Article - Too successful for a mate?

[Talldrink]

Full Article:
http://http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/HomeMortgageSavings/TooSuccessfulForAMate.aspx?page=all

For some time I thought that this was a Dominican Man's issue, but after my divorce and with time I now know better. This article has many good points that I totally agree with!

I am one of many that feel this way:

Carolyn Kaufman, 33, has a doctorate [...] She is a perfect example of a woman who has everything except a date. "I have this crazy belief that I have the right to expect my potential partner to be at least as successful as I am, and to have as many things to offer as I do," she says.

Then there's the issue of time [...] are out nearly every night of the week at fund-raisers, benefits and business dinners. "The person I'm trying to find is just as busy as I am," says Mohr, 29. "If we're both that busy, when is the time when we're going to meet?" She says the men she does meet at these events are usually married.

Of course, you have heard all these excuses before, from women both successful and not – I'm too busy, there are no good men left, they're all married or gay, etc. But there's another factor at work for women at the top of their game: They're intimidating to men.

No matter how enlightened most men claim they are, few are ready to pair up with a woman who is more successful, better paid and better educated -- not to mention better traveled, more connected and more socially savvy than they are.

Anyway, I really posted this because I see this as growing trend not only here in the states but in my most recent trips to DR and spending time with career women there too.

What gives?!

Any thoughts?

 

[Adrian Bye]

If you're really that good, then you should be around other successful people naturally anyway. I know plenty of single millionaires in the US.

 

[Talldrink]

Adrian, I know plenty of single women too... but your post is VERY general you know... Much easier said than what the reality is.

 

[Berzin]

Ask yourself, when coming home after a hards days' work and you are annoyed at the world, what scenario would add more to the quality of your life-a man who is never home because he has to compete with his mates' idea of success, or a guy who would take time to care for you, cook you dinner, give you a backrub and will be there to listen to you?

Seeing it from a guys' perspective, if these women put the value of a relationship on a man having to attain at the very least their womans' level of success, then a guy is well within his right to trade her in as soon as that first wrinkle shows on her face.

Either way it becomes more about status than trying to make a life together while being on each others' side. In other words, no love in either scenario and both are wrong.

I have read a similar article in New York magazine and was amused to read that many successful women wound up losing respect for their mates if they made more money-regardless of the fact that the discrepancies were as small as 10-20 thousand dollars and both mates were making 6 figure salaries each.

We live in a Bizarro World, where the more I experience the less anything makes sense.

 

[Tallman1818]

It's just a matter of time if you look, you will find just have an open mind and think about what is it that the other person is looking for............

Paciensia y veras........

 

[Opusculum]

Nothing intimidates me more than a woman who writes. But that's only because I pretend to be a writer and I suspect they'll know I'm fake.

Other than that, give me an intelligent woman... or give me death, but not just yet.

 

[bob saunders]

Yes, I agree with what you say, in general terms, but finding the right guy or gal(based on what you are looking for) an equal in education...etc is nearly impossible if that how you are going to base your ideal mate. Better to have someone who is close to your equal in intelligence and also turns your crank. For example my older brother can speak English, French, and Russian fluently, can tear a computer apart, and put it back together in his sleep, holds only a 2 year electronic technologist diploma, but makes 3 times as much money as his wife who has a medical degree and a masters in Child Psychology. She doesn't have a clue about computers but he can talk medicine with her and her associates. Pheromones are more important than most people realize.

 

[bob saunders]

Is it not also true that more women than ever are finishing university, while less men are. This could be for many reasons, perhaps because women dominate the teaching profession and therefore show a bias for their female students and against their male students. Just a possibility.

 

[Talldrink]

Ok, Calm down you boys...

Alrighty there fellows....

Firstly: I didnt post the article because I CANT find a man!! LOL - I am happy and dating and loving it!!

It was meant for a general discussion... not a discussion on how to find ME a man!!

...he has to compete with his mates' idea of success, or a guy who would take time to care for you, cook you dinner, give you a backrub and will be there to listen to you?

We live in a Bizarro World, where the more I experience the less anything makes sense.

Ok, who's competing and should that thought even be out there? The woman can have a demanding job as a nanny or as an executive, that point of the article was that a man is more accepting of a woman with a job or career that is thought of having less value.

 

[Talldrink]

Moreover...

The article also mentioned this, which I agree with 100% as well...

I abandoned the expectation of many "must-have" items in my years of dating before I met my husband. It's not that I couldn't find a man who possessed the right qualities, but it turned out they were irrelevant to a happy relationship. ...

In the end, common values and goals, generosity, intelligence, respect, a warped sense of humor and a mutual attraction floated to the top of the list. Nearly everything else on that list was negotiable, including income and educational attainment.

"As you get older, you get more clear on what's important to you," says Dr. Debra Condren, a psychologist, career coach and author of "am-BITCH-ous" -- which explores how and why women sabotage their own ambition, and why they should cut it out.

He just might not be a CEO with a Ph.D. in astrophysics.

 

[Berzin]

Alrighty there fellows....

Firstly: I didnt post the article because I CANT find a man!! LOL - I am happy and dating and loving it!!

It was meant for a general discussion... not a discussion on how to find ME a man!!

Well, I certainly didn't take it that way. I just wanted to comment on what is more important-getting paid or having a mate(and this goes for a man or a woman) that cares for you. I think the caring should be first and more important than anything else. The rest can be worked out along the way.

Ok, who's competing and should that thought even be out there? The woman can have a demanding job as a nanny or as an executive, that point of the article was that a man is more accepting of a woman with a job or career that is thought of having less value.

My point was the successful women interviewed for the article I read were less accepting of their mates when they made more money.

 

[Opusculum]

Nothing intimidates me more than a woman who writes. But that's only because I pretend to be a writer and I suspect they'll know I'm fake.

Other than that, give me an intelligent woman... or give me death, but not just yet.

Could you believe that the above statement--a very honest statement about female writers, poets, published authors, etc...--was enough to get me a couple of red marks and an insult: "It's not hard to intimidate an illiterate."

There are a couple of female writers here at DR1, and while only one of them knows me personally (and knows what I fear), both of them know what I meant.

I've spoken with other writers--published and unpublished, and at book fairs, book-signings, universities and such--and some have expressed the exact same sentiments: they fear other writers. I even asked the supremely great J?not-who when he came to Houston about my phobia, and guess what?

Yes, successful women are fine, but I only feel intimidated by those who do what I love (reason I ain't married to my beautiful Indie).

So, why the red marks? The insult is not a big deal, but the red marks accumulate and then I'm history. Again. And I'm trying to behave, people.

Writers, authors, poets, how 'bout some yellow squares for The Kid?

 

[Alyonka]

I think only readers can be valid judges for an author, not other writers. If people read what someone has to say and are willing to spend time and money on the book - person who wrote it does not need to worry too much about what other authors have to say. They might simply be jealous.

 

[Opusculum]

I think only readers can be valid judges for an author, not other writers. If people read what someone has to say and are willing to spend time and money on the book - person who wrote it does not need to worry too much about what other authors have to say. They might simply be jealous.

True. But since the OP dealt with the intimidation factor, I simply agreed by saying what intimidates me. Successful women may intimidate most men, but I only feel intimidated by female writers, successful or not.

Still, why the red marks?

 

[Alyonka]

About the original thread subject - yes, a lot of men are very insecure and cannot stand to be with a woman who is smarter and more successful than they are. But some successful women also have high standards and requirements - too high I would say because no one is perfect.

 

[Alyonka]

True. But since the OP dealt with the intimidation factor, I simply agreed by saying what intimidates me. Successful women may intimidate most men, but I only feel intimidated by female writers, successful or not.

Still, why the red marks?

I have gotten red marks for sentences that most people would just ignore. Some people here just like playing with this new "marks" system I guess.

 

[catcherintherye]

Opusculum, I have noticed the anonymous, and often abstract, critical messages usually lack any meaningful feedback. Some people simply don't like or want any different points of view posted on "their" board. For the most part, I have found the people who post here are very fair minded, but the exceptions can ruin your day. In my opinion, those who leave negative and unattributed messages are cowardly and intellectually bankrupt, but there's not much I can do about it, except to consider the source. If I have something to say to a person, I want that person to know I am the one who is saying it.

 

[Opusculum]

I have gotten red marks for sentences that most people would just ignore. Some people here just like playing with this new "marks" system I guess.

These red-mark givers are DR1 long-termers, and highly respected members of their communities. I doubt they are just playing with the system. I even received a red mark about a comment regarding The Bronx yesterday.

But I'm not smart enough to have created that line about The Bronx being the capital of NY; I actually read it in an article about DR and PR youth gangs in the South Bronx.

Still, the red marks about intimidation have derailed me today: I can't get anything done, and I have a lot to do.

 

[Chip]

Opusculum, I have noticed the anonymous, and often abstract, critical messages usually lack any meaningful feedback. Some people simply don't like or want any different points of view posted on "their" board. For the most part, I have found the people who post here are very fair minded, but the exceptions can ruin your day. In my opinion, those who leave negative and unattributed messages are cowardly and intellectually bankrupt, but there's not much I can do about it, except to consider the source. If I have something to say to a person, I want that person to know I am the one who is saying it.

ditto


.

 

[Alyonka]

These red-mark givers are DR1 long-termers, and highly respected members of their communities. I doubt they are just playing with the system. I even received a red mark about a comment regarding The Bronx yesterday.

But I'm not smart enough to have created that line about The Bronx being the capital of NY; I actually read it in an article about DR and PR youth gangs in the South Bronx.

Still, the red marks about intimidation have derailed me today: I can't get anything done, and I have a lot to do.

If it was up to me - I would not have that marks systems at all. If I don't like a post - I just don't read it. That is all. Message boards are to be free for everyone to express opinions. That is why they are valuable.