Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
Words that soak into your ears are whispered... not yelled.
Meanness don't just happen overnight.
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
You cannot unsay a cruel word.
Every path has a few puddles.
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
Most of the stuff people worry about, ain't never gonna happen anyway.
Don't judge folks by their relatives.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good and honorable life, then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
Don't interfere with something' that ain't bothering you none.
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every morning'.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
If you get to thinking' you're a person of some influence, try ordering' somebody else's dog around. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and enjoy the ride.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just shoot you!
Why....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
Guilty trip and instant gratification!
Only in This World ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in Packages of eight.
Manufacturers trick to force purchase of two packs of buns when getting hot dogs.
Why the sun lightens
Our hair, but darkens our skin?
Oxidation of the hair (skin organ accessory), protects the scalp.
Protective action from sun UV rays damage by skin (organ).
Our bodies are trying to save us, the elements are at work fulminating the human pests.
Why don't you ever see the
Headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery?
Psychics can foretell majority will lose, few win
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Simple things are hard to grasp, unless you over complicate them.
Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Because results are still left to odds.
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
One can wash your insides if not balanced properly when mixed, the other is meant to wash whatever it touches.
Why is the man who
Invests all your money called a broker?
Odds of the investments trade results mostly in bankrupted or broke people.
Why is the time of
Day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Because you see your life rush by as you sit idling in traffic.
Why isn't there
Mouse-flavored cat food?
That’s a nice dead mouse aroma!
Why didn't Noah
Swat those two mosquitoes?
They say in the elephants’ butt h les
Why do they sterilize the
Needle for lethal injections?
You don’t want that criminal virus infecting others.
Do you know that Indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
It would be too smart and put the black box manufacturers out of biz.
Why don't sheep
Shrink when it rains?
They breathe-in lots of air when raining and let out a big fart when dried. The baaaaa comes mostly from the rears.
Why are they called
Apartments when they are all stuck together?
Life sized Roaches are very territorial.
If con is the opposite of Pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
They’re still legislating on it, progress will come when congress takes a recess,
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?