My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He is Dominican. I am from the US. We've been living together for about 4 months now. We were doing great for a while, but recently have been having what I think our some cultural differences. I need someone's help in understanding these differences and to know at times if what is bothering me is because I do not understand his culture or if it is something I really have the right to be mad about. I am not sure if this is the right place to ask this specific question, but I'm cool with having it moved to the right place if need be.
Okay, so currently I am really annoyed. The last two weekends were dedicated to his family. Two weekends ago he wanted to go home to see them. I was not in the mood for that since I worked a long week and I was tired. I just wanted to stay on my own turf and relax. However, I know how important his family is to him, so I obliged and went. It killed me the next week at work. I was so exhausted. I guess for me relaxing is about being at home....going out to local places, but returning home to your own space. For me, unless I am at a resort laying on the beach all day, packing up my things, the dog, getting in the car, driving, is more work than I want. For him, doesn't matter. He can keep on going. So two weekends ago we drove to La Romana to visit and last weekend the family came to visit us in Santo Domingo. So when we were both exhausted last week from all the family activity, I said to him, "this weekend coming, is my weekend......and we are just going to hang at the pool and just be together you and I." I invited my boss over for a swim in our pool two weeks ago and had to change it so his family could come visit. So I rescheduled my boss for today. So last week he agreed that we would be together, no family, just us, except for my boss coming on Sunday to hang at the pool.
Well, last night his Dad calls from the states to tell him that his little brother and sister are here and that he should go visit. He promised his Dad that he will go the next day--which is today. He stayed home to hang with my boss and I and relax by the pool. She left at 7. I assumed it would be too late for him to drive to the family's house in Boca Chica especially without calling. I also assumed that he would not go since it was my weekend and he agreed with that. But sure enough as soon as the boss left he was getting ready to go and expected me to go with him. It was too late for me at 7 to get showered and dressed and get in the car by 8 to arrive there at 9 the night before I have to go to work. But he says to me that it is his brother and sister and that he will not have time to see them all week because of work and NEXT WEEKEND we are supposed to go to the family again in La Romana! Not to mention in two weeks I am heading to the states to visit my family.
I guess to make a long story short..........is this how it's always going to be? The family comes before me? I understand it is his brother and sister......but it seems to me that it does not matter what is planned or what else is going on, they call and he runs. Should I be mad or is it just simply that my family and culture is different? Where I come from we plan things well in advance and not only that, we don't show up at anyone's house without calling first. I mean that just makes me nuts that he just drove there without a call. It's not like his parent's house....this is his father's 2nd ex wife's sister's house.
So I am mad because I feel like he chooses them over me. I want to understand family is important, but it's a bit too much. There needs to be some sort of a balance here.........but he is too sensitive on the topic.
Okay, so currently I am really annoyed. The last two weekends were dedicated to his family. Two weekends ago he wanted to go home to see them. I was not in the mood for that since I worked a long week and I was tired. I just wanted to stay on my own turf and relax. However, I know how important his family is to him, so I obliged and went. It killed me the next week at work. I was so exhausted. I guess for me relaxing is about being at home....going out to local places, but returning home to your own space. For me, unless I am at a resort laying on the beach all day, packing up my things, the dog, getting in the car, driving, is more work than I want. For him, doesn't matter. He can keep on going. So two weekends ago we drove to La Romana to visit and last weekend the family came to visit us in Santo Domingo. So when we were both exhausted last week from all the family activity, I said to him, "this weekend coming, is my weekend......and we are just going to hang at the pool and just be together you and I." I invited my boss over for a swim in our pool two weeks ago and had to change it so his family could come visit. So I rescheduled my boss for today. So last week he agreed that we would be together, no family, just us, except for my boss coming on Sunday to hang at the pool.
Well, last night his Dad calls from the states to tell him that his little brother and sister are here and that he should go visit. He promised his Dad that he will go the next day--which is today. He stayed home to hang with my boss and I and relax by the pool. She left at 7. I assumed it would be too late for him to drive to the family's house in Boca Chica especially without calling. I also assumed that he would not go since it was my weekend and he agreed with that. But sure enough as soon as the boss left he was getting ready to go and expected me to go with him. It was too late for me at 7 to get showered and dressed and get in the car by 8 to arrive there at 9 the night before I have to go to work. But he says to me that it is his brother and sister and that he will not have time to see them all week because of work and NEXT WEEKEND we are supposed to go to the family again in La Romana! Not to mention in two weeks I am heading to the states to visit my family.
I guess to make a long story short..........is this how it's always going to be? The family comes before me? I understand it is his brother and sister......but it seems to me that it does not matter what is planned or what else is going on, they call and he runs. Should I be mad or is it just simply that my family and culture is different? Where I come from we plan things well in advance and not only that, we don't show up at anyone's house without calling first. I mean that just makes me nuts that he just drove there without a call. It's not like his parent's house....this is his father's 2nd ex wife's sister's house.
So I am mad because I feel like he chooses them over me. I want to understand family is important, but it's a bit too much. There needs to be some sort of a balance here.........but he is too sensitive on the topic.