General rant...

eralc777

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So just had a new baby and getting into the swing of things but getting very very irritated when Dominicans interfere with how you look after your baby! They tell you the most stupid of advice...for example, if you have been outside in the dark then you cant go near the baby. And, the mother and baby dont leave the house for 40 days after a baby is born. Talk about cabin fever!

But the most irriating is when strangers come up to you and tell you to straighten the babies head in the car seat. I cant even count the amount of people that have said it now and i cant be polite anymore. Im like, is it your baby? No so leave it alone! The worst was when some woman came up to me and went to straighten his head herself!!! I nearly attacked her. Can you believe just going to touch someones child that you dont even know!!! Then some guy in the bank yesterday was telling me my son was hungry when he was sucking his thumb. Erm, i think i know what my son needs and dont need some stranger coming telling me what i should be doing.

Is this the same in every country or is this a Dominican thing? Im getting tired of it very fast.....
 
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AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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First of all congratulations.

I don't think it's just a Dominican thing. At my age I find I have to bite my tongue when I see a baby and automatically want to say something. The summer is the hardest because I see little tiny babies in the freezing supermarket with no socks and little blue feet and legs. I don't think a new born has the same fat protection we do and need more warmth. Oops I'm doing it again.

Just smile and nod or you'll go crazy.;)
 

dv8

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congrats!
dominicans are superstitious but i bet they are more amazed by a car seat for a baby then by it's twisted head ;)
just relax, they do not mean anything bad and they love kids - hence touching and all the interest....
 

snowflake42

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eralc777
.....why not just thank them, chat it up a bit & go about your business. At the end of the day you might have made a couple of new friends and had a few chuckles about the "advice" you were given. When your baby looks up at you I'm sure he would rather see you smiling instead of stressed. Congratulations on your new little one!!!
 

Berzin

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Have you been scolded yet for not putting socks on your child's feet, even though it's hot outside?

He'll get "gripe", you know...;)

Personally I think its' rather cute that you're getting all this advice. As for the woman touching your child, that's a tough one. But she was concerned-no harm, no foul.
 

jrhartley

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be willing to listen ! you never know you may learn something you dont already know.
I would imagine the socks idea is based on the fact that you shouldnt go barefoot here and the one about not going near a baby after you have been out at night might be something to do with bringing mosquitos into the house.
 

Tamborista

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Apr 4, 2005
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I would imagine the socks idea is based on the fact that you shouldnt go barefoot here and the one about not going near a baby after you have been out at night might be something to do with bringing mosquitos into the house.
Have you thought of becoming a consultant JR?

terrible tambo'

:bunny:
 

Chirimoya

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Dec 9, 2002
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Congratulations eralc.

Have you been scolded yet for not putting socks on your child's feet, even though it's hot outside?

He'll get "gripe", you know...;)
I got that in a doctor's waiting room, from a woman who was giving her toddler a coke.:tired: Some of the beliefs, and the way some people dismiss your ways as wrong can be tedious to endure.

But as everyone says, they mean well. Wait till you visit the UK and get all the hostile vibes, then you'll appreciate the Dominican attitudes. I used to love the way restaurant staff would take the baby away and play with him so that we could enjoy our meal in peace.
 

Castellamonte

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So just had a new baby and getting into the swing of things but getting very very irritated when Dominicans interfere with how you look after your baby! They tell you the most stupid of advice...for example, if you have been outside in the dark then you cant go near the baby. And, the mother and baby dont leave the house for 40 days after a baby is born. Talk about cabin fever!

But the most irriating is when strangers come up to you and tell you to straighten the babies head in the car seat. I cant even count the amount of people that have said it now and i cant be polite anymore. Im like, is it your baby? No so leave it alone! The worst was when some woman came up to me and went to straighten his head herself!!! I nearly attacked her. Can you believe just going to touch someones child that you dont even know!!! Then some guy in the bank yesterday was telling me my son was hungry when he was sucking his thumb. Erm, i think i know what my son needs and dont need some stranger coming telling me what i should be doing.

Is this the same in every country or is this a Dominican thing? Im getting tired of it very fast.....
Ah, er...I've seen very much the same behavior in a country north of here called the United States. With babies everyone automatically feels you must be inexperienced whereas they have an abundance of experience; each one a proverbial Dr. Spock.

I guess this is your first baby because I think I heard all of this advice from strangers, family and friends...and more...for each one of my three children and now they get to hear it for my grand children.

People are just trying to help. Smile, nod your head and go about your business. Just remember to not get your neck in a crick about it ;)
 

Lambada

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Congratulations. Smile, nod and say 'Thank you. I'm so grateful to you. The last baby I had was a puppy/chupacabra/ciguapa so I'm just learning about humans' ...........and watch the dust fly as people take off. :cheeky:

Can be applied in other situations also.;)
 

eralc777

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Luckily i havent made the socks error.....he always has clean socks on! But then someone said he had to wear a hat all the time....yeah so he can melt. Good idea!

A bag packer in the supermarket also tried to touch the baby. Now i dont know if i have a case of over protective mum syndrome but i very quickly moved the pushchair out of reach and said please dont touch my child! You never know where his hands have been!

So far i have realised that im not allowed to take my baby out of the house in the rain, the sun, the dark....so its not leaving us with many options. Anyone know where i can buy a big bubble for us to live in?
 

Chirimoya

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The important thing is to maintain a sense of humour, as shown in your post above, give in on one or two of the minor issues (especially with close family) and enlist your husband's support on the non-negotiables.

We did this, and I experienced a surreal afternoon at my mother-in-law's listening to her and the sisters-in-law lay into my husband about his "unreasonable demands and ridiculous ideas" about baby care* knowing that they really meant me.

They were thus able to let off steam without direct confrontation, and I got a platform to defend "his" strange ideas.

*e.g. observing a routine, always using car seats, not adding salt or sugar to his food, milk, etc.
 

Thandie

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they mean well...

erlac,

I had to chuckle when reading your post.

There is a Caribbean comedian that has a skit about Caribbean peoples love for giving "FREE ADVICE" and getting involved in what seems like others peoples business. Its not considered rude at all, as it is in Western countries. But I can understand the cultural shock you are experiencing. Just a cultural difference thats all. One that you are going to have to learn to deal with and adapt to or you will be angry all the time.

I believe on islands you experience more of the "I am my brothers keeper" mentality, especially when it comes to kids. People are more closely conncected.
How many kids do you see calling adults tia and tio/ aunt and uncle and there is no blood relationship! And those same 'stangers' could discipline you if they saw you misbehaving on the street and your parents would not freak out on them. LOL but actually that would mean double trouble for you LOL.

That concern and love for children that they have is actually a good thing.
I remember the first time my Canadian friend saw a 6 or 7 year old child walking to school alone she almost had a heart attack.
She asked isnt the parent afraid that someone may kidnap the child or some other danger. I said no because that parent knows a whole community is ready to protect that child if necessary, everyone has an eye out on other peoples children.

Its coming from a place of love and concern not attack on your parenting skills.
 

Spicedwine

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Apr 25, 2006
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Oooppss!!!

I am probably one of those people who want to touch your child!!!! You see us transplanted gringos miss our own grandkids/kids and I love babies!!!!
I am glad you have seen the humorous side of this, because I still lose mine sometimes standing in line waiting, and if I see you with a baby, oh boy does it make my day!!! Sorry if I happened to be one of the ones who wanted to touch a soft cheek and see the miracle of a new little one. I was a very young Mom and also got tired of all the old wives tales.... but every once in awhile somebody had a gem that still hold true today. So smile, nod, take what you like and leave the rest.
Congratulations on your wonderful miracle!!
 
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Chirimoya

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The bit about the bubble suggested she wasn't taking herself entirely seriously, which is quite an achievement for a new mother who gave birth just three weeks ago, dealing with a new baby and all that that entails, away from her country, family and friends... I remember what it was like.
 
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eralc777

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Thank you Chirimoya! Its by no means the easiest thing in the world to do this away from my family, so i think im doing quite well raising a baby in a different country as a young mum! Ive had my share of frustrations in the past 3 weeks so i think ive done pretty well to still have my sanity. Even the babies grandmother told me on 4 occasions to straighten his head to which i politely said, no, its ok....who sleeps with their head upright???? Then she took the baby away from me and tried to do it herself. Who would not be annoyed at that?

And yes i agree that i need to nod and smile and walk away....but sometimes you need to rant, so isnt it better that i do it here rather then to the people's faces? Gotta get it off my chest!

Spicedwine...I dont mind when people want to come up and coo over my baby, its just when people do it without manners and just presume to touch. Like i said..think ive got a case of over protective mum syndrome!
 

Berzin

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And yes i agree that i need to nod and smile and walk away....but sometimes you need to rant, so isnt it better that i do it here rather then to the people's faces? Gotta get it off my chest!

Spicedwine...I don't mind when people want to come up and coo over my baby, its just when people do it without manners and just presume to touch. Like i said..think I've got a case of over protective mum syndrome!
You're in a tight spot, but regardless of the pressure stick to what you believe in. Its' your baby and you do what is best. If you do not feel comfortable having strangers touch him, then make that clear and stick to your guns.

And however your family on your husbands' side thinks, believe me they will adapt. You are a new mother and I know its' difficult, but you were not raised dominican so you don't necessarily have to swallow things you do not believe in, especially all of those ridiculous superstitions.