Should I become more Domincanized??

Yayow

New member
Sep 4, 2007
389
47
0
Should I change my ways or just stay who I am, by changing my ways I mean now that I live here should I try to become more Dominicanized. Now the first response I think will be an obvious yes, but that is not what I am talking about per say. I am desperately trying to adapt to the culture, I love dancing, I love going to the local clubs and hanging with the locals, and not go to so many tourist type places, I am desperately trying to improve my language skills.

But what I am talking about is I guess I am somewhat particular, in my living arrangements. I think it has developed because i didn't get married until my late 30's, and then I was separated and haven't really lived with anyone since, so I am peculiar in my own ways and how I like things done.

Case in point, last night I was telling some friends over drinks that when a chica comes to my place I consider her a visitor, even my "semi-regular girl friend" that spends at least 20 nights a month normally in my place. But I don't really let her clean (sometimes she does despite my protestations) my apartment, I wash and iron my own clothes, I wash the dishes, I do most of the cooking when eating in.

I guess I have been burned before (so I am somewhat cautious), and I first of all enjoy doing those things, I always know where my things are (if someone else cleans you sometimes have to find things), but mostly I feel if they(she) do(es) it they feel they have certain rights in your place (because they have done for you), and I don't want to give anyone that feeling. The other three gentlemen (my friends all living down here, one Dominican the other two ex-pats), all said I was wrong, that; that is what Dominican women do, and by my doing it and not allowing them to do it, I am taking something away from them (pride and self worth wise). They all have their women do all those things, or hire a maid to do those things for them.

I try to adapt to other Dominican things, besides this and wearing shorts often (most days just to daggone hot not to wear shorts); (which by the way I have found is not a kosher thing to do down here for a respectable gentleman that is not a tourist).

Again do I need to change my ways and allow the woman/women do these household chores?

Your thoughts as always would be appreciated.
 
Last edited:

Mr. Lu

Bronze
Mar 26, 2007
1,091
88
0
....

The other three gentlemen (my friends all living down here, one Dominican the other two ex-pats), all said I was wrong, that; that is what Dominican women do, and by my doing it and not allowing them to do it, I am taking something away from them (pride and self worth wise). They all have their women do all those things, or hire a maid to do those things for them.

Again do I need to change my ways and allow the woman/women do these household chores?


Some of the most sexist comments I have ever heard. If you are going to change anything, change your friends. To believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen or only cleaning, is incredible. Are your friend's ignorant enough to think that a woman's value is tied to her work in the house. What it is this? The 30's.

Dude, be yourself. Wear shorts, clean your own place, have fun and get new friends. Soon enough they will tell you that beating your woman is the only way to "keep a woman in check."



Mr. Lu
 

Castellamonte

Bronze
Mar 3, 2005
1,764
50
48
Cabrera
www.villa-castellamonte.com
First of all, I completely agree with Mr. Lu that the feelings expressed by your friends are just a tad into the grey zone. But to your point, I do not believe anyone can "become Dominican." It's such a shift from how you grew up that living, speaking, eating and dancing just cannot compare.
 

Thandie

Bronze
Nov 27, 2007
694
80
0
What Mr. Lu said!
It is your house. Do what you feel comfortable with.
She may just want to help out and feels she HAS to contribute in some way (20 nights a month is a lot)......
your place is not as clean and tidy as she likes or feels comfortable with (some people are neat/clean freaks).....
or she may have other motives like... 'if I treat this house like my own house, than I can act like this is my house' (and obviously you are not ready for a more serious relationship and for her to fully move in...but I bet she is and wanting it and trying hard for you to see it her way LOL).

Just explain to her you dont like it, you are not looking for a woman to do those things, you dont look down on her if she doesnt and actually it does not impress you (i.e. you like her because she is a good caretaker/cleaner/cook). Tell her you like her for the other things she brings to the table. But maybe she will never get it...for example if she was raised to think that way.

And btw you cant take away an adult womans pride and self worth (and if cooking and cleaning your apartment is the only way she feels good about herself... well that is a problem !!!!!!!!!)
 

Vacara

I love AZB!
May 5, 2009
710
84
0
Should I change my ways or just stay who I am, by changing my ways I mean now that I live here should I try to become more Dominicanized. Now the first response I think will be an obvious yes, but that is not what I am talking about per say. I am desperately trying to adapt to the culture, I love dancing, I love going to the local clubs and hanging with the locals, and not go to so many tourist type places, I am desperately trying to improve my language skills.

But what I am talking about is I guess I am somewhat particular, in my living arrangements. I think it has developed because i didn't get married until my late 30's, and then I was separated and haven't really lived with anyone since, so I am peculiar in my own ways and how I like things done.

Case in point, last night I was telling some friends over drinks that when a chica comes to my place I consider her a visitor, even my "semi-regular girl friend" that spends at least 20 nights a month normally in my place. But I don't really let her clean (sometimes she does despite my protestations) my apartment, I wash and iron my own clothes, I wash the dishes, I do most of the cooking when eating in.

I guess I have been burned before (so I am somewhat cautious), and I first of all enjoy doing those things, I always know where my things are (if someone else cleans you sometimes have to find things), but mostly I feel if they(she) do(es) it they feel they have certain rights in your place (because they have done for you), and I don't want to give anyone that feeling. The other three gentlemen (my friends all living down here, one Dominican the other two ex-pats), all said I was wrong, that; that is what Dominican women do, and by my doing it and not allowing them to do it, I am taking something away from them (pride and self worth wise). They all have their women do all those things, or hire a maid to do those things for them.

I try to adapt to other Dominican things, besides this and wearing shorts often (most days just to daggone hot not to wear shorts); (which by the way I have found is not a kosher thing to do down here for a respectable gentleman that is not a tourist).

Again do I need to change my ways and allow the woman/women do these household chores?

Your thoughts as always would be appreciated.

By having many girlfriends you are way on your way to be a Dominican.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Celt202

SKing

Silver
Nov 22, 2007
3,750
183
63
Some of the most sexist comments I have ever heard. If you are going to change anything, change your friends. To believe that a woman's place is in the kitchen or only cleaning, is incredible. Are your friend's ignorant enough to think that a woman's value is tied to her work in the house. What it is this? The 30's.

Dude, be yourself. Wear shorts, clean your own place, have fun and get new friends. Soon enough they will tell you that beating your woman is the only way to "keep a woman in check."



Mr. Lu

I'm in love....;)
SHALENA
 

Expat13

Silver
Jun 7, 2008
3,255
50
48
We share some similarities as I as well have spent most of my 40years looking after myself in all these ways, and have a Dominican girlfriend who stays with me most of the time.
She loves to keep the place clean but also goes to university and studies alot. I am the better cook of which I really enjoyed creating fine cuisine. To cut it short we probabaly do about equal around the house, just i cook more and she cleans more. She also brags to her family and friends about how much i do around the house. Of course my reply is i have always looked after myself and therefore this is normal for me.
We have a good balance and all is good.
 
I try to adapt to other Dominican things, besides this and wearing shorts often (most days just to daggone hot not to wear shorts); (which by the way I have found is not a kosher thing to do down here for a respectable gentleman that is not a tourist).

Again do I need to change my ways and allow the woman/women do these household chores?

Your thoughts as always would be appreciated.

Wear your shorts at the beach or river and jeans or slacks around the city, and let the girlfriend do some of the chores if it makes her happy.
 

Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
21,843
191
0
38
yahoomail.com
I May Live In The DR, But I Sure Don?t Have To Live Like A Dumbinican!

Most foreigners who move to the DR on a prmanant basis at first try to assimilate into the Dominican Culture (OXYMORON?) yOU KNOW: mUSIC,BEER,FOOD, dress.language You say that Dominicans are:" Poor, but happy souls,kind and gentle,love their children and their families,live a good life without the worries of the hectic first word. NOT TRUE!
If you actually decide to stay don?t try to be a Dominican be whoever you are living in the DR. We will NEVER be Dominicans,Thank God!
Cris Colon
 

Celt202

Gold
May 22, 2004
9,099
944
113
Analysis paralysis

Just be your self. Wear what you want. You'll realize your own way through all the questions.
 

Thandie

Bronze
Nov 27, 2007
694
80
0
You say that Dominicans are:" Poor, but happy souls,kind and gentle,love their children and their families,live a good life without the worries of the hectic first word. NOT TRUE!
Cris Colon

Yes the fantasy myth that is perpetuated by many. LOL
I always shake my head when I hear that.
I think people say crazy things like that to justify paying their domestic servants the slave wages they do LOL
Actually I think it is very insulting to 'believe' that any group of people from a nation are exactly the same and not think there is diversity within a group. That is the human condition.
Sure there are some cultural differences. BUT....

People are people regardless of where they live in the world.
Good, bad and everything in between everywhere, just like back home.
 

pkaide1

Bronze
Aug 10, 2005
539
40
48
Should I change my ways or just stay who I am, by changing my ways I mean now that I live here should I try to become more Dominicanized. Now the first response I think will be an obvious yes, but that is not what I am talking about per say. I am desperately trying to adapt to the culture, I love dancing, I love going to the local clubs and hanging with the locals, and not go to so many tourist type places, I am desperately trying to improve my language skills.

But what I am talking about is I guess I am somewhat particular, in my living arrangements. I think it has developed because i didn't get married until my late 30's, and then I was separated and haven't really lived with anyone since, so I am peculiar in my own ways and how I like things done.

Case in point, last night I was telling some friends over drinks that when a chica comes to my place I consider her a visitor, even my "semi-regular girl friend" that spends at least 20 nights a month normally in my place. But I don't really let her clean (sometimes she does despite my protestations) my apartment, I wash and iron my own clothes, I wash the dishes, I do most of the cooking when eating in.

I guess I have been burned before (so I am somewhat cautious), and I first of all enjoy doing those things, I always know where my things are (if someone else cleans you sometimes have to find things), but mostly I feel if they(she) do(es) it they feel they have certain rights in your place (because they have done for you), and I don't want to give anyone that feeling. The other three gentlemen (my friends all living down here, one Dominican the other two ex-pats), all said I was wrong, that; that is what Dominican women do, and by my doing it and not allowing them to do it, I am taking something away from them (pride and self worth wise). They all have their women do all those things, or hire a maid to do those things for them.

I try to adapt to other Dominican things, besides this and wearing shorts often (most days just to daggone hot not to wear shorts); (which by the way I have found is not a kosher thing to do down here for a respectable gentleman that is not a tourist).

Again do I need to change my ways and allow the woman/women do these household chores?

Your thoughts as always would be appreciated.

Just be yourself, always. Do not let nobody to define who you are
 

Yayow

New member
Sep 4, 2007
389
47
0
Thanks for the comments

I guess the bottom line is that I enjoy doing these things, and have done them for a long time, so I will continue to do them.

Also as I said at the present time I am not looking for a "steady and exclusive" relationship. If that time comes, I am sure I won't mind giving up some of my independence upon myself. Right now I just don't want to hear from anyone if and when I feel it is best to end the relationship, " after all I've done for you speeches".

Not saying that will happen, but I must admit I have heard similiar type things at the end before.
 
Last edited:

Yayow

New member
Sep 4, 2007
389
47
0
Thanks

Analysis paralysis

Just be your self. Wear what you want. You'll realize your own way through all the questions.

Analysis by paralysis, I certainly can plead guilty to that. I guess I was just a little shocked when I revealed the things I do in my place and the reaction that it got. So I felt maybe, I was missing something somewhere because of the difference in culture. So I just felt like throwing it out there.

By the way the friends are all great and intelligent guys, and not only do I value their friendships, but their advice, and as such will remain as friends, they were just trying to give some friendly advice, to someone who is newer to this place then they.

Once again I will continue to do me, just keep it to myself;)
 

Yayow

New member
Sep 4, 2007
389
47
0
True

Why do you care so much about what other people think? That has got to be the most annoying trait in a human being.

BE YOURSELF!

But when going into another culture, you sometimes try to assimilate yourself into doing things correctly by that countries standards if at all possible.

Many times while living in the States, when a person of foreign origin, did things many would tell them you are not in that country any more this is how we do it here. I personally could care less what those people did but it did tend to bother some. So me now being the "newbie", I am interested in the cultural norms of my new "homeland". Plus the admonitions coming from friends and people I respect, I obviously had to consider what was being said. Just thought it was an interesting question, and how others felt about it, and felt it may generate some interest thus the start of the thread.

But as I said if push comes to shove, I will do what I think is best for me.