Changing My Life---help!

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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I am moving permanently to DR next Aug (2008) with my 3 children to San Jose de las Matas. The majority of my friends here in the US are Dominican and my best friend returned there last May after trying to bring her husband here to the US legally for 4 years. When I went to visit her last Aug, I fell in love (w/ the country!). I have been there 3 times since then and each time that I return I feel worse about living here. I welcome any advice on anything, seeing as I have children. My situation is a little different because I am moving to a "pueblo" rather than anywhere near the beach. My main concern is the schooling. I want my children to be able to speak, read, and write in both languages. Should I send them to a school that teaches in spanish or in english? I need to buy a car and I will need a job (either in Sajoma or Santiago). I am a registered nurse here in the states but I definitely do not want to work as a nurse in DR d/t the pay and the stigma and the treatment. My house is already in the making, our residency applications are already sent, but I am still really nervous even though I am getting alot of help and advice from my friend and her family. I am not sure about anything except for the fact that if I stay in the US for one more year I will probably fall apart. ANY ADVICE ON ANYTHING WILL BE HELPFUL.
 

suarezn

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Feb 3, 2002
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Sorry to say this, but it sounds like you're being somewhat selfish right now. It sounds to me like you haven't really thought this out and you're going to take your kids down there without any plan as to what you'll be doing for work or what school they will be going to, etc. When you have kids you have to put your life on hold for their sake.

I myself have two kids. My current job allows me to live and work pretty much anywhere I want including The DR. I would love to move down there, yet I've been putting it off for years because I want my kids to get a good education, don't want to take them away from their friends, etc. I hate the cold weather up here in Michigan, but I'm putting up with it until my kids go to college and then I'll move.

What is pulling you to Sajoma? Let me guess...you met a guy or the last three times you were there you had the best time of your life. You should know that it is one thing to go on vacation and another to actually live there, specially if you don't have the funds to live a comfortable life.
 

Janin

On Vacation....
Jul 31, 2007
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Move to Doom

I am moving permanently to DR next Aug (2008) with my 3 children to San Jose de las Matas.
You mean as a single mother with three children?
May the Caribbean gods have mercy on you. :tired:

Janin
 

Alyonka

Silver
Jun 3, 2006
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I am not sure about anything except for the fact that if I stay in the US for one more year I will probably fall apart. ANY ADVICE ON ANYTHING WILL BE HELPFUL.

The fact that you don't like it where you are does not mean that you have to move just about anywhere. I can pretty much imagine how you feel because I have been feeling this way for the past 11 years since I moved to the US from Europe. I visited many places including the DR to see where I can feel more comfortable and realized it does not matter where you live but what mostly matters is how. DR is a wonderful place for a vacation but to bring your family there - why???? You probably would not want to expose your children to a lot of things that are taking place in this country which is still developing. It might not be good for them at all. Good luck!
 

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
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Do not do this now.

Please consider this:
Nurses are a very hot commodity in the US and Canada at the present time. In either of these two places you can find good, serious employment with good pay, and in a good educational environment for your children.

I cannot believe you would take your children out of a US school system (unless it was in the Bronx or Brooklyn or East Los Angeles or some similar ghetto) and put them in the idiocy that passes for Dominican public education.

There are too many negatives here.

Think.

HB
 

canbon

New member
Apr 28, 2006
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Your children

Just wondering the ages of your children. I think that there are many of us who have fallen in love with the DR-I mean, who wouldn't--we are there for a week or 2 at a time, it is freedom from our children, from housework, from life in general.....the beaches are beautiful, the sun is shining, people are happy (when you don't have to live with them).

Being a mother myself I cannot imagine moving my children there.......I have been to the richest and poorest parts of various towns and cities. I don't like to give advice but you really don't seem to have given a lot of thought to the lives your children will have when they get there---your decision seems final though -- so I'm not sure that anyone can give you any advice at this point.

I have thought many times how wonderful it would be to move there....put my children in the mix though.....no way.....there are too many unknowns to consider and it would not be fair to them. What would be fair to them would be for their mother to go and live in the DR by herself for a few months (or more) to see what life is really and truly about there. If you still feel strongly about it after living there a few months.....then plan it all out...find out where the best neighbourhoods are, the best schools are.

I wish you luck.
 

miguel

I didn't last long...
Jul 2, 2003
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Te entiendo.....

Sorry to say this, but it sounds like you're being somewhat selfish right now. It sounds to me like you haven't really thought this out and you're going to take your kids down there without any plan as to what you'll be doing for work or what school they will be going to, etc. When you have kids you have to put your life on hold for their sake.

What is pulling you to Sajoma? Let me guess...you met a guy or the last three times you were there you had the best time of your life. You should know that it is one thing to go on vacation and another to actually live there, specially if you don't have the funds to live a comfortable life.
We are thinking alike, yet again.

And of all places, to move to San Jose De Las Matas!!!!.

Don't get me wrong, one of my best friends is from there but unless it has changed from the last time I was there, I wouldn't move from the US to SJDLM even if there were 1,000 girls form there to be "sacrificed"!.

Don't get me wrong, MOST people from SJDLM are nice.....But what is there besides taking 5,000 steps "back"?.

 

amparocorp

Bronze
Aug 11, 2002
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you will not know what it feels like to fly until you jump off the bridge. you are on a very high bridge. you will not be happy till you jump. leave the majority of your money, (if you have any), up north. do not bring any expensive jewelry and be prepared to have things stolen, do not bring grandma's diamond ring. your kid's gameboy will be stolen. be prepared to not work. you are an RN, do a lot of overtime now, put money aside for when you don't work in the DR. if you speak spanish, and since you are already an RN up north, you are not far from being a doctor in the DR. go to school in santiago. do not send all your furniture, buy just enough to get by, 1 small TV, 1 small fridge, plan on it not working out, for most it doesn't, don't bet the whole farm. as long as the kids are not in physical danger they will definetly have an experience that will enrich their lives. don't trust the dominican guy............
 
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naturelover

Guest
im presuming you already speak spanish since your freinds are Dominican so thats one plus.....we probably need to know the childrens ages to give better information. Personally i would wait till children have been through school.....my parents wouldnt even move house while i was at school never mind country
 

SKing

Silver
Nov 22, 2007
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Thanks to evryone for the advice.Though some of it harsh, I asked for advice and that is what I got. My children are 13, 7, and 4. My 13 year old has no desire to move and will live with my mom, as she has been wanting to do for over a year now. That would probably be best because she speaks very little spanish. My other 2 children speak and understand spanish well as do I. I **AM** thinking of my children. I live in a subdivision where I only know the name of one of my neighbors, my children go outside knocking from door to door on a daily basis to find out if any other children can play. They were surrounded by children in Sajoma and it was devastating to them to return here and return to what they thought they had gotten used to...playing with only each other for the majority of time. I have met plenty of guys but have not spent more that 2 hours with any particular one and I take offense to that thought that I woul change my childrens lives for a man... a dominican one at that. As I have explained before, all of my closest friends are either dominican or puerto-rican. As far as my choice of living area, Sajoma is a wonderful town with wonderful people. I have been to Santiago about 4 times and hated each time I was there and practically begged after half a day to be immediately returned to Sajoma. When I am there, I stay with my best friend and her husband. The lights go out at some pt every day, sometimes the water will go out for a few hours. Even with that, I am still happier there than I have ever been here even when my best friend was here. As far as money is concerned, I have saved approx. $25,000 in 4 months and I plan to continue saving and for all of you who seem to KNOW Sajoma, it is very cheap to live there. I will be returning to my current job every 2 months and working for a week straight while my best friend stays with my kids... in that week I will make approx. $4,000. To live off of $4,000 for 2 months in Sajoma is a dream until I find part-time employment. As far as school is concerned, being a Registered Nurse I have enough sense to know not to place my children in a public dominican school. I do not want to sound mean, but the fact that someone said that I an being selfish after I support my children alone without help from their father, his family, or MY family or that I am moving my children for some man ****es me off. I am taking all of the advice seriously and I hope that you all will continue to write your true advice as I need to hear it, whether it is pleasant or not. Thank you.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Also, my friend's husband is an architect and is building my house with all of the "comforts" of a US home... including a full generator.
 
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naturelover

Guest
it will cost a bit to run a home with all US comforts if you dont have a job....air conditioning can be very expensive if its on all the time
 

nsdr

Bronze
Feb 1, 2007
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move to DR?

A beautiful house will bring you pleasure for a short time but think of the impact on your children. Are you moving for a nice house? I have grown children and agree with the other posters - this is a bad idea.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Sorry guys, I had written a response and now it is missing... I will try to find it or I will write it again
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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I get the picture

I had written a reply this AM but it is not on the screen so I will write it again and address all of the issues and questions.
1.) My children are 13, 7, and 4. My 13 y.o has no desire to come and will live with my mom and her husband which she thinks it the best thing ever, even though I don't. I would like her to be with me but I did take psychology in college and I know that moving a child at her age would be worse. My 7y.o and my 4y.o. would love to move, I have asked them without actually "asking" them. I live in a wonderful "looking" subdivision where I know the name of only one of my neighbors. My children go outside on a daily basis knocking on doors asking if any of the children can play, usually to no avail. I hate this for them. Their faces when they return from outside is reason enough to move.
2.) Thanks for assuming that I have no money. I am a Registered Nurse for goodness sake. I have enough money saved to live comfortably in Sajoma for 7-8 mos. if I did not work AT ALL. And actually, I will be returning to my current job every 2 mos and working a week. Doing this I will earn Approx. $4,000 which in Sajoma, is enough to live off of comfortably for approximately 3-4 mos. but I will be doing this every 2 mos. Also, each summer my kids will return to the US to visit their father for a month at which point I will return also to work and work EVERYDAY for a full month to pad my bank account for unexpected expenses.
3.) I also have enough sense to know not to send my children to a public dominican school, when the dominicans that I know (EDUCATED DOMINICANS) don't even send their children to the public schools. My questions WAS should I choose a school that taught in english or spanish and my children speak spanish, I would say, on an intermediate level.
4.) I have met lots of men, of course, there. But I have not spent more than 2 hours with any particular one and I have NO love interest at this time. As I said before, all of my closest friends are dominicans, male and female. And I have been taught well by my male friends, dominican men are professionals at what they do... this goes back to the point that I am not stupid. Also, as a single mom, I take offense to the mere thought that I would move my children to another country for a man.
5.) Sajoma is a wonderful "pueblo" with wonderful people and although it is not "Santo Domingo" "Santiago" or the like, it in itself is worthy of respect. I have been to Santiago on several occasions, and after apprx. half a day I begged to be returned to Sajoma immediately. I have worn all of my jewelry in Sajoma as well as my friend has and every other woman I have met there has. Eveyone knows that I am American and I have not been robbed, even when my friend has left her door open and we have gone via "passola" to the "colmado". I am not saying that there are not thieves or bad people there but that is everywhere. I have had my wallet stolen from the breakroom at work for goodness sakes.
Thanks so much for the advice and keep it coming, I need to hear this. But please ask me questions and do not make assumptions. I will gladly answer the question truthfully.
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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1. If your position long term enables you to return every 2 months, work 1 week and earn $4k after tax, then your income will be fine in a small town like San Jose De Las Matas. If you're working summers in the US then thats even better.

2. Your kids will have plenty of friends to play with. But the friends they are interacting with won't be very well educated. You're moving to a very small town. Don't expect them to have lots of mental stimulation from their friends.

3. Its fairly unlikely you'll meet a guy you like longterm down there. Dominican guys and American women aren't a very good combination, due to the machismo.

Good luck!
 

canbon

New member
Apr 28, 2006
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feel sad for you

.....I believe that when a person decides to have children, many factors are involved...it is life-changing and is both a gift and a commitment. My children are the same ages as yours give or take a year for each.......WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? You owe it to them to be there......to be the stable person in their lives....to give them all opportunities available to them.....I do not believe those opportunities are in the DR.

I wonder why you are leaving your 13 year old...what could possible make a mom leave her child when it is not necessary...I am not being mean or judgmental but it seems to me that maybe you need to find happiness without jeopardizing your children, talk to someone, put your children first and foremost because this will affect them. Find happiness and contentment in a place that is not only good for you, but the best choice for your children as well.

Talk to people that have moved there with young children, talk to people that have left children behind. Have your children even been to the DR before?

You mentioned before that you were reaching a breaking point, seems like you are not really stable and maybe shouldn't be making life-changing decisions at this time.

Sorry if I sound harsh.....believe me I do not mean to.....it breaks my heart to think of what you are doing to your children when maybe some more thought, some more planning, and some serious conversations with people who have been in the same situation take place. It's not like your entire family is moving...you are a single mom taking only 2 of your children with you... I feel sadness for you and for your children. I hope it all works out.
 
Feb 15, 2005
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I rarely reply to forums other than travel but I read this one and it was intriguing. What I would say SKing is that life is very very short as you well know. If your kids love it there and you plan it very very carefully then go for it. Your Dominican friends husband being an architect should have go circle of friends that value the good life and take good care of their families so why not you. I'm not sure that you can let others hopelessness convince you not to figure life out for yourself. You love DR, have friends in DR with great jobs, your kids love it and you love it.
Spend the extra money and send your children to the best international school possible, be careful like you would if you moved to any urban city in the US. (drugs, rebelliousness etc). Give it a year or so and guage your childrens adjustment and your feelings and if it doesn't workout come back. There mayl come a time that you may wish you had and you didn't. Follow you dreams.
 

Malibook

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Jan 23, 2002
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www.yourtraveltickets.com
I have enough money saved to live comfortably in Sajoma for 7-8 mos. if I did not work AT ALL. And actually, I will be returning to my current job every 2 mos and working a week. Doing this I will earn Approx. $4,000 which in Sajoma, is enough to live off of comfortably for approximately 3-4 mos. but I will be doing this every 2 mos.
I had no idea that nurses in the US made this kind of money.
I am surprised you only have enough saved up for 7-8 months which is only 2 weeks pay for you.
Anyways, good luck.