Starting families early or later?

Talldrink · Aug 22, 2007

In general, Latin-Americans believe in starting a family early. In Dominican Republic it is very common for a young girl to move in the her boyfriend?s family if she becomes pregnant ? even if she moves out soon after having the baby as if nothing happened. In this case, they can always say that she ?married? and it didn?t work out. We are of the thought that kids should be had early, regardless of the circumstances.

I have worked in Corporate America for about 10 years now. The American thought is that career comes before kids, so many of my co-workers are just getting around to having their kids. One of my co-workers is just now trying at 40. By the time I turn 40, my son will be 20 and my daughter 15!! I LOVE THAT!

So here is the big difference: I am divorced but my family says to me: ?At least you have your kids? meaning, my marriage is a wrap, but the most important part is that I have my kids. I guess is because is a lot more common to see us being single than with a good spouse. When I tell anybody at work that I am now divorced, they look at me with sad faces and say that they are sorry for my situation (but that?s also around the time when I smile REALLY big and ask them if I look unhappy!).

This is where my question comes in: (I can only speak for Dominicans now) WE feel that it is very important to have our kids early but apparently, Americans feel that having them later on in life is better.

I believe is in how we look at things and how we handle situations. I know that not many 20 year olds will rise to the occasion and still make life happen.

At any rate, I couldn?t imagine living my life at my age, dating and coming home to an empty house. I also couldn?t imagine looking for someone to have kids with at this point in time and with the mess that they call the dating scene out there. What about these clocks that women are logging around ticking really hard? I would be a crazy mess!

Maybe that?s when a animation guy becomes really attractive and all sense goes out the window?

Any thoughts?

Chip · Aug 22, 2007

I think it is a sad statement on what is happening in the Western countries - couple put off having kids until later on in life if not all together. Even when they do have kids sometimes it's almost as an afterthought, re so many parents who have no idea what their kids are into.

Having kids early and a "family centrist" society is "old school" for sure and used to be prevalent in the more "advanced" Western societies as is currently still the case in the Latina American countries(fortunately). People in the West have interchanged "career" for "kids" basically.

To each his own I suppose, and even though I had my kids late I am happy to have them and wiah we could 12 but I'll be content with my three girls for now but maybe one day I'll adopt. I wanted to have kids early but my first fiancee dumped me because we couldn't agree when to get married and have kids. She is 36 now and I understand she still isn't married or doesn't have kids - I feel sorry for her because my daughters are the light of my life and can't imagine not having them around.

Bronxboy · Aug 22, 2007

I also had my two boys at age 25.

Now that I am 40 I truly am happy that I had my kids when I did. My sons are 16 and 10 and are the light of my life as well.

Chip:

One thing that I want more than anything is to have a daughter like you but, at my wife's age (42), I do not think it is possible. I am thinking about adopting as well.

Alyonka · Aug 22, 2007

I noticed in developing countries where medical care is not as good women tend to want to give birth when they are younger - because it is supposed to be easier. Some of my friends from back home were married and started families as early as 17. I think if women take care of themselves and keep themselves in shape - it is OK to start after 35. I had my son when I was 24, my now ex-husband did not want more children unfortunately.

Tony Cabrera · Aug 22, 2007

Chip said:
I think it is a sad statement on what is happening in the Western countries - couple put off having kids until later on in life if not all together. Even when they do have kids sometimes it's almost as an afterthought, re so many parents who have no idea what their kids are into.

Having kids early and a "family centrist" society is "old school" for sure and used to be prevalent in the more "advanced" Western societies as is currently still the case in the Latina American countries(fortunately). People in the West have interchanged "career" for "kids" basically.

To each his own I suppose, and even though I had my kids late I am happy to have them and wiah we could 12 but I'll be content with my three girls for now but maybe one day I'll adopt. I wanted to have kids early but my first fiancee dumped me because we couldn't agree when to get married and have kids. She is 36 now and I understand she still isn't married or doesn't have kids - I feel sorry for her because my daughters are the light of my life and can't imagine not having them around.

Hello, chip, i totally agree with you, i guess is time to look for chip's Jr. :bandit:

Chirimoya · Aug 22, 2007

I settled down late, mainly because it was drummed in to me by my parents from an early age that I had to complete my education and get a career first, and not repeat my mother's mistake of having kids 'too young' (in her early 20s) and never going to university.

I can see the advantages in both options. My friends who had kids young are like Talldrink, who will still be quite young when they are off her hands*. That aspect was never pointed out to me - the girls who left their studies in their late teens/early 20s were considered to have messed up, according to my parents and peers.

Of course, I was able to enjoy my freedom to work, socialise and travel unencumbered until the age of 35.

I think that whatever you end up doing, including the very valid third option of not having kids at all, whether due to design or fate, will have its pros and cons. I would probably advise people to complete their education first, but perhaps not to leave having kids as late as I did (if they want kids, that is).

*The sad exception being one friend who had her son at 25, and was looking forward to travelling the world when he turned 18 and went to university, but ended up having another baby when he was 15, so she's now got to wait until she's in her mid-fifties.

AZB · Aug 22, 2007

bronxboyatheart said:
One thing that I want more than anything is to have a daughter like you but, at my wife's age (42), I do not think it is possible. I am thinking about adopting as well.

Why adopt? You can have a little family here in DR. Your wife doesn't have to know about them and when your wife dumps you and takes away your house and the car, you can come to your new young wife here and start a whole new life all over again.
hehehehe, just a thought. Don't get mad at me.
AZB

Chirimoya · Aug 22, 2007

Just to add that having kids, and then going to university and getting a career are not incompatible, it's just much more complicated.

AZB · Aug 22, 2007

I have no kids and I am totally happy. But but, what will happen when I am old and ill? Yikexxxxx, I never thought of that. maybe I did but didn't care because i am having so much fun.
But but, I will get old and useless soon. I am 44 yrs old. You think its too late to have kids? You think I will have the the patience to raise a crying baby? What if my kid turns out to be a baggy pants wearing chopo? Oh nooooooo.
AZB

Bronxboy · Aug 22, 2007

AZB said:
Why adopt? You can have a little family here in DR. Your wife doesn't have to know about them and when your wife dumps you and takes away your house and the car, you can come to your new young wife here and start a whole new life all over again.
hehehehe, just a thought. Don't get mad at me.
AZB

Your are very funny. Start a sankie relationship, I do not think so.

Not mad though. I am beginning to understand your style.

Cheers and all that good stuff.

AZB · Aug 22, 2007

bronxboyatheart said:
Your are very funny. Start a sankie relationship, I do not think so.

Not mad though. I am beginning to understand your style.

Cheers and all that good stuff.

hey, turn on your private message option. I want to send you private message. I just want to say, you are cool in my books. I was pulling your leg before, even insulted you in the other thread but you didn't lose your cool. So you are alright in my books.
Now speaking of having a little baby girl, I think I can help you find the right person the have it with. Hahahaha.
AZB

Talldrink · Aug 22, 2007

My ex boss and I were pregnant at the same time. I was 20, she was 42. She had the time to travel, party and get her career straight. I get to do the same but in a more limited basis.

The thing is that we all have different happiness. My happiness is composed of many things, but mostly is my kids. The thing is that at the end of the day, as human beings we all yearn for a family - with some as exceptions of course.

I have met more women that regret not having kids earlier in life than not.

Is this more common in your views?

Alyonka · Aug 22, 2007

I always wanted to have a child, at least one. So I did it while getting a CS master's degree and having a full time job - was not easy but I loved every second of it and really enjoy being a parent

I think everything is possible if you really want it...

Bronxboy · Aug 22, 2007

AZB said:
hey, turn on your private message option. I want to send you private message. I just want to say, you are cool in my books. I was pulling your leg before, even insulted you in the other thread but you didn't lose your cool. So you are alright in my books.
Now speaking of having a little baby girl, I think I can help you find the right person the have it with. Hahahaha.
AZB

Same here. Messaging turned on.

Chirimoya · Aug 22, 2007

AZB said:
What if my kid turns out to be a baggy pants wearing chopo? Oh nooooooo.
AZB

Call it karma, poetic justice, or whatever.

Tony Cabrera · Aug 22, 2007

AZB said:
I have no kids and I am totally happy. But but, what will happen when I am old and ill? Yikexxxxx, I never thought of that. maybe I did but didn't care because i am having so much fun.
But but, I will get old and useless soon. I am 44 yrs old. You think its too late to have kids? You think I will have the the patience to raise a crying baby? What if my kid turns out to be a baggy pants wearing chopo? Oh nooooooo.
AZB

AZB, you still have time, 44-have -kid-now-he will be 20 and you will be 64.

take away 10 year (for being in DR, there nobody get old) and you will 54, don't need viegra, only mamajuana:bandit:

suarezn · Aug 22, 2007

I had my kids when I was young (20 and 24). They are now at a cool age where I'm still young and they are teenagers. They can now go with me to the bar (In The DR) and we can both pick up girls...LOL

Anyhow, having them that young was tough for a while and I can see how a lot of people who have kids young end up divorced as you're having to give up a lot of stuff if you are the responsible type. My personal opinion is you should have them real young or wait until you're really ready (35+ for women, 40+ for guys), but not somewhere in between.

linamia · Aug 22, 2007

Would I want to have children in my forties? My answer is no way Jose! My kids are 20 17 and 14 I am almost done I can taste freedom. One of my biggest joys is walking alongside my daughters and knowing that in 3 years, (You are dam right I am counting)! I will have three adult children Hooray!!

Having children at an early age has its advantages, I definitely had more energy, I can also relate to what they are going thru (in their teen years). I went to school while the kids where young and held a full time job so you can definitely do it, you just have to give up a bit of the drinking and partying that goes on in school hee hee.

One thing that I wanted to be sure of was not to spend my youth and my middle age having children. So I made sure I had all in my 20’s one of the best decision I have made thus far. On another note I stress the value of education to my girls all the time and the importance of waiting to have a family. I hope they listen and enjoy their youth and freedom whatever their decide to do it will affect they life forever.

Talldrink · Aug 22, 2007

Lina, you are back and alive!!!

BTW guys, Lina does NOT look like she has children that OLD!!

Squat · Aug 22, 2007

Having kids early seems to be the wisest choice indeed.

But you guys have to keep in mind it was a matter of survival in the old days, as one was never sure how many of the kids would survive, and not die at a young age. More kids were more people to take care of you when old. More hands at the farm... And so on...

In Europe or the US, those facts seem so far away, we live at the age of permanent youth, permanent consumerism, happiness thru partying & shopping... Hence not having kids, or having them late, because it is so much more important to have that darn degree and to make more money than our neighbors...

I see many European or American ladies in their late 40's without any kids... Too late...

-Was it all worth it ? The studies, the career, the money & all those endless parties...

Starting families early or later?

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