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  1. #1
    Moderator - Ladies Only & North West
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    Default Dominican Parties

    There is to be a party in my house tomorrow. And no this is not an invite!

    First I knew of it was when a powerful and important Dominican man turned up at my gate yesterday with a group of bodyguards I assume. Black glasses, gun stuck in trouser types. He obviously didn't know who he was as his name was on his jacket.

    He then proceeded to inform me that he had agreed with my husband (who for obvious reasons had forgotten to tell me) than he was having a small party in my garden on Saturday (tomorrow). I asked if he wanted me to do anything and he said just to provide breakfast as the party is from 10-6.

    Ok bacon and eggs I thought, but no he wantes guineo and salami, or mangu if I could do that . Fine. For how many???

    300 people!!!

    He is providing 4 pigs a goat and chicken and all the drink. I assume he will bring the cups, plates etc too

    I worked out I would have to peel 1200 dammed bananas and how the hell do I get them all cooked, so hopefully I think I have persuaded him that ham and cheese sandwiches would do (but not toasted as that would take 5 hours).

    He seemed to get a bit excited about the pool - explained that lots of people would swim (joy, joy), and mentioned something about music too.

    So my questions are:

    1. Do you think 300 will turn up or could it be more - or (please God) less?
    2. What sort of a mess are we looking are afterwards (worst scenario)?
    3. Where can I buy the stuff which shows up if they pee in my pool?
    4. Can you keep pool water if it gets full of beer and other stuff - like put lots of chloro in it?
    5. Do you think they will nick all my fruits and veg in the garden?
    6. Anyone has any valium?

    Desperately worried Matilda

  2. #2
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    If I were you, I would jump into the pool and end my life now, right there and then.
    AZB

  3. #3
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    I agree with AZB, sorry matilda.

    How do the heck does someone say there's a party at your house and please cook mangu for 300 people two days before???????????????????????

    btw: can i ask? what does your husband do for a living?

    btw2: you'll have more than 300 people, sorry again.

  4. #4
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    Oh Matilda, what a predicament!!

    first off, smack your husband!! not hard....just so he is aware of your displeasure..
    next...head off to the store and start shopping!! make a few calls have, volunteer some of your friends to help out! and get those Ham n' cheese ready!

    the pool pee thing- I think it's just a myth, I don't think there really is such thing, if someone pees in your pool!! well!! lets just hope it doesn't happen!! depending on what the pool likes like after the (joy joy) is what you will have to consider!

    maybe some armed guards around the garden!! kidding of course-maybe put tables in front of the garden and snacks, so people cant walk into it!

    Good luck as far as clean up...smack your husband again*lightly* and tell him to "have at er"

  5. #5
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    Maybe avoid breakfast completely by playing loud British choral music and letting Tyson off his lead..........?

    Seriously, feel for you. Good luck! Good training for the ambassador bit .

  6. #6
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    Thanks for useful tips so far!!! Have decided against killing myself just yet AZB, but could be an option. Have paella pan ready to smack over husbands head. Tables and chairs have just been delivered. Took an hour to unload them. Will fill pool with extra chloro and acid which might just frazzle people a little bit so they will get out quickly. Am thinking of doing a rain dance as that might put a damper on things.

    Final plan is to spend day in garden shed with bottle of rum.

    Matilda

    PS Lambada. Do ambassadors' wives have to make the sandwiches at the garden parties? Cucumber with the crusts chopped off I expect. LOL

  7. #7
    John Evans
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    keep them away from the pomegranate- you will never get 300 servings out of it

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matilda View Post
    Thanks for useful tips so far!!! Have decided against killing myself just yet AZB, but could be an option. Have paella pan ready to smack over husbands head. Tables and chairs have just been delivered. Took an hour to unload them. Will fill pool with extra chloro and acid which might just frazzle people a little bit so they will get out quickly. Am thinking of doing a rain dance as that might put a damper on things.

    Final plan is to spend day in garden shed with bottle of rum.

    Matilda

    PS Lambada. Do ambassadors' wives have to make the sandwiches at the garden parties? Cucumber with the crusts chopped off I expect. LOL
    Girl, you are in trouble!!!

    Keep up with that positive attitude and you'll be fine. I mean they can't be expecting Martha Stewart can they

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matilda View Post
    PS Lambada. Do ambassadors' wives have to make the sandwiches at the garden parties? Cucumber with the crusts chopped off I expect. LOL
    I think they 'have someone' to do all that..............

    Seriously now, couple of tablets of potassium permanganate in the pool. It goes a lovely deep purple colour & stains the skin. 'But darling I thought the party faithful would love it.............' Have some concentrated sulphuric acid at the ready. According to Wiki 'A curious reaction is observed when one adds concentrated sulfuric acid to potassium permanganate. Although no reaction may be apparent, the vapor over the mixture will ignite paper impregnated with alcohol. Potassium permanganate and sulfuric acid react to produce some ozone, which has a high oxidising power and rapidly oxidises the alcohol, causing it to combust.'
    Potassium permanganate - Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Have an explosively good party .

    P.S. Don't overdo the potassium permanganate..........I used to be a lifeguard in my youth.

    PP.S Mixing potassium permanganate and formaldehyde forms a mild tear gas.

  10. #10
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    Great Lambada you've cracked it!!! And I'm not allowed to tell them off if they do something I don't like - like nick fruit, pee in pool - or I will end up like Martha Stewart - behind bars!!!

    Matilda

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