DR best familly component

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suzannel

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I love the DR for many reasons, but most of all for the familly component.

In North America and Europe we have "Retirement Homes" where we park our parents so that people can take care of them.

I have not seen this in the DR, famillies take care of their old parents. They do this with love and respect in most cases. Old parents will help with the children and participate in the familly life, they don't sit in an aseptic room waiting to see il they will have a visit from their children.

We have alot to learn from Dominicans.
 

donP

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Pragmatism in the Family

I love the DR for many reasons, but most of all for the familly component.
In North America and Europe we have "Retirement Homes" where we park our parents so that people can take care of them.

I have not seen this in the DR, famillies take care of their old parents. They do this with love and respect in most cases. (...)
We have alot to learn from Dominicans.

Indeed.
However, sometimes their pragmatic approach leaves me speechless.

Familiares encadenan joven mujer por problemas mentales

donP
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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On the whole, yes. But look at it this way - if people could employ live-in carers for their parents at the same rates as in the DR, many more elderly people would be able to live in their own homes or with their adult children. It's not just culture, it's economics and lifestyle.
 

PICHARDO

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On the whole, yes. But look at it this way - if people could employ live-in carers for their parents at the same rates as in the DR, many more elderly people would be able to live in their own homes or with their adult children. It's not just culture, it's economics and lifestyle.


Economics or lifestyle doesn't change the Dominican approach to elders living-in with us!

It's a matter of culture, embedded for generations in our country. You can see a 60+ year old man still calling his elderly mother "Mommy" and father "Papi" unlike in places like the states or elsewhere.
 

cobraboy

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Dominicans respect and love their elders. Taking care of them isn't a chore and inconvenient burden like in the "civilized" First World.
 

Chirimoya

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Compare your typical working households at most levels of the social scale:

In European countries, both partners will be working out of necessity, making it impossible to care for someone at home unless one leaves their job. In the DR, even if both partners are working, employing a live-in carer is entirely within their reach.

Experience is anecdotal but I do know of families here in the DR who have put their elderly mother in an "asilo" when the care she needed was beyond the capacities of their domestic staff. All her adult children and their spouses have jobs.

I also knew an elderly man whose children had emigrated to the US and used to send him money, but had stopped. He was destitute and depended on the generosity of neighbours and friends. Once a week he would go to my mother-in-law's for lunch.

The former case is comparable to many people's situations in Europe; the latter even more callous IMO than putting your elderly parent in a home and never visiting.
 

cobraboy

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In European countries, both partners will be working out of necessity, making it impossible to care for someone at home unless one leaves their job. In the DR, even if both partners are working, employing a live-in carer is entirely within their reach.
Same is true in the US, but I debate what "necessity" means. From my experience it means working for material goods driven from "keeping up with the Joneses."

I was in the elder care industry, the healthcare and ALF/nursing home staffing side, for many years in the states. I can tell hundreds of stories of families who'd rather warehouse grandma for big bucks than be inconvenienced by taking care of her themselves in their home. But when grandma starts circling the drain the heirs come out of the woodwork wanting to understand how her expensive care is eating away at the estate.

That is almost non-existent in the DR. Out of necessity and lack of resources? Certainly a component. But one huge difference is cultural. In the states-and possibly Europe, I don't know for sure-the emphasis is on yout'; 60 is "old" and nobody cares anymore...unless there's something in it for them. We no longer revere our elders as a culture. They are impediments to our "it's all about me" driven lives.

Not so in the DR. It's still about family. To this day I get chocked up as the young 'uns stand in line for a chance to hug their grandparents at a family gathering, and how family members will sacrifice their time and meager resources to care for them no matter how difficult. Certainly some is a function of lack of a social safety net. But at the core it's a cultural paradigm of family dynamics.

In the states love of elders comes with nagging obligations. I see little of that in the DR. Love of elders here comes from respect of the family.

It's one of the top reasons I love the DR and it's culture...
 

PICHARDO

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Compare your typical working households at most levels of the social scale:

In European countries, both partners will be working out of necessity, making it impossible to care for someone at home unless one leaves their job. In the DR, even if both partners are working, employing a live-in carer is entirely within their reach.

Experience is anecdotal but I do know of families here in the DR who have put their elderly mother in an "asilo" when the care she needed was beyond the capacities of their domestic staff. All her adult children and their spouses have jobs.

I also knew an elderly man whose children had emigrated to the US and used to send him money, but had stopped. He was destitute and depended on the generosity of neighbours and friends. Once a week he would go to my mother-in-law's for lunch.

The former case is comparable to many people's situations in Europe; the latter even more callous IMO than putting your elderly parent in a home and never visiting.


Those are the exceptions rather than the rule in the DR...
 

LaMorena

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Although I do believe that taking care of the elderly is the norm in DR, don't act like they wouldn't have homes for their elderly if they had the means. Open up a FREE retirement home to all Dominican families with a member over 70 or a medical illness. Advertise it in the cities and every campo, THEN come back and let me know how many are still living with their loving families. It is a matter of $$$ sometimes.
 

bob saunders

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My wife helps out several old Dominican ladies financially whose families do nothing for them. Family is a very important part of the Dominican culture but there are also Dominicans that do next to nothing for their old relatives.
 

AnnaC

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Not so in the DR. It's still about family. To this day I get chocked up as the young 'uns stand in line for a chance to hug their grandparents at a family gathering.


You mean not everyone lines up to hug their Nonna and Nonno? Can't imagine that but that comes from parents teaching their children respect.
 

bob saunders

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You mean not everyone lines up to hug their Nonna and Nonno? Can't imagine that but that comes from parents teaching their children respect.

When I went to renew my mortgage the other day, the broker gave me a big hug. That Italian grandmother hug- it was great.
 

JMB773

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Although I do believe that taking care of the elderly is the norm in DR, don't act like they wouldn't have homes for their elderly if they had the means. Open up a FREE retirement home to all Dominican families with a member over 70 or a medical illness. Advertise it in the cities and every campo, THEN come back and let me know how many are still living with their loving families. It is a matter of $$$ sometimes.

This is what JMB773 does not understand about many posters the claim they are busniess men and have mutiple degrees from some of the best schools in the world or KNOW someone who went to a very good school. You learn this in Economics 101 and Marketing 101. Okay tell me why the second the Dominicans that arrive in the USA CHANGE? Talk to a Dominican that have been living in NYC or Jersey for 10 yrs and see the difference. Dominicans do not put their family in those places in DR because there are none. I have been to some of those senior citizens communties and some are VERY NICE, but you have to have MONEY, and most Dominicans in the USA do not have the kind of money other Americans have.

Second alot of elderly Americans are TOUGH as NAILS and would punch their sons or daughters in the belly if they ever tried to take them out of their home which by the way is PAID FOR as well as their cars. Many seniors citizens want their independence all the time.

Thrid and this if for ALL the "GURUS" on DR1 that love statistics. Do me a favor and give me the ratio of all elderly Americans living in some "awful rest home" oppose to the ones living in their OWN home or with family or in one of those beautiful retirement communities. Then do a comparison the amount of "CAPITAL American senior citizens have oppose to Dominican senior citizens in DR and NYC. I would but the "Puerto Rican Parade" starts in 3 hours.

BTW Many senior citizens do not want to be a BURDEN on their families so they try to become "invisible" I think God should have made many of you Dominicans. Americans DO NOT want to be TAKEN CARE OFF, especially OUR senior citizens.
 

AlterEgo

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You mean not everyone lines up to hug their Nonna and Nonno? Can't imagine that but that comes from parents teaching their children respect.

Anna, I bet if we took a poll everyone with European grandparents was raised that way. I think coming from a European upbringing allowed me to easily fit into a Dominican family. Your post gave me flashbacks to my childhood, and my mother drilling my little brother in the car about being sure to kiss everyone hello - he hated it, haha.

Case in point: We recently sold a building to a young Greek-American, in his 30s, a stranger, and we're holding the mortgage. Last week he came to the house to drop off a check for the first payment. As soon as he came in, the first thing he did was give me a kiss and hug.
 

Zulu

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With what's going on in Europe especially in the countries that asked for a bailout you will start to see this trend due to the economic crisis i know a family of 3 generations living together under one roof they moved back into his Grandparents home in the Village because city life has become unbearable . No longer will it be a "luxury" for people to send their parents to Nursing homes they will have to take that so called burden into their own hands. For me it's all depends on ones upbringing there are plenty of cultures around the world that practice this, my parents took care of me it's only human to do the same when they become old and the cycle continues your kids will take care of you.
 

suzannel

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Same is true in the US, but I debate what "necessity" means. From my experience it means working for material goods driven from "keeping up with the Joneses."

I was in the elder care industry, the healthcare and ALF/nursing home staffing side, for many years in the states. I can tell hundreds of stories of families who'd rather warehouse grandma for big bucks than be inconvenienced by taking care of her themselves in their home. But when grandma starts circling the drain the heirs come out of the woodwork wanting to understand how her expensive care is eating away at the estate.

That is almost non-existent in the DR. Out of necessity and lack of resources? Certainly a component. But one huge difference is cultural. In the states-and possibly Europe, I don't know for sure-the emphasis is on yout'; 60 is "old" and nobody cares anymore...unless there's something in it for them. We no longer revere our elders as a culture. They are impediments to our "it's all about me" driven lives.

Not so in the DR. It's still about family. To this day I get chocked up as the young 'uns stand in line for a chance to hug their grandparents at a family gathering, and how family members will sacrifice their time and meager resources to care for them no matter how difficult. Certainly some is a function of lack of a social safety net. But at the core it's a cultural paradigm of family dynamics.

In the states love of elders comes with nagging obligations. I see little of that in the DR. Love of elders here comes from respect of the family.

It's one of the top reasons I love the DR and it's culture...




I so do agree with what you say, I also believe that love of elders is in the DR culture, something we have lost in North America and Europe. We see through elders, people talk down to them and think them feable because they are old.
I have witnesses so many acts of kindness from young people towards elders and not only toward their familly members. In the complexe where I live a young security guard ran to help a couple of elder tourists off their chairs and back to their apartment and never once accepted a propina. He told me I love old people.
 

suzannel

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La Morena,

Please do not think that all Dominicans are poor and would not be able to pay a home for their parents. It is not only a question of money but a cultural one and one of respect for their parents.
 
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