What is it with North Americans (and a few others)

Matilda

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Sep 13, 2006
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I often offer to help people with information, renting apts, buyiing houses etc in this area. Usually, but not always via DR1. I don't do this for money, have never been paid, nor have I ever had commission. I do it as I know how hard it can be to move to a new country, and almost none of the people I offer to help speak any Spanish. And I have lots of contacts here so I can make their lives easier - from getting an apt, to installing internet, electricity etc.

In the last few months, I have just been given the run around by almost every North American I have been in touch with. And that is a lot. They ask to meet you, and they don't turn up, leaving you waiting for an hour or so. They say they will call you on a certain day or time, and don't. I look after an apartment for an American lady (who is very nice) and potential renters call and say they are coming - and don't turn up. In the meantime I have cleaned the apt and made it ready for guests. Wasted time. Other people have emailed me and asked for photos and information, which I provide, we then exchange 20 emails and they they come and leave without getting in touch like they said they would. Not everyone is like this, just the majority. Do they think we spend all day sitting on the beach and don't have busy lives just because we live here? I have rescheduled to meet people (who don't turn up), I have made appointments for them to meet with other people (and they don't turn up). The english, french, italians and germans all call when they say, and arrive on time but the North Americans just don't. A few will email to apologise - actually that is not a few it is just one(!!).

So, you North Americans out there, please explain to me if this is a new culture in the States and Canada to set up meetings and just not appear, or is it just how they treat people in this country. At the moment they are making the Dominicans appear like little angels as far as time keeping goes!!

Please I am not bashing North Americans - some of my best friends here are from Canada and the States, I just want to try and understand this mind set of messing people about.

Matilda
 

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
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Unfortunately, it happens here in the US all the time also!!!

People have completely lost all ability to behave like decent humans...they have NO manners whatsoever...and the worst part is they don't think there's a problem with it...

When it happens to affect me, I call them on it...

Sorry it's happened to you Matilda...Keep track of who these people are, and if they contact you again...just say..."Sorry, I am busy"...

Good luck!

MQ
 

Alyonka

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Jun 3, 2006
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Well, if I don't show up for my hair app. without 24 hour advance warning - my credit card gets charged for the amount of work that was supposed to be performed. So, there are ways to deal with this.

Maybe these people just don't consider anything that gets scheduled in the DR seriously - had this kind of experiences with Dominicans????
 

pma22222

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Jun 27, 2006
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I think it is becoming more and more common here in North America. It boils down to basic manners that seem to be fading. Is it an age thing, I'm not sure, but it sure seems different than how I was raised in the 50's and 60's? Who knows but if someone would be willing to do all that for me, I'd make sure I was on time, early and appreciative. Very disappointing to hear of this.
 
Aug 21, 2007
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I don't know you, Matilda, and I don't know those who were so rude to you. I am sorry you have had those experiences. However, I cannot say that I have had similar experiences with North Americans. In fact, I cannot ever remembering being stood up for a scheduled meeting.

Perhaps your experiences are due to the initial excitement of those planning and anticipating a vacation in the DR. Not knowing how their vacations will actually develop, they initially plan something with you that simply doesn't work out.

This still does not excuse bad behavior. I think writing on the internet allows a bit of anonymity that makes it easier for someone to do things that they would never do face to face.

Perhaps asking for a phone contact here and calling prior to confirm appointments would help with the problem.

Good luck.

Lindsey
 

Chris

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Oct 21, 2002
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Its a mindset. If it is free, it is not important. Take a credit card from each of those and let them know that you will charge for time spent. And do so if they don't turn up. Time to be a hardass! ;)
 
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BushBaby

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Jan 1, 2002
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We know that situation only too well Matilda & it is not NEW unfortunately. Perhaps as we don't make a charge people think the act of giving a service to them is unimportant - maybe we should charge & then give the donation to charity or back when people turn up?? I wonder just how many would accept our (considerable) efforts to help them if we asked for US $100 (refundable) deposit?Jings you, I & the gatepost will save them US $500 by just a couple of introductions so the outlay is nothing.

Hmmm, might give that a try this year as I know Integracion Juvenil are in need of some cash donations!! ~ Grahame.
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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You're offering too openly to help people so they don't value it. Tell them to make a donation to some local charity and bring the receipt, and then you'll set up a time to help them out. Otherwise don't help them. Its your fault; you need to be more selective.
 
Aug 21, 2007
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In North America, in general, if a person we don't personally know is overly friendly or helpful, we often become suspicious of that person. What are their motives? Why do they want so badly to help me when I don't even know them? What is the catch?

I am not at all saying that the OP was overly friendly or too helpful by some American standards. What I am saying is that because the cultures are different, a person's actions and behaviors can be misunderstood, in which case, the Americans might have been attempting to disengage.

The way to avoid this is to force a commitment, as suggested. A deposit, a phone confirmation, a penalty for no-shows are all valid means of gaining the attention and respect of your customer. Value your services and the customer (North Americans) will value you.
 

Chip

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Jul 25, 2007
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Santiago
I agree with Adrian, you are overly helpful, and I assure you most Americans will believe you somehow have something to benefit(sales promotion), and so cancelling out on you is not as big of a deal as if they understood that it was just a favor.

I for one would always call and cancel out of courtesy, even if it was a sales promotion.

You should be more selective and maybe concentrate your valuable energies to something more worthwile.
 

drhopefuljww

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Jan 13, 2008
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The Sad Truth

Living my whole life in North America (US) I can tell you that this is a trend among our society that is gradually becoming worse. Somewhere in the last decade or so, common courtesy became a thing of the past. People here are so wrapped up in the craziness of every day life that they don't care about how their actions might affect other people.

I apologize on the behalf of all those who have not followed through on their words. I myself will be moving to Cabarete soon. I hope I can count on nice people like the OP to give me some guidance in my search for a place to live.

Please don't let the unkindness of others discourage you from being a genuinely good person.

Jason
 

Chris_NJ

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Dec 17, 2003
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I think it might have something to do with meeting people through the internet in general. There is a sense of anonymity and people seem to forget there are real people on the other end. I noticed this repeatedly when selling/renting things on Craig's List. People swore they would meet you at a certain time to look at car/apartment/etc so you change your schedule to meet them and of course 75% of the time they would just not show up.
 

whirleybird

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Feb 27, 2006
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I feel it is sad, due to the ways of the world these days, that many people are unable to accept that someone genuinely wants to offer help and assistance, without charge, to a fellow human being. Perhaps everyone has become so sceptical and believes "if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is!!" even when the intent is just to be helpful and friendly. I also think that, we who live here, are often enthusiastic to share what we have learnt and our experiences with others only to be met with visitors or newcomers who are just "gobsmacked" by the fact that we are willing to something for nothing in return and therefore mistrust us. In some ways isn't it good to be able to feel that we no longer live in those societies?
 

RandyE

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Feb 4, 2002
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Not all alike

Sounds as though you're getting a bunch of "dreamers" who sit in an A1 all week thinking what a "great country" it would be to live in. Maybe next time you get a call from one of these clowns pick a spot where ANYONE who has been outside the walls should know the landmark (teleferico, parque centro, malecon). If they need directions to any of these places- don't waste your time.
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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So Whirleybird, do you trust all the dominicans by the beach who want to take you to off to some unknown timeshare presentation or whatever else? No? Why should it be any differrent with foreigners?
 

whirleybird

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Feb 27, 2006
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So Whirleybird, do you trust all the dominicans by the beach who want to take you to off to some unknown timeshare presentation or whatever else? No? Why should it be any differrent with foreigners?

Hmmmmmmm, to be honest not been invited to timeshare presentations in this country by anyone - perhaps I don't look rich enough!!
 

Rocky

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Apr 4, 2002
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Most people cannot believe that there are others out there who freely give of themselves to help their brethren.
As they are sure you are in it for profit, not showing up is just part of the game.
From this, comes the problem.
What is the good kind helpful person supposed to do?
Put up with it or stop offering to help?

It's a tough decision.
You stop helping and you lose a little part of your soul.
You keep on helping, and you get treated like a door mat.
There is no real solution.
At best, one can try to get a more harmonious balance and be a bit more selective and discriminating as to who one offers help to.

The bad guys ruin it for the good guys.
 

DrChrisHE

On Probation!
Jul 23, 2006
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You're offering too openly to help people so they don't value it. Tell them to make a donation to some local charity and bring the receipt, and then you'll set up a time to help them out. Otherwise don't help them. Its your fault; you need to be more selective.

I think this is an excellent suggestion. It avoids the "I'm trying to personally profit off you" while making the point that your time is valuable. Make sure they have your number and that YOU EXPECT a call if there will be any change other than x minutes (I say 5). I'm quite direct about it and with the N. Americans and Europeans this approach works well for me.

It's a sad commentary that you've illuminated, Matilda...but I'm afraid it isn't unique to N. Americans. My experience has been much worse with the Latin Americans (including Dominicans as some of the worst) who say "definitely 3 pm today" and don't show up till the next day or a week later or never. The rule of thumb of: 1 min=5 min in Dominican time, 5 minutes=30 min and 10 min=hour, is a constant source of irritation for many of us who live here. Then there is the constant tendency to Dominicans to "drop in" at all hours of the day or night regardless of whether they've been invited, it's convenient or you've just had surgery. Yes, there are rude N. Americans, but honestly I've seen much ruder behavior from the locals regarding time commitments. Having grown up in NY, I can tell you that I was raised that if you're going to be more than 5 min late--call. After someone goes out of their way to help, write a note of thanks. If you need to see someone, call BEFORE dropping in. NYers seem to value TIME above all else and I do know that there is a significant difference in that attitude when compared to other parts of the US and N. America.

Then there is what one poster pointed out in that perhaps some N. Americans become suspicious of people who eagerly offer assistance. I know that people have asked me WHY I'm helping them...it's just the way I am.

Sorry you're having to deal with this, but I do think some of these suggestions would help prevent the issue in the future.