setting up an account for a Dominican baby

amstellite

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Sep 5, 2007
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I don;t know really how to go about this, but I have become very friendly over the years with a very poor family in the suburbs of Santo Domingo. They have a few kids, one , a girl will be three next year. She is adorable. They have a baby just born too-a baron. I want to help. They are poor beyond anything I could ever imagine- so I help with things already and when I go over to the DR., we go to market for the months for them to stock up for while I am not there. I want to make a more lasting contribution. I am looking for info on sending the little girl to school,, and what I do to set this up.. and a second point, I want to put aside an account for her for when she is 18 - but in her name - not the parents- as I know they are so poor they will undoubtedly want to spend it. Any ideas if this is workable or am I setting myself up to fail? I am a gringo and I know things can work differently for me there. But it is such a beautiful land and the people are so wonderful - but so desperate in many ways. thanks for any pointers. Mike
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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best way is for you to hold the money in an account of your own and give it when she is 18. but you might not want to even mention it exists, because the kid herself will probably try to borrow against it before then and even if she doesn't want to her family might pressure her to do so.

i'd also make recieving the account conditional based on some certain terms you lay down -- no getting married before 18, no getting pregnant before 18, etc.

this would be a good one to talk through with a high quality dominican lawyer.
 

J D Sauser

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Nov 20, 2004
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Well, welcome to the club.
Erm... I don't know where to start. You might be just at the beginning of a wonderful experience... and then, trouble will always go along.
First, my experience has been, DON'T show the money, poor or not so poor, if they smell money available they will not understand why they would not have some access to it for some very imaginary "emergencies".
So, as Adrian said, keep the money on your side. It may sound politically so incorrect to say, but poor people in that country have not only no experience with handling money and saving but also none with banks and account... to them, it's a place where rich folks get money from.
IF you really mean to seriously help this girl, you will have to do EVERYTHING yourself and directly; pay school to the school, pay the bus to the bus driver, by the books at the books store and the school uniform at the store which sells them... all yourself. Even the nitty gritty stuff like her school snack, white baubles for her hair ;)... you will have to physically buy it or the money will always be diverted for something else.
IF you do it, you may be rewarded with hugs, love and been made proud. But, it ain't as easy as just spending money and sadly, you will have to find out that the parents and family who should be not only thankful but supportive of your efforts will at times be the culprit.


http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/74902-can-anyone-help-me-help-kid-sorry-l-o-n-g-post.html
http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/91084-juan-bosch-junot-diaz-step-aside-then-here-comes.html

... J-D.
 

amstellite

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Sep 5, 2007
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I appreciate your candid answers and I think you are right - I will keep it private- I do think something might pop up in the future and I would cave in and let go of the money.... It would be a good idea.. but I do see the point- they haven't got the proverbial pot to p... in , so it might be an issue. I want so desperately to help but it is very hard when you see the abject poverty and realize that they do not think about the future as we doi here in the USA. They don;t paln for tomorrow it seems to me. But then again I think we go to the other extreme and worry TOO much about tomorrow. They don;t seem to have all the worry lines on their brows like we do. Rent, phone bill, gas bill, mortgage, car .... I wish it were easier to help but I really wouldn;t be able to trust with money-that is true and I have already known that to be true in the past- but I understood then and I still understand. I see where my friends live an dsleep and I could not change places with them and put up with what they do for a minute.
 

J D Sauser

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I appreciate your candid answers and I think you are right - I will keep it private- I do think something might pop up in the future and I would cave in and let go of the money.... It would be a good idea.. but I do see the point- they haven't got the proverbial pot to p... in , so it might be an issue. I want so desperately to help but it is very hard when you see the abject poverty and realize that they do not think about the future as we doi here in the USA. They don;t paln for tomorrow it seems to me. But then again I think we go to the other extreme and worry TOO much about tomorrow. They don;t seem to have all the worry lines on their brows like we do. Rent, phone bill, gas bill, mortgage, car .... I wish it were easier to help but I really wouldn;t be able to trust with money-that is true and I have already known that to be true in the past- but I understood then and I still understand. I see where my friends live an dsleep and I could not change places with them and put up with what they do for a minute.

yes, sadly it is tricky to help those who have never been much able to help themselves.

I wish you luck, and if you need more feedback from my experiences you are always welcome to PM me.


... J-D.
 

amstellite

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Sep 5, 2007
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THAT IS AN EXTREMELY GOOD IDEA!!! I never thought of that- but it's hard to find places that take tarjetas- and would my friend - who is very very poor , be grilled by the staff if he presents it? Now I think though, the Ole supermercado has seen me and him before as we shop- maybe I should present it to the manager and say that I am giving him my gift card? I like that idea- that way I don;t feel like the big American having to accompany him every time... tahnks for the pointer...
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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Although this might not be politically correct to say, but one thing to be aware of is that if the situation was reversed and you had no money, the dominican family would likely not help you at all.

Dominicans don't tend to have the same altruistic feelings of social responsibility which clearly you do (and i respect you a lot for it). I'm definitely not saying don't help them, its just a comment.
 

peep2

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Oct 24, 2004
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You could try wiring them some money every month with specific instructions on how you want a portion of it spent. The remainder to be spent as the family sees fit. Then during your visits you can check to see if your wishes are being followed. A poor family is likely to burn through a small amount of money in almost no time. Putting some aside would be inconceivable. If you tell them how you would like to see the first portion spent before they use the rest on their priorities you might have some luck. You're in a tough position. I wish you the best.
 

amstellite

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Sep 5, 2007
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I pay the rent to the duena directly for their house ( 2500 pesos a month- unbelievable - with a shower and toilet( though not yet hooked up), three bedrooms ( fair sizes) a sala and a cocina... in NY that would be over 2500 bucks no matter what neighbourhood... so it works when I pay the person directly and not the individiual. I liked the idea before of paying tuition fees directly to the school as well. I have been to La caleta many many times( near Las Americas airport) and the situation sometimes is very sad. But I love the family- they are not blood-(I met the guy while giving me a ride on his motoconcho about three years ago and we ended up going out drinking and that's how this all started- now I go back every three months or so and help ) - and I have tried in the past giving money to them directly only to find out it was not put where I had hoped.. so I really don;t do that anymore... I do slip the novia cash when she is alone, because I do think she will secure it for the kids, but I try not to give so muhc- maybe a few thousand pesos or so each time. Things seem to cost so much over there I can;t understand how the poor can ever live, if I equal it to what we make and pay for goods and essentials here. They seem to live for today and that;s it- and in a way - although alien to my thinking, I am coming round to believing that it isn;t so far off the mark. We save and save and then the government takes it all when we are old in retirement commnuities and assisted housing.... I think the only thing to do is to move there myself and buy a home. Maybe that's another thread I can start.. how do I start that process??
 

Adrian Bye

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Jul 7, 2002
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you want to move to the DR and buy a home so you can help a poor dominican family?

do you have something going on with a female in this family you haven't mentioned?
 

amstellite

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that's a funny thing to say Adrian... can;t a person have a good heart? without something going on? What I am in love with is the place itself and the fact that I have been dealt a set of cards better than they- so maybe I do want to feel a bit better about myself in doing something good. I can't change the world but I can try to change one life- or at least make it a little easier...thanks for your prying and malicious musings about people's motives- next time maybe say something constructive- or better yet- say nothing at all.
 

Adrian Bye

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i apologize if this came off wrong - i'm not trying to offend.

you might want to answer it though, because it helps give a fuller picture and we can give you better advice. :)
 

waytogo

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Apr 3, 2009
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You could try wiring them some money every month with specific instructions on how you want a portion of it spent. QUOTE]

Do you think that would really work. Sending money is one thing but them following specific spending instructions...never going to happen. It's not that they would be abusing her help, their priorities would probably be quite different than hers. If you want to help, there shouldn't be any strings or conditions attached, you would only have ill feelings when they don't compley with your wishes.
 

peep2

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Oct 24, 2004
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I think it might work. You can only find out by trying. Most of the Dominicans I meet are honest, hard working, and not well off. If you tell them "as a favor to me, please spend this money on XXXX and use the rest as you see fit" I think you might achieve what you're hoping for. Certainly wouldn't guarantee it!
 

waytogo

Moderator - North Coast Forum
Apr 3, 2009
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Anyway it goes, the recipients will be very happy that someone out there cares enough to help. I am currently putting 2 young ladies here through school and paying for all there personal needs. I feel real good about it knowing that they are getting a chance in life. I think that is what the op wants, just to help her friends and see that very special smile that I'm sure she gets when they see her.
 

J D Sauser

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You could try wiring them some money every month with specific instructions on how you want a portion of it spent. The remainder to be spent as the family sees fit. Then during your visits you can check to see if your wishes are being followed. A poor family is likely to burn through a small amount of money in almost no time. Putting some aside would be inconceivable. If you tell them how you would like to see the first portion spent before they use the rest on their priorities you might have some luck. You're in a tough position. I wish you the best.

:cheeky:
There is a 99% chance for above approach to turn out to be only the most effective way to burn money for nothing... well nothing... like, new "funny" color hair make overs, cell phone for the little ones, beer or better yet rum for everyone over 15... IT WON'T MAKE IT HOME FROM THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE. The fridge (if there is one) will still remain cooling a vacuum, the kids won't go to school because they don't have the uniform or the bus is not paid or they don't have for a snack or, or, or...
It's like farting into space... it doesn't even make a sound.
You can't entrust the handling of money to those who have no experience in it. Politically incorrect to state, but still...

IF you want to HELP with a RESULT, you need to help the kids and do it directly. Pay the school, the bus, the bookstore, the snack bar at the school, and the store which sells the clothes and last but not least, the tutor/after school for making sure they have their homework done and are assisted too... who would see after them having it done correctly at school, likeliness has it, that if they go beyond 5th grade they "academically" bypassed everyone else in the household.

IF you want to give them food (usually hunger is not really the big issue here in the DR), follow the suggestion and either buy and drop by the food or get them a store credit and hope they won't sell it for half it's face value (I've seen it).
Paying rent? Unless, YOU moved them because of school, don't or they will likely slow down on work so to just get by as they used to before... the fridge will still be empty... if they don't go and rent it to somebody else while you are away.
How can you help the adults? If you were here and had a business, you could TRY to give them work... and then, in many cases surprise yourself finding out many don't really want to be help, really.
Again, help the kids.
Many kids WILL APPRECIATE. But you have to make it work beyond just handing out money.


... J-D.
 

amstellite

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Sep 5, 2007
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Yikes!! This all sounds so complicated... almost as if I have the deck stacked against me ... but I have to admit over recent trips I have felt somewhat hemmed in and even , dare I say it, used but I think I have already gotten myself in too far.... I love Juan andwe have a great time partying and dancing when I'm there- of course I pay but I don;t mind- he's Dominican and he talks to all the girls and I feel safe- certianly not the standard resort -type holiday dancing in the colmados- but I love it...what I have been doing so far is paying the rent on the house ( well next time I go we are having a talk ,the husband and I, because we had agreed he would pay what he had paid prior to me moving them into a bigger place ( there was 6 of them in one bed in a one room shack) and that was to have been 20 bucks - and I would pay the difference - about 50 bucks- that was intended to make sure he still went out to work.. but then they had a baby in October and there were complications and it cost ( they say 25000 pesos) to save the baby- so he pawned his moto for 14000 pesos and the family paid the rest...now he rents a motoconocho for 150 pesos a day- so I felt I couldn;t ask him to pay the difference- or am I being too soft?? I go to the DR maybe every two or three months and always spend over $150 at Ole supermercado on pampers and milk and whatever- but now I heard form the woman that they don't shop anymore while I 'm away - she is just expected to make it last ...so maybe I am dojng the wrong thing and I have stopped all work on his part.. I don;t know.. trying to make life easier I feel I have caused a problem and she is ready to leave him and go back to her mother in Samana... I don;t want to be used, but the children are so sweet and innocent and they deserve what I had here- chocolate and ice cream abd candy and a good night's sleep without bugs and bites. That was all I tried to do- but now I seem to have myself embroiled up to my neck inthis and can;t just stop paying the resnt.. but while I do - my friend- and I love him dearly- will just sit on his backside even more...I think they know they have me in a position- the little girl runs over and hugs me as soon as I arrive - " Mish a el Misch a el...." she;s two- how can anyone not feel something? So what do I do? Sit down and tell them I've had enough and they need to get the family in to help ... pay for his bike to come out of the pawnshop.. not buy groceries... I am at a loss...
 

waytogo

Moderator - North Coast Forum
Apr 3, 2009
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It sounds like you need to come up for a breath of fresh air. When I first came here I helped someone with a loan of 4000 pesos. I was then called a pendejo by my friends.
This is what they are going to think of you the more you give if they don't already. You help to a point and they are going to think of you as one stupid person who deserves to be taken for every peso they can get out of you. In moderation.......

Oh, one more thing, my mother passed away 3 times last year and I could use some help paying off my American Express Platinum, would you have a friend that could help.