Dad Jokes

JD Jones

Moderator:North Coast,Santo Domingo,SW Coast,Covid
Jan 7, 2016
12,339
8,638
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Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity and desperate survivors are forced to live in.........



a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
 

JD Jones

Moderator:North Coast,Santo Domingo,SW Coast,Covid
Jan 7, 2016
12,339
8,638
113
Have you heard of Murphy's law?" "Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong"
"That's right. Have you heard of Cole's law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo"
 

NanSanPedro

Nickel with tin plating
Apr 12, 2019
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Boca Chica
yeshaiticanprogram.com
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a handshake.

I’m in a band called Dyslexia.
We just released our Greatest Shit album.

Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side.
 

chico bill

Dogs Better than People
May 6, 2016
12,846
6,639
113
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity and desperate survivors are forced to live in.........



a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
That deserves a big Boo for reaching for a joke...............
 
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chico bill

Dogs Better than People
May 6, 2016
12,846
6,639
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I’ll tell ya, my wife and I, we don’t think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

I’m a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I’m not a very sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Like I said above, I’m not a sexy guy. I was once the centerfold for Playgirl magazine but the staples covered everything!
 

NanSanPedro

Nickel with tin plating
Apr 12, 2019
6,764
5,856
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Boca Chica
yeshaiticanprogram.com
Just before Thanksgiving, a lady went shopping for a turkey for the Harvest Feast. She was rummaging around the frozen bird display looking for a turkey just the *right* size. She’d pick up one, weight it in her hands and put it down, trying more than a few birds. She finally picked up one, and saw a stockboy coming down the aisle. Holding the turkey up, she asked the fella “Do these get any bigger?”.

The stockboy looked at her and replied “No, Lady, their dead”.
 
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chico bill

Dogs Better than People
May 6, 2016
12,846
6,639
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My girlfriend thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that's what she said in her diary.

My girlfriend thinks I'm terrible in bed. Kinda unfair to judge me on only 1 minute.

Whoever stole my copy of MS Office I will find you. You have my word.

What do you call a small British mother? A minimum.

I ran out of toilet paper, so I've begun to use old newspapers. The Times are rough.

2 guys walk into a bar...the 3rd one ducks.

I'm giving my chimney away for free. You could say it's on the house.

What's the difference between me and a calendar? A calendar has dates.
Oh my corny
 
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NanSanPedro

Nickel with tin plating
Apr 12, 2019
6,764
5,856
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Boca Chica
yeshaiticanprogram.com
Why did the Dominican take anti-anxiety meds?
For hispanic attacks

2 robbers were robbing a liquor store when one grabbed a bottle and said "is this whisky"?
the other said yea, but but not as whisky as wobbing a bank

What did the carpenter say when he finished building his house?
NAILED IT!!!!

I said to the waitress can I ask you about the menu, please.
She slapped me across the face and said it's none of my business about the men I please.