Dominican Parties

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
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There is to be a party in my house tomorrow. And no this is not an invite!

First I knew of it was when a powerful and important Dominican man turned up at my gate yesterday with a group of bodyguards I assume. Black glasses, gun stuck in trouser types. He obviously didn't know who he was as his name was on his jacket.

He then proceeded to inform me that he had agreed with my husband (who for obvious reasons had forgotten to tell me) than he was having a small party in my garden on Saturday (tomorrow). I asked if he wanted me to do anything and he said just to provide breakfast as the party is from 10-6.

Ok bacon and eggs I thought, but no he wantes guineo and salami, or mangu if I could do that . Fine. For how many???

300 people!!!

He is providing 4 pigs a goat and chicken and all the drink. I assume he will bring the cups, plates etc too

I worked out I would have to peel 1200 dammed bananas and how the hell do I get them all cooked, so hopefully I think I have persuaded him that ham and cheese sandwiches would do (but not toasted as that would take 5 hours).

He seemed to get a bit excited about the pool - explained that lots of people would swim (joy, joy), and mentioned something about music too.

So my questions are:

1. Do you think 300 will turn up or could it be more - or (please God) less?
2. What sort of a mess are we looking are afterwards (worst scenario)?
3. Where can I buy the stuff which shows up if they pee in my pool?
4. Can you keep pool water if it gets full of beer and other stuff - like put lots of chloro in it?
5. Do you think they will nick all my fruits and veg in the garden?
6. Anyone has any valium?

Desperately worried Matilda
 

AZB

Well-known member
Jan 2, 2002
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If I were you, I would jump into the pool and end my life now, right there and then.
AZB
 

M.A.R.

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Feb 18, 2006
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I agree with AZB, sorry matilda. :tired:

How do the heck does someone say there's a party at your house and please cook mangu for 300 people two days before??????????????????????? :surprised:surprised:surprised:surprised

btw: can i ask? what does your husband do for a living?

btw2: you'll have more than 300 people, sorry again.
 

Lapurr

New member
Jan 25, 2008
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Oh Matilda, what a predicament!!

first off, smack your husband!! not hard....just so he is aware of your displeasure..
next...head off to the store and start shopping!! make a few calls have, volunteer some of your friends to help out! and get those Ham n' cheese ready!

the pool pee thing- I think it's just a myth, I don't think there really is such thing, if someone pees in your pool!! well!! lets just hope it doesn't happen!! depending on what the pool likes like after the (joy joy) is what you will have to consider!

maybe some armed guards around the garden!! kidding of course-maybe put tables in front of the garden and snacks, so people cant walk into it!

Good luck as far as clean up...smack your husband again*lightly* and tell him to "have at er"
 

Lambada

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Mar 4, 2004
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www.ginniebedggood.com
Maybe avoid breakfast completely by playing loud British choral music and letting Tyson off his lead..........? :cheeky:

Seriously, feel for you. Good luck! Good training for the ambassador bit ;) .
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
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Thanks for useful tips so far!!! Have decided against killing myself just yet AZB, but could be an option. Have paella pan ready to smack over husbands head. Tables and chairs have just been delivered. Took an hour to unload them. Will fill pool with extra chloro and acid which might just frazzle people a little bit so they will get out quickly. Am thinking of doing a rain dance as that might put a damper on things.

Final plan is to spend day in garden shed with bottle of rum.

Matilda

PS Lambada. Do ambassadors' wives have to make the sandwiches at the garden parties? Cucumber with the crusts chopped off I expect. LOL;)
 
J

John Evans

Guest
keep them away from the pomegranate- you will never get 300 servings out of it
 

montreal

New member
Apr 17, 2006
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Thanks for useful tips so far!!! Have decided against killing myself just yet AZB, but could be an option. Have paella pan ready to smack over husbands head. Tables and chairs have just been delivered. Took an hour to unload them. Will fill pool with extra chloro and acid which might just frazzle people a little bit so they will get out quickly. Am thinking of doing a rain dance as that might put a damper on things.

Final plan is to spend day in garden shed with bottle of rum.

Matilda

PS Lambada. Do ambassadors' wives have to make the sandwiches at the garden parties? Cucumber with the crusts chopped off I expect. LOL;)
Girl, you are in trouble!!! ;););)

Keep up with that positive attitude and you'll be fine. I mean they can't be expecting Martha Stewart can they :ermm:
 

Lambada

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PS Lambada. Do ambassadors' wives have to make the sandwiches at the garden parties? Cucumber with the crusts chopped off I expect. LOL;)
I think they 'have someone' to do all that..............

Seriously now, couple of tablets of potassium permanganate in the pool. It goes a lovely deep purple colour & stains the skin. 'But darling I thought the party faithful would love it.............' ;) Have some concentrated sulphuric acid at the ready. According to Wiki 'A curious :cheeky: reaction is observed when one adds concentrated sulfuric acid to potassium permanganate. Although no reaction may be apparent, the vapor over the mixture will ignite paper impregnated with alcohol. Potassium permanganate and sulfuric acid react to produce some ozone, which has a high oxidising power and rapidly oxidises the alcohol, causing it to combust.'
Potassium permanganate - Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Have an explosively good party :).

P.S. Don't overdo the potassium permanganate..........I used to be a lifeguard in my youth.

PP.S Mixing potassium permanganate and formaldehyde forms a mild tear gas. ;)
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
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Great Lambada you've cracked it!!! And I'm not allowed to tell them off if they do something I don't like - like nick fruit, pee in pool - or I will end up like Martha Stewart - behind bars!!!

Matilda
 

GringoCArlos

Retired Ussername
Jan 9, 2002
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Matilda, you REALLY need to read RenatoSosua's latest post in the Clown Bin in order to properly prepare for your party. Add 12 big bottles of Diet Coke and a roll of Mentos to your shopping list, and then have the video camera ready for the start of the party tomorrow, jajaja.

And then please post them here for us to enjoy too!!
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
312
63
Matilda says hello in a liitle voice!

Well I am still alive at the moment. But feeling a tad precious with jackhammers in my head. Actually it all went well. About 280 people. And a band. Dogs spent day with paws in their ears, but cheered up when they each got a pigs head to eat. It was pretty chaotic and the pool looked very murky but this morning it is on the mend. Few bathroom problems like used toilet paper all over floors in bathroom. Flood in His bathroom and in my bathroom the girls all peed and you know what in the bidet which was lovely to clean up!

Still nothing was taken, and the only thing broken was a chopping board which was use to cut up the pigs with a machete. All the floors are very sticky even though they have been cleaned twice!

The head man was very happy and unfortunately he wants to do it again!!!! And the local Haitians were also very happy as they had all the left over food.

Sorry you didn't call in Frank!!!

Matilda
 

rio2003

New member
Aug 16, 2006
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TGI Sunday.......

Matilda says hello in a liitle voice!

The head man was very happy and unfortunately he wants to do it again!!!!
Matilda
HaHa - That's always the problem when you do something TOO well!!

:ermm:
Rio
 

Funnyyale26

New member
Dec 15, 2006
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Matilda says hello in a liitle voice!

Well I am still alive at the moment. But feeling a tad precious with jackhammers in my head. Actually it all went well. About 280 people. And a band. Dogs spent day with paws in their ears, but cheered up when they each got a pigs head to eat. It was pretty chaotic and the pool looked very murky but this morning it is on the mend. Few bathroom problems like used toilet paper all over floors in bathroom. Flood in His bathroom and in my bathroom the girls all peed and you know what in the bidet which was lovely to clean up!

Still nothing was taken, and the only thing broken was a chopping board which was use to cut up the pigs with a machete. All the floors are very sticky even though they have been cleaned twice!

The head man was very happy and unfortunately he wants to do it again!!!! And the local Haitians were also very happy as they had all the left over food.

Sorry you didn't call in Frank!!!

Matilda
Awesome....you did not take pictures? would love to see pictures.