Do Women Really Want A Nice/Good Guy?

arenas809

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I thought I would try and start a better discussion than one that sympathizes with prostitutes and those that feel the need to justify their reasons for paying them for their services.

Instead, I thought I would propose this question, do women really want nice/good guys? First off, let's make the distinction between a nice guy and a innocent guy. You can be a nice guy and not be innocent. I wouldn't personally want someone that was innocent, never did anything wrong, didn't have some kind of fire in them, especially when it came to the intimate part of our relationship, but this distinction doesn't seem to matter because it seems to me most girls don't want nice guys, and I just don't get it.

I'm sure all of you at one time or another have another female talk about a guy they're seeing and say "he's too nice". What the hell does that mean? He compliments you? Even when he's upset with you he knows how to talk to you like a human being? He doesn't touch you in any physical way you're not supposed to be touched?

For girls that want bad guys, please define for me what you consider a "bad guy". Please don't tell me its some rastrero that acts all hard and knows how to be "down". Most of that shit is a huge front, plenty of guys walking around "hard" like they've never cried before or some shit. The funniest stuff I hear is girls talking about visiting their guy in jail. What is that about? His cell block # te arrecha? Maybe its the orange jumpsuit? Please, there are plenty of law abiding guys in the world and you want them? Please, come visit me at my job or after my CAP 211 class, don't worry about making a trip to Attica for a conjugal visit.

Anyway, I just don't understand it, avoiding the nice guys and wanting these bad guys ends up in some women being miserable, and alone and complaining they can't find a nice (good) guy.

Doesn't almost everyone have that someone in their life they let go, and wish they had worked things out with them, or wondered how your life would be different if they were still a part of it?

What about people you knew were good for you, but in your mind you thought hmm maybe there's someone out there just a little better, and you ended up messing up your good thing...

you know what they say...

el que embarca mucho, poco aprieta...


Anyway, think about what I'm saying, and let's see if we can have a nice discussion about this. I'm sure most can identify with what I'm talking about. Most of us have had normal relationships that extended beyond just one of us enjoying the other's company because we or they (the other person) were lying on their backs...
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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Some women need constant drama in their life. Some don't. Same thing goes for guys.
 

Dominican Babe

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I don't think that women who are with bad guys necessarily went out looking for them in the first place. Sometimes you can fall in love with someone and then, once they have you hooked, they show their true colours and it's too late, you're already in deep.

Personally, I don't see the attraction of a "bad" guy, but I suppose it depends on the definition of bad. What is bad to one person isn't to another.
 

Pib

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Jan 1, 2002
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If by "nice guys" you mean one that is totally devoid of any personality (the confusion is well too common) then NO. Strong personality is number one... two and three in my list. Never so much as shared coffee with someone like that let alone date one.

If by "nice guys" you mean one that is respectful, honest, has a great sense of humor and intelligent, then yes. Even my friends fall in that cathegory.

The reason why one could fall in love with a James Dean is probably because (IMHO) because one actually feel motherly protective. These guys seem more fragile than tough.

Why anyone would fall for a serial killer or some such befuddles me. In my opinion these women should have their "seseras" checked.

And in preview: What Anna said.
 

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
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Great question, arenas809!

I've always asked myself the same thing...since I tend to go for the 'bad boys' all the time.

I guess I need someone that can keep up with me...and those are the ones!

Not that I look for them specifically...they just find me!!!

On the other hand, I've asked myself this question...why can't I find a 'nice' guy...someone that will KEEP up with me, but also be honest, sincere, hardworking, courteous, loving, etc...

I am a professional, don't have any baggage, no debts, own my own home, have a nice car, take care of myself, can cook, clean, iron, love sports and am GREAT in bed...

...and even so... here I am...still looking for 'Mr. Right'...

Go figure!

I guess the best thing is to just wait for the right person to come along...love will find you!
 

Escott

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Arenas... What do you fancy yourself as?

Pib... I am not a serial killer so does that put me in the running? I know we have had coffee at least twice! lol

Musicqueen... I am tired of keeping up. I am looking for a woman to slow down with me:)
 
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arenas809

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May 22, 2002
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jazzcom said:
Arenas... What do you fancy yourself as?

Pib... I am not a serial killer so does that put me in the running? I know we have had coffee at least twice! lol

Musicqueen... I am tired of keeping up. I am looking for a woman to slow down with me:)
I'm a nice guy, but not too nice, and far far far far far from innocent...some of these issues don't apply to me, I have someone, we have issues but who doesn't, I guess I would worry if we didn't have issues.
 

Escott

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arenas809 said:
I'm a nice guy, but not too nice, and far far far far far from innocent...some of these issues don't apply to me, I have someone, we have issues but who doesn't, I guess I would worry if we didn't have issues.
If we can only see ourselves as others see us:) I think that a lot of times this is the case.

Frankly I don't quite understand the question. I don't know what a bad boy is. One persons bad boy is anothers sweet one. Go figger... I think it is more the chemistry between two people. If I was with one sort of person I may be taken in one way but with another person another way.
 

Sea Monkey

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Re: Great question, arenas809!

Musicqueen said:
why can't I find a 'nice' guy...someone that will KEEP up with me, but also be honest, sincere, hardworking, courteous, loving, etc...

I am a professional, don't have any baggage, no debts, own my own home, have a nice car, take care of myself, can cook, clean, iron, love sports and am GREAT in bed..
Those are great attributes. My mother has all of them. Nobody ever gets laid for cooking and cleaning.

Men go by looks, then by looks, then by looks, then by personality, then by looks, then by sexual performance, then by looks, then by looks and personality. Eventually, the other stuff will add maybe 10%. Their hand is good in bed too but it doesn't have the looks and personality. Some will give in on the looks and emphasize more the personality, others not. or some combination.

Every man has different preferences, if you aren't catching, your bait doesn't suit the fish in the pond where you fish. Unless you are looking for a sanky, they care about money and whatever brings it. Until they get it, then they care about the same as the others.

What a huge difference it makes to fish in the right pond - where the bait you have is what the fish are biting.
 

Larry

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Mar 22, 2002
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Girls...do people generally see being "nice" as a sign of weakness or strength?....do you respect someone who you see as weak?...do you respect someone who you see as strong?...can you love someone you dont respect?

I know you are saying.."oh,you can be strong and nice at the same time"...not really.People try and exploit what they see as a "nice guy" all the time .If a guy dosent stand up for himself he will be walked on by men and woman alike.I am not saying you have to be mean but being a "nice guy" is synonymous with being a wimp.

Have you ever said.."oh I love him so much..he is nice"?

dumb thread.

Larry
 

LUDUS

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I suspect that "nice" means low in the dominance hierarchy and in social animals like us that's not very attractive to females. Alpha males are "cocky", sometimes rude, unafraid of challenges and controversy. Nice guys = wimps. The exact requirements for success in a male dominance hierarchy differ group by group and I assume females are attracted to males based on childhood perceptions of what makes a guy an alpha. Alphas can't be too nice though or they wouldn't be alphas. Males on the other hand aren't attracted to the status of females (who take on the status of their male). Do women actually get turned on more by a guy being rich and successful ? Sure. Is the same true in reverse, is a woman made sexy by achievement? No.
 

Escott

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Wow... wondering if I am an alpha male?

As to the topic "Do women really want a nice/goodguy"

My answer is who gives a shit? I know that I don't. I will sell myself to a woman if I think I want HER. If not...
 

Amber

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hummmm

Interesting question.. I have been more attracted to the bad boys throughout my life. I even married one! Then I complain! Go figure! I broke up with a very nice guy because my (now) husband seemed more of a challenge, more exiting. Well, I guess the past 14 years haven?t been boring? But I will always wonder what my life would have been like had I taken the other path.:ermm:
 

Petaka

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All those characteristics you crave for in a partner while you are single and looking are only an illusion.
When that person shows up you'll find out that he/she is very boring.
You've been looking for somebody that's pretty much like yourself and that won't create any spark.
You are going to go with the person that stings you, plain and simple. And he/she won't be any like you desired.
 

arenas809

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Petaka said:
All those characteristics you crave for in a partner while you are single and looking are only an illusion.
When that person shows up you'll find out that he/she is very boring.
You've been looking for somebody that's pretty much like yourself and that won't create any spark.
You are going to go with the person that stings you, plain and simple. And he/she won't be any like you desired.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
 

Winker

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In every romantic movie the "good guy" gets the girl. This is because women want it that way and marketers know it. I think that tells you in general women are looking for good guys. Now the issue of ?experience? is completely different. Previous relationships and the number of them can tell you a lot about the person. Most important though is, are they willing to limit their ?experience? in the future? This is the true definition of a good guy because it demonstrates respect, commitment and honor. As far as not being attracted to ?good guys? that is a crazy. If I see a man who is kind to those around him, particularly older people and children I feel very drawn to him.
 

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
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Re: Re: Great question, arenas809!

Sea Monkey said:
Those are great attributes. My mother has all of them. Nobody ever gets laid for cooking and cleaning.


...if you aren't catching, your bait doesn't suit the fish in the pond where you fish. Unless you are looking for a sanky, they care about money and whatever brings it. Until they get it, then they care about the same as the others.

What a huge difference it makes to fish in the right pond - where the bait you have is what the fish are biting.
First of all...who are you? and what do you know about me to say these things?

On your first post!!!

Let me tell you something, I CATCH!!! Lots and lots!!! Just not the right ones!!! So, I just have fun and them throw them back in the pond!!!

We were talking about something else...Read the post again, please and then reply!
 

trishdeyar

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My thoughts

When I was single and younger I always went for the guys who would treat me like crap and could be defined as "bad"...they were the wild ones, the ones my parents cringed at when they saw them with me....I kept going back to them. The few guys who were "nice" were so boring in my eyes that I actually treated them like crap and they kept coming back.........go figure. I got married to a guy who could be defined as "bad"....partied, could have treated me with a lot more respect etc etc...and we stayed married for ten years - he changed a bit, I changed a lot. I left him after ten years of marriage. I had grown to the point where I knew he was no longer the one for me. My partner now is the perfect match for me. He's nice, but I would never call him "nice"....he treats me as I should be treated - and we have a really good relationship.

I guess I've found the perfect balance...my partner is a nice mixture that is able to meet all my needs. I consider myself lucky.

***putting in DR content here***

we had a fabulous trip to DR...my bad boy & I! :)
 

Sea Monkey

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Re: Re: Re: Great question, arenas809!

Musicqueen said:
First of all...who are you? and what do you know about me to say these things?

On your first post!!!

Let me tell you something, I CATCH!!! Lots and lots!!! Just not the right ones!!! So, I just have fun and them throw them back in the pond!!!

We were talking about something else...Read the post again, please and then reply!
I'm Seamon key. First time caller, long time listener.
I know what you posted, that's what I know, that's what I commented on. You never mentioned having what the type of men you want look for - the type of looks you've got. So if it isn't working (you said it, not me), wrong bait or wrong pond.