These aren't jokes but stories I've heard from an ex-coworker:
1. He was pumping gas once and stepped on a beetle, but the insect was dragging him away; took the insect home and placed it next to an old-style cash register with heavy wooden base, and it was pushing the register off the table. He tried to kill it with a baseball bat, but it would not die. (When I asked him if he used an aluminum bat, he told me to "phuck off")
2. While he was a Marine, he lived off-post, and on the way home each day he would see a suitcase by the side of the road and would ask the driver to stop and take a look. Well, his buddy never stopped, thinking the case may be full of snakes and spiders and such. Well, for two years they drove the same route, then one day his Marine unit was given the responsibility of policing up the area and guess what? Yes, the suitcase was still there, and guess who found it? Yes, he found it and it contained 2.5 million dollars. He turned the money over to the authorities.
3. He also owned a Stradivarius violin worth several millions, but he couldn't bring it to work to show me - insurance company would not allow it. (I asked him for proof, he told me "you're an ass, Jose")
4. He once drove from Houston to Dallas in 90 minutes - over 240 miles.
5. His last name was Adams, and claimed he was related to president John Adams but NOT president John Quincy Adams.
6. At a family reunion, there were 33 of his uncles named Curtis E. Adams present.
7. As a Sgt. in the Marines, he did not get paid for about 3 months; he wrote to his Senator, who then threatened the post commander, a 3-star general, with a demotion if "Sgt Adams do not get his check in 5 minutes." And he witnessed it all.
8. He crawled from the beach to the American embassy in Saigon, where six of them went up to the roof, and five of them got killed. (The Kid then said, "Hey, so only you survided.") From the beach to the embassy.... ? crawling... ?
9. He saw Elvis perform live... at the Houston Astrodome... in 1962. In 1962. '62.
There were hundreds more, but these stood out. His fishing stories... well, you heard those before.
Another ex-coworker was driving around one evening near Galveston, Tx, with his buddy and they were running out of gas. They picked up a hitchhiker; drove some more; looked back and the guy was gone. The gas needle indicated a full tank of gas. "I'm not saying he was Jesus, but he looked like him: dress, beard, and all."
1. He was pumping gas once and stepped on a beetle, but the insect was dragging him away; took the insect home and placed it next to an old-style cash register with heavy wooden base, and it was pushing the register off the table. He tried to kill it with a baseball bat, but it would not die. (When I asked him if he used an aluminum bat, he told me to "phuck off")
2. While he was a Marine, he lived off-post, and on the way home each day he would see a suitcase by the side of the road and would ask the driver to stop and take a look. Well, his buddy never stopped, thinking the case may be full of snakes and spiders and such. Well, for two years they drove the same route, then one day his Marine unit was given the responsibility of policing up the area and guess what? Yes, the suitcase was still there, and guess who found it? Yes, he found it and it contained 2.5 million dollars. He turned the money over to the authorities.
3. He also owned a Stradivarius violin worth several millions, but he couldn't bring it to work to show me - insurance company would not allow it. (I asked him for proof, he told me "you're an ass, Jose")
4. He once drove from Houston to Dallas in 90 minutes - over 240 miles.
5. His last name was Adams, and claimed he was related to president John Adams but NOT president John Quincy Adams.
6. At a family reunion, there were 33 of his uncles named Curtis E. Adams present.
7. As a Sgt. in the Marines, he did not get paid for about 3 months; he wrote to his Senator, who then threatened the post commander, a 3-star general, with a demotion if "Sgt Adams do not get his check in 5 minutes." And he witnessed it all.
8. He crawled from the beach to the American embassy in Saigon, where six of them went up to the roof, and five of them got killed. (The Kid then said, "Hey, so only you survided.") From the beach to the embassy.... ? crawling... ?
9. He saw Elvis perform live... at the Houston Astrodome... in 1962. In 1962. '62.
There were hundreds more, but these stood out. His fishing stories... well, you heard those before.
Another ex-coworker was driving around one evening near Galveston, Tx, with his buddy and they were running out of gas. They picked up a hitchhiker; drove some more; looked back and the guy was gone. The gas needle indicated a full tank of gas. "I'm not saying he was Jesus, but he looked like him: dress, beard, and all."