How do you do it?

jrf

Bronze
Jan 9, 2005
1,020
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How do you sort through the mess of what other people tell you about their life and their hardships? My understanding is that a "non-scamming" dominicana would not share their problems with you until they saw you as a friend. But, when you do get to know some people there-how do you decipher which ones are being true/honest-as best as they can-with you?
I have a bit of a soft heart and it ends up hurting me and my wallet later.
I don't want to lose faith and turn mean towards every person I meet-so-How do you do it? How do you say no so many times each day and not get angry or feel that you may have missed an opportunity to truly help someone?
 

miguel

I didn't last long...
Jul 2, 2003
5,261
2
0
113
Ok!!

jrf said:
How do you sort through the mess of what other people tell you about their life and their hardships? My understanding is that a "non-scamming" dominicana would not share their problems with you until they saw you as a friend. But, when you do get to know some people there-how do you decipher which ones are being true/honest-as best as they can-with you?
I have a bit of a soft heart and it ends up hurting me and my wallet later.
I don't want to lose faith and turn mean towards every person I meet-so-How do you do it? How do you say no so many times each day and not get angry or feel that you may have missed an opportunity to truly help someone?
The best help that you can offer is the help that comes from the heart. If someone, directly or indirectly, ask for your help, you have to make sure that the person is not trying to play with your emotions/kindness.

I, too, have a VERY soft heart and I rather NEVER say "no" when someone asks for my help. But since I am a VERY good "student" of people, many have tried to play with my kindness only to see that I am not that much of a sucker after all.

Don't forget that MANY see a person's kindness as a weakness. Many think that since a person is so nice, he HAS to be a "pendejo"(sucker).

Let me give you a few examples:

If I meet a girl who all of a sudden asks me for money, for any given reason, SHE IS GONE!!. I rather be with an independent woman than with one who will depend on me.

If a friend of mine asks me for money and I know for a fact that he is on a tight situation, of course that I would LEND it to him. But if he needs it to buy, for instance, a cell phone, he can kiss my axx.

Stand your ground. Tell them to stop asking you for money or things. You do not need to say "no" 100 times in order for people to stop asking you. Demand respect and eventually you will get it.

Example:

On my first trips to the DR in the early 80's, I noticed that many of my friend where being indifferent towards me. When I asked 2 of them why, they both told me the same crap: "you brought your other friends better gifts than us". After hearing such statement and others little things, I told them: "you are supposed to feel happy to see me and not happy to see what I bring you".

From then on, I made a promise to NEVER bring anything to anybody unless I wanted to. Over the years, I gave only to those that I wanted to. Mainly cash. I started traveling with 2 carry-on bags with MY things. Now I did not have to wait for no fricking luggage. I was the first one out of the airport.

All my friends know that I know their wants and needs. I help them accordingly. They know that if they ask me for anything, they will not get it. It has to come from my heart.

I have one "fault": When someone asks me for money and I know that they are just asking for the heck of it, I get turned off.

Unless you start saying "no", you will never know if people want to be your friend for you or for your money. If someone asks you for money all the time, separate yourself from that person. If someone is always hinting that they need money, separate yourself from that person.

You still can have a good heart and still be able to say no.

Remember that there's nothing wrong in telling someone, "listen, stop asking me for money or we will have stop this relationship/friendship". If the person continues, then stop it. There's nothing wrong in telling people, "I get turned off when you ask me for anything". There's nothing wrong in asking the person, "how did you managed before you met me?". I mean, you can always help if it comes from your heart but you should NEVER be put in a situation where you HAVE to help.

Get it?. If you did, then can you give me 100 dollars?.
 

2dlight

Bronze
Jun 3, 2004
970
36
28
Jrf if you...

jrf said:
How do you sort through the mess of what other people tell you about their life and their hardships? My understanding is that a "non-scamming" dominicana would not share their problems with you until they saw you as a friend. But, when you do get to know some people there-how do you decipher which ones are being true/honest-as best as they can-with you?
I have a bit of a soft heart and it ends up hurting me and my wallet later.
I don't want to lose faith and turn mean towards every person I meet-so-How do you do it? How do you say no so many times each day and not get angry or feel that you may have missed an opportunity to truly help someone?

had an empty wallet and the people with all the "needs" knew it, how many would come and ask you for(financial) help? I was only asked for "help" once in 18 days and it was my fault; I went to a Casa De Cambio with company. Practice saying " Lo siento mucho pero no puedo" As far as knowing when someone is being honest with you...you are on your own there..if you give it enough time, you'll know.
 

jrf

Bronze
Jan 9, 2005
1,020
12
38
Thanks

Good advice, I appreciate the time taken to share. The part that always gets me the most is when you think you have a "friend" and they aren't. But, then again, I am still learning that some are not afraid to ask-like it is okay for them, as in, not a taboo. La vida.
It feels so good to end up changing someones day-whether in Canada, U.S., or anywhere-and to be altruistic is not easy-.
Thanks again.