Dominican tact...or lack thereof

[Chirimoya]

Or - (when shown a photo of middle-aged female acquaintance as a glamorous teenager) I remarked that she looked exactly like her (also very pretty) teenage daughter, who was with us at the time.

The woman's reply? "OH NO! I WAS MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL!"

("...and modest", I muttered under my breath).

 

[miguel]

Pues mira que si.....

In my experience Dominicans are not terribly tactful. I am often getting told "you look fatter", "you look thinner", "you have a spot on your chin", and even an old lady beggar I USED to give 20RD$ to, called me vieja, so she doesn't get any more twenty pesos from me.

Thanks

Matilda

This is so true it's INSANE!!(See CC, some of us CAN take criticism, lol).

Thank God I don't have low self-steam because, IN MY OPINION, 8 or 10 of my friends, at one time or another, have said to me "man you are fatter than the last time" or "you were fatter the last time you were here". CONTRA!!.

As a matter of fact, my best friend, Ramon, I mean, this guy have been picking me up at the airport EVERY SINGLE time I visit the DR since the early 80's and like time-clock, his comment, before or after the hug, is either "what happened, you are fatter then the last time" or "oye, you lost weight".

No matter how many times I tell him that I am not a spring chicken (I am "92", you know) and that I have weighted the same for years, those comments are always "coming my way".

And btw, this has nothing to do with a person's education and how well-off they are, in my case, at one time or another, a friend have told me such thing, poor or rich, educated or not!.

Of course some may say it more diplomatically than others.

I am not disputing the fact that I am fat, just don't frinking tell me, schithead!!, hahahahahaha.

 

[something_of_the_night]

I've seen those little fans that people can wear around their necks during hot days at the ballpark - like self-cooling; never heard of the winter equivalent until now.

 

[Capt. Rob57]

malicious

How can you say that they are not like this. Just the reverse. They say and do things just because they can. When they play DOMINOIOS they count the numbers any monkey can count numbers try playing double 9's or double 12's. They do not want us here but, want the U.S. dollar. Gringo go home well when you get all of the Dominicans that live in the U.S. out of my country I will go home we do not treat them like they treat us. In the U.S. we supply Spanish translators for all actions try this here. I had two abogados steal my money for residency over the course of 10 years and when I went to immigration well that is your problem. Have the receipts and business cards why not put these abogados in jail for fraud. Everything here is BRUTO that is why they respond when there is a problem with 'A FAVOR" in other words get the hell out of the way next customer please.

 

[Chris]

They do not want us here but, want the U.S. dollar.

[bolding mine] I'm so glad I'm not included in your 'us'. Yes, one does not go through life in the DR problem free but to misjudge a whole group of people because of the wrongdoings of a few, is also not fair. You also chose to put your money in the hands of abogados that did not treat it carefully. You could have/should have made a better choice.

I think to a large extent one gets out of life what you put into it.

Miguel, your one word this morning made me laugh .. 'self-steam' (in place of self esteem).That is what we all need more of ... I immediately decided that today is a day of Self Steaming Ahead! :laugh:

I find the honest expression from Dominicans in terms of fat/thin/big/ tall/fea/beautiful etc., quite refreshing.

 

[suarezn]

However - on issues of paternity - I've noticed that if anything, some Dominicans tend to overstate how much a child looks like the father, almost as if to reassure.

That's so true. Seen it many times..."Se parece a su papa"...while in front of the guy...and as soon as the guy leaves..."Bueeenoo...que tu crees? Sera de el?"

Miguel: I get the same thing from my brother, my dad, all neighbors, etc...Every time I go, which is every few months, I'm either fatter or skinnier. I know tell them must be my wallet that getting fatter or skinnier as I've weighed about the same for years.

CatpRob: Just like The DR is not a place where being PC is the norm is also not a place for "zanganos or pendejos". If you're not a tigre they will take your money and eat you alive. You can't be soft...THAT my friend is one thing Dominicans will see as a fault.

 

[nikke]

It is refreshing to live here in the DR amongst people that just say it like it is. Most Canadians are too polite to the point where we're lying to each other. I can handle someone just giving me their unfiltered opinion.

I haven't been around anyone with Downs syndrome here, but I've been with others that have been stared at...like myself in the North Coast (here I guess I blend more, LOL) my blonde friends, my friend in a wheelchair and the most anyone's said is "why are you like that"...normal Dominican curiosity...a conversation starter at the most.

I think your guest will be fine, Matilda

 

[Lambada]

Lots of different posters all more or less agreeing. Then there's the odd man out slamming Dominicans................. again. You don't need 3 guesses, do you? To that poster: you are telling us more about yourself than about Dominicans.

Wonder if he'll realise who he is? :laugh:

 

[SantiagoDR]

Overheard in casual conversation between strangers in a public place: to a woman with two kids "are they both from the same father?"

Yeah, but in this coutry it is fairly common for the mother's children to be from multiple fathers.

I usually ask them that, and they take no offense about it, and tell me which ones has the same father and which ones has a different father. (Remember, I live and hang out in the poor barrios).

 

[Matilda]

Thanks for all of this - looks like he'll be OK. Just hope no stone throwing. Out of interest a guy came into the colmado the other day with a picture of him, aged 30 and one of a 2 day old baby. He wanted me to tell him if he was the father!!!! The mother says yes, and he wants the answer to be no...for financial reasons!!

 

[Norma Rosa]

Question: What is an oxymoron?
Answer: A Dominican

I have enjoyed reading this thread on Dominican behavior. Most of you seem to have a good grasp of what's going on. To support what has been stated: Yes, Dominicans are straightforward, not politically correct, and although unkind at times, the malice of the Dominican is unmaliciously done.
Allow me to add the following:
Maliciously or not, Dominicans baptize individuals with names that reflect, not only a place of origen or religion (el turco, el judio) but with names which address a physical or mental disadvantage as well: Pedro el tuerto, Maximino el cojo, Juan el manco, Juana la loca, Julio el flaco, Mario el mocho, Carmen la odiosa, etc. I don't want to say that it is just a Dominican thing, but it is certainly a prevalent behavior in my beloved DR.

I DISLIKED IT AS A CHILD, AND I STILL DO. When I am in the DR I don't allow anyone to get away with it. Who is to say that people by such names called are not affected by it? The fact that no one complains is only an indication that the elderly, and the physically and mentally challenged are powerless. If you cannot fight it, accept it.

As a child, I was so shy, that I couldn't even open my mouth to say "hola". I suffered because of it. I was constantly called a "sangrua" and that I was not as friendly as my sister. I remember never fighting back, accepting even the laughter that came with the insults. However, I remember never laughing with them.

I also remember very well how an elderly man was made fun of (just like Pepe, in Rick's post). Haitians and English-speaking individuals from the Antillas Menores ("los cocolos") have suffered a lot on account of that Dominican misbehavior,

Thanks for the opportunity to reflect on this. Enjoy the Dr! But please, make a difference.

Love,
Norma

 

[miguel]

La pura verdad......

Miguel: I get the same thing from my brother, my dad, all neighbors, etc...Every time I go, which is every few months, I'm either fatter or skinnier. I know tell them must be my wallet that getting fatter or skinnier as I've weighed about the same for years.

To me too, just about EVERYBODY asks/tells me the same.

I am so used to it that when I go visit their homes, I just tell them: "ok, get it out of the way, am I fatter or skinnier?".

Btw: I believe there's no malice to the comment. It's not like they make a topic out of the issue. They ask/tell you, and in my cases, after I answer, it's a done deal.

SOME people think it's rude, SOME, as I, think it's just something you get used to, realize there's no malice to it and just move on...

Now, when they ask/tell me, I just say: "gordo de que, es FUERTE que estoy". After that reply, they laugh, I laugh and then the topic is forgotten!.

Or I say something like this:

"If I am fat, you think I am eating too much, if I am skinny, you ask me if I have AIDS". There's no winning!!.

Christa:

Sorry, the letter "e" was stuck after vomiting all over the keyboard, AFTER replying to a member's post, wahahahahahahahahaha!!.

 

[Lambada]

Great post, Norma Rosa. Terrific example of how to criticise/analyse from love not bitterness.

 

[2LeftFeet]

These stories are great. They made me laugh!

 

[manunut]

i thought only dogs.......

what REALLY bugs me and i find extremley rude is comments being made about the food you have on your plate,how much you eat even when its a 5th of what the ignoramous who is commenting to all and sundry eats.
and staring straight at you or down your throat when you are trying to eat.
all over the island i have experienced this.in typical eateries,hotels,pizzarias and some times sitting outside a colmado or supermarket with a take out.
i used to just suffer it and mutter under my breath ignorent pig.
now i do a full real obvious 180 turn so they get the mssge.
when i turn back round they have stopped.its one thing here i dont think i can-could ever tolerate.
as children we were allways told it was and is the height of bad manners.
YES!!!!!i needed to ?share?that one,ooooff........::laugh:

 

[tk toronto]

These stories are hilarious!

I don't have actual stories, just weird occurances though.......

I really had to get used to the constant unabashed staring. And even when I would stare back in defiance of being stared at, the person would continue to stare, unbothered to the point that I would feel embarrassed and look away while the person continued staring at me. Something to get used to I guess........

 

[something_of_the_night]

These stories are hilarious!

I don't have actual stories, just weird occurances though.......

I really had to get used to the constant unabashed staring. And even when I would stare back in defiance of being stared at, the person would continue to stare, unbothered to the point that I would feel embarrassed and look away while the person continued staring at me. Something to get used to I guess........

Hey, tk, I know the feeling exactly. See, as a poor Dominican, I either have to walk or rely on motoconchos. However, sometimes I borrow a friend's Tahoe and drive around the eastern towns, where I get looks from people of all ages. Well, I then undo my ponytail, let my nappy hair down, crank up the volume, and start singing out loud to Meat Loaf's Bat Out of Hell, while I stare back at them with big eyeballs.

 

[Alyonka]

I noticed Dominicans can come up to someone and talk to an unknown person very easily like they have known you for a ages. It does not mean that they really feel this way but this is the way they behave. Sometimes you have to directly ask them to leave you alone because they would just hang out with you and try to talk and get to know you otherwise. It is really difficult to be alone while in the DR unless you lock yourself in a hotel room. This is just my personal experience ...

 

[rubio_higuey]

Well, I have seen the PARENTS of a handicapped son (the son is 40 years old, or so), who is "cojo", calling him "Cojo, ven aqui, te estan buscando. Cojo, Cojo, donde'stas cojo?" I really got stunned by hearing that from THE parents.

 

[miguel]

Con ninguna malicia....

Well, I have seen the PARENTS of a handicapped son (the son is 40 years old, or so), who is "cojo", calling him "Cojo, ven aqui, te estan buscando. Cojo, Cojo, donde'stas cojo?" I really got stunned by hearing that from THE parents.

No malice so such comment.

I also know someone in Villa Duarte who is "cojo" and is called "cojo" by EVERYBODY!.

I DO call him by his given name.

Schit, I also know someone who is a "ganbao" and EVERYBODY calls him "ganbao". Again, I don't.

Do you know what MOST call "tuertos", "culones" and "cabezones"?.

I do. Lol.