child support standards in the DR

[RacerX]

Many thanks for the time you all took to reply.
I am a foreigner, will not be the registered father, the young woman is from a poor family and she doesn't have my full name, birth date and contact details in case she wanted to sue me.
I don't intend to the continue the relationship, and knowing that I will have very limited influence on the education and general future of the child just through sporadic visits and against the overwhelming cultural influence of its immediate surroundings, I think it will be better for all parties, if I limit my involvement to providing for a basically decent economic situation for the child.
At the time the young woman is 2 months pregnant and lives with her family.
One can never be sure, but I believe her to be a decent person who will provide as well as possible for the child.
Right now I am sending her PD 8000/month plus extras like physician, medicine etc. plus the things (mainly clothing, jewelry,medicines) I brought her on my visits ca. every 6 weeks.
She doesn't yet know that I will be ending the relationship.
I thought of -when informing her once back home of me breaking up the relationship- of proposing to raise her 'pension' to 15.000 PD/month, which would include all physician visits, medicines, lab work etc., payable every end of month upon receipt of an actual photo of her belly until the child is born, then a copy of the birth certificate, and from then on a monthly photo of the baby/child, until it reaches age 18.
I would adjust the monthly allowance every 2 years or so to reflect inflation.
I prefer not getting any lawyers, contracts etc. into the picture, as -no offense to any lawyers reading this- it might simply cause the woman's family to get ideas.
I don't intend to return to the DR (just in case).
Does this seem a fair and sensible approach?
Again many thanks in advance for your comments.

Forget all of that man. Spend $200 and get the DNA test before you do anything. You do the rich American thing, send limitless amounts of money and hope for the best. Why dont you await the worst? DNA test can be done immediately after birth.

All of that "I m gonna wait to end the relationship is 'tres bitch'. You were man enough to get her pregnant, maybe, so where are your nuts when you want to terminate the relationship? Tell her straight up. Why put her on Cloud 9 for no specific reason? As we speak right now what do you think she is thinking? Super Duper Cinderella things. You can bet on that.

If your name isnt on the birth certificate you have no legal implications. Anything you send would be more than a domestic man most likely would do. And in the 21st Century, your name doesnt need to be on the birth certificate for residency in your home country, thats what the DNA test proves-familial relationship.

 

[keepcoming]

Thanks Shalena...I thought maybe that last Chardonnay maybe altered my thinking..lol...Now I am really disgusted. How can anyone make their child pay for their own mistake. Money will NEVER replace the love of a parent. I do not care where you live.
This is part of the problem here in the Dominican Republic. Karma as they say is a b**tch...

 

[dv8]

geez, don't be so hard on the guy, maybe he never wanted to be a father in the first place and the girl just decided to give him a surprise? he does not have to bend over backwards for the child he never wanted.
DNA test is a good idea and in case of "yes" i think it would be reasonable to limit your help to the child and the child only. purchase a good insurance - it will cover most of medical costs, good insurance covers even 100% of pharmacy bill. buy pampers, formula, food, pay for school. but the mother? nah. she has two hands, does she not? she is perfectly capable of work. lives with a family? even better, they will look after the child when she is at work. there is no need for you to support her as well. and yeah, keep the facturas.
you can pay for all the things from canada, i believe.

 

[Anastacio]

No one's being hard on him, just telling him what he wants to know. What is so hard about telling a guy if he has a child then he has a responsibility, wants it or not. If you never want kids then do as I have and have a vasectomy, done deal, if you don;t then tough $hit, still has a duty!

 

[dv8]

yeah, but you got it done after you had a kid, right?
maybe he wants a child in the future but not now and not with this woman?

 

[Anastacio]

yeah, but you got it done after you had a kid, right?
maybe he wants a child in the future but not now and not with this woman?

Like I said, tough $hit, he has one now, look after it. Hell I'd never have more kids, hence my visit to the butcher as soon as I realised how much work they were.
Multiple kids are for special people who genuinely love kids, I love my own and hate everyone elses!! She wants more and so I've left her, simple!!

 

[dv8]

anastasio, calmate
i'm all for the material support, it's a decent thing to do. but anything more? i don't know.
almost all families i know in DR live in a state of a mess when it comes to kids/relationsips. miesposo's grandfather had 11 or so of his own kids, then another dozen on the street (that he accepeted as his, who knows how many more really). my friend's father's gf was one of 59 kids of her father, he boasted to produce that many but never ever given any support to mothers nor kids save for the claim he spawned them. one of my workers has 5 kids he knows of, supports the last two with latest woman, his exes do not want them in their life and he wants nothing to do with them (but is very proud of his powerful sperm).
all i'm saying is that things in DR are... well... different. mothers manage with no support, children manage without knowing their father or having any emotional relationship with him. strange? may be, for gringos. unusual? certainly not. not even in the states, i think. ever saw "the locator"? how many broken families, split apart? some seek reunion, most do not.

 

[Anastacio]

anastasio, calmate
ever saw "the locator"? how many broken families, split apart? some seek reunion, most do not.

I've tried but I think it's on the same time as dragons den or top gear. I can't be bothered with the concept of tracing a person who has never been a father, dad was a donar, yah! nout else.
Well, motor city motors now so I'm into this bike building lark!!

 

[dv8]

i dunno, the locator is recently shown on bbc america so it cannot be at the same time as dragon's den or top gear. btw, the last episode of TP is out

 

[rsg]

you should have worn protection dude:cross-eye..and now you want to run away to your great life and leave your child[if it is yours] to live in a poor bario like a animal...Boy are you a greedy character or whatirate:..

People like you come to the DR and think you are better then some poor Dominican piece of a.. chica..you tell them lies to get what you want and then you make their life harder then it already is and leave them with a fatherless kid..What kind of monster would leave his child to grow up fatherless in a 3rd world countrty?..

If i was a mod your butt would be put on bad guy vacation....

 

[SKing]

geez, don't be so hard on the guy, maybe he never wanted to be a father in the first place and the girl just decided to give him a surprise? he does not have to bend over backwards for the child he never wanted.
DNA test is a good idea and in case of "yes" i think it would be reasonable to limit your help to the child and the child only. purchase a good insurance - it will cover most of medical costs, good insurance covers even 100% of pharmacy bill. buy pampers, formula, food, pay for school. but the mother? nah. she has two hands, does she not? she is perfectly capable of work. lives with a family? even better, they will look after the child when she is at work. there is no need for you to support her as well. and yeah, keep the facturas.
you can pay for all the things from canada, i believe.

I agree with you on everything but the first 2 sentences....no woman can SURPRISE a man with a baby. He knew what he was doing when he went in there rawdog. He just better be glad he git K-I-D instead of H-I-V.
And yes, he does have to bend over backward.....he wanted a child. If he didn't, he would've worn his raincoat

SHALENA

 

[mm123]

@ racerx:
Tell her I'm breaking up while in the DR.... and wait for her to get angry, get her family, lawyers, the police involved?
After what I've been told here about the law situation in the DR I guess that's not a good idea.
FYI: she hat a depoprovera injection - it still happened - life never surprised any of you?

Another consideration:
She'syoung, seriously pretty, smart and was (mostly due to my support) able to finish her bachillerato, took intensive courses in English + French + informatics (paid by me), i.e. she will very likely find another man (local or foreigner) who will support at least HER to some degree, and she will be able to find work (if she really makes an effort).
With the support I'm providing already she will continue to live in considerably better conditions than she would without me.
As -due to me not living in the DR- my influence on the education/ubringing of the child will very limited, it seems a better solution for me to get out of her life (except for the financial support) and give her/her family a chance to plausibly explain the absence of a father to neighbors and later the child with the death of the former in a traffic accident abroad.
It will also make it easier for her to find another man to support her if I'm out of the picture physically.
And do you really think she will duly inform me if in the future she gets support from another man and/or her own work? Which would obviously not impact my willingness to support the child, but would make support of her less necessary.
I'm still wondering -given the financial support I'm providing- if it is likely the family will be still so unhappy and/or greedy to spend money they don't have on a good lawyer to even attempt to find me.
Based on what I've been reading here so far I guess that possibility is remote.

 

[keepcoming]

So you want the child to think you died in a traffic accident abroad??? Am I correct? This sounds like a made for TV movie or something. You are putting way too much effort into finding ways not to be included in the childs life rather accepting the facts. Seems you do not think to highly of this woman since you assume that she is going to go along with this. But to answer your question if there is a chance that she/the family will make a problem for you, the answer is YES. Even more so with the attitude that you have.

 

[Anastacio]

The family can not make trouble for him, what island do you live on? Surely not the same as me. They don't have the cash and even if they did they certainly don't pay for things that hold no physical value, and doubly especially without the certainty of it paying off.
She doesn't have the correct info, so she can do nothing if he chooses so.
This guys mind will change a million times before the child arrives, it is in his court and to play as he wants to. All I can say is make sure she dances to your tune, and not the other way around, lose control of the situation and it is difficult to regain.

Good luck to all three of you, I hope you make the right choices.

 

[keepcoming]

I live on the same island your leaving. You are very wrong to think that the family cannot make trouble for him. Family can be very persuasive in these matters. This is wrong on all levels. You are talking about a child, an innocent child that is about to be brought into this situation. You have the father wanting the child to think he died and hoping that the mother meets another man to help share the burden???? Your telling him to keep control of the situation? Do you REALLY think he has control of the situation at all. I would say the "fake death" should give you a clue. When it comes to a child there is no game. It is real, very real. Karma my friend, karma.

 

[Anastacio]

You are living in cloud cuckoo land. I am saying what is possible, not what is right or wrong on a moral level. How do you expect the family can make trouble for a guy that does not want to be found? They have no name, no ID number, nothing. If this guy decides to bail on them then it is very very easy and without the chance of anyone tracing him.

Now if you are talking from a moral level then I agree, hell I've been living a life I wouldn't have chosen for several years now in a place I'd rather not be because of my responsibilities, so no need to preach to me on moral correctness, I think I have that down.

But moral correctness does not change the facts, he wants to disappear then it is simple to do so, right or wrong in our mind!

 

[SKing]

Fool, are you serious....I need to smoke some of whatever the hell you smoking. I can't even believe you wrote that....
Damn, but you know what....Dios te va a atender

SHALENA

This was to the OP

 

[Acira]

To the OP.

You could go for the option of RacerX and get a DNA test, depending on that you know IF you have to do anything to start with.
You are willing to pay for the child but are not willing to be part of the child's life because you just know that its not going to be about the child only, it will be the whole family you have to deal with. Fine, that's your choice but get the hell out of here and hope that nobody knows here on this board who you really are because some are becoming seriously ****ed off by your decisions and you could still be in trouble.
That's my two cents.

 

[Anastacio]

To the OP.

You could go for the option of RacerX and get a DNA test, depending on that you know IF you have to do anything to start with.
You are willing to pay for the child but are not willing to be part of the child's life because you just know that its not going to be about the child only, it will be the whole family you have to deal with.

And for that reason we should not be to hard on the guy, probably only now realised the full extent of his fluster cuck. It is daunting having to go to the family home for the first few times, broken Spanish, big angry uncles and neighbours that are seriously pi$$ed off that some gringo managed to get into the most attractive girl on the blocks nickers.

 

[keepcoming]

Since you do not want to be in the childs life and you do not want the mother to basically know anything about you let me pose this question: Don't you think that this woman may want some type of guarantee you will provide this support? You may provide the support for some time and then decide you are going to stop. You have said that they do not really know your life or where to locate you. I am looking at the situation and thinking how she may feel and believe me, how her family will feel. They may be willing to accept your not being in the childs life but I would bet that she would want some type of guarantee of the promised support. Especially once she realizes you do not want to be a part of the childs life. And trust me on this one, there will be more than 1 family member/friend telling her, no sali pendeja (sp??). Roughly translated, do not be a fool. This is my take from her side.