Changing My Life---help!

[Alyonka]

OP - if you set your mind to this move and your job allows it without loosing everything - why not give it a try? I would do it long time ago if my son and his Dad could survive without seeing each other every day I am not sure how your ex feels about not being able to see and take care of his children. They might miss him. Be very very careful with people there. Even those who seem the most trustworthy can only be after your money. All the best wishes and good luck!

 

[shadInToronto]

The sky isn't about to fall on this woman. Why do most posters assume she's lost all rational thinking? She's simply asking for advice on settling there not whether she should move there, that she already decided. If the DR were the worst place to live, why aren't all expats leaving? If you can help, share your experience so she can avoid costly mistakes.

 

[shadInToronto]

I had no idea that nurses in the US made this kind of money.

Not unusual ... if she's on contract $500 - $800 per day is not unusual.

 

[Richard Alberto]

That's a good point. The court systems in the States are very reluctant to allow a mother to relocate to another country with underage children unless the father agrees to it. You did mention that you did not receive child support so I hope it's not vengence you're seeking but rather a fresh start.

 

[Richard Alberto]

The sky isn't about to fall on this woman. Why do most posters assume she's lost all rational thinking? She's simply asking for advice on settling there not whether she should move there, that she already decided. If the DR were the worst place to live, why aren't all expats leaving? If you can help, share your experience so she can avoid costly mistakes.

you know Shad it boggles my mind to hear how some people live their lives sooo negatively and hopeless. It's not as though noone ever survived moving to DR or as though noone has moved and love every minute. I know of someone in DR1 who moved from NY, with small children and hasn't looked back. She is very very happy there and doing very well and more importantly her children are loving it and doing very well.

 

[AK74]

??-!!-??

A very strange thread!

It could be natural to hear from a N/A MAN that he counts hours to leave USA for DR. But from a woman (single triple-mom!!)??!!

With all its women-oriented laws and acute shortage of attractive females USA can be called "paradise for women", meanwhile Dominican Republic with its very liberate police and human political system is as close to be called "paradise for men" as possible.

A very strange thread!!

:surprised

 

[Alyonka]

A very strange thread!

It could be natural to hear from a N/A MAN that he counts hours to leave USA for DR. But from a woman (single triple-mom!!)??!!

:surprised

Why? I agree that male machismo and domination can spoil work place and certain family situations but in general relaxed and child centered life style can be very appealing for a woman coming from the US. I would not want my child to see all the "action" that men are participating in the DR but if you live somewhere outside of all this - it is can actully feel very nice and relaxing giving a break from stress of some sort.

 

[SKing]

I had no idea that nurses in the US made this kind of money.
I am surprised you only have enough saved up for 7-8 months which is only 2 weeks pay for you.
Anyways, good luck.

I make a great amount of money ($39/hr), but also I have current expenses and 3 children that I am taking care of. When I return every 2 mos. I will work from 7am-11pm for 7 days straight. That is not hard for me seeing as I will not have the kids with me that week. I think that I can do it. I am grateful and thank God that I am a RN. My job is always here for me...thank God.

 

[M.A.R.]

Being a single mom of three with no support from family and father could be extremely stressful, and that’s what I sense from the OP, a lot of stress.

I am not sure if there is a Private Colegio in Sajoma but there is a large community of educated professionals. Many are from the “pueblo” or have moved there from the nearby campos and have built their nice houses there. The town is growing very fast and most of its economy is supported by the money sent to families from abroad. From my understanding the water system is a mess because of political problems, most of the campos nearby have gotten their water system installed and Sajoma doesn’t have a good water system, ????? that’s the main problem there.

If SKing is willing to be focused inclusively on her kids, Sajoma is one of the best small towns she could raise her kids in DR. There are a lot of activities for the kids, there is a karate school, there is painting classes, baseball and basketball, internet cafes, a very nice church full of activities there are many rivers near by, except never take your kids during the weekends, too crowded with people from the barrios of Santiago, ehehehehe

She could very easily take her kids to museums in Santiago and all the many activities she could find there. As long as she makes those activities very cultural and a learning experience it would be a wonderful experience for the kids. She could also give them English classes at home and bring tons of books from the US, study guides, textbooks, etc.

If You decide to stay I hope to see you around next year!!!! I usually stay in a campo near by when I go there for vacation. Good Luck.

 

[SKing]

I have a question, does your best friend that moved to the DR have children?

My friend does not have any children, although she is trying to get pregnant now. By the way, I am an L&D nurse.

 

[SKing]

If your kids love it there and you plan it very very carefully then go for it.

I appreciate so much this comment and the other positive comments that I have received. When I read all of the first comments this morning, I cried because I love my children and I was made to sound like I am a selfish, horrible mother. I am thanking all of you who understand where I am coming from.
No, my children have not been to DR but we went to Costa Rica and stayed for 3 weeks in a "campo" much poorer and lower class than Sajoma and they loved it. They all cried when we had to leave and we only went to the beach once so I know that it wasn't because of the beach. I am taking them to DR probably March/April for "Semana Santa". Thanks so much again.
I have found one private colegio in Sajoma that teaches in spanish. But also there are private schools in Santiago that teach in english but I do not want to have to drive to Santiago everyday, but I will do that if it is best for my kids. My 7 yo reads and writes in english ok as any 2nd grader and I can just expand and continue on that but I am concerned re: my son who will be beginning his education in spanish, I want him to be able to read and write in english also and I don't think that I am equipped to teach him.

 

[SKing]

If You decide to stay I hope to see you around next year!!!! I usually stay in a campo near by when I go there for vacation. Good Luck.

Thanks so much, I will definitely continue talking to everyone here, and would love to make friends in that area. Which campo do you usually stay in? I have been to a couple in the surrounding area.

 

[suarezn]

Sking: To be fair it does sound like at least you have a plan and (according to your post) you're not moving because of a guy you met on some vacation. If your kids have already been there and they speak Spanish then that's already a big plus and it could be a great experience for them.

Didn't mean to sound harsh, but I hope you understand that we see this kind of stuff in this forum all the time. Some woman moving to The DR because she met a guy while on vacation...

I'm concerned about you leaving one of your kids behind, but again I'm not intimate to all the details so we're just theorizing here.

The main thing I would say ti at least try to get your kids some kind of bilingual education. You may have to travel to Santiago for that and it won't be cheap, but if you just keep them in the traditional Dominican education system they will fall behind and if/when they come back to study in The US they will be placed one or two grades back. At a minimum try to augment it yourself with some home schooling...

Good luck...

 

[Richard Alberto]

Perhaps you can supplement the eduction by going to the nearest university and getting a reference of a student nearest you to assist in the basics a few hours a week..

 

[LarrySpencer]

Ok....here are a few clarifying questions for you:

1. Have your children ever come to the Island with you? If they were here, what did they think?

2. Do they have any Spanish training as of yet?

3. Do you know of any schools in that area that are truly bilingual - because there is one just down the street from my house here in Santo Domingo that claims to be bilingual, but I can barely understand an English word coming out of the mouth of the teacher. But there are some very good ones here in the city and other larger areas...otherwise, where you plan to live seems way out of the question.

If your in this and want to do it right, why don't you bring your kids out next summer and stay for a few months and try it out. Put them in a school and see how they like it during that time, but don't commit to anything. The education in this country is so far behind that it is almost laughable, so be very prepared for that. If this is something that you really want to do, then great! Come out here and try it out before you jump in with both feet. Alone it's ok to do, but you've got much more to worry about... 'nuf said...

 

[thurston]

I know of two pepole that have done what your are thinking of, and both are
living and working in the D.R verry happy, one for 11,years the other 4,years.
Good advise from (Shadin Toronto). Go for it Be lucky.

I rarely reply to forums other than travel but I read this one and it was intriguing. What I would say SKing is that life is very very short as you well know. If your kids love it there and you plan it very very carefully then go for it. Your Dominican friends husband being an architect should have go circle of friends that value the good life and take good care of their families so why not you. I'm not sure that you can let others hopelessness convince you not to figure life out for yourself. You love DR, have friends in DR with great jobs, your kids love it and you love it.
Spend the extra money and send your children to the best international school possible, be careful like you would if you moved to any urban city in the US. (drugs, rebelliousness etc). Give it a year or so and guage your childrens adjustment and your feelings and if it doesn't workout come back. There mayl come a time that you may wish you had and you didn't. Follow you dreams.

 

[slrguy]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"my children go outside knocking from door to door on a daily basis to find out if any other children can play. They were surrounded by children in Sajoma and it was devastating to them to return here and return to what they thought they had gotten used to."

Then later...

"No, my children have not been to DR but we went to Costa Rica and stayed for 3 weeks in a "campo" much poorer and lower class than Sajoma and they loved it."

Which is it?

 

[shadInToronto]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
"They were surrounded by children in Sajoma and it was devastating to them to return here and return to what they thought they had gotten used to."

Then later...

"No, my children have not been to DR but we went to Costa Rica and stayed for 3 weeks in a "campo" much poorer and lower class than Sajoma and they loved it."

Which is it?

Good observation Sherlock .... hmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

[Lambada]

When I moved here 15 years ago it wasn't with children so I won't presume to offer advice on that matter. And I don't know Sajoma although from yours & M.A.R.'s description is sounds delightful & very much like some of the other areas used to be 12/15 years ago. Maybe Sajoma will be one of the last places to change as the DR gets pulled into the second half of the twentieth century? Just wanted to alert you to something you already know, I'm sure, and that is that the country is undergoing massive social change at the moment, with all the accompanying ills of 'progress'. I doubt if San Jose de las Matas has escaped the drug problem, so that is a factor to bear in mind when your children choose their friends. And of course, you'll remember this incident just over a year ago:
Haitianos mata a tiros dos personas en Sajoma

It might help if you could toughen up a bit, emotionally. If you really cried reading comments from people you don't know, then maybe work on that level of sensitivity? Not suggesting you should become insensitive, just less geared to taking things personally. As an expat there will be times when you'll need to do this and you won't want to waste energy on the 'wrong' things when you'll need quite a bit for the adjustment process.

When I read all of the first comments this morning, I cried because I love my children and I was made to sound like I am a selfish, horrible mother.

And along with this, have you run through in your own mind what happens if you & your best friend fall out? You have indicated a level of dependence on one family (friendship, child care in your absence, her husband building your house etc) which might leave you a bit stuck if you don't like what he builds and have a little discussion about it which gets taken the wrong way......... Try to put fewer eggs in one basket, if you can, then you have less chance of them all breaking at the same time. Sajoma seems to have quite an internet presence so you might connect with people that way:
GuestBook de Sajoma.com - [ Provided by: eFreeGuestbooks.com - Free Guest Book Service ]

Sajoma.com

misajoma.com Tu Pagina Matera en el Internet

Wish you well. No matter how the DR changes in the years to come, I'm certain your children will always find playmates here - can't see the natural friendliness & curiosity of Dominican children changing too much.

 

[SKing]

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

"my children go outside knocking from door to door on a daily basis to find out if any other children can play. They were surrounded by children in Sajoma and it was devastating to them to return here and return to what they thought they had gotten used to."

Then later...

"No, my children have not been to DR but we went to Costa Rica and stayed for 3 weeks in a "campo" much poorer and lower class than Sajoma and they loved it."

Which is it?

I apologize, I did not mean Sajoma in the first statement, I was referring to the "campo" where we stayed in Costa Rica. Honest mistake. Thanks.