Denying your Dominican Heritage

[Yari]

Good for you daddy1. It seems like you have your stuff together when it comes to your identity.

as for ade...I really dont know who you are refering to in your post, but I have not read on this thread about people claiming to be "real" Dominicans or not. So the only one that seems to be "rabbiting" (your verb) about anything is you!!

Peace out, yari

 

[deelt]

Tordok
Yes, your options all makes sense. It could have been any of those. The young man also was not as surrounded by Dominicans (when he first arrived he was in California). I was just following my instincts which told me it could be a mixture of things. It's just something that cannot be fleshed out in a 10 minute cocktail convesation so I just let it go...

Daddy1
Like your post. I am with you on that.

Stodgord,
Yes, I agree with your posting re: Ms. Castillo. This is why I mentioned the Trujillo affect.

 

[mariel]

i know a dominican girl who goes to high school here in the vikingland also known as sweden. apparently she's been living here longer than me (2.5 years the 7th of november). i happened to know about her during my first year and i was immediately thrilled to be able to talk "dominican" with someone else. wrong! when i approached her she said, and i quote "i live in sweden now so i don't need to speak spanish with anyone" and then looked at me very arrogantly, to which i answered "pase buen d?a" and left.

then i got to know via other latin people that she denies coming from DR. why? nobody knows. i mean, and sorry if i sound too stereotypical, she doesn't look like the typical swede and by seeing her you can tell she's an immigrant just as swedes can see (and hear!) that i'm an immigrant. whenever i say where i'm from what i hear is "oh that's a beautiful country", "i've been there and had a great time" and other kinds of positive answers. now what i'd like to know is her answer to the everyday-oh-so-common question that we immigrants get "where are you from?".

i met her boyfriend the other day and he told me about this incredible trip they both made to her hometown and how he got to learn slang and "to hang out with the tigueres del barrio" (his words). i don't understand is why she denies her roots. then again, it's none of my business, right?

 

[Marianopolita]

Mariel my friend...

let me tell you people like this girl you described are in denial because of their own insecurities and low self-esteem. I could clearly see in this case what the problem is. Sweden is not a multicultural country therefore this girl obviously stands out whether she wants to admit it or not. It's either her physical appearance, the way she speaks etc. Deep down inside she has an emotional stigma in a foreign land and also some serious hang ups about her identity. I would not be surprised if she had a similar attitude in the DR. By denying her heritage she feels that she will 'fit in' better etc. The only loss is of her own self-identity and if she continues with the attitude of ' I don't speak Spanish with anyone' eventually she won't be able to speak at all. That will be truly a shame on her part. Also she sounds very pretentious. It will come back to haunt her trust me but it will be too late.

Hope you are doing well. Send me an email when you have a chance.

LDG.

i know a dominican girl who goes to high school here in the vikingland also known as sweden. apparently she's been living here longer than me (2.5 years the 7th of november). i happened to know about her during my first year and i was immediately thrilled to be able to talk "dominican" with someone else. wrong! when i approached her she said, and i quote "i live in sweden now so i don't need to speak spanish with anyone" and then looked at me very arrogantly, to which i answered "pase buen d?a" and left.

then i got to know via other latin people that she denies coming from DR. why? nobody knows. i mean, and sorry if i sound too stereotypical, she doesn't look like the typical swede and by seeing her you can tell she's an immigrant just as swedes can see (and hear!) that i'm an immigrant. whenever i say where i'm from what i hear is "oh that's a beautiful country", "i've been there and had a great time" and other kinds of positive answers. now what i'd like to know is her answer to the everyday-oh-so-common question that we immigrants get "where are you from?".

i met her boyfriend the other day and he told me about this incredible trip they both made to her hometown and how he got to learn slang and "to hang out with the tigueres del barrio" (his words). i don't understand is why she denies her roots. then again, it's none of my business, right?

 

[mariel]

where both she and i leave, it's what in this country is called "arab city" because in certain places there's more immigrants than locals. but i see your point. i understand that we stand out in certain places like for instance when i'm the only "non-whitey" in a rum. sometimes i enjoy it sometimes i feel like hiding. i just don't see how denying her roots will help her fit in, my dear. i think she's in her late teens or early 20's so it might be that she needs to mature. just my opinion.

i'll e-mail you later tonight (my time).

let me tell you people like this girl you described are in denial because of their own insecurities and low self-esteem. I could clearly see in this case what the problem is. Sweden is not a multicultural country therefore this girl obviously stands out whether she wants to admit it or not. It's either her physical appearance, the way she speaks etc. Deep down inside she has an emotional stigma in a foreign land and also some serious hang ups about her identity. I would not be surprised if she had a similar attitude in the DR. By denying her heritage she feels that she will 'fit in' better etc. The only loss is of her own self-identity and if she continues with the attitude of ' I don't speak Spanish with anyone' eventually she won't be able to speak at all. That will be truly a shame on her part. Also she sounds very pretentious. It will come back to haunt her trust me but it will be too late.

Hope you are doing well. Send me an email when you have a chance.

LDG.

 

[Marianopolita]

Mariel...

Maturity- eso es el problema... but she also has to be aware that she has issues because if she is not conscious of her self-identity crisis she can turn old and gray and still have problems accepting herself. I am not blaming her for her behavior especially if she is like this in the DR too. I think part of it is how she was socialized from the beginning. I understand your point too about 'I feel like hiding' it's just because the cultural differences are so extreme.

Looking forward to your email.

Cuídate,

LDG.

where both she and i leave, it's what in this country is called "arab city" because in certain places there's more immigrants than locals. but i see your point. i understand that we stand out in certain places like for instance when i'm the only "non-whitey" in a rum. sometimes i enjoy it sometimes i feel like hiding. i just don't see how denying her roots will help her fit in, my dear. i think she's in her late teens or early 20's so it might be that she needs to mature. just my opinion.

i'll e-mail you later tonight (my time).

 

[NALs]

i know a dominican girl who goes to high school here in the vikingland also known as sweden. apparently she's been living here longer than me (2.5 years the 7th of november). i happened to know about her during my first year and i was immediately thrilled to be able to talk "dominican" with someone else. wrong! when i approached her she said, and i quote "i live in sweden now so i don't need to speak spanish with anyone" and then looked at me very arrogantly, to which i answered "pase buen d?a" and left.

then i got to know via other latin people that she denies coming from DR. why? nobody knows. i mean, and sorry if i sound too stereotypical, she doesn't look like the typical swede and by seeing her you can tell she's an immigrant just as swedes can see (and hear!) that i'm an immigrant. whenever i say where i'm from what i hear is "oh that's a beautiful country", "i've been there and had a great time" and other kinds of positive answers. now what i'd like to know is her answer to the everyday-oh-so-common question that we immigrants get "where are you from?".

i met her boyfriend the other day and he told me about this incredible trip they both made to her hometown and how he got to learn slang and "to hang out with the tigueres del barrio" (his words). i don't understand is why she denies her roots. then again, it's none of my business, right?

Why would anyone deny their roots?

We can only speculate, because only that person(s) knows why he/she does such thing.

However, I have to agree with Leslie on this one.

That girl, hopefully, is going through a point in her life (late teens, early 20s) when she is perhaps trying to find who she really is. Most of us (humans) begin to define and differentiate ourselves in our teens and set a concrete "blueprint" of who we are and want to be in our twenties. How strong we hold to that "blueprint" depends on how our lives turn out afterwards.

Since she came here with her boyfriend and the such, I'm assuming that she may not be entirely ashamed of where she is from, but perhaps is trying to "fit in" into swedish culture.

Whatever is in this girl's mind will come full circle, hopefully not too late.

It would be interesting to see what this girl's attitude will be five years from now, when she is much more mature and has either been accepted or rejected by the average swede she will meet in that time period.

-NAL

 

[mariel]

sorry if it sounds cheesy

nal: i have good contact with her boyfriend, so i might get some insight of her way of thinking/situation. the problem is and has been that she refuses to talk to me, be it in spanish, english or swedish. since she gave me the cold shoulder what we've been doing is ignore each other. i'm usually a go-getter and i don't like playing games like that, but i've respected her wish to not to speak to me.

i do think she did this because she was in the company of her (typical) swedish friends. that's what i think but, like you say, we can just speculate. i've never had the opportunity of seeing her alone and talk to her. like i said before, i've never been discriminated for being from the caribbean (but yesterday for being a "woman" working in "tech support" but that's another story) and i've always got good feedback so i don't know. yes, there has been times where i've hated my country but not to the point to deny my origins...i feel like that's like denying my family. and even if i could, what would i answer to "where are you from?"? i can't say "swedish" because i don't feel swedish and probably never will. i've acculturated myself (can i say that?) and i'm happy to say that i take the best of both countries.

 

[NALs]

nal: i have good contact with her boyfriend, so i might get some insight of her way of thinking/situation. the problem is and has been that she refuses to talk to me, be it in spanish, english or swedish. since she gave me the cold shoulder what we've been doing is ignore each other. i'm usually a go-getter and i don't like playing games like that, but i've respected her wish to not to speak to me.

In that case,

She is full of herself.

Everything comes full circle, unless she learns how to say "I apologize".

In either case, just let it go. There are two types of people in this world:

The good ones and the bad ones. Notice, neither are perfect, but you know when a person has a good heart when they do something to you and then later, they recognize it and then try to apologize to you.

The bad ones, are those who don't apologize even when they recognize they did wrong.

But, also, a bad person is someone who is insulted, and they don't accept an apology from a person who has come full circle and recognized their mistake.

If she does apologize to you, that means she has been given alot of thought and accepted responsibility and you should accept her apology, remember nobody is perfect.

If she does not apologizes and continues to be arrogant, then its her loss. But never fill your heart with negative feelings or anti-social attitudes, life is too short to be wasting valuable time and energy on destructive thoughts and feelings.

Make sure you are not a bad apple.

Since she is very young, life will most likely take care of the rest.

Just make sure you don't lose your identity and pride in being from DR and always be a good role model. Remember, when people see you they will judge all Dominicans by your actions, especially in places where Dominicans are few and far between.

BTW, if letting this go is not as easy as its often said, put some merengue music. That's what our music is good for, to make us happy. You did nothing wrong, you will do nothing wrong towards this issue in the future, so you deserve to be free of any thoughts towards this. Fill your mind with positive things and increase your happiness by listening to a music style that was made by our people for our enjoyment and for the enjoyment of anyone from this world who wants to accept it.

It's her lost, not yours, you did nothing wrong.

-NAL

 

[mariel]

i usually don't cry over spilled milk. i've met another dominican girl and she's great! i actually met her via dominicancooking.com so i thank them publicly for making that possible (sorry i forgot your name). i'm open to talking to her if she needs or wants so. her boyfriend has my numbers and we see each other sometimes at the swedish school.

i have to say that i'm trying to be my best in this country (and everywhere for that matter), because i see the way they judge all middle eastern and/or african people because of some bad apples.

as for me, the only thing i wish is to meet more dominicans living in sweden or scandinavia.

lesley: i sent you an e-mail from my hotmail adress.

 

[Marianopolita]

Mariel

Thanks I will check my email later on.

Hang in there. This girl that you met has issues. No question about it. Her loss your gain. Everything that you said points to self identity issues which she probably always had but now the problem manifests itself because she is a 'foreigner'. Sounds like a bad case of jealousy if you ask me. You said it best though you will never be 'Swedish' but you can enjoy the best of both cultures. I hope you meet more Dominicans too. That's important for your cultural identity.

LDG.

i usually don't cry over spilled milk. i've met another dominican girl and she's great! i actually met her via dominicancooking.com so i thank them publicly for making that possible (sorry i forgot your name). i'm open to talking to her if she needs or wants so. her boyfriend has my numbers and we see each other sometimes at the swedish school.

i have to say that i'm trying to be my best in this country (and everywhere for that matter), because i see the way they judge all middle eastern and/or african people because of some bad apples.

as for me, the only thing i wish is to meet more dominicans living in sweden or scandinavia.

lesley: i sent you an e-mail from my hotmail adress.

 

[mami]

well check out this website. here a few who are not denying who they are. any idea how to add a few to this list. I don't see Omayhra Mota on the list for instance.?

 

[daddy1]

Denial or a rejection of one's nationality can stem from many reasons

But what I have found out and observerved from Dominican's in the U.S. who stay in the closet about there nationality can stem from the following reasons, but most of it, non the less it is a form of silent protesting... they don't say this is the case and they won't even know it but everyone who comes in contact with a Dominican brother or sister who feels this way should respect that! an let these people deal with there fustration there own way, because the more you tell them they are wrong the more they will shy away...remember it's not about you personally and it's not about hate of one's culture... but for some Dominican's it's not all about food and drinks! or the liquor we manufacture some of us take it much more deeper then that...pride is not just a word..it's got to have a reason behind it, a sense of accomplishment with a past ,present, and future...it's not just an exisitance...it's what we stand for and what we represent as a community....we are underacheiving and it's down right disappointing and overwhelming to say the least...

so these people shouldn't be critized or looked down at...the D.R. has not stepped up to the responsibility of showing the world or there expat's that they really care about the people and the future of there children... not every Dominican walk's with a see no evil, here no evil attitude, so... look! there will be an evolution of new more modern Dominican thinkers in the future...but rather then accept things the way they are back in D.R. fustration and emotional pain will set in, and instead of embrassing one's Dominican nationallity there will be silent protesting and rejection, and other more organized and establish cultures will be there to pick up the pieces, the political un-rest and the me, me me mentallity that exist in the island today do not only affect Dominican's in the D.R., but those who are being educated outside the island will not be able to understand or comprehend Dominican old school thinking...when the D.R. decides to focus on there children, instead of material things, the silent protesting and deniels will stop!

 

[Its_where_I_Belong]

Not denying being dominican but...

Dear all,

I don't think that most of them are denying being Dominican, it's just they think people will pay them more respect saying they are American for example.

In that particular case every other immigrants in USA, are claiming they are immigrants and even sometimes if they don't speak no english.

But if they are immigrant in Canada, for example, they will not say they are Canadian, they will say i am Dominican.

A simple explanation: In USA there is still a lot of discrimination nowaday, therefore immigrants think they'll get a better treatment if they say they are American. It's a phenomenon, that is very much alive in some Europeans countries also.

A mis hermanos Dominicanos, sean orgullosos de ser Dominicanos. De tener su propia cultura. Ustedes que estan viviendo fuera de nuestro pa?s sean los embajadores de nuestro pueblo, teniendo un comportamiento siempre intachable, honesto, trabajador, respetuoso de la tierra que le da asilo, ense?ando al mundo entero que los dominicanos son gente de clase y luchan para su identidad no la esconden: USTEDES SON DOMINICANOS!


Cheers

 

[mikeo1313]

Try thinkin Dominicans in NY don't got a good rep.

Try saying your Muslim in Paris when asked in your job if not previously disclosed and you mixed in.

Not that I agree with the dude, its the US afterall, maybe he though you or your pal knowing he's half Dominican wouldn't be a good thing. For whatever idiotic reason.

 

[mami]

the actor John Lithgow's father was born in Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. His father was a utilities executive, his mother was a nurse." Downloaded from

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/85173.html

however they never make mention of the Dominican heritage.??/

 

[pimentel79]

Dude, i cannot believe that guy is half Dominican. I wish he would make more mention of it.

 

[Philippa]

Jewish and Dominican

I know of an awesome quote from Julia Alvarez 'I am a Dominican, hyphen, American. I find the most exciting things happen in the realm of that hyphen-the place where two worlds collide or blend together.' I was born to an American(jewish) mother and Dominican father in Dominican Republic and lived there for about 5 years. Today, I am an orthodox Jew and in my orthodox yeshiva highschool I used this quote for my senior year. Even though these two cultures are so different I really embrace living in both worlds. Being Dominican is not something you should every deny, in general you should never deny your culture and heritage.There are few Dominican Jews, and even fewer orthodox, and it would make it so much easier to deny being Dominican. But when I talk to people, or visit my family in DR, its such an amazing feeling to know that I am part of a country with such a rich culture. How could anyone ever wanna deny that?

 

[Yari]

I know of an awesome quote from Julia Alvarez 'I am a Dominican, hyphen, American. I find the most exciting things happen in the realm of that hyphen-the place where two worlds collide or blend together.' I was born to an American(jewish) mother and Dominican father in Dominican Republic and lived there for about 5 years. Today, I am an orthodox Jew and in my orthodox yeshiva highschool I used this quote for my senior year. Even though these two cultures are so different I really embrace living in both worlds. Being Dominican is not something you should every deny, in general you should never deny your culture and heritage.There are few Dominican Jews, and even fewer orthodox, and it would make it so much easier to deny being Dominican. But when I talk to people, or visit my family in DR, its such an amazing feeling to know that I am part of a country with such a rich culture. How could anyone ever wanna deny that?

You are absolutely right!!! Why would anyone want to deny that...thank goodness that most of us are pretty proud of our culture (some of us too proud if u know what i mean ) but you seem like a very interesting person...keep posting girl!

Yari

 

[Yari]

the actor John Lithgow's father was born in Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic. His father was a utilities executive, his mother was a nurse." Downloaded from

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/85173.html

however they never make mention of the Dominican heritage.??/

NO WAY !!!
they may have just been vacationing when he was born there, the article doesn't explain...