Question about adoption .

siren

New member
Nov 23, 2004
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Adoption/fostering

Hello again! I have read that adoption in the DR is diffucult and long process. I am a cancer survivor and am unable to have children of my own. (That's why I would rather adopt than foster). I am only 29 but I have always felt like a child would complete my life. (I come from a large Texas family!) I am a patient person so we will see what happens in the future. If I end up adopting a different nationality, that will be okay too. I couldn't turn down any hungry children at my door! Maybe I could end up helping a family out and get help around the house and stable in return. Do they literally move into your home with you, or do they keep their own casa in these type of situations? Thanks for all the advice and suggestions. This info is very valuable to me right now. I hope to be in your shoes one day helping out a newbie like me!
 

cjewell

Bronze
Oct 11, 2004
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Tim

I am personally happy to see this moderator taking a bit of a measure to control some of the unneccessary insults that are slung back and forth on here when people often come on this site seeking help and have legitimate questions.

I have my move to DR schedualed for Feb. Some of the help I have recieved on here from members has been invaluable. Some of the rude and arrogant remarks from others I could have done with out.

So Tim if it is these unproductive, unhelpful remarks that you are censoring, all the power to you buddy.
 

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
18,948
514
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I will suggest you take a lot of patience pills

Also look up a post I did a couple of years ago called "The luckiest baby in the world" . It is the story of how my 'son' (truly a foster son that we raised from the time he was 5 or 6. ) now an M.D., got his boy.

There are two other tru cases:
(1) is Mary Lou "Fernandez" the tennis player. Supposedly Cuban American, she was born in Jarabacoa and given to her Cuban Mother.
(2) The case of a close friend of ours, at the time a Bank manager. One morning a nurse friend called her from the hospital asking if she wanted a little baby girl-she knw that our friend did --
Our friend said yes, of course, and then called her husband and told him to go down to the civil registry office and tell them that she had just had a baby girl....which he did and that is how they got their baby.

These are exceptional cases done many years ago before a whole lot of red tape was added to the process. NOT to say it doesn't happen with some luck and a few friends. But never, ever, overnight.

As for taking in a family, please wait a good bit before you do this. The laws in this country could well see you in a big mess. Keep stable workers clearly separated from your household staff. And keep your distance for a good period of time. You are not going to change anything, and you could get hurt, financially and worse still, emotionally. Caution for a year or two is the word for now.

HB
 
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Naufrago

New member
Sep 1, 2004
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Dear Siren, I was being a little sarcastic, when I said not to chase the little ones away when they come knocking. CHASE THEM! With a big stick! Yes they will move in, and try to steal everything. Take it from an experienced do gooder/world changer, don't bring your work home. My mother-in-law told me a dominican saying "Don't take care of crows, unless you want your eyes plucked out" although she's raised alot of crows herself. Hillybilly's got it right, go slow. Avoid taking anyone into your house, for any reason. I enjoy doing my own laundry, and scrubing my own toilet. Your going to need to take care of yourself and your husband adjusting to a new country, learning the language. You're still very young and have plenty of time to create and extend your family. Ask around, find a good lawyer who does adoptions and do what he/she says, get on the lists. Maybe you should adopt in the states and bring the baby with you, just a thought, I'm not an expert.
 

siren

New member
Nov 23, 2004
20
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Hillbilly said:
Also look up a post I did a couple of years ago called "The luckiest baby in the world" . It is the story of how my 'son' (truly a foster son that we raised from the time he was 5 or 6. ) now an M.D., got his boy.

There are two other tru cases:
(1) is Mary Lou "Fernandez" the tennis player. Supposedly Cuban American, she was born in Jarabacoa and given to her Cuban Mother.
(2) The case of a close friend of ours, at the time a Bank manager. One morning a nurse friend called her from the hospital asking if she wanted a little baby girl-she knw that our friend did --
Our friend said yes, of course, and then called her husband and told him to go down to the civil registry office and tell them that she had just had a baby girl....which he did and that is how they got their baby.

These are exceptional cases done many years ago before a whole lot of red tape was added to the process. NOT to say it doesn't happen with some luck and a few friends. But never, ever, overnight.

As for taking in a family, please wait a good bit before you do this. The laws in this country could well see you in a big mess. Keep stable workers clearly separated from your household staff. And keep your distance for a good period of time. You are not going to change anything, and you could get hurt, financially and worse still, emotionally. Caution for a year or two is the word for now.

HB
Thank you Hillbilly...I plan on waiting anyway. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up if the possibility is just too difficult. Also, I will be sure to keep a low profile for as long as I need to. Do I need to keep a "low Profile" because the Dominican people tend to be predudice against us whities or is it just a " I will have to earn their respect" situation?
 

siren

New member
Nov 23, 2004
20
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0
Naufrago said:
Dear Siren, I was being a little sarcastic, when I said not to chase the little ones away when they come knocking. CHASE THEM! With a big stick! Yes they will move in, and try to steal everything. Take it from an experienced do gooder/world changer, don't bring your work home. My mother-in-law told me a dominican saying "Don't take care of crows, unless you want your eyes plucked out" although she's raised alot of crows herself. Hillybilly's got it right, go slow. Avoid taking anyone into your house, for any reason. I enjoy doing my own laundry, and scrubing my own toilet. Your going to need to take care of yourself and your husband adjusting to a new country, learning the language. You're still very young and have plenty of time to create and extend your family. Ask around, find a good lawyer who does adoptions and do what he/she says, get on the lists. Maybe you should adopt in the states and bring the baby with you, just a thought, I'm not an expert.
I guess my inexperience was showing! Thank you for the explanation. Trying not to be too nice will be a challenge for me but I refuse to let anyone take advantage of my home/familiy if I can help it. If the time is right, maybe I can adopt here in the US but our moving date is getting close. I will go slow and take one day at a time. Thank you for your help.
 

Chris

Gold
Oct 21, 2002
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www.caribbetech.com
siren said:
Thank you Hillbilly...I plan on waiting anyway. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up if the possibility is just too difficult. Also, I will be sure to keep a low profile for as long as I need to. Do I need to keep a "low Profile" because the Dominican people tend to be predudice against us whities or is it just a " I will have to earn their respect" situation?

Let me see if I can come close to explaining this - yes, of course we all have to earn one another's respect. But in the Dominican society seems to me this respect thing works a little differently. It is more like you have to teach the people around you what is acceptable to you, and what is not, very explicitly. But then you also have to learn what is acceptable to them and what is not. I find it strange still that Dominicans really very seldom say no (and I know this is a generalization). So, everything is yes. Even if it is no, it is yes. Initially, in our first year here, it took me a while to figure out that I really do not have to have our cleaning lady's whole family over for breakfast every morning. For me, to tell them that this was not acceptable, felt so rude, as I expected them to know what is acceptable and what not. Well, they do not always simply know and sometimes you have to tell them. I guess this is a vast difference in socialization between different peoples. What I'm saying here applies more to uneducated people and I find it hard to express without without sounding just so condescending, patronizing and superior. The differences are subtle. One does not need to be disrespecful to another if you tell them what is appropriate for you and what is not. There is a fine line here between 'earning' respect and giving respect in turn.

So keep a low profile in trying to 'save the world' around you, until you can figure out who you can save and who not.
 

siren

New member
Nov 23, 2004
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Great advice

Chris said:
Let me see if I can come close to explaining this - yes, of course we all have to earn one another's respect. But in the Dominican society seems to me this respect thing works a little differently. It is more like you have to teach the people around you what is acceptable to you, and what is not, very explicitly. But then you also have to learn what is acceptable to them and what is not. I find it strange still that Dominicans really very seldom say no (and I know this is a generalization). So, everything is yes. Even if it is no, it is yes. Initially, in our first year here, it took me a while to figure out that I really do not have to have our cleaning lady's whole family over for breakfast every morning. For me, to tell them that this was not acceptable, felt so rude, as I expected them to know what is acceptable and what not. Well, they do not always simply know and sometimes you have to tell them. I guess this is a vast difference in socialization between different peoples. What I'm saying here applies more to uneducated people and I find it hard to express without without sounding just so condescending, patronizing and superior. The differences are subtle. One does not need to be disrespecful to another if you tell them what is appropriate for you and what is not. There is a fine line here between 'earning' respect and giving respect in turn.

So keep a low profile in trying to 'save the world' around you, until you can figure out who you can save and who not.
you addressed my concerns very clearly. Thank you for the very helpful response.