Age Difference

[contasm]

A couple of years ago I learned of an American citizen who got marry to a Dominican young man 20 years her junior. I believe they are still together but their marriage has not been without rocky segments. When 2 people from different cultures decide to make a life together; how important is the age factor to keep the flame alive?
Given that husband and wife might be at very different stages in terms of aspirations, ambitions, goals etc?.
This questions is for the ladies (I?m sure many 50 y/o guys wouldn?t mind hooking up with a 20 something DR chica)
What would be the maximum acceptable age different you could entertain if looking @ a DR man as a possible life partner; either way; you as the older one or your boyfriend being the one ahead of you in number of years ?

Contasm

 

[CFA123]

Still obsessed with this topic 2 years later?
http://www.dr1.com/forums/men-mars-women-venus/83021-older-woman-much-much-younger-guy.html

 

[jrhartley]

I would be looking for someone the same age or older if I was looking for someone lol

 

[Africaida]

jr are you a woman? lol
As a woman, I agree with you though (who knows when I hit 50 though, but as of now, I prefer MEN)

 

[AnnaC]

I think 25-30 year olds are perfect. Oh wait did you say as a life partner? Never mind then.

Marriage is hard no matter how many years difference there are between women and men or men and women. People from the same cultures, close to the same age also find it hard to make it work sometimes.

 

[BermudaRum]

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger

 

[pedrochemical]

"The triumph or failure of one's marriage is almost entirely down to who one marries." ~ Pedrochemical, DR1, July 29th, 2010.

:bunny:

 

[donP]

Buying Virility

__ age different you could entertain if looking @ a DR man as a possible life partner __

(In the long run :bunny: ) it very much depends what age difference you can afford to pay.

donP

 

[USKK]

Coming from parents who are both with partners younger(Mom married 20 yrs. younger, Dad dating 50yrs. younger), I see how difficult it becomes later in life. and that's with people that are relatable...from same area, same language, same beliefs,etc. There's way too many things weighing on the con -side. Don't ya think?

 

[laurajane]

I really dont think its the age difference itself that makes a difference but more the different stages in life each one is at. I do think if the older partner is a woman it is harder for many reasons, but on the whole i think its the stages that make the most difference. A 15 year difference For example...

1. If the Older partner is 35 and the younger 20, then i think there could be problems. Most 35 year olds (especially women) are at a time in their life that maybe they would like a stable, serious relationship that may or may not involve having a family, whereas the younger partner at 20 is just starting enjoy life and so they should, who wants to be settled down and picking out curtains at 20!

2. However if the older partner is 50 and the younger 35 allthough a significant age difference they probably live a similar lifestyle. Both have some life experience under their belt, both experienced a broken heart, both have had those wild early 20s out the way and can have an intelligent conversation and probably a more satifying sex life as both would more than likely have more physical experience and a more complex sexual knowledge base and confidence.

Personally i could never date a younger man, never...ever! However a much older man could quit easily sweep me off my feet.

I do admire Cougars, i think they are fab! I love a woman that can be that free and confident to get what she wants and put a younger man through his paces and teach them a few things, i just dont think it works out very often in a long term serious relationship for the older women unfortunatly.

 

[greydread]

It's just a number

There are 25 y/o's who want to sit around watching television and 65 y/o's who are out rock climbing and sport parachuting. Emotional age is the only true indication of compatibility. Compatibility is about what people expect within the context of a relationship versus its reality. We all know couples who have been together for 20 years or more and act like they're on their first date (married or not) and we also all know couples who are miserable after only a few years together (mostly married).

The value of a relationship is in what the participants bring to one another. No matter what the age, if someone makes your day better, compliments your lifestyle and consistently brings genuine joy with their company then either party could be 18 or 80 it doesn't matter. That relationship holds value and is worth maintaining.

Let me balance that with this. I have noticed that the older we get the more we appreciate our independence and the more we enjoy and make good use of moments of solitude. I think that as the years pass we get more comfortable in our own skin and care less about the influence of others. This tendency can be cause for insecurity in the younger partner and should be considered before embarking on a serious May-October relationship (or March-December if that's your beg) LOL.

 

[Chip]

I personally think women who marry guys more than 10 years younger than them understand it is just temporary.

For guys marrying more than 25 years their junior it may be different but then again if the girl can hold on for a few years the guys is likely to punch out anyway.

Of course there is always exceptions, however minor.

 

[twillis]

I have this situation. I'm 44; husband 27. I don't think the age difference matters as much as the cultural difference. My husband is very quiet and a home body so I don't have that issue of him wanting to go to the bars and stuff. He is a saver; not a spender so buying expensive clothes and chains isn't his thing. Even when we dated he wasn't like that. I think age aside - you have to see who the person is and judge them by their character.

Age is more of an issue for me then him. I think you have to be a very confident person to date younger - and that is not me. You can't think about it. I know 2 girls here in Canada that have younger Canadian husbands and they are forever getting botox, wearing younger clothes, acting younger. I am who I am, you can't lose yourself - in any relationship.

We have different views on many things, but I think that comes from his life in the Dominican compared to my life here in Canada. Age definitely is a factor, but I don't think its bound to not work then. I have never dated younger until my husband, actually my previous husband was 17 years my senior. So its an adjustment, but can work ... I think. Ask me in 5 years.

 

[Bronxboy]

We all know couples who have been together for 20 years or more and act like they're on their first date (married or not) and we also all know couples who are miserable after only a few years together (mostly married).

Ain't this the truth!

 

[laurajane]

There are 25 y/o's who want to sit around watching television and 65 y/o's who are out rock climbing and sport parachuting. Emotional age is the only true indication of compatibility. Compatibility is about what people expect within the context of a relationship versus its reality. We all know couples who have been together for 20 years or more and act like they're on their first date (married or not) and we also all know couples who are miserable after only a few years together (mostly married).

The value of a relationship is in what the participants bring to one another. No matter what the age, if someone makes your day better, compliments your lifestyle and consistently brings genuine joy with their company then either party could be 18 or 80 it doesn't matter. That relationship holds value and is worth maintaining.

Let me balance that with this. I have noticed that the older we get the more we appreciate our independence and the more we enjoy and make good use of moments of solitude. I think that as the years pass we get more comfortable in our own skin and care less about the influence of others. This tendency can be cause for insecurity in the younger partner and should be considered before embarking on a serious May-October relationship (or March-December if that's your beg) LOL.

Well yes i agree, but you are talking more about overall compatibilty. What i mean is a woman who is 35 may have had children and not want anymore, or maybe her clock is ticking, maybe she doesnt want any at all, but a 20 year old man shouldnt be under that pressure, maybe in 5 years he will want a family. I am talking about stages in life not emotional compatibilty.

Maybe a man who is 35 of course likes the look of a 20 year old girl and yes he may well be a raver and all round socialite, but that doesnt mean he is immature. Maybe the older partner is more secure, fun and outgoing than the younger, but it doesnt change the fact that they have experienced more and the younger may feel deprived of those things if in a serious relationship with an older person.

I didnt have my daughter until i was 29, before that i travelled all over the world, explored all different types of jobs, had my heart broken once and in turn i broke a few more ha ha. So now i feel like i can be a mother and a content, good, faithful wife as ive done all the crazy stuff. it doesnt mean my life is over but i dont feel resentful.

Of course there are always exceptions, it not black and white. In general i find older man and younger women relationships far more successful than the other way round.

 

[twillis]

I agree laurajane. I have seen both though. And yes, the children thing is the biggest. My husband didn't have any, says he doesn't want any, but true ... that can change. I say H-E-double toothpicks NO!! because of my age.

 

[Berzin]

The "younger woman/older man" thing considered as the "cultural norm" in the DR seems to me a contrivance for both sexes.

It certainly isn't because younger Dominican women appreciate a mature, older man.

Why would a 25-year old with an emotional intelligence age of an adolescent care about maturity? Seems more like insecurity and looking for that father figure they probably never had.

Along with the fact that even with ED medication, most of these men don't last too long so the woman's work hours are cut short, leaving more time to spend the old man's money without having to cater to his diminishing sexual needs.

And of course, the older gentlemen get it in their heads that these younger women appreciate them for their distinguished features, worldliness and charm when it's really their wallet and oftentimes just the ability to provide a roof over their heads that doesn't leak whenever it rains.

There's not enough Varon Dandy in the world to splash a fresh scent on this.

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[Bronxboy]

This questions is for the ladies (I’m sure many 50 y/o guys wouldn’t mind hooking up with a 20 something DR chica)
What would be the maximum acceptable age different you could entertain if looking @ a DR man as a possible life partner; either way; you as the older one or your boyfriend being the one ahead of you in number of years ?

We need more ladies responding to the OP's original question.

Well...........................

 

[pedrochemical]

A (real) man in charge of the Venus/Mars forum?

Finally after all these years of struggling - a bit of equality!!!!

This is a good move and is indicative of man's progress in the struggle against the nonsense imposed on us by women! (Staying sober, putting the toilet seat down, being faithful, not staring at hot girls/boobs etc.)

I for one feel empowered by the bold and radical decision of DR1.

As was once said -

Women spend more time thinking about what men are thinking about, than men spend time thinking.

GO BRONXBOY!

You tell 'em mate!!!

 

[laurajane]

The "younger woman/older man" thing considered as the "cultural norm" in the DR seems to me a contrivance for both sexes.

It certainly isn't because younger Dominican women appreciate a mature, older man.

Why would a 25-year old with an emotional intelligence age of an adolescent care about maturity? Seems more like insecurity and looking for that father figure they probably never had.

Along with the fact that even with ED medication, most of these men don't last too long so the woman's work hours are cut short, leaving more time to spend the old man's money without having to cater to his diminishing sexual needs.

And of course, the older gentlemen get it in their heads that these younger women appreciate them for their distinguished features, worldliness and charm when it's really their wallet and oftentimes just the ability to provide a roof over their heads that doesn't leak whenever it rains.

There's not enough Varon Dandy in the world to splash a fresh scent on this.

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I dont completely agree, i do think many women can find an older man very attractive indeed. I think most women prefer an older man, because they are usually a bit more mature. Of course there is a stabilty issue too, yes an older man may well be able to provide you with things a younger man cant, but by that i dont mean money as such more a way of life. I am not condoning women who prey after men just for their wallet, that is pretty sad. But much prefer an older man to someone the same age as me or younger.

Having said i could find an older man attractive, he would have to be exactly that...attractive (to me at least)! The problem is here many younger women will date the most unattractive of older men purely for what they can get. But their are many (here i exclude most dominicanas) that prefer and love older men for different reasons.

One part i would like to bring up is that in your post you make it sound as if a satisfying sex life is not important to women and that they would rather go shopping. I am sure this applies to the type that is with an older man purely for gain, but in general us women like a great sex life just as much as you guys, if not more!! Women are not satisfied with a quickie with one or multiple partners, we want quality and to be stimulated physically, visually and mentally.

Allthough i think in most cases an older man younger women scenario has much more change of success and longevity, sexually a younger man and older woman is a better combination, at least for a short while. Men are at their sexual peek at 18, whereas a woman doesnt reach her sexual peek until 30. So sexually speaking an 18 year old man/boy whatever you want to call him and a thirty year old women could have a very exciting sex life

In short lets all just be with who we wanna be with, young, old, fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white and enjoy life!! Who cares if the next door neighbor thinks your a dirty old man, a brainless bimbo, a cougar, a sanky or a playboy. The time it takes us all to annalize our own relationships and everyone elses means we are missing out on the action! JUST DO IT!!