help me solve this culture clash please

pierods

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I appreciate greatly that Dominicans are very attentive, and I oftentimes find myself amazed at them reminding me about things I said maybe 10 years ago.

It's one of the things that makes you feel wanted and cared for, one of the great advantages of living in DR.

Also, many of my Dominican friends can look at me and find out about my mood, that's amazing, they can read you.

Now, there is a situation that is less pleasant and I experienced a million times, and I would like to find out the reason, and maybe a way around it.

It's the part where you are talking to somebody and you KNOW they have no distractions, they are in front of you, nobody else is around, you are not talking about something controversial, you are talking in good and fluent Spanish, and they are good friends of you, they are listening because they WANT to listen.

You start a conversation by stipulating something, like "Remember Fulano De Tal..." or, "When I went to the supermarket X..."

So you talk for three or maybe four minutes, no longer, when they stop you and ask "Who are you talking about?" or "Where did that happen?".

You don't want to offend them by saying "Three minutes ago I started the conversation by saying just that", so you do repeat, until...it happens again in 3 minutes...

Man, the frustration!

It happened to me a MILLION times.

My theory: they want to tell you something but out of respect they let you talk first, if there was a Dominican in front of them, he/she would look at them and find that out in half a second and ask them to tell him/her what's on their mind.

Somebody gimme a clue!
 

Lambada

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Wouldn't you know from the non-verbal clues if they had a far more pressing concern they wanted to share with you & were thus biding their time until you had finished? You would pick this up and ask the question, wouldn't you?

Sometimes I think what you describe is just checking back to make sure they heard it right, like when something you say is repeated back to you as a question. That's a frequent occurrence here, part habit, part checking. Then again there are hearing impediments here, possibly caused by strength 95 music machines.......

Or is it that 3 or 4 minutes for the listener is a very long time & you might get more traction going for the 30 second chats?
 

pierods

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Sep 22, 2006
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Wouldn't you know from the non-verbal clues if they had a far more pressing concern they wanted to share with you & were thus biding their time until you had finished? You would pick this up and ask the question, wouldn't you?

Sometimes I think what you describe is just checking back to make sure they heard it right, like when something you say is repeated back to you as a question. That's a frequent occurrence here, part habit, part checking. Then again there are hearing impediments here, possibly caused by strength 95 music machines.......

Or is it that 3 or 4 minutes for the listener is a very long time & you might get more traction going for the 30 second chats?

Thanks. I'll try all these techniques and report back.
 

Criss Colon

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Dominicansw Have The Attention Span Of a Tree Frog

And they are ALMOST as smart(Sorry If I have offended any tree frogs!)
They are all self-centered.soooooooooooooooooooo if the copnversation is not about them their mind shuts down,and they have to re-boot to get back on conversation! SEE HOW SIMPLE THAT IS?? CRIS COLONCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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It is quite common but not just in Dominican-Gringo interactions. I often see it in Dominican-Dominican interactions too.

With people who do this, if I can't avoid talking to them - as in the case of older family members - I learned to modify my expectations about the quality of communication and restrict conversation to asking them questions about themselves. I watched the way other people (Dominicans) communicated with them and realised that this is the only type of conversation that works with them.

Save the two-way conversations for the people who know how to converse and avoid disappointment and frustration.

You can also amuse yourself by slipping in a little bizarre statement, or switching to Klingon, to confirm that they're not listening to a word you're saying.
 

pierods

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Sep 22, 2006
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It is quite common but not just in Dominican-Gringo interactions. I often see it in Dominican-Dominican interactions too.

With people who do this, if I can't avoid talking to them - as in the case of older family members - I learned to modify my expectations about the quality of communication and restrict conversation to asking them questions about themselves. I watched the way other people (Dominicans) communicated with them and realised that this is the only type of conversation that works with them.

Save the two-way conversations for the people who know how to converse and avoid disappointment and frustration.

You can also amuse yourself by slipping in a little bizarre statement, or switching to Klingon, to confirm that they're not listening to a word you're saying.

Problem solved!

thanks chirimoya!
 
?

? bient?t

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You can also amuse yourself by slipping in a little bizarre statement, or switching to Klingon, to confirm that they're not listening to a word you're saying.

I normally quit talking mid-sentence when being ignored. But I'll try switching next time someone decides to pay attention to a motoconcho or a passing car when I'm involved in conversation.

"Joseito, expl?came eso del Burgess Shale."

Bueno, escucha bien: 540 millones de a?os atr?s... (vroooom)

...y entonces yo le pregunt? a Obama, "T?guere, te gust? el locrito de arenque?"


"?Qu? tu dices?!"
 
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donP

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Huh?

So you talk for three or maybe four minutes, no longer, when they stop you and ask "Who are you talking about?" or "Where did that happen?".

Little surprise.
1. You did not shout.
2. You talked about something not related to the two F-subjects (Yes, one is food.).
3. You exceeded your interlocutor's ability to concentrate (a few seconds only).

donP
 

DanaP

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May 23, 2007
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it's true, just mention 'deportes en la cama' and their attention is yours....
 

Chip

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From my own personal experience one can get reactions like this if one's Spanish has a noticeable accent and one doesn't speak rapidly and fluidly. Also, education plays a a role too, ie the less educated are more likely to put up listening to a topic they are not interested in. Dominicans also do this to a certain extent to one another too.
 

RacerX

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I can only assume this was a woman you were talking to? I suppose it could be a guy but I dont know any guys who are that vapid or self centered. Either way you gotta get better friends. If you cant talk to a person you hang out with then I dont even know...If they cant pay attention to the things you re saying it s a clear conclusion that they would like to be doing something else with someone else. Why hinder them?
 
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Celt202

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May 22, 2004
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I can only assume this was a woman you were talking to? I suppose it could be a guy but I dont know any guys who are that vapid or self centered. Either way you gotta get better friends. If you cant talk to a person you hang out with then I dont even know...If they cant pay attention to the things you re saying it s a clear conclusion that they would like to be doing something else with someone else. Why hinder them?

That's funny. :laugh:
 

waytogo

Moderator - North Coast Forum
Apr 3, 2009
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I have found that once I arrived in the D.R. I had my best conversations talking to myself. I'm a good listener. But the arguments I would have, not pretty.
 
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I normally quit talking mid-sentence when being ignored. But I'll try switching next time someone decides to pay attention to a motoconcho or a passing car when I'm involved in conversation.

"Joseito, expl?came eso del Burgess Shale."

Bueno, escucha bien: 540 millones de a?os atr?s... (vroooom)

...y entonces yo le pregunt? a Obama, "T?guere, te gust? el locrito de arenque?"


"?Qu? tu dices?!"

Yesterday I called Claro to rip them a new one for the 3 hours of 3G network BS and how I pay 7K/month in cell phone bills. They asked my name to begin the conversation and I responded "Leonel Fernandez". The agent proceeded to refer to me as "Mr. Leonel" for the entire call (even though most likely having my customer data open on the screen).

I would imagine that it is not uncommon to hear "stick to the script no matter what" in these team meetings.

Perhaps a bit off topic, but amusing nevertheless.