Another Dominican drowns - Ode to Miguel

TEHAMA

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I debated a few days whether to post this. As I rest in my big bed and enjoy the comforts of my trappings while deciding which stock to buy this year...yadda yadda yadda. I learned that Miguel jumped to his death this week. Not a college grad, yet a very bright kid. Born on the wrong side of the tracks unable to transition to the prosperous side of Dominican life. Not even 30 yold and jumped from a bridge. Washed away in the river currents like other worthless, disgarded debris.

He begged to go to the US, or even Mexico for that matter. And spoke extremely decent English for a self-taught student and would tell me of barrio conditions far beyond the Tourist areas. Sleeping pills at night to get pass the hunger pains as he dreamt of having better meals. He told me once as I was preparing to return to the States..."I hope its (the island) underwater before you return."

I realize I am just saddened over the lost of my pal. But it frustrates me to no fukkin-end to see a country that fails to invest in its on future, its citizens. Yet rely on the wealthier citizens to become educated and improve at the expense of the rest. The rich gets richer is a complete understatement, a welathier Dominicans find ways to get their kids jobs at any parent should. While the lesser continue to struggle or do without. A country that builds a "freakin" subway inleu of a reliable enegry source to run the damn thing. Where theft, greed, and corruption rules. Ineptness at every turn. Expat fugutives to exploit the poorer Dominicans. Where you have to pay extra, side pesos, to have employed people actually "do the work" they are hired by the company to do.

This month is my second anniversay since leaving that island after one year living there. My friends still continue to return inspite of its flaws. Yet wonder why I wont. "oh yeah! I cant wait to return to be treated like a King but Dominicans living in a country that offers little if any advancement." And from what I recall, the grocery store prices looked like US prices to me.

The best advice EVER posted on DR1 regarding an American's view of Dominican was "Wealth affords you the luxury to have morals." And so another Dominican is gone. Not falling from the sky as the landing gear opens over Miami or in dingy searching for Puerto Rico, but off a bridge of his Motherland. I am sure no one batted an eye. He was my friend, but more than that. So much potential. Just born in the wrong place.

Miguel Fernandez - 19??-2007 R.I.P.
TEHAMA :cry:
 
C

Chip00

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I am sincerely sorry for your loss. As an American here in the DR I am too disgusted with what the politicians do to this country who really care so little about their constituents.

That being said there is an unreal and unhealthy admiration for NY that most poorer Dominicans have. There is rarely a week that I don't meet a Domincan that wants me to take them to the US to save them from the DR. The fact is that many poor people can "make it" here enough so to pay the bills etc if they are willing to do what it takes. I feel so bad for you're friends decision to end his life just because of an unrealized and exaggerated view of the US. May God grant him the peace and satisfaction he desired.
 

2LeftFeet

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Dec 1, 2006
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How sad. I'm sorry for you and for his family. He has no idea the pain that he is leaving behind.

Many of us don't realize how good we have it here. We take it for granted. It's a hard life there. Corruption, clean running water, education, jobs, medical care, economy etc....

Everything is a struggle.

I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry.
 

Chris

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Oct 21, 2002
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I realize I am just saddened over the lost of my pal. But it frustrates me to no fukkin-end to see a country that fails to invest in its on future, its citizens. Yet rely on the wealthier citizens to become educated and improve at the expense of the rest. The rich gets richer is a complete understatement, a welathier Dominicans find ways to get their kids jobs at any parent should. While the lesser continue to struggle or do without. A country that builds a "freakin" subway inleu of a reliable enegry source to run the damn thing. Where theft, greed, and corruption rules. Ineptness at every turn. Expat fugutives to exploit the poorer Dominicans. Where you have to pay extra, side pesos, to have employed people actually "do the work" they are hired by the company to do.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

All serious expats should study your words above and go about their business with these words in mind. These are deep frustrations that affect all of us.
 

A.Hidalgo

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Apr 28, 2006
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I am sorry for the death of your friend but there is more to this story. I don't mean to sound insensitive but the facts are the Dominican Republic is one of the countries with the lowest suicide rates in the world. Was poverty what motivated him to take his life? I'm no sociologist but I don't think so. On the contrary it may be paradoxical but the poorer a person is the more instinctual motivation for survival is displayed. Psychologically, survival becomes the paramount factor. There were other reasons for his suicide and I believe that poverty was not one of them. Just a hunch.
 

Lambada

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That was very eloquent and very moving TEHAMA. I didn't know your friend but I know others who harbour the same despair. And inwardly I seethe because, in a sense, I'm condoning it. All of us foreigners who live here are, in one sense, condoning it by our very presence or by our silence. Many of us look the other way or are consumed by our own challenges in living here. But I sense there are a growing number who are fed up to the back teeth of the exploitation of the poor. And there are more and more citizens voicing discontent. I'm not sure where that will lead. I know where it ought to lead.

Would you want to send your memorial to your friend in Spanish to some of the Opinion sections of the newspapers? Only a suggestion but such an eloquent tribute to one wasted life may get people thinking. And doing.
 

SantiagoDR

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Jan 12, 2006
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Sorry for the loss of your friend.

...but the facts are the Dominican Republic is one of the countries with the lowest suicide rates in the world.

Then I must live in the capital of the Dominican suicides.

There are several suicides every year by people jumping off the bridge in Santiago that crosses the Rio Yaque del Norte. The bridge that one crosses to get to Campo de Golf Los Aromas, from Santiago.

I would venture to say that just like the crime statistics here in the DR, the suicide rate is vastly un-reported.

I don't trust any DR statistics......

Everyday I cross that bridge and there is a crowd, I immediately know there is another suicide victim. It happens way too often. So much so that I refer to the bridge, as "The Suicide Bridge".

May your friend Rest in Peace.


Don SantiagoDR
 
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Mirador

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....I would venture to say that just like the crime statistics here in the DR, the suicide rate is vastly un-reported...

I don't trust any DR statistics......

..Everyday I cross that bridge and there is a crowd, I immediately know there is another suicide victim. It happens way too often. So much so that I refer to the bridge, as "The Suicide Bridge"...

May your friend Rest in Peace.

Don SantiagoDR


Sorry for your loss, Miguel. The frustration and guilt lingers when a dear friend commits suicide. The thoughts will always be there, "I should have known.." ...."only if I...." ...I could have stopped him/her".....

Suicides are indeed vastly unreported in the DR. Many deaths, which are in fact suicides, appear like accidental falling of a tree, drownings, alcohol poisonings, run over by a truck, etc....
 

suarezn

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First of all Sorry for your loss. As someone who recently lost someone from my immediate family I can relate to the grief...

I agree with the rest of you who have commented on the under reporting of suicide deaths, but I also agree with Hidalgo that poverty was probably NOT the reason for his suicide. I can say this with all the authority in the world as I've been the poorest of the poorest, and suicide never crossed my mind and honestly everyone I've known of who committed suicide there's always been some other reason (girlfriend left them, owe too much money, etc). None of these are reasons that would make me consider committing suicide, but some people just can't cope...and that points not to poverty but to depression, which is a clinical, manageable disease.

In a way this still makes the OP's argument valid as in any country with a decent health care system maybe he could have gotten treatment before it was too late. These are all theories at this point. Nobody really knows what was going through his head...May he rest in peace.
 

cobraboy

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People don't commit suicide because of poverty and lack of opportunity. They commit suicide because they are mentally ill.

Unfortunately, I've known folks who met their ultimate destiny because of those demons.
 

Mirador

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... Unfortunately, I've known folks who met their ultimate destiny because of those demons.

Are you using this expression metaphorically, or do you actually believe a "demonic entity" made him do it?

Personally, I don't have an answer for this, and I've noticed that "suspicious deaths" run in families, even in small communities, where criminal intent can be completely ruled out of the question. Yes, I do ceremonies ("trabajos") akin to "exorcism"...
 

cobraboy

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Are you using this expression metaphorically, or do you actually believe a "demonic entity" made him do it?
Beats me. I used the expression metaphorically. I just cannot imagine the mental processes, the confused noises in the mind, that made a person "think" killing themself was the best alternative in response.

Sick, bedridden, in physical pain, with no hope for recovery? Yes. I can underrstand that. But healthy in body? Nope. Something bad going on in the mind, IMO.
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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There is such a thing as depression brought on by circumstances - financial, personal tragedy and so forth. The fact that some people might be more vulnerable/prone to depression than others does not take away from the fact that external circumstances played a part in the process that ended in that tragic decision.
My condolences, TEHAMA. You sound like a good and caring friend. :)
 

2LeftFeet

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Maybe his friend just felt trapped by his lack of opportunity. He felt that he had no where to turn. He felt beaten by the system---(they really have a system down there!!!). He was never going to be able to get ahead. He felt frustrated and oppressed by the reality of it. Things were NEVER going to get better for him.

Where was he going to get a decent job? Physicians make horrible money and their educated. Maybe he wasn't educated. He knows that he's not coming to the US unless he marries an American. Maybe that's not what he's all about.

I'm sure he felt like he was painted into a corner. People just want to be happy and have nice things for themselves and their families-- that's all.

The DR is not easy place to live. We can leave any time we want we have that advantage. They don't.
 

Mirador

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Maybe his friend just felt trapped by his lack of opportunity. He felt that he had no where to turn. He felt beaten by the system---(they really have a system down there!!!). He was never going to be able to get ahead. He felt frustrated and oppressed by the reality of it. Things were NEVER going to get better for him.

Where was he going to get a decent job? Physicians make horrible money and their educated. Maybe he wasn't educated. He knows that he's not coming to the US unless he marries an American. Maybe that's not what he's all about.

I'm sure he felt like he was painted into a corner. People just want to be happy and have nice things for themselves and their families-- that's all.

The DR is not easy place to live. We can leave any time we want we have that advantage. They don't.

Dear 2leftfeet, do you know what professionals have the highest incidence of drug adiction and suicide? It is psychiatrists. And do you know who follows? we, the armchair shrinks, who think around in circles trying to make sense of the insensible. Suicide is never a rational option, it is an act of insanity, and as such, cannot be rationalized into or out of it... If you have the fortune (or misfortune) of having to deal with a person contemplating suicide, don't ever argue with him/her, don't even try to "reason" with him/her, ..... just... manipulate.... ...into ...... shifting.... ...gazing.....


....(sorry, my keyboard seems to be not working properly...)
 

Criss Colon

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Suicide "Runs" In My Family.

I believe it is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain. Just like alcoholism,drug addicion and other obsesive/compulsive behaviors,it may be made worse by one's "Circumstances" I can tell you from my personal experiences,that the feelings of "Hopelessness,and Helplessness" can be so overwhelming that death appears a more appealing alternative to going on living! The problem with suicide is that it a permanent solution,to a temporary problem!
Cris Colon CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 

2LeftFeet

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My point was to show how it could be from poverty. A few posters couldn't see how poverty could be the cause like the OP originally stated.

Yes, Chris is right. Many times it is from a chemical imbalance.

I'm sure mental health isn't a top priority in the DR.
 

Mirador

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... I'm sure mental health isn't a top priority in the DR.

Actually, mental health is a top priority in the Dominican family, notwithstanding the unavailability of trained psychiatry professionals, or the use of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders of the American Psychiatric Association. I would venture to state that there are actually much less prevalence of mental disorders per capita among the Dominican population, then say the U.S. population. The availability of family support and the use of folk medicine more than makes up for the lack of scientific methods and therapies in the treatment of psychiatric disorders in the DR. Currently, I have in my home an adolescent sister-in-law who was diagnosed with schizophrenia at a mental hospital and was so medicated when I received her that she was totally unresponsive. In less than 24 hours at my compound in Azua, I had her laughing and singing. I've been treating her for the last two years, it hasen't been easy. She is autistic, and extremely intelligent, maybe too much for her own good, and is currently going to school, and is one of the best students of her eighth grade class.
 

something_of_the_night

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Feb 7, 2006
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Actually, mental health is a top priority in the Dominican family,

That may be the case, Mirador, but there's still a negative stigma associated with mental illness, and men, especially, are notoriously in denial.

A few weeks ago, Newsweek magazine had a lengthy article talking about men and depression, and the refusal to seek help.

Like CCcc, I'm talking from experience, and I'm surprised to see others here who may have never suffered from it, but understand it. Most "normal" folks will just dismiss it with a simple "get a grip" or worse, "pon de tu parte."

The Kid has had two episodes of major depression brought on by two specific events 12 years apart. And CCcc sounds like he knows exactly how it feels. The Kid is not ashamed. And, again, I'm surprised some folks here are not like the majority out there who think it's something minor and "just in your head." Which it is, but you know what I mean.

I'm very sorry this gentleman Miguel ended his life.

-The Kid