Love and Marriage...

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s1m0ne

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Mar 9, 2005
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Hi

Someone I know who's been living in the DR for about 10 years told me that it is very common in the DR for a man to have one "main wife" with children, but to also have more women with children on the side. And that it's not a secret, that it's accepted and not looked at as anything strange. And that those women know about the other "wifes".

Now, coming from Europe, this is really strange for me.

I am just wondering if this is REALLY common (as in the majority of the people live like that).

Are there families in the DR that have more "western" morals concerning this issue? Or would THAT be the exception?

Does it have anything to do with being poor/rich/middle class?

Maybe some dominicans can give me some insight.

Thank you
Simone
 
bob saunders

bob saunders

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Jan 1, 2002
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My wife's Grandmother was a "second wife" Her Grandfather had his "official family, with 4 daughters", and his second family with 1 son and 3 daughters. He supported them all. The two families lived on different streets but all the children migrated/mingled between the 2 families. One woman was white and the other black, he was Spanish. My wife had 2 grandmothers on her mother's side. Yris said both families were happy with the arrangement, although if you asked the two wifes, you might have got a different answer. All I know is all the half sisters get along and seem to help each other out, as if they were the same family.
 
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AmandaLou

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May 27, 2005
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Extended families!

Hi, the family I know have similar confusions. My friend lives next door to his cousin and introduced me to the cousin and her two sisters but explained that only one of the sisters was his cousin,two of the girls were mothered by his aunt (his mothers sister) where the third was mothered by another woman. All had the same father but because he wasn't blood related that made the third girl not his cousin!! I also know that the first cousin mentioned has a husband and a boyfiend who are aware of each other and the boyfriend has a wife, the wife and said cousin often talk together.

Boy am I glad I don't get into that sort of situation, not sure if my memory would cope!

Amanda :bunny:
 
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Ricardo900

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Jul 12, 2004
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This is my story

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother, too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

sorry, couldn't resist, hahahaha
 
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s1m0ne

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Mar 9, 2005
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and is it common for the poor, rich and middle class? or do you find this mostly with poor people and maybe the very rich (because to take care of more than one family, that must be quite expensive!?)
 
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s1m0ne

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Mar 9, 2005
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but "normal" families (european/north american "normal") DO exist? is it like 50/50? or is a "normal" family the exception?
 
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DRPAWA

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This is a Western Moral...

Simone, you're asking about "normal" and "moral" families in DR with western values. Did you not read that BobSaunders indicated in his post that his wife's father was from Spain!

Additionally, read James Mitchener's Iberia and you'll come to see how prevalent it is (or was when the book was written) for men to have a mistress in Spain - as long as they could afford them. In that book Mitchener also makes a reference to this practice in Portugal as the only place where men's mistresses are uglier than their wives. All of these things indicate to me that this practice of keeping two wives IS of western origin.

Yeah, ok my father had about 6 wives and kids. He just had it like that.
 
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Dragonfly32837

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May 31, 2005
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s1m0ne said:
but "normal" families (european/north american "normal") DO exist? is it like 50/50? or is a "normal" family the exception?
Click to expand...
Yes, families with just one wife and kids living in the same household do exist. I'm not sure what the ratio is but they do exist. Keep in mind that some people have two wives and don't tell the main wife about it.
 
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Johy

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Sep 15, 2003
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s1m0ne said:
but "normal" families (european/north american "normal") DO exist? is it like 50/50? or is a "normal" family the exception?
Click to expand...

Yes, they do exist, my family is an example of that, and the majority of my friends families also are an example.

It all depends on the social circle you are in DR. Yes, they are people in DR that think that having another family is accepted. Why??? Who know's

But I have to say that what is more common is that the guy have affairs, that his wife doesn't know anything about it. Like this guy at work was telling us about his girlfriend and then I asked him aren't you married? How come you have a girlfriend and you are proud to talk about her? And his answer was that is normal, no big deal. :tired:

It all depends on how you were raised
 
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rellosk

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Mar 18, 2002
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JDJones said:
I have been involved in conversations with her, her sister and her mother where they find it hard to believe that I DON't have another woman in my life.
Not only do they see nothing wrong with it, but think I should actively be looking for one, because "that's what men do"
Click to expand...
Except for the "that's what men do" comment, I don't believe your wife and mother-in-law's attitudes are the norm. My (future-ex) wife's father had a second family early on in their 45 year marriage. If I even looked at another woman, my wife and her mother would make comments.
 
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Chris_NJ

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Dec 17, 2003
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rellosk said:
If I even looked at another woman, my wife and her mother would make comments.
Click to expand...

Part of it could be that they wanted you to respect them when you were with them but if you were to discreetly have had a girl on the side it may not have been such a big thing.
 
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flordeluz

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Jan 10, 2003
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I don't think EVERYBODY does it that way. It depends on how you were raised (as someone already said). I think all these women outside the marriage are 'cuernos' and the kids are the consequences of that affair. It happens all over the world where infidelity is involved. Just go on over to marriagebuilders.com forum and read about all the marriages in which the affair produced a child. BTW, most of them americanos.

Do distinguish from having "kids en la calle" and a second wife.

I think dominican men need to open their eyes about these "fun" affairs. The problem is not just the kids that may result but the STDs they can catch.
 
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Dragonfly32837

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May 31, 2005
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flordeluz said:
I don't think EVERYBODY does it that way. It depends on how you were raised (as someone already said). I think all these women outside the marriage are 'cuernos' and the kids are the consequences of that affair. It happens all over the world where infidelity is involved. Just go on over to marriagebuilders.com forum and read about all the marriages in which the affair produced a child. BTW, most of them americanos.

Do distinguish from having "kids en la calle" and a second wife.

I think dominican men need to open their eyes about these "fun" affairs. The problem is not just the kids that may result but the STDs they can catch.
Click to expand...
I would say that the difference between having "kids en la calle" and a second wife is that the man rarely sees or supports his kids and that a second wife is being taken care of along with her kids the same way that the main wife is being taken care of. Also when you are not married and you have a kid with someone, that is also considered "kids en la calle".
 
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0oBambinao0

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Jul 28, 2005
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Questions of Pragmatism...

How does the husband go about supporting his many offspring in a country where few have very profitable jobs? Are there laws that force a father to help raise children, or are women often left with the financial burden of raising children if they are not married to the father? Please explain how it works :glasses:
 
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Stodgord

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Nov 19, 2004
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Back in the days

Back in the days when life was much simpler than what it is today, you find men having more than 30 kids with different women. People then lived off the land and livestocks and did not have a lot of expenses like today. Also, the communities they lived in were tight, everyone helping out. My wife's grandfather had two families, both living a block away from each other. The main wife (her grandmother) did not approve of it but she did not divorce him because of beliefs. Her grandfather supported both families with land subsistence and Cock fighting. I have noticed that men who have or have had lots of land are the ones with more than one family. There are also the ones that have kids with different women but are not consider to be a family.
 
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