The Importance Of Extended Family

Snuffy

Bronze
May 3, 2002
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Families are big here...roots run deep. It is obviously so healthy to be surrounded by large extended family. Especially true for children.

contrast...

In a very short time Americans have experienced rapid changes to the extended family. The bonds are weak. The family is dispersing.

Back through the ages it has always been family and clan.

So...how do I pose this question...

Are humans 'genetically' dependent on the attention received from large extended families. What happens when the human suddenly is deprived of this attention. What impact does this have during the first years of life? Does it make for a less happy child and consequently a less complete adult?

If you had a child and that child were surrounded by a large extended family in the Dominican Republic...would it be wise to take that child to the USA where such attention does not exist? To me this is a very important factor to consider.
 

samanasuenos

Bronze
Oct 5, 2005
657
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I can not answer your question directly.

Tangent #1:
The closest that I can come is to make mention of a study, in India, in which babies who were not touched/massaged were compared months later to those who received a massage or two every day.

Those with more physical attention had thriving immune systems, better humor/mood, and more energy.

We can extrapolate from this...........

Tangent #2:
Are you talking about taking the child to a nuclear family environment where the only family he would see on a daily basis would be mom and/or pop?

One option might be to consider the way that a circle friends can function as extended family...in my case it worked just fine, tho I do envy those with large families.......
 

Stodgord

Bronze
Nov 19, 2004
668
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In my case I had the privilege to have my home always bombarded by extended families from first cousins to far cousins, far enough that sometimes we joked how are we related and the reply would be "somos primo cuarto, ya casi enemigos" (we are fourth cousin, almost enemies). For me this was important as there was always someone looking after me and my siblings. It is great because during vacation times, I had many places to go and visit in el campo without going through an adjustment period, I felt comfortable from the first day.

Ever since I moved to the USA I have become less dependent on family....I think this is great as everyone is its own. Looking now at the Dominican extended family with an outside lense I think is very disabling. The family is always looking for excuses to exonerate a family member in trouble or going on the wrong path. It is never the member's fault it is someone else's who is envious or something. Nothing is discussed in the open it is always the whispering thing or make sure that person doesn't find out. I can't fathom the turn of a blind eye of the Dominican family when it comes to their own and the fact that you have grown ups not willing to work because the family is willing take care of them.


Bottomline: Although extended family is great for the development of the child, it is also a handicapping phenomenum at the time the child need to become more independant.
 

NALs

Economist by Profession
Jan 20, 2003
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Snuffy said:
What happens when the human suddenly is deprived of this attention. What impact does this have during the first years of life?
1. Yes, humans tend to need affection, company, and such of others. However, this is only true in societies that value personal relationships over material possessions. The moment a person(s) begins to value material possessions over personal relationships, that's when that person breaks the bond either by migrating, focusing on his/her career or money making plans, etc.

Snuffy said:
Does it make for a less happy child and consequently a less complete adult?
Less happy? Perhaps.

One thing that must be understood is that people want to feel satisfied with their life in one way or another. If they don't have the extended family (and sometimes not even the immediate family) within reach, they will depend more on material possessions to fill the emotional hole.

Children in societies where material possessions and personal careers are valued over personal relationships (ie. individualism vs. Interdependence) tend to be highly materialistic. Many children in such societies quickly fall into boredom if they don't have a material thing in their presence or possession to make them feel "happy".

In essence, creativity is eliminated in a highly market oriented society and people depend more and more on what the market has to offer to fulfill their needs and desires.

In the US, many kids have a hard time considering a good time when something is done around the family, but many DO consider themselves to be having a good time when they are playing video games, watching television, getting toys, etc. In fact, if they don't have those material things, they become grumpy, angry at their parents, completely miserable.

Contrast with the DR where people don't depend on the market, yet, many kids are highly creative. They create an entire universe in their minds of superheroes and villains, of such wonderful material that could become a successful novel if put into writing all with sticks and stones at hand. In the US, a kid needs real gloves, a real bat, and a real ball in order to play baseball in the neighborhood streets. In the DR, kids use their imagination to create what they don't physically have and despite using a broom stick for a bat, a carton for a glove, and socks for a ball, they manage to have as much fun as those who do have the "real" thing.

I would go as far as saying that perhaps, and this is speculation, the kids in the DR get better satisfaction at the fact that they had a problem (lack of things) and they found a solution that still gave them the exact result they wanted (to play baseball). I'm not too sure a kid in the United States would be as creative, most would probably sit and whine of how bored they are because they don't have the material things to play baseball, despite all the things they could have used to make the game happen.

Snuffy said:
If you had a child and that child were surrounded by a large extended family in the Dominican Republic...would it be wise to take that child to the USA where such attention does not exist?
It's always wise to expose children (or anyone for that matter) to different cultures, peoples, and societies and teach them that the world does not consist of the places they grew up in.

However, keep in mind that it's very easy for a person to accept material things over everything else, because material things are things that we can possess and control with our own power. With a material thing (let's use a computer as an example), we buy the machine and we program the computer to serve us. Whatever we can tell the computer to do, it will do. The moment the computer malfunctions, we can either fix the computer (notice, it's in our power to fix or not) or we can simply buy a new computer that will supply us what we want.

With family members (more so extended family), there is no such thing. You don't get to pick whose your family members, you don't get to shape your family members into the perfect people you think they should be, you cannot simply buy a new family member, much less fix one. Family members in the extended family are beyond our control and materialistic people don't like to lose either control or orientation.

-NALs
 

Snuffy

Bronze
May 3, 2002
1,462
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Nals.......I have never ever ever agreed with you more !!! The kids I see here are much happier than American children although they have much less. I'm always pushing my wife out the door telling her to take my daughter to her friends' homes. In their homes the house and neighborhood is filled with children running and playing and having a great time. So as one person said...I use my friends as extended family. It is semi barrio...but I don't care...what is important to me is that my daughter has a rich people experience. She is 3.5 and about 6 months ago became addicted to the computer. That concerned me...but she grew out of it and went onto other things. The woman upstairs was sad because she was having problems with her husband. My daughter comes to me and tells me that she is sad for the woman...because the woman was sad. I want my daughter to grow up feeling and being concerned for people and not to be focused on plastic and shiny objects. She is coming along fine.
 

carina

Silver
Mar 13, 2005
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Snuffy, I agree with you completely.
In our life here, our friends, our neighbors and so on, have very much become our extended family. In everyday life as well as on special occations.
My son is 15, and I am really proud of how he "turned out" so far, when it comes to being concerned about people, to care and to look after his friends.
The relation they have between each other, among the kids ( can one say kids when he is 15??? ) is on a deeper level than back home, and they include little siblings, they play inside, outside...
But yes, friends and a safe community feeling can in my opinion very much be an extended family, and a very dear such.