Help! Confronting cheating father.

This is a very serious situation.

Your mom is renewing her papers, what papers to do what? Is your mom American and she moved here to be with your dad. Is this your biological father? Did you grow up here in the DR? These are important questions to know before giving you advice.

In any case, you should not confront your dad, you should tell your mom when she gets back, and give her the proof.

I was in similar situations when I was young and I know what you're going through. Its tough. I wish you all the best, I hope you and your mom have some friends for support.

I think Dr. Phil would be your best bet.

just look the other way. Your dad won't change and if you would tell your mom, they will break up and this might cause other grief in the family. Let your mom catch him and deal with it.
AZB

Vaporisas,
Why don't you send a PM to Hillbilly.
He lives in Santiago, has been here for many years, is 100% honest, and is known to be very wise & caring.
(Pardon me, Hillbilly, for volunteering you)

dear vaporisas,
i am 49 now. when i was 18 or so, i was confronted with a similar situation.
my parents' marriage had always been an unhappy one- one summer, my mother was down here, and we were up there and my father started seeing this young woman (only a year older than myself!) right in front of my brother and myself. i was outraged. never said a word to him about it, nor did he say anything to me. but, one day, after my mom got back and she was bitching once more about my father- it burst out of me and this was the straw that finally broke the camel's back. and it was a bitter break up.
there are three important things to take into consideration here-
1- over the years i've realized how much it hurt ME that my father was cheating- part of my actions were dictated by that fact- not that he was cheating on my mother- he was cheating on me.
2- for what it's worth, my father has never forgiven me for "ratting him out".
3- isn't it awful when you find out something that everyone else knew except you? doesnt that make you mad? think- what would you want others to do in a similar situation?
this is a very personal decision. listen to your heart and do what you feel is right, even if you have to confront some ****- this is part of growing up.
also, if you do decide to tell your mom- be prepared for her possible reactions- she might surprise you and not do anything!!!

vaporisas said:

Help! I'm 14 and I live with both parents and my sister in Santiago. My mom is in the U.S. now renewing her papers and should be here in a matter of weeks. The problem is my father is cheating(i have proof). I don't know how to go about this. I've come up with a few ideas, but I'd like some older people's advice on this. My dad has cheated before and my mother said if it happened again she would leave him. I want her to dump his lying cheating ass, but I don't know how to tell her or confront him. I am losing sleep and I can't stand my father, I need some advice so that I won't just blow off all of my steam and curse him out or something.(I don't want to get spanked)

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by the way, my father ended up marrying that girl- and they just celebrated their thirtieth anniversary, and i have a sister younger than my daughter!

so you are upset at your dad for finding a more peaceful life, by marrying a girl who is more compatible to him? Its not always the dad's fault. We are only hearing your side of the story. Do tell us how wonderful your mom was to your dad and how she never made his life miserable.
AZB

It seems that the family is already dysfunctional and it's only together because there are kids. In my opinion, this is the worst thing parents can do, stay together because of the kids. I was in a similar situation with my parents, my mom did not leave because she wanted to keep the family together. In the meanwhile the kids were miserable and becoming dysfunctional. I lost all respect for my father and I was beginning to lose it for my mother as well. Why? because she let herself to be taken advantage of by an egotistical son of a b*tch.
To the OP, discuss the issue with a trusted family member or friend who is an adult, perhaps that person can tell your mother instead of you. You mother needs to know ASAP. Cheating may not only bring the person emotional pain, it can also bring a terrible disease home.

. .

Stodgord said:

To the OP, discuss the issue with a trusted family member or friend who is an adult, perhaps that person can tell your mother instead of you. You mother needs to know ASAP.

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Great advice.

Yes good advice stodgord. But if the father is dominicans so why is the kid so surprised? I have yet to meet one domincian who doesn't cheat. maybe he should have kept it more discreate.
AZB

AZB said:

Yes good advice stodgord. But if the father is dominicans so why is the kid so surprised? I have yet to meet one domincian who doesn't cheat. maybe he should have kept it more discreate.
AZB

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This why I suggested getting in touch with Hillbilly and asking for his advice.

!

AZB said:

so you are upset at your dad for finding a more peaceful life, by marrying a girl who is more compatible to him? Its not always the dad's fault. We are only hearing your side of the story. Do tell us how wonderful your mom was to your dad and how she never made his life miserable.
AZB

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My mother always said to me that her " relationship with her husband and my father is her business and her business alone" and not the business of her children!.
secondly, Your parents might be fabulous happy up- beat people as INDIVIDUALS but you need to understand that EITHER partner can drive each other up the wall, and that YOU only see what your parents allow you to see! For example; maybe your mums a 'nagger',maybe she pushes your father to the point where he wants to pull his hair out , or maybe they've simply grown apart (it happens!). Maybe you father wants to experience some happiness in his life (???for the first time in years) and your mum wasnt able to fill this need. YOU DON'T KNOW THIS...because they've possibly chosen not to share this with YOU !
What i would suggest to you is realise firstly that life is complex and doesn't always go the way YOU or your PARENTS want it to go! Bite yur tongue, try and realise that this probably isnt your business, and is best dealt with by adults and in particular the adults involved. I'm not saying this isn't a difficult situation because it is, just be cool about it and live your life being concerned about your own affairs and leave your parents to be concerned about theirs.
good luck
BI

If your dad is cheating on your mother, the only solution is to kill him. Of course that has bad consequences if you're not well connected. The best thing to do is to talk it over with your MOST TRUSTED family member and not on a website like this. People can tell you advice, but in the long run, you're the one that's going to have to deal with it.

first do you hate your father because he is cheating on your mother?, or did you hate him before that? If you have always hated him or you hated him before you foun dhim cheating....dont say anything to him...your relation ship wont get better, and family life as you know it will hit the crapper...it may hit the crapper anyway....but maybe it is possible they are just riding things out till you kids are a little older.

if you loved your father and now are hating him because of this new found info...you need to go approach him. tell him you are upset and this..tell him how important it would be to have a father who stands behind the family and his promise. tell him if you dont love mom anymore...be a man and go tell her before you cheat.....it may force you to grow up fater than you wanted...but under those circumstances he may be proud you spoke up and it could have abig effect.

again if you always hated him and had a bad relationship already....i would nt say anything to him......

is he your biological father?

good luck......bob

vaporisas said:

Help! I'm 14 and I live with both parents and my sister in Santiago. My mom is in the U.S. now renewing her papers and should be here in a matter of weeks. The problem is my father is cheating(i have proof). I don't know how to go about this. I've come up with a few ideas, but I'd like some older people's advice on this. My dad has cheated before and my mother said if it happened again she would leave him. I want her to dump his lying cheating ass, but I don't know how to tell her or confront him. I am losing sleep and I can't stand my father, I need some advice so that I won't just blow off all of my steam and curse him out or something.(I don't want to get spanked)

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Don't confront him, unless you are with someone, that way his anger level will be moderate and nothing stupid will occur.

However, the best way of going about this is to consult with you mother. Since your mother has been hurt before, it would be wise for you to not be too blunt about the situation from the start. When she comes back, ask her how her trip went, if everything was fine, etc.

Afterwards, and make sure you got her in a good mood and little by little give hints as to what you saw/know your father is doing. Don't say "dad is cheating on you" because it will be too harsh and could cause her to go through such an emotional downfall that repercussions to her health or rationalization at the time might not be what you will want to occur.

Little by little, let her know in a calm manner that you suspect that your father is perhaps cheating, etc.

This is a serious situation to be involved in, but I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this.

Remember, sometimes people (and this is a fact of life) make decisions that are completely irrational in all senses. Why do people smoke when they know it kills them? Why do people fight in front of kids when they know its bad for the kids? Why do people do irrational things?

Easy questions with no clear answers.

I wish you the best of luck in this situation.

Sincerely,
-NAL

I honestly think that men and women have weaknesses but for someone to cheat is absolutely unexpectable. The best thing to do is leave it all in God's hands and you know what someday your father will get what's coming to him.

BlackDominicanPrincess said:

I honestly think that men and women have weaknesses but for someone to cheat is absolutely unexpectable. The best thing to do is leave it all in God's hands and you know what someday your father will get what's coming to him.

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Leaving it in god's hands might exposed her mother to a deadly disease like AIDS. Her mother needs to know ASAP!

Casting blame

I see most of the responses here seem to be from emotional viewpoints from the responder. This child is in a tough situation and encouraging her to be a part of the solution or better phrased the fuse to the bomb is absolutely the wrong information. None of us know what the background of the parents situation looks like and emotional responses are turned the wrong direction. Vaporisas needs to seek advice/ help for HERSELF. The parents involved obviously have problems and it is absolutely NOT her job to be involved in a solution. What should be done is to seek some type of counseling for HERSELF and let the parents deal with their own issues. This is a 14 yr. old child that has her own issues to deal with and is certainly not capable of dealing with her parents issues nor should she be expected to.
Take care of yourself Vaporisas. Talk to trusted adults about how being in the middle of this situation makes you feel. Seek out a counselor if you have access to one. It is not your job to try and fix your parents- it is their job to take care of you. Right now you "can't stand" your father and feel sorry for your mother. That is more than you should have to deal with by itself. These people are your parents and will continue to be your parents long after this issue has been resolved. The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself, seek advice on dealing with the emotions that are building up inside you, and find a positive release for those emotions. Remember that nothing you did caused this to happen and there is nothing you can do now to fix it. It seems your parents are being selfish so you need to follow suit and be selfish as well and make sure your sanity is taken care of. Some cheap clinical advice is to start a journal of your feelings, write poetry, write a song, draw some pictures and keep it all for yourself. Write letters to your mom and dad about how they are making you feel and NEVER give them to them. These things are intended for you and to help you deal with the chaos going on around you. It is unfortunate you feel caught in the middle. I know this sounds stupid and too easy, but take yourself out of the middle. You are the child, they are the adults. It is hard enough just being a child in today's world without having to worry about adult things. There are always underlying things that lead people to their behaviors and I'm sure you don't know what they are and will probably never know. Don't cast blame on this parent or that parent because you don't really know the underlying issues. I'll say it again, take care of yourself.
Dr. John