Overstaying your visa in the U.S.I'm not going back.

pretty simple Johne $$$$$$$$$$$$ here and no opportunities there.

I know several girls that have been living in NY for almost 10 years now and never have returned home because they will never be able to come back.They are not as a group really happy about being here but they are the major source of income for their families in DR,and as such have a sense of responsibility to their families. I am starting to think I am the Fedex guy because I always bring a suit case or 2 for one of them all the time. Unfortunately their families think we have trees here with 100s, 50s 20s growing off them and are never satisfied by these poor girls efforts to help them out.These girls work 6 or 7 nights a week in bars and restaurants in the Bronx and washington hgts and also work part time in salons during the day for very little money,and what little they have left goes to their families in DR. They would all like to return home if it was economicly possible.

If they don't know any better they might think that they will work for two or three years and return home rich so no problem. The thinking is that they will not be in the US forever only still they have a pile of money. The problem is they are there illegally and have to work under the table and two years then turns into 20.

johne said:

Yes--that part is easy to understand. What I am really trying to get to is--a young person leaves their family knowing they might NEVER see them again. Hate to be dramatic but that is pretty intense. In other waves of immigration to the U.S. that first person (like my grandfather) brought over by petition other members of the family (like my father).

This is a whole new deal, with this person having very little hope of a family together again.

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Johne, I know plenty of people who overstay their visas and also have crossed the borders illegaly, and the common theme is that working here they can accomplish more economically, by saving and sending money back home, than if they were working in their native country.

The desperation of moving up the economic ladder is sufficient reason for someone not to see their family again. But even the people who are able to go back to their countries, rarely go back or go back once every few years and stay here permanently.

My dad overstayed his visa in the early 80's and obtained his american citizenship a few years ago. He's been happy here and has accumulated many things and even bought a home in Ecuador. When he retires in two years, he plans to go back home and enjoy his retirement. From his stories living in this country in the early years, he felt lonely and terribly missed my mom and us, his 3 children. Luckily he petitioned us during the amnesty.

I'm grateful he brought us to this country, as everyone was able to reap the benefits of education and work available. Perhaps if he stayed in Ecuador, my father would have been successful as well, as he's been self reliant since he was 11, when he started selling ciggs/gum on the streets of Guayaquil and years later becoming a supervisor at a multinational.

I admire people who come here to work and help their families. Sometimes I wonder why the government wants to pick on illegal immigrants, when a lot of
businesses are dependent on illegal help.

A somewhat non-economic view ..

Johne, I left my home country a long time ago. Somehow, one can never 'go home' again. New experiences, new stories .. and the folks that stay home, do not really identify with all the new experiences. Yes family stay the same, but look at you with different eyes. Friends may think you're a show-off, just because you go back home with different clothes or something different about you. Subtle differences or dramatic differences. In my case, speaking accent changed dramatically .. I had to change my accent so that people in the US could understand me.

So, when one leaves a country and go back to visit, you visit the old country but it is a 'new you' that visits. That could lead to alienation in your home country and it could just be easier to stay in the new country.

Chris said:

A somewhat non-economic view ..

Johne, I left my home country a long time ago. Somehow, one can never 'go home' again. New experiences, new stories .. and the folks that stay home, do not really identify with all the new experiences. Yes family stay the same, but look at you with different eyes. Friends may think you're a show-off, just because you go back home with different clothes or something different about you. Subtle differences or dramatic differences. In my case, speaking accent changed dramatically .. I had to change my accent so that people in the US could understand me.

So, when one leaves a country and go back to visit, you visit the old country but it is a 'new you' that visits. That could lead to alienation in your home country and it could just be easier to stay in the new country.

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I totally subscribe !

I know many Dominicans that come to stay in the US looking for better opportunities. Many stay and work hard and make it .. others can only dwell on the DR and end up going back to DR. Can't hack the working life ..

It's comparing apples to oranges.. you could never compare US with DR .. they both have their pros & cons. (this is my opinion)

I tell you the reason why a lot of people who come to The US on a visitor's visa end up staying is because they want to make money (already mentioned), but also because going back to The DR is not a guarantee that you will get to come back and visit again. So they see it as a one time shot (trust me I know this as I have several family members in this situation). It's an easy decision really. If you stay you have a chance to make more money you would in The DR and eventually get your permanent residence. Even if you get caught and deported and you can never come back to The US they are better off, because if they had left to being with they probably wouldn't get another chance to come back anyway.

We just went through this with my sister who's a doctor and came to The US this year to do an internship at Mayo Clinic. Once the internship was over she struggled for weeks as to whether she should return to her job in The DR (making peanuts for a doctor) or not. In the end she decided to go back because she doesn't want to work some menial job in The US after she's studied for so long...but it was close. It was a real struggle though as she had tons of people advising her to stay and only a few of us telling her to just go back as (I hope) she will bne able to come back eventually.

Sadly, Many Dominicans Value Money Over Family!

I will NEVER understand how a Dominican Woman can leave her children in the DR,and go to a foreign country,never to return!
You can put all the "LIPSTICK" on this problem you want to,but it is still abandoning your kids!
Cris Colon
Please,no "Better Life","Send Money Home" bull$hit"!!
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Criss" It's amazing that after all the time you've spent in The DR you still don;t understand Dominican society. It is not considered leaving your kids, but on the contrary it is considered sacrificing for a better life for their kids. In addition they know their kids are going to be well taken care of by the rest of the family. I think you need to walk a mile in their shoes before you throw in your comments...

I have an acquaintance who came here and petitioned for his wife to meet him here. Now, this guy had a good job in the DR but he was just one of those guys who is always doing stupid things to get over and doesn't care.

Well, in the DR he had people looking for him due to his antics and so he left. His wife though, probably had no idea what sort of life she was going to lead-working as a domestic and living with a guy who abuses her physically, emotionally and never, ever takes her out to the movies, dancing, dinner-I mean NOTHING. And she can't leave him.

But she has told me she does not plan to grow old with him, which was code for "as soon as I get my papers I'm out".

She has told me that she thought life would be easier, but that it has turned into a living hell.

She said she will not go back because it is the dream of so many dominicans to come here that if she went back because she didn't like it she will be considered a fool for the rest of her life. She said she will be seen as a loser who couldn't hack it.

I have heard a realistic depiction of what life in NYC would be like for a dominican with no english skills only once during my whole time travelling to the island. They don't get it and never will, and that puts a lot of pressure on the ones that are here struggling.

badpiece33 said:

I know several girls that have been living in NY for almost 10 years now and never have returned home because they will never be able to come back.They are not as a group really happy about being here but they are the major source of income for their families in DR,and as such have a sense of responsibility to their families. I am starting to think I am the Fedex guy because I always bring a suit case or 2 for one of them all the time. Unfortunately their families think we have trees here with 100s, 50s 20s growing off them and are never satisfied by these poor girls efforts to help them out.These girls work 6 or 7 nights a week in bars and restaurants in the Bronx and washington hgts and also work part time in salons during the day for very little money,and what little they have left goes to their families in DR. They would all like to return home if it was economicly possible.

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I am very familiar with this scenario. There is also another one I would like to add. I know a dominican couple who have lived here for many years and have assimilated very poorly to this country.

The latest escapade was the wife began working this ridiculous job from 8 am to 10 pm to be able to afford their Christmas vacations back home. When she got the money together she left the job to take a good 3-4 week vacation in the DR.

Whenever you talk to the wife everything that comes out of her mouth is "Santo Domingo, Santo Domingo, Santo Domingo". Neither she nor her husband speak any english and they always have the television on some dominican channel(I don't know if there is more than one on cable, but it is always on in their home). Dominican soap operas, dominican newscasts, everything is dominican.

All of their friends? Dominican. All their enemies? Dominican(with the exception of one mexican). Boyfriends for their daughters? DOMINICAN!!!

It's almost as if they aren't living here in NYC. I totally understand being homesick, but I feel this type of yearning for ones' "pais" is seriously detrimental to ones' state of mind.

johne said:

But this is not very different than many other ethnic groups that immigrated to NY or presently are immigrating. Case in point-my office is in an area where there is a major influx of Polish people. They shop Polish, speak Polish and only buy houses where other Poles live. (all within a block or two of Hispanics where they will not buy or rent)
My grandfather and father came here to live in an area where there were only Italians. They lived in a boarding house speaking, eating, living Italian.
The Russian Jews have taken pockets of this city that are almost reserved for them . The Chinese as well.

My point is I don't see any difference.

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The point is that it was a personal anecdote illustrating a point that I thought was in line with your original post.

Also, explain to me any immigrant group that sits around all day dreaming of going back home to the point where they take jobs for the sole purpose of being able to purchase a ticket to go "home" like some dominicans do. And that's even if they CAN go home.

The italians don't do this and neither do the poles.

Berzin,

Your acnedote is something that you shouldn't question, because it's their life and their quite happy yearning for that desire to go back, missing their lives and family. Probably that's something that keeps them motivated from their current hardships - not making enough money in this country or some issue that prevents them from assimilating here.

By reading this forum alone, you could see that most people here travel to DR more frecuently than locals, and yearn to go back and love it down there. Imagine for someone who is a local, has family there and overally life is much more simpler there, compared to NY.

People who assimilate better here are the younger people or who want to get ahead- those who are taught english at school, have better jobs, etc.
Most mexicans in this city normally do the same thing - dream ! But in the end stay longer than required. They feel comfortable with mexican friends, watching football on tv and mexican tv shows, reading mexican news and only eating mexican food. And most will stay that way !

Berzin said:

The point is that it was a personal anecdote illustrating a point that I thought was in line with your original post.

Also, explain to me any immigrant group that sits around all day dreaming of going back home to the point where they take jobs for the sole purpose of being able to purchase a ticket to go "home" like some dominicans do. And that's even if they CAN go home.

The italians don't do this and neither do the poles.

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Who the heck wants to go back to that frozen tundra, with cold rude people called Poland? In contrast everyone wants to go back to The DR, even tourists who were just there can't wait to go back. Berzin: I bet right now YOU can't wait to go back...I know I can't. One more week baby...
The DR just pulls on you.

suarezn said:

Who the heck wants to go back to that frozen tundra, with cold rude people called Poland?

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You are joking, right? :bunny:

Alyonka said:

You are joking, right? :bunny:

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Ah..nope. How many people do you hear say I just got back from Poland and I can't wait to go back. It was the best time of my life...I met this resort guy...etc...

I can't recall the last time I heard that.