Dominican tact...or lack thereof

Matilda

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Sep 13, 2006
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In my experience Dominicans are not terribly tactful. I am often getting told "you look fatter", "you look thinner", "you have a spot on your chin", and even an old lady beggar I USED to give 20RD$ to, called me vieja, so she doesn't get any more twenty pesos from me.

So, I have some friends coming to stay, and they have a 16 year old Downs Syndrome son, who is fabulous. But, in the Uk, with our typical reserve, no one stares at him, or says anything. Anyone any idea what the Dominican response is likely to be to towards him? I've not seen any Downs children here - so no idea if Domincans are used to them.

Thanks

Matilda
 

suarezn

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Feb 3, 2002
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You're absolutely right Dominicans are not very politically correct, but I would say most times there's no malice at all whenever they say something like "you are fatter". I've only known one downs syndrome kid in The DR in my hometown of Cotui and everyone treated him great. Everybody loved to joke around and play with him. I never knew anyone who called him names or anything. That was my experience.

Stare? Well people do tend to do that, but they do it to everyone who looks "different" (i.e. Gringos, before they were so common down in The DR).
 

something_of_the_night

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Feb 7, 2006
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Those aren't necessarily bad things. There are folks who still equate gordura with good health. But you are right: we are not very tactful, especially in the salary dept. Dominicans love to ask others how much they make.

I've met folks from all over, and have concluded that Dominicans are the worst, by far, in their preocupations of who has what, how much fulano makes, and if mengano est? parao. Then there are those who can't wait to tell the world about their good fortunes; some of those nincompoops post here, too.

-The Kid
A low-level Dumb-minican
 

MommC

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Mar 2, 2002
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I find on whole Dominicans have a much more accepting, relaxed attitude to anyone with handicaps of any kind. Maybe because here, handicapped people are very visible, being kept at home and not hidden away in special institutions or schools.
I'm sure while stares will be the order of the day, so will acceptance, playfulness and care!
 

Rick Snyder

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Nov 19, 2003
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Matilda,

I will attempt to answer your question. This is my opinion based on living here and watching the people interact.

It has been my experience that Dominicans have a tendency to state things as they see them with no malicious intent. Such things as 'you are getting fatter' can be construed as a compliment or just a matter of fact with no intent to insult. In reference to the beggar I would guess that if you were to add some tint to your hair or a little make-up or something of that nature or even a wide encumbering smile may produce a very different remark from that woman. As I said, they have a tendency to tell it like it is.

It reminds me of when I first learned to play dominoes here and a number of people would tell me that I played very poorly. I must admit it took me a while to learn that they weren't trying to insult me but rather stating a fact concerning my playing. Once I learned the game and could hold my own with the best of them I soon learned that people were coming to the table in the hopes of having me as their partner. The Dominicans as a general rule are not malicious,

Children on the other hand are a different thing but this is true the world over. With the custom of stating things the way they are and with the youth involved whereas they don't realize the pain they may inflict from such things as taunting then it does happen.

We have a man that was born and raised here in El Seybo that has 'Downs". He seems to have led a fulfilling live as it relates to this country for a poor person and I would estimate his age at about 50. He still lives with his parents but because of his age and acquired knowledge he has free roam throughout the town until it gets dark at which time his parents insure he is home and safe. When ever Pepe, that's his name, walks the street he is ridiculed and teased by the younger children. This seems to stop automatically with the children of 10 and older but those younger then 10 are unmerciful and at times throw stones. Pepe never pays attention to it until someone throws a stone at which time Pepe picks up a stone and throws back and that usually stops the stone throwing.

Anything new or different is going to cause people throughout the world to stop and look. The reaction here in the process may be, "what's wrong with him?", because a lot of people here may have no experience with some things like 'Downs'. Once again, if they say something I can almost guarantee you there is no malice in that which may be said.

Hope this helps.

Rick

Edited to add;

Concerning Pepe. If he is with his parents there is almost no name calling or teasing and NO rock throwing.
 
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amparocorp

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Aug 11, 2002
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i was in the campo one time and kids were staring at me, some had never seen a gringo so i thought that was the issue. i figured it out when one kid came over and asked if he could touch my nose, my nose is big by dominican standards and it is a little crooked from being a boxer when i was young.......
 

Mirador

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Apr 15, 2004
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Matilda,

I will attempt to answer your question. This is my opinion based on living here and watching the people interact.

It has been my experience that Dominicans have a tendency to state things as they see them with no malicious intent. Such things as 'you are getting fatter' can be construed as a compliment or just a matter of fact with no intent to insult. In reference to the beggar I would guess that if you were to add some tint to your hair or a little make-up or something of that nature or even a wide encumbering smile may produce a very different remark from that woman. As I said, they have a tendency to tell it like it is.

It reminds me of when I first learned to play dominoes here and a number of people would tell me that I played very poorly. I must admit it took me a while to learn that they weren't trying to insult me but rather stating a fact concerning my playing. Once I learned the game and could hold my own with the best of them I soon learned that people were coming to the table in the hopes of having me as their partner. The Dominicans as a general rule are not malicious,

Children on the other hand are a different thing but this is true the world over. With the custom of stating things the way they are and with the youth involved whereas they don't realize the pain they may inflict from such things as taunting then it does happen.

We have a man that was born and raised here in El Seybo that has 'Downs". He seems to have led a fulfilling live as it relates to this country for a poor person and I would estimate his age at about 50. He still lives with his parents but because of his age and acquired knowledge he has free roam throughout the town until it gets dark at which time his parents insure he is home and safe. When ever Pepe, that's his name, walks the street he is ridiculed and teased by the younger children. This seems to stop automatically with the children of 10 and older but those younger then 10 are unmerciful and at times throw stones. Pepe never pays attention to it until someone throws a stone at which time Pepe picks up a stone and throws back and that usually stops the stone throwing.

Anything new or different is going to cause people throughout the world to stop and look. The reaction here in the process may be, "what's wrong with him?", because a lot of people here may have no experience with some things like 'Downs'. Once again, if they say something I can almost guarantee you there is no malice in that which may be said.

Hope this helps.

Rick

Edited to add;

Concerning Pepe. If he is with his parents there is almost no name calling or teasing and NO rock throwing.


Rick, I am truly astonished at your knowledge of Dominican people. Your are definitely a keen observer, and obviously have an anthropological bent.
 

Mirador

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Apr 15, 2004
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i was in the campo one time and kids were staring at me, some had never seen a gringo so i thought that was the issue. i figured it out when one kid came over and asked if he could touch my nose, my nose is big by dominican standards and it is a little crooked from being a boxer when i was young.......


I am not a gringo, however, my eyes are as blue as Frank Sinatra's (Mr. Blueyes himself). Where did I get them? I don't have the least idea. No one in both sides of my family has them. I heard once that Neanderthals had blue eyes. Maybe I'm a throwback ...;-). For those malicious minds, my mother's reputation, like Caesar's wife Calpurnia, is beyond question (it happens that my father's name is Caesar...;-). Many times, rural children, who seem to have never seen eyes so blue, wave their hands in front of my face, and ask, "can you see?", believing that I'm blind.
 
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Chip00

Guest
In my experience Dominicans are not terribly tactful. I am often getting told "you look fatter", "you look thinner", "you have a spot on your chin", and even an old lady beggar I USED to give 20RD$ to, called me vieja, so she doesn't get any more twenty pesos from me.

So, I have some friends coming to stay, and they have a 16 year old Downs Syndrome son, who is fabulous. But, in the Uk, with our typical reserve, no one stares at him, or says anything. Anyone any idea what the Dominican response is likely to be to towards him? I've not seen any Downs children here - so no idea if Domincans are used to them.

Thanks

Matilda

Yes many Dominicans can be completely tactless by Western standards but it is mostly innocent.

They seem to be respectful of people with disabilities with the exception of those whom are considered to be "loco" - then it is not uncommon for some to make fun of people of this type.
 

planner

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Sep 23, 2002
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Maybe the real issue is that they are just straightforward and the rest of us are the ones with the problem.

Politically correct is our hang up! And it has gone wayyyyyyyyyyy overboard.

People here call it like they see it! I love that. Calling someone flaca or moreno is nothing more then a descriptive word! That is all. When you come here to live you have to let go of the expectations you bring with you!

Children and elderly are (for the most part) very well treated. And those with disabilities are helped and not made fun of.
 

Lambada

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Mar 4, 2004
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Matilda, does your friend's son stare too? Because yes the local children will stare, not maliciously, but if the boy isn't frightened he can stare back. He'll sense it isn't malicious, just curiosity. Then the first one to grin breaks the ice........can take time & maybe shouldn't be hurried by parents wanting to make everything ok. The boy and the local kids will find their own level to interact on. Course if he has some high tech toy he's playing with, the local kids won't even notice he has Downs - all they'll notice is the toy. My guess would be the parents might be more upset at the staring than the teenager himself.

The only staring I've noticed to be more judgmentally based is in relation to flagrant queens (of the gay variety). And the old ladies crossing themselves when they see a transvestite.

And I wouldn't recommend you invest in makeup or a purple tint. Just tell the beggar lady that it's 'Do?a Vieja'. Well you said you were waiting to be called do?a.............:)
 

StellaRay

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Apr 8, 2007
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I'm just going to second what everyone else has said. I'd say the majority of the world isn't terribly PC, and the DR falls in that category. As for disabilities, I used to live around the corner from a guy (Jorge) with development disabilities. The kids and all the guys in the neighborhood would all play around with him, I never saw anything malicious...some children were curious because it was something new and different for them, but that's to be expected.
 

SantiagoDR

The "REAL" SantiagoDR
Jan 12, 2006
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Maybe the real issue is that they are just straightforward and the rest of us are the ones with the problem.

This is so true here in the DR. I am always embarrassed when my wife comes right out and tells someone they are fat. But I have come to realize that's my hang-up, not hers.

When someone stares at me, I just stare back at them!
(The women will smile and say hello, the men usually don?t like it when I stare back)
 

cobraboy

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Jul 24, 2004
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Westerners intrepret being non-PC as a fault of sorts. I find it refreshing. Living in the states where you cannot state the obvious without someone getting "ofeeeeeended" and hiring the ACLU is stressful.

Dominicans tell it like it is, and rarely mean offense.
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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People in Spain and other Latins do it as well.

"Hello Chiri, you are fat/tall/big." - you get used to it after a while.

There are some excesses though. I couldn't help being shocked when a lady casually described one of her children as "la m?s fea de todas mis hijas" in the unfortunate girl's presence. It occurred to me that people I know in certain other countries have gone into therapy for far less. She just shrugged it off.
 

Mirador

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I was told in my own living room, in front of company, by a female guest, that my youngest, Aroa (six years old), did not look anything like me, and that I could not have sired him!
 

Chirimoya

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Overheard in casual conversation between strangers in a public place: to a woman with two kids "are they both from the same father?"
 
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Chip00

Guest
I remember one time when I introduced a German friend of mine, his Dominican wife and child to my wife - The German fellow was big and white and the wife, small and very dark and the child looked exactly like the mother. My wife, after salutations looked at the little kid and said unwittlingly to my German friend, "why he looks nothing like you". I saw all of the blood drain out of my friends face as if somebody hit him a low blow but he otherwise took it well. I then explained to my wife that one should never say to a Westerner that the kids don't look like the father.
 

Chirimoya

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You get people who speak before thinking everywhere.
One of my favourites was the woman who told someone "I don't care what everyone else says about you - I think you're really nice".

However - on issues of paternity - I've noticed that if anything, some Dominicans tend to overstate how much a child looks like the father, almost as if to reassure.
 

something_of_the_night

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Feb 7, 2006
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I'm guilty, too.

Friend, "Oh! What a pretty girl! She looks just like her mother."

The Kid, "Make up your mind. She can't be both: she's either pretty or she looks like her mother. What is it going to be?"

-The Kid
Dominican watcher