Its finally happenned

Freemo

New member
May 26, 2003
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Hi everyone

Well after planning to move back to the DR for years the first phase has happenned. My wife and 2 children have arrived in Santo Domingo where we all plan to live. I will have to follow on later when all my business and financial affairs are sorted here in the UK. This may take up to a year though.

I must tell you that I never thought being parted from them was going to be so painful. I am struggling to keep my head up even though I will be visiting them in October. I ring them every day but its a massive strain not getting upset when talking to them. The kids are in holiday mode at the moment and are fine, they now have a big family and circle of friends that we never had here in England.

We always dreamed of the move back to the DR and were aiming for doing it in 2010. However my daughter Ana has just finished primary school and we felt that rather than let her do 2 years at secondary school, when she would start to cement potentially very close friendships with new classmates, it would be better to make the move now.

Therefor I have to stay here. But I know its only been a few days but nothing could have prepared me for this sense of loss. I have my mum & dad here and my sister and her husband and my work to keep me busy, if I can keep my mind on it. But I must, so I will.

We are doing this for a better quality of life, mainly for our children.
The UK and particularly on the outskirts of London where come from has become a strange place over the last few years. The populaton is flooded with mainly European immigrants looking for a better standard of living. Consequently our small town like many other has undergone a huge rebuilding
process where every spare square yard of land has been used for new houses and apartments. Local places are filled with more foreign people than local people. I am not prejudice in any way, I understand that economic migrants are only looking out for what is best for their families. Thats fine. But the cultural landscape has changed overnight it seems, and the British, who are reserved at the best of times, seem to be retreating into their houses, shtting the doors, and shutting it all out.

The levels of violence among young people in particular has sky-rocketed in England. Every day we are assaulted by a barrage of TV and newspaper images and stories of yet another stabbing, another shooting.

The worst elements of European countries, ex-Russian sate countries and African countries have also flocked here. They know they can easily take advantage of our rediculous immigration control, or I should say lack of it.

Some of these people come from environments so steeped in violence of the most viscious kind that they see no reason not to carry on there criminal ways here when they are faced with a police force more concerned with being politicall correct than dishing out justice.

We know the Dominican Republic is no paraidse free from crime, far from it, but we know that if you commit a crime there and are caught you are in deep $h1t.

We want the latin family values to be the influencing factor in our childrens lives as they grow and develop. We want them to grow up respecting their elders, teachers, figures of authority. Here recently a girl in my daughters class struck her teacher in the face with a fully weighted punch. The teacher had a swollen and bruised face. The child was only spoken to. No other action was taken. The rest of the class were told not to mention the incident as it was 'gossiping' and spreading bad rumours about the school. My daughter only told me because she 'let it slip' and begged me not to mention it to her teacher on 'leaving day'.

Kids who are violent are given more computer time so they can be calmed down, rewarded in other words for being violent. I lost count of the number of times my son came home with bruises and bumps and cuts where he had been hit or kicked by these ruffians. He was told from an early age at school not to fight back, as a result he has had his spirit squashed and has become frustrated and timid. We as his parents tried to encourage him to hit back when he was faced with a persistant attacker but he was loathed to hit back, basically because he is a good child who respects what the teachers say, don't hit back.

The level/standard of schooling here has nose-dived. My children only got a tiny amount of homework and it was rarely marked. When I complained to the teacher and even head-mistress I was told that they were doing fine and it was due to the large number of kids in class and the resultant time per puplil the teacher could allocate. Back in January we came to Santo Domingo and the kids took an entrance test to one of the private schools there, they both did poorly. This was despite both being rated in their UK school as being very intelligent and towards the top of the class academically. We were shocked, when we came home we enrolled them both in extra Match and English classes at the week-end. They have come on greatly thank goodness.

Wow this has turned into a bit of a rant hasn't it.

I'm gonna see if I can upload some pictures of my kids and my wife and I to the members gallery now so everyone can see what I am missing

Cant wait to be out there with them. It's so lonely here without them and I am hurting bad. Thanks for listening.

Regards,
Paul
 

Robert

Stay Frosty!
Jan 2, 1999
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dr1.com
Hi Paul, glad to see your making the move! I was in the UK for 4 weeks in April/March, thiings are changing. Life is no longer scones and clotted cream.

You can say a lot of bad things about the Dominican Republic, but if you have the means, it's a great country to live in.
 

Freemo

New member
May 26, 2003
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Thanks Robert

Hi Paul, glad to see your making the move! I was in the UK for 4 weeks in April/March, thiings are changing. Life is no longer scones and clotted cream.

You can say a lot of bad things about the Dominican Republic, but if you have the means, it's a great country to live in.



Thanks Robert

When I finally get out there I hope to meet some of you guys. I have listened to your advice over the years and it has helped and influenced our decisions along the way. If you are as nice a bunch of people as you sound it will be a privilege. We would never have come under the category of people looking for paradise. My wife is a Dominican and I heave learnt many things about Dominicans from her, good and bad. We know its the last place to live if you are simply looking for an easy life, unless of course you are rich.

We are prepared to live a less extravagant lifestyle than that we are used to here. By that I mean we won't be bying whatever we feel like buying and putting it on the plastic just because we want it. We would like to live a more controlled life, this is essential when you don't have a national health system to take care of you for free, nor an unemployment system which dishes out money and accomodation to those who can't be bothered to work for a living.

The private school system will hopefully make our kids work hard for a change and will prepare them for university rather than the usual expections of kids here, that being 'lets finish school life asap and get partying'.

Mostly we want to benefit from the Dominican family culture and bring our kids up respecting people. Here its so difficult. I don't let them play in the street anymore as the kids they used to play with have turned into apprentice hooligans. As a result my kids have become bored and lonely and do nothing but watch celebrity reality shows and cartoon network and play with their lap-tops and games consoles.

THEY HAVE EVERYTHING, BUT NOTHING.

Here's hoping it all works out the way we would like it to. No-one knows at this point.

Paul
 

goodvin

New member
Jul 23, 2007
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I am realy glad to hear that your family is happy in DR.
Welcome.
Bytheway, if there is an internet access in DR, skype and web camera, you two can make a video conversation, so you would be able to see your family.
 

Chirimoya

Well-known member
Dec 9, 2002
17,850
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All the best with the move, Paul - I'm no longer in SD, but do let me know if there's anything I can help with.
 

Freemo

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May 26, 2003
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Thankyou

I am realy glad to hear that your family is happy in DR.
Welcome.
Bytheway, if there is an internet access in DR, skype and web camera, you two can make a video conversation, so you would be able to see your family.

Thanks Goodvin

My wife is getting the phone/internet arranged right now, when I visit I will take the skype software and phones and some webcams too.

Paul
 

Freemo

New member
May 26, 2003
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Thanks Chiri

All the best with the move, Paul - I'm no longer in SD, but do let me know if there's anything I can help with.

If we hits any snags that my wife can't handle I'll be right on to you for some advice never fear.

Thanks so much for the offer.

Paul
 

SKing

Silver
Nov 22, 2007
3,750
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Thanks Robert

When I finally get out there I hope to meet some of you guys. I have listened to your advice over the years and it has helped and influenced our decisions along the way. If you are as nice a bunch of people as you sound it will be a privilege. We would never have come under the category of people looking for paradise. My wife is a Dominican and I heave learnt many things about Dominicans from her, good and bad. We know its the last place to live if you are simply looking for an easy life, unless of course you are rich.

We are prepared to live a less extravagant lifestyle than that we are used to here. By that I mean we won't be bying whatever we feel like buying and putting it on the plastic just because we want it. We would like to live a more controlled life, this is essential when you don't have a national health system to take care of you for free, nor an unemployment system which dishes out money and accomodation to those who can't be bothered to work for a living.

The private school system will hopefully make our kids work hard for a change and will prepare them for university rather than the usual expections of kids here, that being 'lets finish school life asap and get partying'.

Mostly we want to benefit from the Dominican family culture and bring our kids up respecting people. Here its so difficult. I don't let them play in the street anymore as the kids they used to play with have turned into apprentice hooligans. As a result my kids have become bored and lonely and do nothing but watch celebrity reality shows and cartoon network and play with their lap-tops and games consoles.

THEY HAVE EVERYTHING, BUT NOTHING.

Here's hoping it all works out the way we would like it to. No-one knows at this point.

Paul
Paul,
I understand exactly where you are coming from...when I first started posting on DR1 I was trying to get that sentiment across also of one of the reasons that I wanted to move. That one sentence sums it up perfectly.
Good Luck to you!
SHALENA
 

Freemo

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May 26, 2003
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Thanks Shalena

Thanks Shalena

The blight of modern families these days. The parents are too busy running in the rat-race to spend quality time with their kids, so what do you so, buy them something to make up for not taking them out camping or to the park or the pool or the beach.

The more kids are given, the more they expect and the less they appreciate what they have. Its common sense really, but the problem is that in the busy busy non-stop lives we lead now its so easy to fall into this trap.

Your boss wants you to work a Saturday or Sunday or both, you think, I could do with the extra money, before you know whats happenning its a rare week-end when you're not working.

The kids get ignored, they become demanding, quite right too if you're not giving them any attention, then they get argumentative, disrespectful.

Well my wife has only been in Santo Domingo for a week, and the kids are already helping with the cleaning, tidying, and washing up, every day.

The only time that happenned here in the UK was when they were promised money to do the jobs.

Where are you based? Did you make the move you wanted?

Paul
 

whirleybird

Silver
Feb 27, 2006
3,264
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Paul, its lovely to read your thread and appreciate what you are doing for you and your family especially the sacrifice of letting them move here first when you cannot follow immediately. Have a wonderful time here in DR when you visit in October - just wish you were going to be up North as would truly like to meet you.
 

goodvin

New member
Jul 23, 2007
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I have lived in London during a year in Islington and Hertfordshire. I realy like London people and I they helped me a lot. So if you will need any help, just ask. I live in SD Zona Colonial and have plenty of free time.
 

SKing

Silver
Nov 22, 2007
3,750
183
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Thanks Shalena

The blight of modern families these days. The parents are too busy running in the rat-race to spend quality time with their kids, so what do you so, buy them something to make up for not taking them out camping or to the park or the pool or the beach.

The more kids are given, the more they expect and the less they appreciate what they have. Its common sense really, but the problem is that in the busy busy non-stop lives we lead now its so easy to fall into this trap.

Your boss wants you to work a Saturday or Sunday or both, you think, I could do with the extra money, before you know whats happenning its a rare week-end when you're not working.

The kids get ignored, they become demanding, quite right too if you're not giving them any attention, then they get argumentative, disrespectful.

Well my wife has only been in Santo Domingo for a week, and the kids are already helping with the cleaning, tidying, and washing up, every day.

The only time that happenned here in the UK was when they were promised money to do the jobs.

Where are you based? Did you make the move you wanted?

Paul

Hi again, Paul...
I am moving to Santiago, our big day is Sunday. I wanted to move to a small campo called San Jose de las Matas but due to the school situation, I am going to Santiago (I must admit though, Santiago is growing on me and I haven't even arrived yet).
Please tell your wife that I will PM you with my DR number once I get one when I arrive...you can never have too many friends;)
I am a single mom, but I experienced the same as you guys. For the last 4 years I have worked 60-72 hours a week trying to keep up with the rat race here in the USA. My kids have too much "stuff" with no gratitude, they know that things are changing soon and actually embrace the idea.
I am looking forward to the move, good and bad, and by living in the DR I expect to give my kids something that money can't buy...Appreciation of Family and Life, and a chance at being, well, kids!
SHALENA
 

Freemo

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May 26, 2003
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Thanks Whirleybird

Paul, its lovely to read your thread and appreciate what you are doing for you and your family especially the sacrifice of letting them move here first when you cannot follow immediately. Have a wonderful time here in DR when you visit in October - just wish you were going to be up North as would truly like to meet you.


Thanks for the kind words, everyone is being so kind it is very touching. I will be flying in to Puerto Plata on my way to Santo Domingo when I come no doubt so just meet me from the airport and we'll go for a drink. Only joking. How nice of people you've never met to offer kindness like yourself. I think that many of the posters on DR1 have good hearts probably because they have benefited from the Dominican experience, and have left the hurly burly of the mad outside world behind.

When I move to the DR permanently I certainly hope I can meet some of you guys even up North. I think my pics have been aproved on the DR1 Mugshots section so have a look at my ugly mug and my lovely wife and kids.

My son George is a typical Dominican, at 9 yrs old he loves the girls already.

Paul
 

Freemo

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May 26, 2003
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I will look you up one day I'm sure

I have lived in London during a year in Islington and Hertfordshire. I realy like London people and I they helped me a lot. So if you will need any help, just ask. I live in SD Zona Colonial and have plenty of free time.


When I'm over I'll PM you

Many thanks
Paul
 

Freemo

New member
May 26, 2003
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Hope Sunday goes well

Hi again, Paul...
I am moving to Santiago, our big day is Sunday. I wanted to move to a small campo called San Jose de las Matas but due to the school situation, I am going to Santiago (I must admit though, Santiago is growing on me and I haven't even arrived yet).
Please tell your wife that I will PM you with my DR number once I get one when I arrive...you can never have too many friends;)
I am a single mom, but I experienced the same as you guys. For the last 4 years I have worked 60-72 hours a week trying to keep up with the rat race here in the USA. My kids have too much "stuff" with no gratitude, they know that things are changing soon and actually embrace the idea.
I am looking forward to the move, good and bad, and by living in the DR I expect to give my kids something that money can't buy...Appreciation of Family and Life, and a chance at being, well, kids!
SHALENA

Hi again Shalena

Hope all goes well for you guys on Sunday, and maybe we'll all meet up one day. You're right of course its not possible to have too many friends, especially when you move to a new country. I've just uploaded my family pics to DR1 Mugshots, check them out. My wife name is Ana, or Daysi as she was called when she lived in the DR and then there's my 11 year old daughter Ana, and my 9 year old son Georgie.

Paul
 

Freemo

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May 26, 2003
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Update on the 'New Life'

Paul, its lovely to read your thread and appreciate what you are doing for you and your family especially the sacrifice of letting them move here first when you cannot follow immediately. Have a wonderful time here in DR when you visit in October - just wish you were going to be up North as would truly like to meet you.

Hey Whirleybird

I've just this minute booked my flights for October so I now have a date that means I can cross off the days on the calendar. It should help me to see the actual day is coming closer, day by day.

My wife has had quite a culture shock since being back in Santo Domingo, she's been used to the efficient ways of the UK, any problem you may have, there's always a helpdesk number or a customer services number where someone will sort you out fairly quickly. But she's now faced with the Domincan Way of doing things, that basically boils down to 'if we can make this process become as long and drawn out as possible, then that's what we'll do' - She's been out of her home country for 13 years now and has forgotten how things work (or don't work) on Domincan time.

One example was ; the kids school 'Dominico Americano' asked for among other things, medical, optical and dental checks and the assocaited documentation as part of the registration process. We obtained all this in the UK but guess what, when my wife presented these docs she was told that only Dominican documentation was accepted. Out she goes, gets the children checked out thoroughly in each aspect, returns to submit the docs and pay the first part of the monthly fee plan, only to be told that, No you have to pay the first year in advance.

Well thats just a taster of what she has been faced with so far, the rest is far more stressful but slightly more personal so I won't go into details.

She is a very positive person who is used to getting things done fast and exactly as she likes it, so she's on a bit of a learning curve at the moment to put it mildly.

Well best get back to work now

Regards
Paul
 

Mauricio

Gold
Nov 18, 2002
5,607
7
38
Very interesting

Hi Paul,

Nice and interesting to read your post. My wife (dominican) and I are in the same situation, allthough less advanced than you are.

We lived in Santo Domingo the first years of our marriage, but in 2005 we moved to Holland (my homecountry). In the past three years we noticed that, allthough DR has many things to complain about, we are just not happy in The Netherlands and to me it seems my country changed a lot since 2001.

Our plan is to move back before the end of 2009, and have started to make the first steps to handle our things, sell our house, plan the coming year, etc.

I hope you keep posting how everything goes.....

good luck with your move back.

Mauricio
 

Freemo

New member
May 26, 2003
314
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Hi Paul,

Nice and interesting to read your post. My wife (dominican) and I are in the same situation, allthough less advanced than you are.

We lived in Santo Domingo the first years of our marriage, but in 2005 we moved to Holland (my homecountry). In the past three years we noticed that, allthough DR has many things to complain about, we are just not happy in The Netherlands and to me it seems my country changed a lot since 2001.

Our plan is to move back before the end of 2009, and have started to make the first steps to handle our things, sell our house, plan the coming year, etc.

I hope you keep posting how everything goes.....

good luck with your move back.

Mauricio

Hi Mauricio

I think once you have experienced life as a couple in the Dominican Republic you will probably find it difficult to replicate that feeling in your own country. We lived together in the UK for 13 years and I can honestly say that for the vast majority of that time we pined for the Dominican life. The problem is that after the 13 years here we have got used to the British way of life and the way problems can be handled in a logical and controlled manner. So now that my wife has plunged head first back into her Dominican culture the shock of dealing with what would normally be manageable day to day problems have left her spinning with confusion and a sense of losing control.

I would beg you not to follow my example of going back to the DR seperately as we are doing now, I don't imagine for one moment that you would need to do it that way anyway, but our decision to do it like this was based on financial constraints which had we left it for another year or two would probably have been taken care of. As a result we are comitted along a path which we are both finding incredibly stressful and under such circumstances small problems will inevitably seem much harder to deal with than would be the norm.

So, get youself back to the DR as I'm sure you have realised that, that is where your heart is. Do it together and you will be fine.

I know that England and the Dominican Republic are like chalk and cheese in so many respects, but if the 'heart' is happier in one place rather than another that is the key. I know that when I get out there with them eventually I will be happy no matter what we have to put up with,. I think the mistake we have made is trying to clone our UK status into our Dominican status, it will never happen unless the lottery intervenes.

I was never happier than when we lived together in Puerto Plata when we had a one roomed apartment with shared toilet and shower. I know it was all romantic, and lovey dovey, but I don't need the luxury lifestyle that we are aimimg to set up for ourselves now. I think we lost sight basically of what we wanted from the Dominican Republic and assumed that we would slip into a parrallel lifestyle on a financial level and be happy with that. I would prefer to live a more basic existence over there and perhaps that is what I am afraid will not come to pass.

Anyway, we'll see, as I keep saying to everyone, it's early days and we should have expected this massive culture shock to be waiting for us.

I'll try to keep everyone posted on the progress we are making but I don't want to use the board as my public problem airing forum.

I'm sure we'll meet up in the future, I've got a feeling. Make sure you keep up to date with DR1 as it is a wonderful point of contact for people like us who long to live there.

All the best Paul
 
Aug 19, 2004
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Interesting posts Freemo - I would disgree with a lot of what you say in your first post regarding England. But I agree with your last post - go where you feel most happy or where your heart is - good luck..
 

Freemo

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May 26, 2003
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UK not so bad after all

Interesting posts Freemo - I would disgree with a lot of what you say in your first post regarding England. But I agree with your last post - go where you feel most happy or where your heart is - good luck..

Thanks London

Unfortunately my view of England is coloured by the fact that after 13 years my wife never managerd to fit in here. It was due to a number of factors but probably the biggest was the fact that she never managed to speak English very well. She could understand people perfectly but she struggled to make herslef understood many times. As a result she became disillusioned and generally sad. I suppose I felt her unhappiness and became unhappy with the way I percieved that people in general treated her, basically many people wouldn't take the time to listen to what she was trying to say. We then came to build up this image of how much better life would be in the DR based on the fact the she would be free from much of the frustration she experienced here in the UK.

In the 3 weeks since she has been back in Santo Domingo she has realised the England wasn't such a bad place after all. She's faced so much Dominican intransigence and lack of urgency that she has had reason to reconsider her vision of the wonderful Dominican society.

Things are just settling down there, now the kids are in school and have a routine she can get on with things without becoming so frustrated at the pace in which she is able to do them.

We've both learnt in pretty short order that for all its grey skies and stealth taxes the good old UK is not that bad really.

Regards,
Paul