are you married to a dominican woman

mrmagic

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Nov 25, 2003
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Ive read loads of info on this site about 'you marry the dominican woman you marry the family aswell, plus pay for their medical bills, car payments ect ect.

This question is to the guys that are ACTUALLY married to a dominican woman!
1/are you/have you been pressured by your wife to support every tom , dick, and eriberto within her family (clothing, drinks,operations,and other medical expenses)? Is this really what she expects from her husband?/ has your wife stolen from you to support her family?

2/is it possible in your experience to get a dom woman to understand that the money i bring to the marriage is essentially mine to share with her and our future children. Or is she seriously expecting me to pay for her e.g. mothers operation,or the new washing machine that her brother needs ect?

3/what ramifications can i expect from my wife AND particularly her family when i make it abundantly clear that my $500k is mine and mine to share with my wife only ...until divorce we do part?

4/will dom woman understand why i would require a prenuptial agreement...(probably a silly question but if any of you have actually gone this route id love to hear about it)?

In short i hold the attitude that i worked for this money ect ect and i certaily didnt study/work for x amount of years to support some broke-assed family.I feel quite passionate about this issue as im readying myself to move to the DR for good...so any input on this would be great! feel free to share your relevant wife experiences
cheers
 

Danny W

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Mar 1, 2003
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This should probably be moved to the Mars/Venus forum, but I will give you a quick, difinitive answer - I depends on who you marry, just like in the US, or wherever you're from.

My Dmoinican wife understands the situation completely and works very hard to keep her impoverished and primarily hapless family at arms length. She does what she can and says "no" to them more quickly than I do. And, yes, she understands what a prenup is and will have one if and when we make it legal. It will protect her too.

If you've every had a relationship with a poor woman with a troubled family in the US, would see that it's no different. - D
 

mrmagic

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Nov 25, 2003
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thanks danny.....i had a problem with a 'good girl' for a while. she became very stressed when i made it clear to her that my money will be remaining in my bank account for me to spend. She became frustrated to the point that she could barely contain herself.........so i guess i was wondering how you married guys are handling it. cause i gotta be honest i flicked her shortly after because of this issue ; in one day she requested
$30 for the mums car
$70 hair
$10nails
$70 restaurant at which point she ordered take home meals for dad,sis and the brother
and that was just 1 day...oh and she want $120 dollars for christmas (it was march at the time).
So in the space of a day she wanted $250 plus dollars out of me........restaurants and hair i can deal with ...if its for my girl (and her alone)....but 'god' why do i have to pay for the world. And as i said shes was a 'good family girl'...not a HO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Rocky

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Apr 4, 2002
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Danny's answer was spot on, and it is abundantly clear that your woman does not understand or accept the rules of the game.
Looks to me like she never will.
Perhaps she wants more than just "your lovin".
 

Squat

Tropical geek in Las Terrenas
Jan 1, 2002
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just like any woman in the world, you can't make a general rule... It takes to meet the right person...

As of mine :

-1- no I am not pressured to support anyone. However, I know she saves a bit of cash for her mom. No big deal, I would do the same. Her dad helped me a lot to get the "know how" of Santiago... And I actually spent a year and a half worth of week-ends at his house, so I was the one abusing his hospitality !

-2- my wife has a very clear understanding that she and our kids are the "first circle", and that our money is ours... Any peso that would go outside is less for us then (don't want to sound like a cheap bastard, though...)

-3- I am not sure about that question, but it seems to be same as #2...

-4- prenup is ok... I don't have one, but you can say without prenup, you won't be able to inherit, because it is specified in the testament of your parents,or something like that...

But then, what works for me might not work for you, this is a very personal matter... Do your homework first, and if you move a girlfriend, rent a hous, and buy only few cheap furnitures, that you will give away to her in case you split... Keep your money infos very private... If building a house, form a company, so it won't be on your name...
 

Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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mrmagic said:
Ive read loads of info on this site about 'you marry the dominican woman you marry the family aswell, plus pay for their medical bills, car payments ect ect.

This question is to the guys that are ACTUALLY married to a dominican woman!
1/are you/have you been pressured by your wife to support every tom , dick, and eriberto within her family (clothing, drinks,operations,and other medical expenses)? Is this really what she expects from her husband?/ has your wife stolen from you to support her family?

2/is it possible in your experience to get a dom woman to understand that the money i bring to the marriage is essentially mine to share with her and our future children. Or is she seriously expecting me to pay for her e.g. mothers operation,or the new washing machine that her brother needs ect?

3/what ramifications can i expect from my wife AND particularly her family when i make it abundantly clear that my $500k is mine and mine to share with my wife only ...until divorce we do part?

4/will dom woman understand why i would require a prenuptial agreement...(probably a silly question but if any of you have actually gone this route id love to hear about it)?

In short i hold the attitude that i worked for this money ect ect and i certaily didnt study/work for x amount of years to support some broke-assed family.I feel quite passionate about this issue as im readying myself to move to the DR for good...so any input on this would be great! feel free to share your relevant wife experiences
cheers


I very seldom ever use the "Quote" function, cause i think it is not necessary. In your case, I'll make an exception.

None of this is relevant IF you bother to learn how to meet the "right"people. And, of course, if you can tell the difference between between those that "think" they are the 'right' people and those that are not.

And you should know that in the DR, there is a marriage known as "separaci?n de bienes" whereby yours is yours and hers is hers. And, believe me, there are families here that will oblige YOU to sign one of these!! But if you don't meet them, you'll never know.

So, the Hillbilly respectfully suggests that you slow way down. Get some "couth", observe how the better Dominicans dress and act. Then try to visit some of the centers where they hang out: Country Club, Arroyo Hondo, golf clubs, the very " in" spots, like the Marina in Casa De Campo, Cap Cana, Punta Cana, the Club Caza y Pesca in La Romana, and see ifyou can't meet a slightly better educated group of people.

If you are bottom fishing, you get the lowest of the low...


HB:D:D
 

jaguarbob

Bronze
Mar 2, 2004
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married to dominican

Squat said:
just like any woman in the world, you can't make a general rule... It takes to meet the right person...

As of mine :

-1- no I am not pressured to support anyone. However, I know she saves a bit of cash for her mom. No big deal, I would do the same. Her dad helped me a lot to get the "know how" of Santiago... And I actually spent a year and a half worth of week-ends at his house, so I was the one abusing his hospitality !

-2- my wife has a very clear understanding that she and our kids are the "first circle", and that our money is ours... Any peso that would go outside is less for us then (don't want to sound like a cheap bastard, though...)

-3- I am not sure about that question, but it seems to be same as #2...

-4- prenup is ok... I don't have one, but you can say without prenup, you won't be able to inherit, because it is specified in the testament of your parents,or something like that...

But then, what works for me might not work for you, this is a very personal matter... Do your homework first, and if you move a girlfriend, rent a hous, and buy only few cheap furnitures, that you will give away to her in case you split... Keep your money infos very private... If building a house, form a company, so it won't be on your name...

you are a mirror of my marriage..My wife has never asked for money,even for herself...I give her money every month to run the house,and take care of my girls...if money is needed for school,tuition,clothed,etc,we shop together...
I do not have a lot of money,so did not think a prenup was needed...I am in the process of buildind a block house,but it is for us.,and should not cost over $20,000. when completed...all the labor is free from the family,and building materials come at a great discount from the family as well....so they give me much more than I give them I think...and they gave us the land....and they are barrio people...

just be careful,and you can find a great,great wife here in this beautiful country....
bob
 

Tuan

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Aug 28, 2004
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Married to a dominican girl for 22 years. She had an education and ran a business before we met.
Answers to 1-3 all no.
Answer to 4: DR is a community property country. Standard prenup is afforded by law, and anyone can divorce anyone anytime.
Go for self-supporting professional women, there are multitudes here having long ago spurned the gallitos that are practically the only fare a young girl can see here, and thus made an independent life for themselves. They're still beautiful from 30 to 50!
 

mrmagic

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Nov 25, 2003
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thanks for the replies, i really like the dom women and yes i understand everything you guys have said. I guess i was rocked at how agitated my ex friend became when i didnt come up with the cash.
thanks again
 

miguel

I didn't last long...
Jul 2, 2003
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Easy!

mrmagic said:
Ive read loads of info on this site about 'you marry the dominican woman you marry the family aswell, plus pay for their medical bills, car payments ect ect.

This question is to the guys that are ACTUALLY married to a dominican woman!
1/are you/have you been pressured by your wife to support every tom , dick, and eriberto within her family (clothing, drinks,operations,and other medical expenses)? Is this really what she expects from her husband?/ has your wife stolen from you to support her family?

2/is it possible in your experience to get a dom woman to understand that the money i bring to the marriage is essentially mine to share with her and our future children. Or is she seriously expecting me to pay for her e.g. mothers operation,or the new washing machine that her brother needs ect?

3/what ramifications can i expect from my wife AND particularly her family when i make it abundantly clear that my $500k is mine and mine to share with my wife only ...until divorce we do part?

4/will dom woman understand why i would require a prenuptial agreement...(probably a silly question but if any of you have actually gone this route id love to hear about it)?

In short i hold the attitude that i worked for this money ect ect and i certaily didnt study/work for x amount of years to support some broke-assed family.I feel quite passionate about this issue as im readying myself to move to the DR for good...so any input on this would be great! feel free to share your relevant wife experiences
cheers
I will make it very simple for you. Please read carefully since I WILL NOT bore you with one of my long and boring posts:

ALL the above can be solved BEFORE you get married. How?, easy:

1- If you don't marry "down" and

2- If, at the time of courtship, you make her aware of it.

There's NOTHING wrong with telling someone that you are dating about your "ideas and views". See, when you are courting someone, you have to throw EVERYTHING on the table. Since it's a "getting to know you, getting to know me" process, the two of you should be very comfortable telling each other what you guys expect from the relationship.

If by any chance in hell, while you are courting her, she tells you or hints at you that "when you marry me, you marry the whole family", drop her as fast as you can(as in "run as if your axx was on fire").

On a side note, with a little piece of advice:

Yes, help the mom. If you want. But in a way where you will not feel obligated. Meaning: sit with the mother and the mother only. Tell her that you will help her with, let's say, 3,000 pesos a month. Make sure to tell her that it's all you will do. Be aware that that money could be given to "help" her other kids and relatives. You should not care what she does with the money but make her aware that she should spend it wisely since she would have to wait another month to get anything more from you.

One thing I must say: when MOST Domininicans say "when you marry me you are marrying the whole family" they REALLY mean it. It's a much different version that the one in the US.

Btw, you gave me an idea for a nice thread. Thanks.
 
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SKY

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Apr 11, 2004
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My Dominican wife?s family gets the same thing every month, the middle of a NY Bagel.
 

AZB

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Jan 2, 2002
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We don't know the age differance between the mentioned couple. For example: if the girl is 25 and you are 55 then I can assure you, she is not with you because she is in love with a man older than her dad. She is there for the money.
Now I am saddened to see that so many visiting folks are just too innocent for their own good. If people can't distinguish a good girl from a bad one then this person has a lot to learn in life. You should be able to tell who is who in whatever country.
Now why is it that many guys instantly want to get married to the first girl who sleeps with them in this country? Why is it that they feel the need to take her shopping for clothes after seeing her for 2 days? why do they seem to get the urge to take that chopa to a 5000 pesos dinner in camp david restaurant?
You guys are the ones who are spoiling them. Since many of you guys are lacking contact with women back home, so when you do meet one here, you become the ultimate gentlemen and offer your whole life to her. She simply starts with your wallet first.
Guys, take pride in yourselves, there are so many decent women who want to meet decent guys that its sad to see people are still hooking up with trashy hooker class girls and actually thinking about marrying them.
What is wrong with you?
Some times I feel, its no use telling anything to any of these guys who always seem to make the wrong decisions. Some people are simply not smart enough to understand other people. Show me a person and within 10 mins of talking, I will tell you who they are.
AZB
 

Wingclipper

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May 5, 2006
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AZB--
I always enjoy your posts, very frank and honest. Seems a lot of these foreign men have self esteem issues, most likely they feel they don't deserve a women with class who is educated. They go for the easier target and attract the type who create problems and always have issues.
 

M.A.R.

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Feb 18, 2006
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A Dominican even if he/she is poorer than her parents, especially her mother, feels like he/she has to give something back, has to help out her parents, not necessarily her siblings.
If he/she is better off than the parents we feel that is our moral responsibility to give back. We have this saying, that goes something like, "Si eres buen hijo con tus padres siempre te va a ir bien en la vida". the wife doesn't have to support the parents but what she would usually do is bring groceries once a week or once a month. Sometimes people could be demanding but if the husband explains his views, I'm sure she'll understand.
 

MrMike

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Mar 2, 2003
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When I married my Dominican wife I followed 2 of Hillbilly's 3 rules.

1) She was basically in the same shape financially as me, (not great)

2) and we both had a couple years to go to finish University.

3) She did not have a visa though, but I was basically in the country illegally so we were even on that score too.

Since our marriage my finances have improved, and she has finished college and now has a visa.

My wife knows I have a hardline stance against handouts and have occasionally embarrassed her in public by threatening to beat up beggars for asking me for money, but since I have generally been in a position to employ people I have tried to give opportunities to her family where possible and get them better jobs than what they had before, they have pretty much all let me down one by one and she understands my frustration with them and doesn't try to promote them as potential good, productive employees anymore.

What alot of you need to understand about being married to a Dominican is not so much that they are just after your money, this is only true if you happen to have any. The bigger picture is that you are being assimilated into a matriarchal clan, your suegra is trying to make you one of her children, and by children I mean slaves. They will constantly try to manipulate you, both through endless haranguing, flattery, and elaborate group tactic schemes, because they need to know in what ways you can and cannot be used.

Generally I believe that after 3 years I have finally gotten through to my wife that I am not married to her whole clan, just her, but it has taken alot of standing my ground and flat out "no" (then dealing with the hissy-fits)

Surprisingly though, when the dust settles and the boudaries are established everyone seems alot more comfortable.
 

Wingclipper

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May 5, 2006
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Just be like David Spade in those Capital One commercials: "the answer is always no". ;)
I usually use a pre-emptive strike when someone is about to ask me for money on the street. When I see a bum approach, I always speak first and say, 'can I hold a couple dollas', my car ran out of gas down the street'. It always throws them off and they get a chuckle out of it.
 

Rick Snyder

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Nov 19, 2003
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MrMagic.
My experience in this matter has shown me that the word “family” as defined by most Dominicans is somewhat different then the definition that I was always taught. Most Dominicans that I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and knowing in my 10 years here correlate the word “family” with the word “blood”. If you are not of the same “blood” then in reality you are not really “family” even if you are a spouse. This does not mean that a Dominican man or woman won’t love you and care for you but due to the fact that their blood relatives are “blood” they will always hold a higher rung on the ladder even if they are in?til, vago, holgaz?n or a host of other descriptive words. The Dominicans are raised with the idea that it is their responsibility to help their “family” and if a person should marry into a good position then they are more capable of helping the “family” and are expected to do such. My Dominican wife has been placed in this position more times then I care to remember because of her having married an American and everyone knows we Americans are all rich. NOT!!!!

Through the years I’ve helped her “family” but I’ve never done it for free. I employed my wife’s mother to clean my house daily and she made the average Dominican wage for her services. This went on for about 10 months and then there would be days that she wouldn’t show up, she lives next door, and I informed her that if she took a day off without notice that wages for that day would be withheld. After 2 weeks of having wages withheld for days missed she quit. When one of her grandchildren, 4 live with her, ask me for money I offer them the ability to earn money by washing my or my wife’s motorcycle or cleaning the yard. If they don’t want to work I give no money. I pay a weekly wage and 2 meals daily to my father-in-law for his help around the house and he responds to everything my wife asks of him. The only time I’ve given anything free is when I buy a new appliance and I give the old one to the in-laws. Through the years they have received 2 stoves, 1 fridge, 2 radios and 2 TV’s from me.

Ask my mother-in-law what she thinks of me and she will tell you that I’m a dirty rotten SOB because I won’t support her. Because she decided to have 10 children over the years and has a nonworking 47 year old son and his wife, a 38 year old daughter and her four children, from 4 different fathers, a 35 year old nonworking daughter and a 25 year old son living in her house she thinks it is my and my wife’s responsibility to help them with money.

Many years ago when I married my first wife I made my own family with the act of marriage and placed her in front of all my blood relatives even though she wasn’t of the same blood as me but matrimony made her my “family” and my responsibility to love, honor and cherish. She had a child from a previous marriage and the stepchild was placed in the same position as my wife and we were a family. I considered their welfare more important then that of my blood relatives due to the vows that I had taken.

Having been through 2 marriages and not having brought any children into this world I came to the DR to live. Being under the belief that I couldn’t produce children and having been 47 years old at the time the thought of marriage was the last thing in my mind. I came to this island to relax, retire and enjoy the remainder of my years on this earth. I came here to eventually die. In the interim I started to look for a woman to clean and cook for me. I finally found one and she was also good looking. This woman didn’t want anything to do with me other then to work for me and with her two jobs she was doing well for herself. After experiencing the Dominican life in the capital I decided to see if I could get my maid into bed. Took me 3 months but I finally won out. I then decided that I would try to get my maid to move in with me and offered her free room and board as well as salary to be my maid and after a bit of time she agreed. My life was a paradise with all my partying and the affirmation that if I failed to score in town that there was a hot one in the spare bedroom at home. It was a total shock to me when 10 months later she became pregnant!

Having been taught obligation and responsibility from an early age I married this Dominican woman and with my new acquired “family” have been living here ever since. Through the years I’ve learned to love my wife and she and my son, “family”, come before my “blood” back in the US. This is the way I was taught which seems to be different then the way Dominicans are taught. This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help my “blood” back in the US if they asked for help but I am sure they would never ask unless it was a life or death situation.

I retired in 1990 with 22 years in the military. I believe that I have earned that retirement. I came here with the intension of using that money for me to enjoy my life. In the process I’ve acquired a family and that money now must be split properly so that all three of us may enjoy life and there is no room for excess baggage.

I fully agree with your attitude and must say that what AZB said is correct. If you are coming here with the intention of making a “family” through marriage then I would highly recommend that you shop around very carefully. I did not come here with that intention but because of my actions I ended up getting married and marrying a woman that I had no business marrying. If I had come to the DR with the intention of marriage I would have followed all the advice AZB gave.

Sorry about the long post but I thought I would give you my prospective on the matter.

Rick

PS For those of you that may have devilish thoughts bouncing around in your heads. Yes my son is in fact mine and is of my “blood”.

PPS Like MrMike it has taken me many years to convince my wife that I too did not marry her whole clan. I think that I have convinced her as to who is my "family" and who is my and her "blood" and how the two are not one in the same.
 
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SKY

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Apr 11, 2004
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What is so hard about telling the girl up front that if she is looking for someone to support her family she should look elsewhere? That is what I do and it works.
 
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M.A.R.

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Feb 18, 2006
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Rick Snyder,
I wasn't gonna read ur post, cause is soooo long, but I'm glad I did, I enjoyed it, interesting story. It reminds me of another thread about the couple that moved to the DR and have two children now after being told in England they couldn't conceive.
Is the sun, the breeze or something in the water :) that gets the hormones working, and the libido. Enjoy!