Child Custody Issue

rjs · Oct 4, 2004

Hello.

I am new to DR1 and hope that I can find the answers that I am looking for. I am a Canadian citizen eight months pregnant with my first child, by my Dominican boyfriend. I have lived in the DR for two years, but have since returned to Canada to have my baby. I have no plans at the moment about moving back to the DR for any length of time, as the money here in Canada is much better for raising a child! Anyway, I have come to realize that with pregnancy and parenting comes many additional worries, which is why I am posting here. I have been worried about what will happen to my child if something should happen to me. I am afraid that my boyfriend would try to take my child to live with him in the DR and I DO NOT want this to happen. Should something happen to me, I want to guarantee that my child will be raised here either by my boyfriend (should he happen to come here to live) or by my parents. I DO NOT want her to grow up in the DR with her father and his family, as they do not live in the conditions that I want for my child. (He already has two children that he has difficulty supporting.) If this sounds harsh to anyone, then I am sorry, that is just how I feel. Do I have anything to worry about? What can I do to ensure that this would not happen should the situation arise? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Jozee74 · Oct 4, 2004

rjs said:
Hello.

I am new to DR1 and hope that I can find the answers that I am looking for. I am a Canadian citizen eight months pregnant with my first child, by my Dominican boyfriend. I have lived in the DR for two years, but have since returned to Canada to have my baby. I have no plans at the moment about moving back to the DR for any length of time, as the money here in Canada is much better for raising a child! Anyway, I have come to realize that with pregnancy and parenting comes many additional worries, which is why I am posting here. I have been worried about what will happen to my child if something should happen to me. I am afraid that my boyfriend would try to take my child to live with him in the DR and I DO NOT want this to happen. Should something happen to me, I want to guarantee that my child will be raised here either by my boyfriend (should he happen to come here to live) or by my parents. I DO NOT want her to grow up in the DR with her father and his family, as they do not live in the conditions that I want for my child. (He already has two children that he has difficulty supporting.) If this sounds harsh to anyone, then I am sorry, that is just how I feel. Do I have anything to worry about? What can I do to ensure that this would not happen should the situation arise? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Is your current boyfriend the baby's father or are you talking about two different men?

miguel · Oct 4, 2004

Oh Lord!

rjs said:
Hello.

I am new to DR1 and hope that I can find the answers that I am looking for. I am a Canadian citizen eight months pregnant with my first child, by my Dominican boyfriend. I have lived in the DR for two years, but have since returned to Canada to have my baby. I have no plans at the moment about moving back to the DR for any length of time, as the money here in Canada is much better for raising a child! Anyway, I have come to realize that with pregnancy and parenting comes many additional worries, which is why I am posting here. I have been worried about what will happen to my child if something should happen to me. I am afraid that my boyfriend would try to take my child to live with him in the DR and I DO NOT want this to happen. Should something happen to me, I want to guarantee that my child will be raised here either by my boyfriend (should he happen to come here to live) or by my parents. I DO NOT want her to grow up in the DR with her father and his family, as they do not live in the conditions that I want for my child. (He already has two children that he has difficulty supporting.) If this sounds harsh to anyone, then I am sorry, that is just how I feel. Do I have anything to worry about? What can I do to ensure that this would not happen should the situation arise? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

I will be very BLUNT, why didn't you think about all this before you got pregnant by someone that is poor and already has kids that he can not support?. If you would had just taken the moment to think about all this, then you would not be having all this problems.
If something happens to you, he is the biological parent and he can take his son anywhere he pleases. As they say: only the innocents suffers for the sins of the parents!!!!!!!!!!!.

Hillbilly · Oct 4, 2004

Not a chance in He!!

Unless you are stupid enough to go through the expense of getting him a visa, you will never see this person again. Nor will he ever even bother to think about his child. His motto was FFF (Find 'em, Feel 'em ....'em)

You fit the bill. Boy friend? Naw, he was hoping that you would get him to Canada where he could live on the dole along with all of his other children, mother and father if he knows who he is...

Forget him and do not even communicate with him.. He has no way to ever get to Canada...

HB

Jozee74 · Oct 4, 2004

You are Wrong about the biological issue

miguel said:
I will be very BLUNT, why didn't you think about all this before you got pregnant by someone that is poor and already has kids that he can not support?. If you would had just taken the moment to think about all this, then you would not be having all this problems.
If something happens to you, he is the biological parent and he can take his son anywhere he pleases. As they say: only the innocents suffers for the sins of the parents!!!!!!!!!!!.

I am not sure how it is in Canada, but you dont have to recognize him as the father of your child, If I stand corrected the fathers information on the birth certificate will stay blank and the baby will have your last name unless he is going to come up with alot of money to fly to canada to sign paternal paperwork LOL doubt it. Dont even worry about it.

miguel · Oct 4, 2004

Look again!

Jozee74 said:
I am not sure how it is in Canada, but you dont have to recognize him as the father of your child, If I stand corrected the fathers information on the birth certificate will stay blank and the baby will have your last name unless he is going to come up with alot of money to fly to canada to sign paternal paperwork LOL doubt it. Dont even worry about it.

Go back to where she says "I want to guarantee that my child will be raised here either by MY BOYFRIEND....". Do you truly believe that he would help raise the kid if it was not his?.
True, if he is not on the birth certificate, he has no rights with this child and I am sure that he would welcome that!.

rjs · Oct 4, 2004

I did not join this forum to hear your criticizm or your opinions. I was only looking for advice. I lived in the DR for two years and I KNOW how it is, so I didn't need to hear the "usual" about how Dominican men are.....I KNOW IT! I will be an EXCELLENT mother and I DO NOT regret for one second the fact that I am pregnant....God has blessed me with a child, end of story! I guarantee you that my child will never suffer for my "sins" as one of you put it. Thanks for trying to help, but I will look for facts from somewhere else, and let you critisize and condemn others.

SDQbrutha · Oct 4, 2004

rjs said:
I did not join this forum to hear your criticizm or your opinions. I was only looking for advice. I lived in the DR for two years and I KNOW how it is, so I didn't need to hear the "usual" about how Dominican men are.....I KNOW IT! I will be an EXCELLENT mother and I DO NOT regret for one second the fact that I am pregnant....God has blessed me with a child, end of story! I guarantee you that my child will never suffer for my "sins" as one of you put it. Thanks for trying to help, but I will look for facts from somewhere else, and let you critisize and condemn others.

Mr. Fabio Guzman, Why didnt you stop these peoplel and their comments? This is really SAD when a person comes to ask a quesion and u people critisze and condemn them! MY GOD WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU???
I Agree I going somewhere else! THE IS A SAD GROUP OF PEOPLE!

MommC · Oct 5, 2004

HB gave good advice.......

this "father" has no way of getting into Canada unless "Mom" marries him and helps him get a visa.
Also if "mom" doesn't list him as the father on the birth certificate I also doubt if he would be able to come up with the funds to prove paternity even if he wanted to which I greatly doubt as the child in question would appear to be female by the mothers' comments and Dominican men from the lower class almost NEVER provide support for a female offspring and seldom support or raise a male dependent!

What really bugs me about this whole thing is it sounds like MY tax dollars will be supporting this child!!

ricktoronto · Oct 5, 2004

SDQbrutha said:
Mr. Fabio Guzman, Why didnt you stop these peoplel and their comments? This is really SAD when a person comes to ask a quesion and u people critisze and condemn them! MY GOD WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE YOU???
I Agree I going somewhere else! THE IS A SAD GROUP OF PEOPLE!

Why would Fabio Guzman do anything of the sort? As for the legal issues they belong on a Canadian Family Law Board as much as here, and the rest on a learn to spell criticism board.

jruane44 · Oct 5, 2004

There may have been alot of criticism in the above responses but there was also alot of good advise.

bienvenido · Oct 5, 2004

MY OPINON ..Can I ?

IM?Dominincan, and I think you shouldn?t be posting story of this nature in a public message board. This is very personal. <People here enjoy this type of story. But let me tell you, If the father has other children then, the others children are your son brother or sisters ect.. If something ought to happen to you, then the father have a right to raise the child . Personally, If I would be the father , I careless where you are,( remember the case of the Cuban boy) I would contact the Consulate and report my relationship to the father , and by international law they have to recognize his rigth to be with the child. However, the humanly thing to do here is that you compose a will and have a lawyer look out for the welfare of your child. Is not necessary to deprive the father and the child of the right to be together. You knew he was poor and so you decided on getting deeper in this relationship. ( asi que toma chocalate y paga lo que debe) You can have a will to a family member to care for him and make sure he keep in contact with the father. Raising a raising a child should be a matter of who will provide a loving and caring home. You said that you feel lucky that got gave you a child then, let me ask you this: Where you think Jesus was raise?. You should not worry about his economic condition but his mental capability to raise a child. If you void him , your child might hate for that. A child needs a father and a mother. Get my drift?

Jozee74 · Oct 5, 2004

Rjs

rjs said:
I did not join this forum to hear your criticizm or your opinions. I was only looking for advice. I lived in the DR for two years and I KNOW how it is, so I didn't need to hear the "usual" about how Dominican men are.....I KNOW IT! I will be an EXCELLENT mother and I DO NOT regret for one second the fact that I am pregnant....God has blessed me with a child, end of story! I guarantee you that my child will never suffer for my "sins" as one of you put it. Thanks for trying to help, but I will look for facts from somewhere else, and let you critisize and condemn others.

There are alot of people here that actually give really good advise, just ignore the ignorant ones and they will go away. You will learn this when you become a mother when a child nags and nags you start to block them out.....do this with some of these people here.

bienvenido · Oct 5, 2004

Opinion Can I?

Raising a child is about love and care not about social status. Don?t block family relation based on social status. If you worry about how the child will be raise ask the father to consent to let your family raise him, but by international law the child have a right to be with his father unless you or someone else can proove that his father is not capable of raise the children.
Your child will thank for and his brother as well. Good luck..

Jozee74 · Oct 5, 2004

Your Tax Dollars......

MommC said:
this "father" has no way of getting into Canada unless "Mom" marries him and helps him get a visa.
Also if "mom" doesn't list him as the father on the birth certificate I also doubt if he would be able to come up with the funds to prove paternity even if he wanted to which I greatly doubt as the child in question would appear to be female by the mothers' comments and Dominican men from the lower class almost NEVER provide support for a female offspring and seldom support or raise a male dependent!

What really bugs me about this whole thing is it sounds like MY tax dollars will be supporting this child!!

That was totally uncalled for, so because she will be a single parent you are saying she cant support her child?...........give me a break that was a rude remark for every hard working single parent out here that supports their child or children with no support from the government.

AnnaC · Oct 5, 2004

rjs said:
Hello.

.

I am a Canadian citizen eight months pregnant with my first child, by my Dominican boyfriend. I have lived in the DR for two years, but have since returned to Canada to have my baby. I have no plans at the moment about moving back to the DR for any length of time, as the money here in Canada is much better for raising a child!

Click to expand...

I think the big question you need to ask yourself is, are you going to continue the relationship with your boyfriend? Are you planning on bringing him to Canada? If the answer is NO than you have nonthing to worry about. But I would go to see a lawyer here in Canada about it. Mr Guzman answers questions about Dominican laws not Canadian.

I have been worried about what will happen to my child if something should happen to me. I am afraid that my boyfriend would try to take my child to live with him in the DR and I DO NOT want this to happen.

Click to expand...

If you sponsor your boyfriend to come to Canada and you marry him then I'd would have to say that if you should happen to die there isn't much you can do. You can make a will but not sure if that would hold up. Again you need to see a Canadian lawyer.

Should something happen to me, I want to guarantee that my child will be raised here either by my boyfriend (should he happen to come here to live) or by my parents. I DO NOT want her to grow up in the DR with her father and his family, as they do not live in the conditions that I want for my child

Click to expand...

.

If you tell your boyfriend your wishes do you feel that he would go against them? You need to trust the father of your child and if you don't then best not to bring him here.

(He already has two children that he has difficulty supporting.) If this sounds harsh to anyone, then I am sorry, that is just how I feel. Do I have anything to worry about? What can I do to ensure that this would not happen should the situation arise? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks![/QUOTE

Click to expand...

]

Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't have much money therefore he'll never get to Canada unless you sponser him and or marry him. He just can't arrive in Canada and take your child away.

Hope this helps but the best thing anyone can say is, go see a Canadian lawyer. There's many in the yellow pages will will give you 15 mins free advice.

Good luck

Hillbilly · Oct 5, 2004

I hope you did not take my answer as a criticism!

The fact that you got pregnant is your life. I am very happy to see that you want this child.

What is disturbing and what I addressed my answer to, is the fact that you know that the child's father is too poor to support "your" child in the manner to which you were raised and to Which you are accustomed. Of course he can't, that was why he was with you, to get out of the DR.

Now, I did say "If you are stupid enough to bring the guy to Canada,,,bla, bla...yes, if you are But I hope you are not. Like I said there is no way in he!! that he will ever see Canadian soil, unless you sponsor him....

So, if you do sponsor him, it's your bad and you'll have to face what Anna just told you.

This is the only way....unless you return to the DR with the child and he finds out and then you are sh!t outta luck if he presses for joint custody....which he will get no matter how poor he is.

Be wise..

HB

suarezn · Oct 5, 2004

Wait a minute...What about the rights of the father of the child? We don't know much about this guy, but the fact that he's poor does not mean he's a bad father. Maybe he wants to have a relationship with his son/daughter and you'll be denying him that. This kind of stuff really irks me. A child should have two parents even if they don't live together. No parent should have the right to unilaterally take the child away from the other parent. If it was the opposite (the father takes the child away from the mother) everyone would up in arms.
In addition, the child will probably grow up being fed all kinds of lies from the mother about how his real father died or was an A$$hole (there are always three sides to every story - Yours, mine and the truth). Will grow up hating his biological father, without even knowing what kind of man he really is.
I think that if you don't want to be critizised you need to stop being so selfish or at least give us a real reason why you don't want this kid to grow up in The DR. The fact that the father is poor is NOT a reason...

lilly · Oct 5, 2004

"I DO NOT want her to grow up in the DR with her father and his family, as they do not live in the conditions that I want for my child"

What was good enough for you should be good enough for your child ...

Hillbilly · Oct 5, 2004

As usual, a good point Mr. Suarez

But she is worried that he will take the baby and there is no real possibility of that.

She should know, however, that if she takes the child to the DR, and the father wishes to assert his rights, he will be given joint custodial privileges.

The same would probably apply if he were to go to Canada under her auspices. Yet she seems ambivalent as to what she really wants with the guy.
Maybe he was just used as stud......

Yet, you brought up a good point from the psychological point of view. It would be far better to have two parents, and for the child to know that both love him/her as much as possible.

You are right that poverty is not a barrier for the father to have his rights acknowledged.\ But. apparently, she does not really want him to raise the child in DR conditions..

HB

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