Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 22

Thread: Domestic Abuse

  1. #1
    .............. ?
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    4,332
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Domestic Abuse

    While this is not an issue solely about the Dominican Republic, I felt it was necessary to write this.

    Women come to this country and fall in love with dominican men. I don't want to get into whether it is real, or sankied or the reasons, suffice it to say it happens constantly.

    Because of the cultural differences - the abuse can be more prevalent and maybe different in nature. Again I am not really interested in debating this - other then to say - in many cases the woman is considered a possession of the man, that he is in charge and he makes the decisions.

    I have recently seen the results of a couple of abusive situations.

    Really what I want to do is warn these women -please get out. Do not stand for it. You don't deserve it - EVER. Go somewhere else. Go to another city. Go home. Just get out before it escalates.

    When I first came here - I had an incident. Once I got out of that area, I was fortunate to have the assistance of a longtime DR1 poster. He helped me and I will always appreciate it. BUT, I knew to get the hell out. That is the first step. Then go find some help. OR, know where you can go for help ahead of time.

    Like I said, I have seen 2 instances recently - unfortunately both just stick around thinking it will change, he will get better, he won't do it again. Both are intelligent, well educated women. I hate to see this continue!

  2. #2
    Miami Nice!
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
    Posts
    2,071
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Planner...maybe you should start some sort of 'clinic' or 'half-way house' for these women...This sort of thing happens even here in the states, with all that's available to women for help, but some women just don't know who to turn to ...I can imagine it's even worst over there...without knowing the language and customs and all...

    It irks me to no end when I hear about situations like this...I don't think I could EVER stay with a man that abused me...not even verbally...

    But, unfortunately, some women think nothing of it...and if these women are foreigners and don't know any better, they think it's natural for their Latino men to act this way and therefore don't question it...they think they should just take it or the guys would leave...

    Very unfortunate...but you are a pioneer, and maybe this is your calling in life...

    Just a thought...

  3. #3
    Gold
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Posts
    7,668
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I've seen two instances of this in the DR, both gringas and dominican men ... one was a middle aged, attractive and creative woman. The other was a younger woman, beautiful and talented. Both these women were devastated in these relationships, but they stayed too long - because 'I love him so much', and 'He will change'. One went home with her bank account zeroed, her family alienated and her own self-esteem hammered to nothing. The other one lost the regard of her only child, lost her job, lost her property and almost lost her life.

  4. #4
    On Vacation!
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    771
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Exactly for this reason I am always so much surprised seeing WOMEN moving to Dominican Republic from USA where they are totally in charge and in control of everything (sorry for men though...)

  5. #5
    Bronze
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    1,630
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AK74 View Post
    Exactly for this reason I am always so much surprised seeing WOMEN moving to Dominican Republic from USA where they are totally in charge and in control of everything (sorry for men though...)
    Im sorry to say that I have also witnessed this on a few occasions but not only Dominican men towards both gringas and Dominican women, but once a gringo onto a Dominican girl and only the other day another gringo onto a Dominican girl. I disagree with you AK, it is prevalent in the USA.
    Good informative thread Planner.

  6. #6
    Gold
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    9,419
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Just for balance here, over the past two plus years I have been listening to 3 expat women all at one time resident in DR, two still are, who suffered violence at the hands of their expat partners. Five years ago I was advising the expat employer of an expat woman whose expat husband was thumping the living daylights out of her. Some expat couples actually move here with one partner thinking things will 'change'. Sure they will - they'll get worse. The advice is the same regardless of nationality of course. Just didn't want anyone to think there aren't abusive expat relationships here, right under our very noses. But.......where you have a co-dependent relationship nothing will make that woman leave until she herself wants to or is scared enough. Or in a box.

  7. #7
    Moderator
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Posts
    17,246
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Maybe one idea would be to look into the facilities available to women who are being abused, and publish the information here, as well as legal information. These may be inadequate - as in the case of Miriam Brito whose multiple reports of abuse over 20 years were ignored, and she ended up getting her maid to kill her abusive husband - but they do exist.

  8. #8
    Silver
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    2,866
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by planner View Post

    Really what I want to do is warn these women -please get out. Do not stand for it. You don't deserve it - EVER. Go somewhere else. Go to another city. Go home. Just get out before it escalates.
    I could not agree more but have to say that this is not a DR problem - it exists the world over I believe in that nothing is so strong as the love a woman has for a man whatever his level of abuse.... so no woman should condone it but they do time and time again. I just consider myself very lucky that I have never been in that type of situation but know many that have.

    I had not read Lambada's post before typing my thoughts above.
    Last edited by whirleybird; 01-10-2008 at 05:42 PM. Reason: adding last paragraph

  9. #9
    Gold
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    9,419
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    OK - the facilities - I'll start & others can continue. The Fiscal will help. If it is an expat woman who wants to leave the country the Fiscal can be called upon to go in & get her out. Read website of Dirección Nacional de Atención a Víctimas de Violencia - addresses of different offices on here:
    DependenciasVictimas

    Phone numbers & addresses in a number of different towns here:
    ContactoVictimas
    Last edited by Lambada; 01-10-2008 at 05:52 PM.

  10. #10
    .............. ?
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    4,332
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I absolutely agree this is definately not a problem of just this country. But it breakes my heart to see.

    I like the idea of making a list of what help is available, of what the legal situation is etc.....

    Thanks Lambada for getting the info started.

    And again for some balance, I also know of a situation where the gringa is verbally and emotionally abusive to her dominican partner! It does go both ways.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •