A question for the DR1 members of foreign origin, married to a Dominican and living in the DR. Do you have problems with ?family? asking for money and how do you cope with it.
Greetings
Johan
Greetings
Johan
- Thread starter heldengebroed
- Start date
Family asking for money how reacting?
Let spouse deal with it. (Excellent advice from Cuas)
Once you start, it will never end.
Loans are a one way street, be it family or friends.
I personally will help only the wife?s mother and of course any actual medical emergency of her immediate family. Be careful here, it?s amazing how that can expand also.
Once they know you can be nickel and dimed, it will grow into much more.
We simply tell folks, we just don?t have the money.
Again, DON?T do loans.
If you ever do, you must specified EXACTLY, how, when and how much will be paid back. Forget one little dot or un-crossed "T" and they will exploit it to the end.
My wife?s brother I loaned (gave in exchange for) money and he had me hold his TV saying, if he did not pay me back I could keep the TV.
Over a year later, he wanted the TV back because he heard he could sell it for more than I had given him. His point was I never said how long he had to pay me back to get his TV back. He took drastic action when I refused, him and a friend came to my house and pulled guns on me, demanding the TV back.
Needless to say, I LEARNED the HARD way!
PS: Never loan out anything either, they don't have the money to replace or repair it if it gets broken or stolen. It's YOUR problem, not theirs if that happens.
Harsh, but true facts here!
Don ♥ SantiagoDR
Once you start, it will never end.
Loans are a one way street, be it family or friends.
I personally will help only the wife?s mother and of course any actual medical emergency of her immediate family. Be careful here, it?s amazing how that can expand also.
Once they know you can be nickel and dimed, it will grow into much more.
We simply tell folks, we just don?t have the money.
Again, DON?T do loans.
If you ever do, you must specified EXACTLY, how, when and how much will be paid back. Forget one little dot or un-crossed "T" and they will exploit it to the end.
My wife?s brother I loaned (gave in exchange for) money and he had me hold his TV saying, if he did not pay me back I could keep the TV.
Over a year later, he wanted the TV back because he heard he could sell it for more than I had given him. His point was I never said how long he had to pay me back to get his TV back. He took drastic action when I refused, him and a friend came to my house and pulled guns on me, demanding the TV back.
Needless to say, I LEARNED the HARD way!
PS: Never loan out anything either, they don't have the money to replace or repair it if it gets broken or stolen. It's YOUR problem, not theirs if that happens.
Harsh, but true facts here!
Don ♥ SantiagoDR
They say that when you marry a Dominican, you marry her family.
There's no easy solution.
Either you say no or kiss the money goodbye.
Something else to THINK about....
If you do decide to give out money in a fairly large amount,
make sure you DO NOT do it the same day.
Even if you have many times the amount on you or in the house.
Advise them that you must CASH A CHECK, as you NEVER keep money in the house.
Don ♥ SantiagoDR
If you do decide to give out money in a fairly large amount,
make sure you DO NOT do it the same day.
Even if you have many times the amount on you or in the house.
Advise them that you must CASH A CHECK, as you NEVER keep money in the house.
Don ♥ SantiagoDR
give a small loan, that you know you'll never see again, and then they won't ask for more, because they already owe you... That is for close relative. For most people, don't loan anything... Find dumb excuses, that's what they do them self...
BEFORE you start a relationship with a DR women, tell her that in your home country men are NOT responsible for any family members of their spouse. If your spouse is sick, you will pay for care, if she needs clothes you will buy them for her, etc. But the first time "her mother is sick and needs medicine" she will be back living with her mother with no money.
This worked for me. It took a few years to find one to play by my rules, but when I did I hit a home run.
This worked for me. It took a few years to find one to play by my rules, but when I did I hit a home run.
Buen consejo.......
Let her tell them that you are not a "cash cow".
Let them get mad at her because since they are family, eventually, they will forgive her.
If you do it, they will never forgive you. See, A LOT of Dominicans, even when asking for a "loan", when you say no to them, all of a sudden become VERY proud and not only would get mad at you for saying "no", but would also tell their whole family how YOU damaged their "pride" by saying "no" to them!!. The nerves!!.
But if you are one of those guys that cares what people think of you and don't want to be "blacklisted" by her family, then go ahead and "give" them the money, BUTTTTTTTTTTT with the stipulation that if they don't pay you back, that you will never lend them money again.
It's pretty simple, watch:
Family member: "Gringo, lend me some money",
Gringo: "When will you pay me back?",
FM: "In one month",
Gringo: "I can only lend you half, you have to get the other half somewhere else".
FM: "Cono, come on, you have the money",
Gringo: "So what, I have responsibilities, take it or leave it",
FM: "Ok",
Gringo: "But before I give it to you, you have to sign this piece of paper where it says when you will pay me back and that if you don't pay it back, I will NEVER give you another cent and you will not be welcomed in my house ever again".
FM: "Que, pero tu ta loco, you don't trust me?",
Gringo: "I only trust my parents, that's it, take it or leave it!!!".
If he doesn't pay you, you got rid of a pest.
If he pays you back, YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY MAN!!.
But as I said before, you should let your wife take care of it. There's no sin in her telling them: "DO NOT ASK MY HUSBAND FOR MONEY, EVEEEEEER!!!!.
May God have mercy on your soul, lol.
This is the best advice.
Let her tell them that you are not a "cash cow".
Let them get mad at her because since they are family, eventually, they will forgive her.
If you do it, they will never forgive you. See, A LOT of Dominicans, even when asking for a "loan", when you say no to them, all of a sudden become VERY proud and not only would get mad at you for saying "no", but would also tell their whole family how YOU damaged their "pride" by saying "no" to them!!. The nerves!!.
But if you are one of those guys that cares what people think of you and don't want to be "blacklisted" by her family, then go ahead and "give" them the money, BUTTTTTTTTTTT with the stipulation that if they don't pay you back, that you will never lend them money again.
It's pretty simple, watch:
Family member: "Gringo, lend me some money",
Gringo: "When will you pay me back?",
FM: "In one month",
Gringo: "I can only lend you half, you have to get the other half somewhere else".
FM: "Cono, come on, you have the money",
Gringo: "So what, I have responsibilities, take it or leave it",
FM: "Ok",
Gringo: "But before I give it to you, you have to sign this piece of paper where it says when you will pay me back and that if you don't pay it back, I will NEVER give you another cent and you will not be welcomed in my house ever again".
FM: "Que, pero tu ta loco, you don't trust me?",
Gringo: "I only trust my parents, that's it, take it or leave it!!!".
If he doesn't pay you, you got rid of a pest.
If he pays you back, YOU ARE A VERY LUCKY MAN!!.
But as I said before, you should let your wife take care of it. There's no sin in her telling them: "DO NOT ASK MY HUSBAND FOR MONEY, EVEEEEEER!!!!.
May God have mercy on your soul, lol.
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When I say, do not marry a poor girl from a barrio, all of you folks point fingers at me with disgust. Now the same people who go against my opinions are complaining of the same people they are marrying into.
Like Hillbilly said, marry a girl from a well-to-do family and you will not be asked for any financial help. My girls have never asked me for money. My current girlfriend studies in PUCMM university and her dad covers all her costs and expenses.
98% of expats, tourists in this country only mix with the most poor people of this country and then complain of the same people. I think you folks deserve all the problems you get from your mates.
AZB
Never said that my wifes family is poor. They are "middle class" some of them are doing pretty well, some a bit less. The concerne my wife has is that when we go and live there they will try to clean us out. My awnser is simple: "you can get money from me but you've got to work for it"; otherwise a big fat 0.
I'm not complaining just trying to get info on ways to tackle a possible future event.
Greetings
Johan
I like this statement. I think you have the answer to your own question. Good luck.
AZB
When a Dominican asked me for money I said that there is 20% Western Union fee to send it so that means that she would have to send me back more than she actually borrowed. That ended it. Tell them that you will have to borrow money from the credit card and will charge 15% every month. So they will actually owe you more. In general I never heard of Dominicans wealthy or poor giving money to anyone. They do try to charge you for every single thing they do for you, but - giving money to someone???? This is not real
Well, my wife, when she wanted to build her school in Jarabacoa in 1990 was lent by a woman whose children she tutored, enough money to build the first level. At the time her income was minimal. Because she paid the woman back with interest(far less than the bank) the lady offered to lend her more if she needed more. Yris has through the years lent money to many of her teachers to allow them to own houses...etc. She takes it directly out of their salaries, otherwise she probably wouldn't get it back. The only people that she has been ripped off by are her immediate family(cousins) Her own brother and mother are very honest. Every summer when she returns the lineup begins, even though she has turned someone down many times, they will continue to ask.
ABZ is correct, but many poor people that my wife and know, are willing to work hard to pay money back, or trade work for money...etc. Sometimes a helping hand can be paid back in spades. My wife lend her maid some money to install a proper bathroom in her house. Her husband painted the school in return, and even though that was several years ago, he brings fresh fruit by everytime we visit, as a gift. These are people from the Campo near Jarabacoa, and, in my opinion, very hard working and honest people. I think that the difference in almost all these families, both parents are together and are serious about raising their children.
ABZ is correct, but many poor people that my wife and know, are willing to work hard to pay money back, or trade work for money...etc. Sometimes a helping hand can be paid back in spades. My wife lend her maid some money to install a proper bathroom in her house. Her husband painted the school in return, and even though that was several years ago, he brings fresh fruit by everytime we visit, as a gift. These are people from the Campo near Jarabacoa, and, in my opinion, very hard working and honest people. I think that the difference in almost all these families, both parents are together and are serious about raising their children.
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:cheeky::cheeky::cheeky:
we have never been asked for money. the most we have ever done is to pay when having a meal with minovio's sister and that is after she had to fork out extra 5.000 pesos off her daddy for a telephone bill.
as AZB says - if you marry trash you live with trash.
get a good woman/man and their family will never ask you for anything....
Question: might it be that we, people who come from the US, are perceived differently? Somehow in all countries I have been to Americans are perceived as "rich" and so they are supposed to pay for everything because it is "nothing" to us. I met a couple of Dominicans who behaved like gentlemen and did not try to charge me for the ride they actually offered me - but for the most part - there is nothing you can get for "free" anywhere in the DR. First they actually offer you something and then you end up paying for it. I am actually scared to agree to anything there, even help me with baggage because of how aggressive they are at asking for tips.
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I don't know ... I never wear anything expensive or stand out of the crowd in any way. But, men, as soon as they see those dollars in your hands, some of them are just ready to rip you off in one way or another and you end up paying ten times as much for everything :ermm:
Of course we are perceived differently. In different degrees, of course - but still, differently.And to a degree, rightfully so.
For many Americans, a trip to another country for a vacation is doable. Maybe we save all year for it, maybe we don't - but for many Americans, it is possible.
Not many folks from the campo, or many Dominicans in general, can imagine vacationing in a foreign country. It's simply our of reach.
I learned long ago that they also have no clue what it costs to live in the US. If they only see us spending what for them is an enormous sum, for a vacation, they think it grows on trees here. It's a matter of perception. I once told the cousin of a girlfriend that my house cost me almost US$2,000 per month. The poor guy nearly fainted.
For many Americans, a trip to another country for a vacation is doable. Maybe we save all year for it, maybe we don't - but for many Americans, it is possible.
Not many folks from the campo, or many Dominicans in general, can imagine vacationing in a foreign country. It's simply our of reach.
I learned long ago that they also have no clue what it costs to live in the US. If they only see us spending what for them is an enormous sum, for a vacation, they think it grows on trees here. It's a matter of perception. I once told the cousin of a girlfriend that my house cost me almost US$2,000 per month. The poor guy nearly fainted.