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  1. #1
    Silver
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
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    2,471
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    Default I was reading the news today and...

    I just want to say its tragic that someone paid a Haitian witch Doctor 10,000 to lift a curse from his son.

    Everyone who knows me knows I perform this same service for only 5,000. What's more I have a special this week where I am offering an aditional 10% off, so that's only 4,500 for curse-lifting.

    I may not be Haitian, but my wife's dad LOOKS Haitian so DON"T WASTE YOUR MONEY.

    If that won't convince you, I also have a special "very unpopular ex-pat" special where after 3 curse-liftings, if you feel you may have been cursed AGAIN I will do the 4th one for free.

    You need to think of these things in terms of TCL, or "Total Cost of Lifting" basically if you're an @sshole and people tend to curse you more than usual, it makes sense to buy your liftings in bulk, and you need to talk to someone who can handle a large-volume of curses, not one of these fancy boutiques that maybe lift one curse a month or something like that.

    Still doubting? Here's the kicker. I am about to divulge a secret, temporary curse-lifting ritual that will help you to temporarliy experience the benefits of the full-blown curse lifting.

    This ceremony must be conducted with utmost caution as the slightest mess-up will turn it into a general goat fertility ritual, so unless you want to give birth to a litter of healthy and full-grown, virile goats PAY ATTENTION.

    Spit a loogey into your left shoe.

    Throw the shoe up in the air.

    Catch the shoe with your left hand while doing a one-handed handstand on your right hand (lefties PM me for alternate instructions)

    put the shoe back on WHILE STILL STANDING ON 1 HAND

    Walk around for 3 days with the shoe on (you can sit and sleep for moderate periods providing you do not remove your left shoe. You must also leave your right shoe on or else the other will no longer have the distinction of being your left shoe, it will be your only shoe)

    Take the shoe off on the 3rd day, smell it, and then go out in the street and comment on the smell to someone in a language they do not understand (no fair making up languages on the spot)

    If the person you chose smiles, nods politely and moves on, then you are now curse free for 1 HOUR (enjoy)

    If they attempt to engage you in conversation you must start again from the beginning. (it is not recommended that you choose the same person the second time, as they will no doubt try to learn a few words of whatever language you were speaking in the 3 days you are wearing the shoe, and this increases the chances of them engaging you in a conversation)

    The REAL PERMANENT ritual takes nearly 20% less time than the temporary one, but it's arcane secrets will only be revealed to those who send me checks for 4,500.

    PM me for mailing address.

  2. #2
    *** Sin Bin ***
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    3,468
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    Default

    A Day in the Life (Lennon/McCartney)

    I read the news today oh boy
    About a lucky man who made the grade
    And though the news was rather sad
    Well I just had to laugh
    I saw the photograph.
    He blew his mind out in a car
    He didn't notice that the lights had changed
    A crowd of people stood and stared
    They'd seen his face before
    Nobody was really sure
    If he was from the House of Lords.
    I saw a film today oh boy
    The English Army had just won the war
    A crowd of people turned away
    but I just had to look
    Having read the book.
    I'd love to turn you on
    Woke up, fell out of bed,
    Dragged a comb across my head
    Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
    And looking up I noticed I was late.
    Found my coat and grabbed my hat
    Made the bus in seconds flat
    Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
    Somebody spoke and I went into a dream
    I read the news today oh boy
    Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
    And though the holes were rather small
    They had to count them all
    Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.
    I'd love to turn you on

  3. #3
    Regular
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    163
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    Thumbs up

    I know I've only been wearing the shoe for one day but I'm sure I can feel a difference already. And I can modestly say it was a kickass loogey!!!

    Thanks MrMike

  4. #4
    Island Body
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Posts
    847
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MrMike
    The REAL PERMANENT ritual takes nearly 20% less time than the temporary one, but it's arcane secrets will only be revealed to those who send me checks for 4,500.
    PM me for mailing address.
    Mike - thanks! My brother and I truly enjoyed your descrption of the 'quick curse remedy' and he is currently squishing around in the living room in his freshly-loogeyed left shoe (yes, he has the right shoe on as well, but I think he got confused as the left shoe os on his right foot and the right shoe is on his left foot .... will this cause any complications?).

    I will contact you in three days to let you know the outcome.

    Stay well,
    Amy

  5. #5
    Regular
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Posts
    170
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    Default Bulk

    I really like the bulk discount strategy!
    Abra-Cadabra MrMike!

    Coņo! Diablo!

  6. #6
    apostropheman
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by solituna
    I really like the bulk discount strategy!
    Abra-Cadabra MrMike!

    Coņo! Diablo!
    careful...you call me i might be on the next plane! where i come from Coņo! is a term of endearment and Diable seems to be my middle name!

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