- Thread starter amstellite
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Am I being duped again..????
I m in agreement. But I try to find the humor in all of this because seriously if you dont, you ll become bitter and insecure about the intentions of the people you meet. Then it will bias your experience and limit your exposure to new things. Especially if you really like the place, the country, the music, (for me) the food, the women, etc. It may sound like I m making this stuff up, but dangit man, I would be the one person who may really benefit from a reality show. My thing has always, ALWAYS been there are 2 distinct ways to handle this type of situation. You can be brutally honest or frankly rude. It is you who should decide. I ve done both depending on how much I liked that person. But being honest and succinct works best for me all the time. No negative feelings on my part and thats what I disliked with being rude.
All of the other posters with the comments "break loose from them and hide under a rock" and close out your email and tell them you re sick and lost your job and whatever is childish. Why do you need to hide who you are?
This is an AZB point, that when you do that its a shell game. All you re doing is displacing one leech with another leech, without examining a core issue "Why am I looking for leeches? What is it about these parasites that I find so appealling? What is it about me that I need to be accepted by everybody under the sun, particularly when you dont even know if they like you?" They like your money or the notion that you ll throw it at the sun to make shade. I cant hate them that much because they dont know what people with money do, they only know what people without money do. But like the other dude said here, You make a mistake by confusing kindness with weakness.
And with respect to Mike, sorry bro, I dont drink alcohol but in any event I reuse the phrase "Absolute power corrupts absolutely". You have absolute power over these people of almost quasi life and death(or more accurately room and board) but you dont use it. Thats the greatest sucker move I see so far. I told you man, make demands on what you want. And stop letting that dude, Juan, run the operation.
Berzin had a point, ask the dude the name and dosage of the medicine he has to acquire to relieve himself of fat head syndrome. He wont know. He s going to say in these 8 words: Are you going to help me or not?
I have a whole list of things I would say after that but thats just me.
I disagree, he has to just cut ties, if he gets involved in any way again he is likely to get wrapped up in the dramatic of the millennium and more confused.
I'll tell you a little tale about the beginning or my relationship and the first instance I met her family. First meeting was in a colmado, I bought all drinks for the family as it was cousins b'day for the whole day. It became a regular Sunday thing. Some bought me beers some forgot. I have tab in my colmado and on paying the bill once noticed some had been putting stuff on my tab without asking. I took note and waited. 2 weeks later I was asked for a 2000pesos fine to pay a traffic fine. I told them to f-ck off and get out of my house, never come back and never just turn up expecting things to be forgotten, I explained I had noticed everything and had left this open in hope you would correct things with me.
Now I'm accepted as someone they will not make off, given more respect than I was before x 10. And those that had bought things on my tab just vanished out of our lives. I still won't Llow certain family in our home as I have to be seen to be an unforgiving bastard, and it works.
I used to think being nasty, super firm was only needed when dealing with strangers here, but it's not, it's everyone with few exceptions.
I'll tell you a little tale about the beginning or my relationship and the first instance I met her family. First meeting was in a colmado, I bought all drinks for the family as it was cousins b'day for the whole day. It became a regular Sunday thing. Some bought me beers some forgot. I have tab in my colmado and on paying the bill once noticed some had been putting stuff on my tab without asking. I took note and waited. 2 weeks later I was asked for a 2000pesos fine to pay a traffic fine. I told them to f-ck off and get out of my house, never come back and never just turn up expecting things to be forgotten, I explained I had noticed everything and had left this open in hope you would correct things with me.
Now I'm accepted as someone they will not make off, given more respect than I was before x 10. And those that had bought things on my tab just vanished out of our lives. I still won't Llow certain family in our home as I have to be seen to be an unforgiving bastard, and it works.
I used to think being nasty, super firm was only needed when dealing with strangers here, but it's not, it's everyone with few exceptions.
He'll never stop. I have a friend like this. An awfully nice guy but always falling for the old okey-doke. I no longer travel with him. Human desperation is nothing to take lightly. If they can't get his money one way they'll find another.
Excuse this post, I wrote it on my Itouch, not great for writing long stuff on, come out horrid
Absolutely. Couldn't agree more.
Desperation is a really ugly human condition. But some "desperation" is self-induced, and when you combine self-induced desperation with a large ego, the results are especially ugly.
You can also put loneliness into this equation. I find lonely people alot more likely to be caught up in an ongoing situation like this. Most of us have been hit up, or attempted to be hit up, but it doesn't continue as this has.
As we don't know Juan (is that his name?) it is difficult to know what level he works at. It isn't unheard of for pro's to rearrange the entire family situation for a few weeks in order to portray a certain level of desperation for an unfamiliar easy target. Anyone can be forgiven for being sucked in if they know the weakness of the target, the OP's is obviously the kids, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were in on the whole thing and if one or two are borrowed from the neighbours.
As we don't know Juan (is that his name?) it is difficult to know what level he works at. It isn't unheard of for pro's to rearrange the entire family situation for a few weeks in order to portray a certain level of desperation for an unfamiliar easy target. Anyone can be forgiven for being sucked in if they know the weakness of the target, the OP's is obviously the kids, and I wouldn't be surprised if they were in on the whole thing and if one or two are borrowed from the neighbours.
i am well known as taca?a and i am proud of this. i do not give. once you do there is no stop to it. miesposo is dominican and he does exactly the same. when people come to him to ask for money (and they do all the time) he may say: come again by the end of the month and i will see if i can give you a job (manual labour, minimum wages). guess what - all of a sudden they don't need money and no one wants to work. i had some folks asking me for medicine and when i give them cheap generic stuff (free) they threw it in my face saying they want medicine from a better lab.
in DR, no, in the world in gereral, it is not good to have a soft heart
ps i reset my statement: i may, ocassionaly, give something to a person in need but i do it so seldom they know better not to ask.
in DR, no, in the world in gereral, it is not good to have a soft heart
ps i reset my statement: i may, ocassionaly, give something to a person in need but i do it so seldom they know better not to ask.
ha! the thing is to surprise your victim with ocassional kindness
seriously, racer, you know that one has to be thick-skinned here. there is this young dude begging on the crossroads in POP, pushing a wheelchair with a severely disfigured kid. poor kid is dressed in rugs but his carer has a nice watch and yorkie clothes. makes me wonder if my money goes for medicine or a new ed hardy t-shirt?
seriously, racer, you know that one has to be thick-skinned here. there is this young dude begging on the crossroads in POP, pushing a wheelchair with a severely disfigured kid. poor kid is dressed in rugs but his carer has a nice watch and yorkie clothes. makes me wonder if my money goes for medicine or a new ed hardy t-shirt?
Yea, but I m serious though. I gave 900 pesos to a friend to buy medicine for amalgaditis or whatever you call tonsilitis here(which in itself was like total 1400 pesos). She went in to the "muchas gracias papi" act. Like I said ONE TIME this year. And if your birthday is October 4th then this counts as A GIFT.
my friend i know you do not drink but i promise to buy you a menta if we ever meet
OP is a kind person, it seems to me, but he happens to live in the world that is not quite so nice. shame he connected with such a sh*tty "friend" because otherwise he might have done a lot of good for a decent family in need
i know you do not drink but i promise to buy you a menta if we ever meet OP is a kind person, it seems to me, but he happens to live in the world that is not quite so nice. shame he connected with such a sh*tty "friend" because otherwise he might have done a lot of good for a decent family in need
Funny you mention the kids being " borrowed " maybe. The littlest, 4 , calls him "Juan Carlos" not papa.. I broiught this up mny times, but they don;t seem to mind......strange huh???
I once gave a Dominican friend a pair of heels, black to be exact for her job. These we're brand new nothing terribly expensive, so she could go to work, she'd been asking for awhile and I relented so I bought them. Once I gave them to her, she was all gushy and thankful. She then got very serious and said, but don't you know I need a couple of more pairs in different colors for ALL my outfits for work. I laughed since I thought she was joking, but she didn't laugh and pressed me for it. I told her then, "pero claro muchacha que te lo voy a comprar, dime lo que tu quiere que te lo voy a traer". Three months later, she is still waiting. I don't mind stringing her along, I enjoy it. Plus now she knows better, because I always make fun of her now and won't buy her a damn thing anymore. She realized she effed up. But if I allowed her coercion to continue she would have more shoes than Imelda Marcos.
FFS single, retiring, screw the family charity. Get a half decent women to relax in retirement with. I can't get my head around why everyone wants to give so much to a place that vomits it back in your face. If you really want to give to people who understand appreciation then try the Gambia region, good solid people.
amstellite - i didn't even read this thread this time along. but, look, my refrigerator is on the fritz and my oven burns everything i try to bake (or maybe i just don't know how to bake?) i've got two small (really cute 1/2 dominican) kids. we could use a few things... wanna help US out? Or does it not work that way because my husband and I actually work to support ourselves? Not enough of a charity case for you? because seriously, give up that lost cause and take up a different one.
Mike, there is a beautiful Dominican woman out there waiting for you. There are single one's without any munchkins for you to support, there are also single one's with bambinos if that is your thing. I think Aftab has a secretary he wants to get rid off might be available at the moment, I believe she is currently in school finishing her studies.
Just get out there and do your thing, when you see Juan, smile and say wassa bro, we gotta hang out some time, I'm really busy dawg. Let me get your number and I will give you a ring later. Fist pump, look into his eyes smile and say peasssshhh...Or the local equivalent, cuidate palomo. Then go to your apartment, shower, shave, or leave either a goatee or a beard. Proceed to put on your finest clothes some shiny shoes, slap on da owd spice! Look into that mirror and slap yo'self you handsome devil cause Mike el terror ha llegado!!! Go to any of the myriad events goin on in la capital (I can hook you up with some suggestions) and find yourself a mamacita who will take of you and you of her.
You will forget about Juan and familia right quick...DALE!!!!!
Just get out there and do your thing, when you see Juan, smile and say wassa bro, we gotta hang out some time, I'm really busy dawg. Let me get your number and I will give you a ring later. Fist pump, look into his eyes smile and say peasssshhh...Or the local equivalent, cuidate palomo. Then go to your apartment, shower, shave, or leave either a goatee or a beard. Proceed to put on your finest clothes some shiny shoes, slap on da owd spice! Look into that mirror and slap yo'self you handsome devil cause Mike el terror ha llegado!!! Go to any of the myriad events goin on in la capital (I can hook you up with some suggestions) and find yourself a mamacita who will take of you and you of her.
You will forget about Juan and familia right quick...DALE!!!!!
this time the penny has dropped . I am hurt but I will dust myself off. I have been lying awake at night, and lying to myself, mulling over what everyone has said and what has been happening to me there ove rthe past years. I now see that it may all have been one big con.I never got it. I was blinded. I fell for dropping a further 300 bucks last Feb when Juan told me he had pawned his motoconch to save the baby when ill.... and the bill was up three days after I arrived (funnily enough) - meaningthey would own his bike. So what did this sap do...I paid the 300 - in fact more because they upped it when we went to get it... now I am suspicious they were all in on the act- just one of many issues I now go over in my mind. How all the big items in the house suddenly broke while Iwas there. fridge, stove, washing machine...how when I first met Juan when he picked me up on the motoconcho and we went for a beer in his local, how he had no one else in the shack living with him, how they must have all laughed thinking,,, ah we have one now - don;t let him go... showed me a great time, never stole anything, builiding up my confidence....then next time three months later he has 5 kids living in the one-room shack with his " girlfriend" if she was truly his girlfriend. Maybe it was all a plot to get the gringo to pay because my heart went out to these shoeless dirty kids playing with dolls without heads and with no food. What a fool I am. No fool like an old fool. The more I write the more I get angry with myself for not seeing how they played me each and every time. And for what? Nice photo shots to show the friends back here. My feeling good about myself. ? Well I feel horrible now and mistrust all humanity -maybe that's a little harsh but I can tell everyone here right now, it is stopping now. No more of this because now I am ****ed and next time if this ever happens I hopefully will recognize it and head for the hills before they get their sticky little hands on me. I am an idiot. People, Dominicans here in the USA, warned me when it started that this might turn out this way... I cursed them out saying they had no heart and that is why people are destitute there.. because their very own people won;t help them.. Now I see they were right and were trying to protect me.. but I was so blinded by the adulation and glory of feeling like a king amongst the poor, I forsake all that advice. Now at 50, I guess it's time to admit some truths and state I was wrong. The kids I worry about, but am assured they will be fine once I am out of the picture. Juan- my friend or so I once believed, I am sure will find another sap to help him sit on his ass and not work...and I can get back to a normal life myslf where I am not constantly worried that this family will be destitute and will fall apart without my assistance. Maybe it will- but from what I am hearing, they won't worry about it anyway-and my preoccupation with all this is all in my mind. In fact I doubt if Juan gives anything a csecond thought- I'm sure he's not up at 4 am like this putting down his thoughts and wondering how h can make me feel better and how he can help ...No more will I leave threads and posts whining about this. I have burdened everyone her with these pathetic issues too many times. I have read and reread the advice, good and bad, and am sure of this new path. It is to the detriment of some who could have benefitted from my assistance, but I have to put myself and my sanity first for a change. With this, I bid all farewell. I wish we could all meet up somehow as each person here has contributed to helping me out of this quagmire... it will be hard for me still because I still love the DR and want to return but after this trip in 6 days, I will be trying out a new place, maybe Colombia or Brazil, or Argentina, or Mexico. And I will try to have a heart but not wear it on my sleeve this time... thanks again to all, and adios....