here or there?

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floradelsol

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Apr 26, 2003
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hi everybody,

my boyfriend is dominican and studying in the dom.rep. until december. I want you to ask what (des)advantages there would be for me to move to the dom.rep. (for some months or years) or for him to move to switzerland. any advice is welcome.
 

Dominican Babe

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Dec 9, 2002
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Well, I can't make any comments about living in Switzerland, but girl I hope you have done some homework and searched the archives on this site. If not, well, you might just be taken aback by all the comments that are gonna come your way.
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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First let me say welcome to DR1 floradelsol.
We know very little about you. If you have visited the DR many times I'm sure you have looked into things like the cost of living, how would you support yourself, where would you live ect, So I think it's kind of hard for people on this board to advice you because they would not have all the details of your life. Do a reach under the living forum and you'll find many things about life in the DR and the cost of things. I did see your thread on getting a job or volunteer type work.

Good luck
 

floradelsol

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Apr 26, 2003
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here or there

hi and thanks for your reply.

so let me introduce myself to you. I'm a 27 years old swiss girl. I met my boyfriend 6 years ago in iberostar punta cana, where he worked as a waiter in the hotel. it was love at first side. altough after some time of writing i break up contact with him, cause I didn't believe in our future. sometimes we started writing again, sometimes lots of silence (mostly from my side). I always wanted to go back to latin america.3 years ago, I almost promised him to visit him, but then I got to know my ex-boyfriend; a swiss guy, who wanted to marry me, he had a job, we were living together, so I thought it would be wiser to continue with him than to go back to my "dominican love" - whom I haven't seen for years. but as I always wanted to spend some months in latin america I went to peru. there the relationship with my "swiss love" splet of, cause I didn't have faith on him and cause he couldn't express himself and tell me that he needed my love (f.e. he told me that "I had to know how much he love me without him showing or writing it"). somehow I still regret to have chosen peru and not the dom.rep. anyway after some time a peruvian guy felt in love with me, we spent some time togehter, then he asked me, if I couldnt' forget a past love, so a told him about this "big dominican love".
he was the one who forced me to go back to the dom.rep. to know what we really feel for each other. so I went back in march 2002 and january 2003 and it was just great. we're more in love than the first time we met. we call each other twice a week. he first prefered me to come there - cause he doesnt' know the language, he's afraid of not being exepected here (dominican people doesn't have a very good reputation here) and of not finding a job....
now he also would like to visit switzerland, cause of the political situation. and now it's me that is bit afraid of the financial and higuenical situation there (f.e. hospital, birth, etc.), education.
at the moment I think the best thing would be, if I'd spend some months there, working (or volunteering), get to know more the island and its people. so like this he would also have the oportunity to work as engeneer - he stops studying this december... and later (when the "future" children go to school) move to switzerland.
it sounds bad and pessimistic, but if he comes to switzerland right now, I'm a bit afraid, that he would make bad friendships. I've seen many dominican people dealing with drogs, prostitution, violence. it's not onely that friends told me this; where I live this is really the case. altough I don't wanna realize it. I would like to know some dominican people here, to present him, to whom I have faith, but it's really difficult. sometimes, when I see those people here I don't understand how I could fall in love with a dominican guy. but well; I didn't chose him, cause his dominican, but because of his way of living and thinking, his big and simple heart, cause he's honest and simple...
and cause I really trust him. he presented me to his best friend and family, to whom I also talk on the phone and who tell me, how much he loves me...
that's all for today.

p.d.: I'm a primary teacher with 1 year experience. I also made a 6 months practical in a blind school in peru. my spanish is more or less fluent. since one year I'm working in a "ancienato" (home for elderly people). so I could teach german, work in some "medical project", volunteer with children, work in a bar. I would be also interested doing a school to become a tourist guide (which would be my greatest dream). just important that I'm close to my boyfriend.
p.d.: if you like I can also send you some photos.

see you soon.

sorry, this was quite long.
 

AZB

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Jan 2, 2002
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I hope I get to see the day (during my lifetime) when I will read that a european or a north american girl found a decent, educated well-to-do dominican doctor / surgeon or a lawyer and fell in love with him and got married. A man who took her to paris for honeymoon.
You think this is possible? I mean how many of you folks are tired of this european/ american and dominican trash relationship?
 

ricktoronto

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Jan 9, 2002
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You Answered Your Own Question

floradelsol said:
it sounds bad and pessimistic, but if he comes to switzerland right now, I'm a bit afraid, that he would make bad friendships. I've seen many dominican people dealing with drogs, prostitution, violence. it's not onely that friends told me this; where I live this is really the case.
If you think that this can happen for both reasons:

1. The people he could run into are bad and
2. He is of the character that would make bad friendships

Then don't bring him to Switzerland. Actually don't "bring" him anywhere - he shoud pay his own way. Coming to the DR and losing YOUR job won't make thngs better at all.
 

GypsyGRL

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Apr 26, 2003
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AZB said:
I hope I get to see the day (during my lifetime) when I will read that a european or a north american girl found a decent, educated well-to-do dominican doctor / surgeon or a lawyer and fell in love with him and got married. A man who took her to paris for honeymoon.
You think this is possible? I mean how many of you folks are tired of this european/ american and dominican trash relationship?
Hey AZB,
You'll be the first to hear when I meet him! I agree with you. What is with these ppl. falling for the first sweet smile they see. I'm tired of all the hard luck stories I keep hearing. If guys from our own communities used these crappy pick up lines on us Americanos we'd slap their faces, call them losers and then go laugh about it with our girlfriends! I don't get it?:confused:
 

dale7

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Think things through very carefully

I don't know you but it seems that you haven't had the best of luck with men and jumping into something like this will probably not be beneficial to you. Research your options and use your head along with your heart and the answers will come. Do you trust him implicitly? What is he going to bring into the relationship? It is nice to have a great time with someone while on vacation but fantasy shouldn't come into play. I fear you will have to give up a lot and will be hurt in the long run. I am not saying all of those who work at resorts are after your money and play games, but many do. He may be an exception to the rule but how well do you really know him? Are you willing to risk everything for this man? Do soul searching, use your head and instincts and hopefully you can see what is best for you. Read HB's rules of dating a resort worker.
dale7(Howard)
 

Robert

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Jan 2, 1999
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GypsyGRL said:
Hey AZB,
You'll be the first to hear when I meet him! I agree with you. What is with these ppl. falling for the first sweet smile they see. I'm tired of all the hard luck stories I keep hearing. If guys from our own communities used these crappy pick up lines on us Americanos we'd slap their faces, call them losers and then go laugh about it with our girlfriends! I don't get it?:confused:
90% of these woman would never be seen back home with the guy they have just... well, I'm sure you get the idea.

Just like Presidente beer appears to taste different in the US.
It's all down to your environment and state of mind...
 

Larry

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Mar 22, 2002
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90% of these woman would never be seen back home with the guy they have just... well, I'm sure you get the idea.--ROBERT


Too true.They come down to the DR to "sow their wild oats" and "let their hair down" when being seen in their own neighborhood with the same type would be an embarrassment. They go home and act as angels when in reality they are just contributing to the same hiprocrisy so many of us unfortunately belong to.
Larry
 

bobnoxious

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Jan 2, 2002
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There...definitely there,

I admire your desire to inquire (from strangers), but I can assure you that your "better half" would prefer to be there. He's been planting seeds for years and yours has flowered.

Seriously, your future spouse (and offspring) would benefit greatly from the wonders of Swiss culture. Later, you could move to the DR and take advantage of his connections and your collective "nut". But, don't be too hasty.

Your alternative would be move yourself to the DR and play the field. Skip over this "gentleman" and spread your wings. Your are a young, fertile vixen with plenty to offer. You are educated and experienced. Don't sell yourself short. Take your heart and soul into researching if this country has what you want in life.

I assure you that if you dive into the DR, your will gain a valuable life experience and figure out that your "gentleman" is more common than you think. Is he really the"gold ring" you deserve?
 

Petaka

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Nov 8, 2002
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Well..

I was going to say something but lately every time my heart opens up those damsels in distress the moderator has decided to kill all my good intentions.
Besides, I think she is too close to Ontario so I would not want her breathing on my neck.
 

Dominican Babe

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Dec 9, 2002
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Re: Well..

Petaka said:
I was going to say something but lately every time my heart opens up those damsels in distress the moderator has decided to kill all my good intentions.
Besides, I think she is too close to Ontario so I would not want her breathing on my neck.
Coward!!!!
 

floradelsol

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Apr 26, 2003
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thanks anyway

hi everybody,

AZB and GipsyGirl; do you personally have bad experiences and now are against any relationships between two cultures? or you just fed up reading stories about this topic? if the second is the case, then just don't read it and let the others tell me something more constuctiv!! thanks!!
ricktoronto, I don't think my boyfriend has a bad caracter. but I would like to have some dominican friends, to present him, to make him the start easier. as he doesn't know the language already, the first time far from his family and country, I think it would help to have someone with the same background. when I went to peru,I was greatful for every american or australian, altough my aim was to get to know a different culture, sometimes
it already help to talk english once.
robert, "they have just... what?" I think you don't know me enough to judge like this.
Larry, can you be more presice? don't get the point of it.
bobnoxios. thank you. I also think, I wouldn't regret spending some time in the DR. I really would like to get a job there, lern more spanish. For the beginning, I just wanna get to know my boyfriend and the country better. I don't think I'd lose that much. I get job-experiences in maybe another field, aprove my spanish - don't think this would be so negative for my future. I'm anyway not the kind of girl, who wants to make the same job all her life. So if all your pesimistic thoughts would become true and we would break up, I still would have made lots of important experiences. I just don't wanna depend on my boyfriend - at least
at the beginning. that's why I'd like to find a job on my own, make
my own friends there, just to be sure, that if we would separate (altough I don't think so), that I wouldn't lose everything but still could count on my own friends and job. understand?
see you.
 

AnnaC

Well-known member
Jan 2, 2002
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I want to thank the posters that have have responded in a better manner then in the past. That is great!

Peteka where do you live? Can I come visit you soon? ;)
 

rafael

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AZB, I'll tell you what i am tired of. Why is it you consider anybody that is not a doctor or surgeon, or rich and "high class" to be trash?

Class has ZERO to do with money. I have met many piss poor people with tons of class and many "high class" people with ZERO class. . . . . . .hmmm sound familiar?

Since when did having tons of novias at the phone company, electric company and having 2 "wives" the same weekend equal "class"?

Using your "wealth", "status" and "high class" to get over on young ladies doesn't make you a loser, calling them trash afterwards does.
 

lalla

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Mar 10, 2003
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flora.....

If you truly want to experience a different culture then i encourage you going to DR and spending some time there....what i wish you ladies wouldn't do is, uproot your life in the hopes that where you are relocation, to be near a man, is the answer to "things working out"....this is not so.

When you do something, you should do it for YOURSELF....really analyse WHY you want to move to DR. Think, that whatever phone, mail relationship you have with this man, is going to be VERY different once you have access to each other everyday...it is so easy for someone to portray something over the phone, via mail, anything you want them to be, they WILL BE, the family and friends, in the hopes of getting a little something (clothes, getting their way paid when u visit, little gifts) will say whatever your "partner" wants them to say....after all those are HIS friends and family, not yours, their best interest lay with siding with him....you'll be long gone and the next girl will come along....u get what i am saying?

I'm not trying to tell you your man is a sanki....but chances are he is.....it has nothing to do with the different culture and it not working out becuase of the differences, but its more like your being seen as the ticket out of DR....think about that....
 

Forbeca

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Mar 5, 2003
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Floradelsol, could it be that you feel sorry for this guy? There is so much necessity in the DR. I believe this is the problem w/ foreigners and these guys. Women are nurturing creatures. Everytime I go down there I spend hundreds of dollars just helping out the people around me. My husband knows better than to say anything, I feel so sorry for them. And I do have the money, so why not help out.

As far as meeting a lawyer or a doctor I can assure you that's never going to fly. The family w/ not allow it. Stick to your own kind, that sort of thing.
 

lalla

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Pib said:
My RD$0.48 (at the current rate)...

Will this ever end? Will somebody spare us the trouble and write a booklet about all this. Can DR1 make a CD with all the information in the archives?

*Your mileage may vary. Offer void where prohibited by law.
I dont think it will matter Pib, we can all sit here and write a book each, and there is ALWAYS going to be one girl to come and say "but mine is the real thing" ....yet their stories mirror all the others....incredible......

u said it best....do what u want anyways, its like we all ask for advice, listen to it and still do what we want, so in reality what people are looking for is for someone to agree with them, tell them its ok and that YES THIS MIGHT BE THE REAL THING.....and when they dont get that feedback, they STILL do what they want....
 
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