at her job she gets happy and they never seen her happy like that before. (I believe what he tells me cause he doesn't gain anything or loss anything from it, and he is an american (son of the owner) and he wouldn't let me mess around with any girls that wanted visas.
Also when I told her I wanted to be with her, and marry her she said that we didn't know eachother well enough to get married or talk about it (I said cause I wanted to see her reaction if it would be her saying yes right away) cause I met another girl, on a bus trip and she was already talking marriage
. But as time went on we knew we liked eachother and wanted to be together.And her sister married an American man and they been together a couple of years now and they are happy together.
could it be that she sees her sister happy with with an american in america?
could be. I proposed that I would live in DR and she said she didn't care, as long as we were together , she said she could help me get a job over there and we could live together. Could it be a front, knowing or thinking I wouldn't follow through with moving to DR?
could be!! but I have to believe otherwise
and yes I love her
and I believe she loves me too. I mostly asked cause my parents are worried she could be using me and I wanted to protect myself aswell
Ok....sounds like you have your head on your shoulders working!
Just take things slow - follow HB's rules and let the relationship develop.
Keep your eyes open and see how things work out.
Who knows, maybe one day you'll post in the "successful Relationships" thread!
Just take things slow - follow HB's rules and let the relationship develop.
Keep your eyes open and see how things work out.
Who knows, maybe one day you'll post in the "successful Relationships" thread!
good advice
Nice post MommC except that due to the vast economic disparity between the average Dominican and the average North American (for example), I would not rule anyone out because of HB's rules. (Sorry HB, no offence.) Remember, the rules are HB's criteria for a successful relationship, yours might be different. Maldito, why not take it slow and get to know her better like MommC said in her post. Maybe you need to go back for another visit really soon.
Buena Suerte!
Nice post MommC except that due to the vast economic disparity between the average Dominican and the average North American (for example), I would not rule anyone out because of HB's rules. (Sorry HB, no offence.) Remember, the rules are HB's criteria for a successful relationship, yours might be different. Maldito, why not take it slow and get to know her better like MommC said in her post. Maybe you need to go back for another visit really soon.
Buena Suerte!
OK my friend this is going to sound cruel but I don't mean to offend you in anyway!!!
First off you met her in April while on Vacation and you won't see her again till July and you are talking marriage? SLOW DOWN
She will introduce you as her boyfriend just like,when us men introduce women as our girlfriends in order to get some.(She wants a visa).
Go back enjoy several more vacations with her and get to know her alot better before doing something you may regret. In any case think with the big head more than the little one, If it sounds to good it probably is!!!
Badpiece
First off you met her in April while on Vacation and you won't see her again till July and you are talking marriage? SLOW DOWN
She will introduce you as her boyfriend just like,when us men introduce women as our girlfriends in order to get some.(She wants a visa).
Go back enjoy several more vacations with her and get to know her alot better before doing something you may regret. In any case think with the big head more than the little one, If it sounds to good it probably is!!!
Badpiece
I am with the crowd...
I am with crowd. You have known her for 2 months but it has been a phone relationship which does not all compare to the real thing. Meaning getting to know each other, spending quality time, etc. Remember the telephone can masks plenty of negatives that you would readily see if you were in a normal <A TITLE="Click for more information about dating" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||dating|AA1VDw">dating</A> scenario. You seem like a level headed person so take it easy. If this relationship is for real, invest the time and both of you will persevere if that's what you want. What's the hurry? You are both young, have some fun getting to know each other because you have not yet in my opinion due to the long distance. Cuidado con cualquier decision que tomes.
Chao,
LDG
I am with crowd. You have known her for 2 months but it has been a phone relationship which does not all compare to the real thing. Meaning getting to know each other, spending quality time, etc. Remember the telephone can masks plenty of negatives that you would readily see if you were in a normal <A TITLE="Click for more information about dating" STYLE="text-decoration: none; border-bottom: medium solid green;" HREF="http://search.targetwords.com/u.search?x=5977|1||||dating|AA1VDw">dating</A> scenario. You seem like a level headed person so take it easy. If this relationship is for real, invest the time and both of you will persevere if that's what you want. What's the hurry? You are both young, have some fun getting to know each other because you have not yet in my opinion due to the long distance. Cuidado con cualquier decision que tomes.
Chao,
LDG
I have a few ?'s!
What makes you so special that she would not listen to anybody when they were flirting with her but decided to listen to you?. I am not trying to be a jerk, I just want to understand, also, why is it that you say that your father's friends and the hotel owner thinks that she is a nice girl but your father is against you being with her?.
Buddy, can't you see that you are acting like such a desperate person that you are headed to crash head-on. You are 28 so I know that you have had other relationships, so what's your hurry?. Remember that the more desperate you look, the easier people would take advantage of you!!
BTW, how do I know that you must be desperate?, in less than 2 months you are already telling her that you want to marry her, you want yo have kids "NOW" and you love her. Take it easy. If she is the one, only time will tell.
What makes you so special that she would not listen to anybody when they were flirting with her but decided to listen to you?. I am not trying to be a jerk, I just want to understand, also, why is it that you say that your father's friends and the hotel owner thinks that she is a nice girl but your father is against you being with her?.
Buddy, can't you see that you are acting like such a desperate person that you are headed to crash head-on. You are 28 so I know that you have had other relationships, so what's your hurry?. Remember that the more desperate you look, the easier people would take advantage of you!!
BTW, how do I know that you must be desperate?, in less than 2 months you are already telling her that you want to marry her, you want yo have kids "NOW" and you love her. Take it easy. If she is the one, only time will tell.
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Maldito,
From the #1 expert at getting played by Dominican women (I run the gamut, having been dumped by religiosas for having too much 'mundo,' to getting the boot for being a 'pariguayo'), take my advice ahora mismo:
Cut off all forms of communications with her; she's playing you big time.
From the #1 expert at getting played by Dominican women (I run the gamut, having been dumped by religiosas for having too much 'mundo,' to getting the boot for being a 'pariguayo'), take my advice ahora mismo:
Cut off all forms of communications with her; she's playing you big time.
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