Dr1 members, have at it.

islandgirl2

New member
Jan 28, 2006
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Hey all,

Before you continue to read this post, I should warn you that, yes, this is in fact ANOTHER post about sanky panky in the Dominican Republic. While I am sure that all of us here (myself included) are damn well fed up of hearing pathetic story after pathetic story, I am (sadly) here today to feed the fire. At risk of sounding like I am covering up my own pathetic story with the old "my FRIEND, Jane, went to the DR and fell in love with this guy and SHE wants to know what his motives are..." excuse, I really am here to tell a story that is not my own. Sadly, this sankie situation does not revolve around me, because I already know what his motives are, and I would gladly tell him where to put it. After reading articles, forums, and watching videos, I was able to distinguish his disgusting qualities from the get-go. He is, hands down, without a hitch, a S-A-N-K-I-E. Yeah, I hear ya...this is all fine and dandy for me, but my sister is another story. Yes people, she's real- all 5 foot 6 inches of her. She is beautiful, educated, witty, NAIVE and HARD HEADED. Although I will be telling you her story, I am not asking you all to tell me if he is a sankie...I am asking you to tell HER. I am at my wits end, and I have to turn to a forum to (hopefully?) get through to her. You can be brutally honest-she needs to hear it from someone who doesn't know her-from people that are not afraid to hurt her feelings. Like we have all heard before, her Dominican is different. He's special, and he loves her (not his fiance). Here's the story...have at it.

We have a big family and go down south every winter, most often to the Dominican Republic. Immediate family, extended family, close family friends-a huge group of us. We first met my sister's sankie in March of 2011. A resort worker (in animation), good looking, big personality, outgoing, very likeable. He took a liking to our family right away. We are a big fun group and yes, we can be loud and crazy. He stuck close-by to us for most of that week, stopping to talk to us, dance with us, get us to join in on the animation activities/nightly shows. He was a funny guy, we didn't mind his daily visits. As the days went on, we eventually learned a bit about his personal life and about his job on the resort. We enjoy the people of the Dominican Republic, they are beautiful people with good hearts (for the most part), and we do like to learn about their lifestyle and culture and enjoy exchanging pleasantries with those who work there and work hard to make your stay memorable.

We came to learn that he had been working there for several years, but that this was not what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He told us about his family in New York (his fiance and his child), and told us how he had not seen them in a very long time but was trying to work hard to eventually be with them for the long-haul. Naturally, regardless of his motives for telling us this story, any human would feel a pang of sadness for how difficult life can be. I too felt sorry for him, because at this point, I didn't really know what he was all about. When we left at the end of that week, we all said our goodbyes to the people we had met there, this guy included. He told us to stay in touch and to tell him if we were ever going to come back. We obliged and left Punta Cana with great memories from a wonderful trip. From that point on we received a single e-mail from him telling us that he enjoyed meeting us and hoped to see us all in the future. Thats it, thats all. Seemed innocent. This is where our relationship (my family and I) with him ended and my sister's relationship with him continued.

She returned to the DR alone 8 months later with a few of her girlfriends, to the same resort, where he was still working. To my knowledge, there were no romantic conversations between the two of them in between her first and second visit-all friendly. Upon arriving back home after this second trip, she was still not romantically involved with him, but I could tell that she was "taken" with him and had developed some sort of attachment to him. She received gifts from him while she was there and by the looks of her photos/stories was showered with a lot of attention. My sister is a very kind woman and has a big heart-she means well. She revealed to me that she had given him 500$ on her last day. She explained that he did not ask for money nor hint at it, but that she felt as though she needed to help him get to his family. This...was her second mistake. The first mistake was returning to the same hotel. Of course, his interest in my sister skyrocketed after this trip. They skyped daily, shared phone calls and spoke on facebook almost everyday. Still, she insisted that there was nothing romantic between the two of them and that he was simply a good friend who she had helped in a small way. He was extremely smart with her. He kept her close as a "buddy" for a very long time. Made her feel special and gave her attention.

After a few months of constant skyping he told her these words, and I wont forget them because this is the exact moment I knew that he was a Sankie.... "do you ever think about you and me...together?". Her reaction to this scared me. She was confused because he was engaged to be married, but she had been developing feelings for him over a period of time.I tried my best to caution her. I directed her to this very site and told her to read the articles and to look at the number of girls who post on here with similar stories, she read a handful of them before she dubbed him as.............. different. She told me that he was not in love with his fiance-he had told her this so it must be true. He was telling her things that made me laugh but made her swoon. How scary is that? these guys are good. He had laid down the perfect foundation with her by creating a relationship with her family and revealing his painful problems with his family. He knew exactly how to get her to dish out what he wanted. From that moment, their skype sessions and phone calls escalated to talk of her going back to visit his hometown, and to him asking her if she was crazy enough to marry him. SANKIE ALERT! SANKIE ALERT!!!
he asked her to write him a letter of invitation so that he could come visit her country for a few months, and when that fell through she planned to go see him as soon as she could get time off of work. He began telling her that he loved her and that he wanted to be with her (yet he was still with his fiance and had a family to take care of....interesting).

It wasn't until last week that he straight up asked her for money. She called me telling me that he needed money to buy something very expensive and he couldnt afford it right now. He assured her that he would pay her back. She told him that she didn't feel comfortable sending money through the mail, and that she would much rather come see him during the holidays and give it to him then. IS SHE CRAZY?! This is why I am here writing to you all in this forum. No matter what I say, and how hard I try to get through to her, she believes that he is a good guy. As I write this to you, she is currently heartbroken. She is trying desperately to contact him, but he has gone MIA and will not return her calls. She has recently found out via facebook that his fiance is moving to the DR, and that they will be married within the next month, yet she is STILL making excuses for him... Oh how I wish I could shake her.... Considering all of the information that has been made accessible to my sister, she still believes that he will leave his fiance.

PLEASE, members, have at it. Let your honesty shine....but remember, dont be (too) mean, she is my sister and I am doing this because I love her and want her to be rid of this $%&#head :)

I look forward to sharing your wisdom with her.
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
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Can't be bothered to read past your over emphasis on how much it is not about you, which obviously means that this is 100% about you, for sure.
Next time you try a lie, try to not exaggerate the cover up points, just a tip.
 
Dec 26, 2011
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Not cool, bro. Could be about her sister.

Point is, no point in telling her anything. Human beings don't seem to respond well to be talked out of relationships or attractions. Has it ever been done? It has to run its course. State your concerns and leave it at that. Be there for her all through it. There's nothing else you can do. Reveal that he has another? She knows it already and she's fine with it. Sounds likes he's ditched her anyway so there's nothing left to talk her out of other than some pining away.
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
4,397
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Come on Tips, don't be daft. The guy isn't even a sanky, she is a bunny boiler trying to buy his attention. He hasn't had anything from her as he, so he's not working her, she is nuts. He told her he's being married, they never have been together so why is this dude the bad guy? So he took $500 from her after she offered her it, so would I, so would anyone from anyone dumb enough to give it to someone they don't even know. This guy asked her for cash eventually, she said no let me bring it to you, he obviously doesn't want her and so is ignoring her. That's not Sanky, that's normal behaviour.
He is not acting like a Sanky, he is acting like a poor man, a Sanky lies to con money, he asked and was refused.
This girl has mental health problems by the sounds of it, she's invested $500 and now wants her shares.

Besides, she knows exactly what he said, I doubt even sisters would share word for word private conversations. It is the OP, she just wants us to make her feel stupid because her man in DR won't do it for her anymore, she wants her humiliations worth out of someone.
that's my point of view anyway.
 

bri777

Bronze
Sep 11, 2010
1,008
18
38
not sure what it is you want to hear

he is mia ,not answering her calls,facebook says the fiance is coming
there is really nothing else for anyone to do
tell her how lucky she was,that he didnt string her along and got more money he did not ask for
Manu
 
Apr 13, 2011
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The girl is going to date this guy. So let her date him - but be sure to leave the wallet and checkbook at home, just like she would if she was dating someone from her home state/country.
If he is truly "different", then he will still be "different" after dating for 6 months.
If he is not "different", then he will show his sankie qualities much sooner - and she should look for the same red flags as dating anyone anywhere. If she selects to not view it as being a sankie, then she will have to learn her own save-a-sankie lesson and that it will hurt her bank account even more than it will eventually break her heart.
But the more you tell her he is a sankie, then the more she will try to find (or imagine) his positive qualities.
 

JohnnyBoy

Bronze
Jun 17, 2012
1,448
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Why is it that a guy will write a paragraph and a woman has to write three pages.

Advice to all if someone likes you and is honest you wont be on the internet asking strangers if your girlfriend/boyfriend is a prostitute.
 

bri777

Bronze
Sep 11, 2010
1,008
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The girl is going to date this guy



where did that come from?
he is missing in action
Manu
 

islandgirl2

New member
Jan 28, 2006
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lol, I knew that posting another person's story would cause a lot you to believe that I'm a liar, but truth is, whether you choose to believe it or not (thats out of my hands), I'm not. I've been down a similar road before...am not proud of it, but such is life. Point is, I was smart enough to figure it out and turn the other way. It took a long time for me to realize that I was being incredibly stupid, but I did realize it, and never ever want to go down that road again. You live and you learn...

I want my sister to do the same, but I don't want her to get hurt. I don't want her to pine over something that is never going to happen. For those of you who have a very close relationship with a sibling (especially if you are both females), you will understand the extent of details that are shared, especially in talking about relationships/men. Anyhow, you can choose to contribute or choose not to, just try to keep the snide remarks to yourselves.

For those of you put in decent input, thanks.
 

bri777

Bronze
Sep 11, 2010
1,008
18
38
ok
lets be nice
take your sister to a movie,a mall or a nice dinner
thats all you can do for her at this point

get her mind off this guy
( I still have a lingering sock smell in the air)
Manu
 

islandgirl2

New member
Jan 28, 2006
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you're right, the same precautions do apply when dating anyone from anywhere...its the whole asking for money situation that is scary. When a person can be persuaded to hand over large amounts of cash without thinking there is anything fishy going on is a scary thing. My worry is that he will resurface and get what he wants out of her.
 

islandgirl2

New member
Jan 28, 2006
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She is under the impression that he will leave the fiance in time...although he won't. They have a family. He may be a two-timing sleeze, but I am sure that his intentions are to stay with her. Would be a shock for her to know what her husband to-be has been up to. I feel bad for her as well...
 

Zulu

New member
May 27, 2012
106
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She has the forbidden fruit syndrome, if you keep pulling them apart then eventually your pushing them together into the same direction and once they become an item you will be seen as a villain. Find out what is missing in her life besides a man keep her occupied with things that do not involve using electronic device with Wi-fi connection. Too much free time can make one have flashbacks from the past, "a moment lasts a lifetime." Start a project with her humanitarian, volunteer with the way things are due to the economic crisis there is a lot of help needed in half way homes, shelter centers, runaway teens who suffer from sexual abuse or forced prostitution by their own siblings. I remember a wise man once told me in order to forget your problems try and help someone with theirs.
 
Dec 26, 2011
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She is under the impression that he will leave the fiance in time...although he won't. They have a family. He may be a two-timing sleeze, but I am sure that his intentions are to stay with her. Would be a shock for her to know what her husband to-be has been up to. I feel bad for her as well...

If he leaves his fiance for her, won't he be capable of leaving her for the next one?
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
4,397
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The girl is going to date this guy. So let her date him .

By all counts you are wrong, the guy is avoiding her, this is not a case of is he a Sanky, this is a case that he wants nothing to do with her. He's ignoring her calls and marrying another chic. Would a sledge hammer deliver the 'turn down' better?