convincing significant other to move to DR...HOW?

donrael

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Sep 26, 2005
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Hi all

was just wondering how some of you who move to DR w/ your significant other managed to convinced that person to join you in your venture. It probably is more difficult for those non-Dominican couples to convince the other person to leave this first world country to go to a third world of different culture.

I know some people ( 2 of them from my family) that were not able to stay together exactly because one of them wanted to go move there and the other did not. in fact, i know one or two that ended in bad terms because the other person kept saying...just a bit longer, just another year or two, in five years....when inreality they never really had those intentions. and before these peole knew it, they ended up going to DR alone anyways and older than they had planned because of their spouses.

I am just trying to plan ahead...lol
 

Charlielyn

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How old were these people? Retired with a pension. Kids with nothing to live on? Be more specific when you ask a question. Give reasons why one would want to move and why the significant other doesn't want to move. I think that it is a great country to retire to, but not at the sake of losing contact with life long friends or family.
 
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Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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Charlielyn said:
How old were these people? Retired with a pension. Kids with nothing to live on? Be more specific when you ask a question. Give resons why one would want to move and why the significant other doesn't want to move. I think that it is a great country to retire to, but not at the sake of losing contact with life long friends.
Many people are like you, Charlielyn, as indicated, especially, by your last statement. Or you can subsitute family for life long friends. Those people will always have reasons not to move. Others have something they would like to do before they day and know that tomorrow may be too late. These people are ready to make the move. Fortunately I have a wife who was ready, too.

We lived on a cruising sailboat and met many couples doing same thing. Most couples happy, well adjusted and enjoying the life together. Some were having serious problems, either because the wife wanted to quit or because the husband wanted to quit. (It is not always the wife who holds back.)

These couples have to work it out if they can, but it may be they are better off splitting. Otherwise the reluctant one will move and play the martyr, spoiling life for everyone around her. Or the one who wants to move will give up the idea and feel depressed about it for the rest of his life.

Btw, living in the DR doesn't mean you have fallen into a dark hole and will never see friends and family again. And, especially now days, with email, free calling computer to computer or computer to phone for only 2.1 cents a minute to the US, you can still maintain close relationships with those life long friends, supplemented by you visiting them once a year and they coming here, assuming they really miss having you around as much as you think they will.
 

billyidol

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Feb 9, 2004
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donrael said:
Hi all

was just wondering how some of you who move to DR w/ your significant other managed to convinced that person to join you in your venture. It probably is more difficult for those non-Dominican couples to convince the other person to leave this first world country to go to a third world of different culture.

I know some people ( 2 of them from my family) that were not able to stay together exactly because one of them wanted to go move there and the other did not. in fact, i know one or two that ended in bad terms because the other person kept saying...just a bit longer, just another year or two, in five years....when inreality they never really had those intentions. and before these peole knew it, they ended up going to DR alone anyways and older than they had planned because of their spouses.

I am just trying to plan ahead...lol



maybe you can use these solutions
1/ say to your wife ' you can stay at home, i'll go down, and you can send me some money whilst i have a good time'! (honesty is sooooooo important in a marriage)

2/ tell your wife you need to go down the street right now.........and never come back!!!!!!!!

3/ dump your wife and get another one in the DR that wants to share your dream of spending your money!

some thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Rocky

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I just came home from work one day and said to my girlfriend, "What if we were to sell everything we have, pay everything we owe and move to the tropics?" and she blurted out, "Yes, let's do it".
That simple.
Of course, within a year she was out sliming around with a sanky, and the rest is history.
The bottom line is whether you are likeminded about doing it.
If not, one has to decide which is more important.
Moving for one's dream, or staying in the relationship.
 

british bulldog

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Jan 21, 2006
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wow;you just gave me something else to contemplate;rocky.my novia went back a week ago,after three weeks here.she told me today she can not live here,too much of a culture shock,but this is my dream ,its not the best but im living it;hope to settle in soon.
 

Rocky

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british bulldog said:
wow;you just gave me something else to contemplate;rocky.my novia went back a week ago,after three weeks here.she told me today she can not live here,too much of a culture shock,but this is my dream ,its not the best but im living it;hope to settle in soon.
I have a tendency to clown around a lot, as it's in my nature, but to be serious, for a moment. it is a decision one has to make when faced with those given circumstances.
Nobody wants to lose a friend, a lover, or a mate, but if you are going to be unhappy in the relationship, it will just land up being a disaster eventually, so it's better to make your decision based on all the factors, then if it means severing the relationship, rip it off like a Band-Aid.
 

donrael

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Sep 26, 2005
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billyidol said:
maybe you can use these solutions
1/ say to your wife ' you can stay at home, i'll go down, and you can send me some money whilst i have a good time'! (honesty is sooooooo important in a marriage)

2/ tell your wife you need to go down the street right now.........and never come back!!!!!!!!

3/ dump your wife and get another one in the DR that wants to share your dream of spending your money!

some thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIRST of all, I am not married yet....so lets not marry the Don.

second, recently turned single...had nothing to do w/ the DR thing...lol

third, thanks..whwen the time comes I may need to apply one of those choices.

but on a serious side, I was thinking about this recently. i am 26 now and have decided to include the idea of mocing to DR in my plans as of now (i.e. saving $, buying the house etc). but I know this topic is going to be an issue almost guarateed (its just a feeling I have...lol). i also know there are many people going through it as we speak...I mean as we WRITE!
 

Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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Rocky said:
I have a tendency to clown around a lot, as it's in my nature, but to be serious, for a moment. it is a decision one has to make when faced with those given circumstances.
Nobody wants to lose a friend, a lover, or a mate, but if you are going to be unhappy in the relationship, it will just land up being a disaster eventually, so it's better to make your decision based on all the factors, then if it means severing the relationship, rip it off like a Band-Aid.
I totally agree, Rocky. I think we all meet during our lifetime at least one person who had a great desire to do something but didn't do it because he felt he shouldn't for some reason or other. The ones I've met were very unhappy people who felt unfilled to the die they died. We also meet people who have this desire but keep postponing it, until serious illness or something similar makes it impossible. These people, too, are unhappy and feel unfilled that they had their chance and passed it by.

And we probably also meet at least one person who plays the martyr until the partner gives in and returns to wherever it is the martyr wants to go back to.
 

donrael

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The question still stands

how did some of you actually convinced your wife, husband, GF, BF etc. to go along w/ this?
 

miguel

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donrael said:
Hi all

was just wondering how some of you who move to DR w/ your significant other managed to convinced that person to join you in your venture. It probably is more difficult for those non-Dominican couples to convince the other person to leave this first world country to go to a third world of different culture.

I know some people ( 2 of them from my family) that were not able to stay together exactly because one of them wanted to go move there and the other did not. in fact, i know one or two that ended in bad terms because the other person kept saying...just a bit longer, just another year or two, in five years....when inreality they never really had those intentions. and before these peole knew it, they ended up going to DR alone anyways and older than they had planned because of their spouses.

I am just trying to plan ahead...lol
Good luck with the convincing.

It's so funny that this morning, I took my best friend's father to breakfast because he needed some advices from me regarding his move to the DR.

I have known him and his kids for over 30 years and one of his son recently relocated to the DR.

Anyways, this Dominican man have lived and worked in the US for over 40 years and have been married to his wife for about 45 years. The problem that he wanted to talk about I already knew:

For the past 10 years he has been trying to convince his wife to move to the DR once and for all. Every year they make plans to do it and every year she changes her mind. She has not worked in over 15 years and now that he is retired, she still does not want to move. She has used every excuse in the book. From:

I can not leave the kids alone(even though the younger is 34 and none live with her) to who is going to cook for them if their wives get sick?, to who will take care of the grand-kids or great-grand-kids after school (even though she only babysits for 2 every now and then), to I am used to the weather here (even though she can barely get up in the mornings when it's too cold because of some pain in her back), to a whole bunch of other excuses.

This poor man was in so much pain while talking to me that I had to call my best friend, his son, at his office, so he can come out and meet with us. We did 30 minutes later.

All he keep on saying was that he do not want to leave his wife of so many years behind. They have all they need in the DR already. They have the cars, the houses, the money in the bank and their 2 SS checks when they relocate. But:...

She claims that she is needed more here than over there and that her heart is here. Keep in mind that this lady do not leave her house at all and most of her kids live far away and only visit every now and then. Except for my best friend and I, they don't get many visitors.

Good luck and I hope that if you end up convincing her, that she is doing it because she wants to do it and not because she wants to make you happy. If she is doing it for you and then she gets over there and is miserable, SHE WILL RESENT YOU!. Again, good luck
 

donrael

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Sep 26, 2005
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perfect example!
hate to be in that situation. please let us know what the outcome of that turns out to be.

miguel said:
Good luck with the convincing.

It's so funny that this morning, I took my best friend's father to breakfast because he needed some advices from me regarding his move to the DR.

I have known him and his kids for over 30 years and one of his son recently relocated to the DR.

Anyways, this Dominican man have lived and worked in the US for over 40 years and have been married to his wife for about 45 years. The problem that he wanted to talk about I already knew:

For the past 10 years he has been trying to convince his wife to move to the DR once and for all. Every year they make plans to do it and every year she changes her mind. She has not worked in over 15 years and now that he is retired, she still does not want to move. She has used every excuse in the book. From:

I can not leave the kids alone(even though the younger is 34 and none live with her) to who is going to cook for them if their wives get sick?, to who will take care of the grand-kids or great-grand-kids after school (even though she only babysits for 2 every now and then), to I am used to the weather here (even though she can barely get up in the mornings when it's too cold because of some pain in her back), to a whole bunch of other excuses.

This poor man was in so much pain while talking to me that I had to call my best friend, his son, at his office, so he can come out and meet with us. We did 30 minutes later.

All he keep on saying was that he do not want to leave his wife of so many years behind. They have all they need in the DR already. They have the cars, the houses, the money in the bank and their 2 SS checks when they relocate. But:...

She claims that she is needed more here than over there and that her heart is here. Keep in mind that this lady do not leave her house at all and most of her kids live far away and only visit every now and then. Except for my best friend and I, they don't get many visitors.

Good luck and I hope that if you end up convincing her, that she is doing it because she wants to do it and not because she wants to make you happy. If she is doing it for you and then she gets over there and is miserable, SHE WILL RESENT YOU!. Again, good luck
 

snowqueen

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Dec 15, 2004
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It is sad when 2 people who have been together for so many years want different things out of life. Obviously the mother is very attached to family, something I can relate to. Even though she doesn't see them often, she's there if they need her, and vice versa.

When discussing retirement, my husband thought we too would move permanently to someplace warm, such as DR. But I could never leave behind all my family & friends for what could be forever. I think we have finally agreed to become 'snowbirds' which will suit us both, although the culture shock twice a year will be difficult to adjust to.
 

Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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snowqueen said:
It is sad when 2 people who have been together for so many years want different things out of life. Obviously the mother is very attached to family, something I can relate to. Even though she doesn't see them often, she's there if they need her, and vice versa.

When discussing retirement, my husband thought we too would move permanently to someplace warm, such as DR. But I could never leave behind all my family & friends for what could be forever. I think we have finally agreed to become 'snowbirds' which will suit us both, although the culture shock twice a year will be difficult to adjust to.
Good post, snowqueen. A lot of people do that. In the 18 apartment condo where I live, there are 3 or 4 couples that winter here and summer some place else.

My only advice to you is to stop thinking and talking about culture shocks twice a year. You are just imagining problems that most likely won't be.
 

Hillbilly

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Jan 1, 2002
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Ken, you took the words outta my mouth.

And I totally agree on the snowbird displacement agreement. Why fight it? Enjoy the best of both. I'd love to have a house in PA, NJ or upper NY and go back and forth.

HB :D:D
 

NALs

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Jan 20, 2003
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Hillbilly said:
Ken, you took the words outta my mouth.

And I totally agree on the snowbird displacement agreement. Why fight it? Enjoy the best of both. I'd love to have a house in PA, NJ or upper NY and go back and forth.

HB :D:D
Quick question:

People who move from place to place in order to maximize their own exposure to pleasant warm weather, while still enjoy the places and people they want to enjoy are called "snowbirds".

Ok, got that.

What would a person who does the samething, but instead of maximizing his/her exposure to warm weather the motives are to maximize income/experience/and business relations with key international business people? What would such person be called?

-NALs
 

donrael

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Sep 26, 2005
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NALs said:
Quick question:

People who move from place to place in order to maximize their own exposure to pleasant warm weather, while still enjoy the places and people they want to enjoy are called "snowbirds".

Ok, got that.

What would a person who does the samething, but instead of maximizing his/her exposure to warm weather the motives are to maximize income/experience/and business relations with key international business people? What would such person be called?

-NALs

I shall call him...mini-me
lol

nahh, but seriously...have no idea, other than a good business person..or bizzbird...