How to stop the femicides?

[JD Jones]

This is true, and there is very little negative stigma of having a child either under aged or unmarried.

What little there is quickly disappears. It's almost a badge of honor for young girls to get pregnant. They also have the mindset that a child will always grow up to take care of them when they get old.
I met a girl once who was 21 and had 4 children. When I asked her why so many so young, she said it was "to get that out of the way"
And of course you have the males who consider fathering children to be bragged about as trophies to their virility. How many male performers are there out there with multiple children but barely support any of them? .

 

[Auryn]

Here is a study you are unaware of. One of my SIL is a native social worker in Winnipeg . She told me more or less the same. No macho Dominican guy would ever admit to it happening to him. One of our former teachers got throw in Jail in La Vega for 30 days and had a 6 month restraining order against her after she attacked her partner and put him in the hospital by hitting him with a baseball bat. https://aliesq.medium.com/extensive...ore-than-men-men-under-report-it-3bbaa4fbec9d The big problem in the DR seems to be with much older guy with teenaged or not much older females.

Thanks Bob. I lived and taught on a reserve in northern Canada for several years at the start of my career. Many, many similar issues to the DR. I’d definitely go back up north before I’d go to Winnipeg.

Although this medium.com article references studies in the US and UK, there is nothing in it about the DR. We’ve already been warned once to keep it DR related.

As Chirimoya stated earlier, it happens all over the world, but “What we see in the DR is an extreme manifestation of this dynamic, much more exposed to the public because of the conditions most people live in”.



When I’ve witnessed domestic violence in the DR, it’s always been partners of a similar age. The worst is when kids see it. With one family, when things got bad enough, the oldest brought her little brother across the street when it all started for the night. She was 11 at the time, very bright, spoke fluent English, and had so much potential. She always cried and said there was nothing she could do. She knew her stepfather would return soon.

How often do we hear of a man’s body being found rolled up in a carpet, shoved in a suitcase, or thrown in a cane field because his esposa/novia ordered it?

Bottom line: Femicide is a problem in the Dominican Republic. It needs to be addressed.

 

[Big]

What little there is quickly disappears. It's almost a badge of honor for young girls to get pregnant. They also have the mindset that a child will always grow up to take care of them when they get old.
I met a girl once who was 21 and had 4 children. When I asked her why so many so young, she said it was "to get that out of the way"
And of course you have the males who consider fathering children to be bragged about as trophies to their virility. How many male performers are there out there with multiple children but barely support any of them? .

Indeed, they need to be taught that it takes zero skill to have children and it's a financial death sentence at that age.

 

[Chirimoya]

Indeed, they need to be taught that it takes zero skill to have children and it's a financial death sentence at that age.

Several members of my husband's family did everything to discourage one of his nieces from giving up her university studies and moving in with her boyfriend when she was in her late teens. They were supporting her financially through her studies and also made sure she was using contraception. I tried to explain to her that getting pregnant before being financially independent was the worst mistake a young woman could make. Ten years later she has three kids from different men and none of the relationships lasted beyond the pregnancies. The two oldest were farmed off to her mother early on and she is planning to do the same with the third one soon. She experienced domestic violence during pregnancy from the first boyfriend.

 

[Sailor51]

Domestic violence does not go on in the US anything like the DR.

In the US you hit your wife leaving any physical evidence she calls the police, you are arrested.
After the divorce she lives in your former house and you pay child support every month or end up arrested again.
Behind in child support you cannot leave the US.
You run and the state will pay the child support until you are found where you are working via your social security number.
The police will travel out of state to arrest you and return you to face the judge.
You will be required to repay the state for monies they gave to support the wife and kids.
You pay the costs of your arrest and the cost of transport back to the wife's state of residency.
All it takes is some evidence of your assault on the wife that the police see and off you go in handcuffs.
You never see women with black eyes or bruised faces.
Even if the wife declines to press charges when there is evidence of her being struck you are arrested.
Most states have special phone numbers to report domestic violence.

Some men still learn the hard way but the lesson is learned once the wife realizes she has all the options.
Women who are abused and or abandoned with children are not left dependent on some hard drinking bum.

The DR claims concern for domestic violence but there is little will to enact the tough laws that will force change.

I need to make one thing in this comment very clear. A domestic call is one of the most dangerous a cop can go on. To many times after arrival and seeing the battered woman SHE goes after the cops for taking away her husband or 'other'.
Despite her injuries, she refuses to prosecute. So ... the law allows the officer and the court to do so. Often times SHE gets arrested for assualt on the officer as well. (it happened to me, as an officer)
The question is, why do the women continue to go back or allow him back in their lives? He didn't mean it, he said he was sorry, it wont happen again. Sorry lady, yes it will.
Yes there's a syndrom for it (battered wives) but no one knows why.

 

[Big]

I need to make one thing in this comment very clear. A domestic call is one of the most dangerous a cop can go on. To many times after arrival and seeing the battered woman SHE goes after the cops for taking away her husband or 'other'.
Despite her injuries, she refuses to prosecute. So ... the law allows the officer and the court to do so. Often times SHE gets arrested for assualt on the officer as well. (it happened to me, as an officer)
The question is, why do the women continue to go back or allow him back in their lives? He didn't mean it, he said he was sorry, it wont happen again. Sorry lady, yes it will.
Yes there's a syndrom for it (battered wives) but no one knows why.

nothing says true love like slapping around your spouse, eh! It cuts both ways here. Any single gentleman here that has dated has met a woman with a hot temper.

 

[Chirimoya]

I need to make one thing in this comment very clear. A domestic call is one of the most dangerous a cop can go on. To many times after arrival and seeing the battered woman SHE goes after the cops for taking away her husband or 'other'.
Despite her injuries, she refuses to prosecute. So ... the law allows the officer and the court to do so. Often times SHE gets arrested for assualt on the officer as well. (it happened to me, as an officer)
The question is, why do the women continue to go back or allow him back in their lives? He didn't mean it, he said he was sorry, it wont happen again. Sorry lady, yes it will.
Yes there's a syndrom for it (battered wives) but no one knows why.

It's difficult to rationalise, but it could be for lack of economic alternatives or fear of social stigma/losing face as well as falling for the abuser's manipulations that destroy the victim's self-esteem to the point where she doesn't dare make the move.

I know of cases where abusive spouses have cut their wives off from their families, their friends, stopped them from studying and getting qualifications, so that they are in no position to leave and start out again on their own.

 

[Auryn]

I need to make one thing in this comment very clear. A domestic call is one of the most dangerous a cop can go on. To many times after arrival and seeing the battered woman SHE goes after the cops for taking away her husband or 'other'.

Despite her injuries, she refuses to prosecute. So ... the law allows the officer and the court to do so. Often times SHE gets arrested for assualt on the officer as well. (it happened to me, as an officer)
The question is, why do the women continue to go back or allow him back in their lives? He didn't mean it, he said he was sorry, it wont happen again. Sorry lady, yes it will.
Yes there's a syndrom for it (battered wives) but no one knows why.

It’s a type of codependency, which presents itself differently in each relationship.

 

[Big]

woman here also need to assume a level of responsibility and remove themselves from a volatile household. Most here are able to quickly obtain other living arrangements., unlike the States. Staying with a man because he pays the cell phone bill is ludicrous.

 

[La Profe_1]

...The question is, why do the women continue to go back or allow him back in their lives? ..

As has been said, the reasons are myriad. However, from my experience with abused wives, I can say that there are several underlying reasons:

A) The woman in so cowed and terrified that she cannot gather up the strength to leave.

B) There are psychological issues involved when the woman believes that she deserves the abuse.

C) The woman stays for whatever financial security the abuser provides.

 

[CristoRey]

The big problem in the DR seems to be with much older guy with teenaged or not much older females.

These men prefer a hot one over an old used one? Good luck with changing this part of Dominican culture.

 

[Big]

These men prefer a hot one over an old used one? Good luck with changing this part of Dominican culture.

lol, the globe will rotate in a different direction before that happens.

 

[CristoRey]

I suspect you're mocking it but there are some very good projects being run with young men and women that aim to redefine the prevailing model of masculinity. It's an important part of the solution to the mindset and dynamics that lead to domestic violence and femicides.

Redefine maculinity?
This type of mind set is a huge part
of the problem. Please explain to the rest
of us where within the definition of masculinity it says beat women.

 

[CristoRey]

Several members of my husband's family did everything to discourage one of his nieces from giving up her university studies and moving in with her boyfriend when she was in her late teens. They were supporting her financially through her studies and also made sure she was using contraception. I tried to explain to her that getting pregnant before being financially independent was the worst mistake a young woman could make. Ten years later she has three kids from different men and none of the relationships lasted beyond the pregnancies. The two oldest were farmed off to her mother early on and she is planning to do the same with the third one soon. She experienced domestic violence during pregnancy from the first boyfriend.

The word for today is "responsibility"
as in personal responsibilty from both parties.

 

[nanita]

I think it's important to reiterate that the responsibility for domestic violence/femicide lies with the aggressor - overwhelmingly, the male.
Men are more aggressive than women (not going into the hormonal/physiological reasons for this, it is what it is) and the onus is on them to control themselves.
I am in no way defending women who hit men, it's terrible, and my observation is that SOME Dominican women are an absolute nightmare, psychologically unstable, triggered messes, but I have a problem with the 'she provoked me' stories as it reeks of victim-blaming.
This thread has gone from the topic of femicide to why teen girls think it's cool to get pregnant...
The bottom line is that men need to draw a line internally where they don't use violence against women, period. It's their decision.

 

[CristoRey]

nothing says true love like slapping around your spouse, eh! It cuts both ways here. Any single gentleman here that has dated has met a woman with a hot temper.

As a young child I grew up in a area of the south where it was not uncommon for a man to get drunk and beat his wife or girlfriend. Back then they had few shelters/ places to go for help. Now there are hundreds. It took them an entire generation to change things. People said it would never happen. It happened. I wish these folks all the best.

 

[CristoRey]

I think it's important to reiterate that the responsibility for domestic violence/femicide lies with the aggressor - overwhelmingly, the male.
Men are more aggressive than women (not going into the hormonal/physiological reasons for this, it is what it is) and the onus is on them to control themselves.
I am in no way defending women who hit men, it's terrible, and my observation is that SOME Dominican women are an absolute nightmare, psychologically unstable, triggered messes, but I have a problem with the 'she provoked me' stories as it reeks of victim-blaming.
This thread has gone from the topic of femicide to why teen girls think it's cool to get pregnant...
The bottom line is that men need to draw a line internally where they don't use violence against women, period. It's their decision.

You ever seen a ferral cat attack another animal?

 

[nanita]

You ever seen a ferral cat attack another animal?

I don't know if you are comparing Dominican women to feral cats, but the choice is ALWAYS there to walk away. Do you see what I mean? Men need to make the decision to walk away. That's all.

 

[CristoRey]

I don't know if you are comparing Dominican women to feral cats, but the choice is ALWAYS there to walk away. Do you see what I mean? Men need to make the decision to walk away. That's all.

I am. (obviously some not all)
Not picking sides either.
Sometimes a hood run is better
than a bad stand.... first rule of
confrontation.

 

[CristoRey]

I am. (obviously some not all)
Not picking sides either.
Sometimes a hood run is better
than a bad stand.... first rule of
confrontation.

*good run (damn lights)