Dark Scorpian,
Dude, i've got to meet you! Seriously, man. I want to just give you one big bear hug and tell you that i love you, man! Seriously, I got to meet you...you got me very, very intrigued by some of the things you say. Let's have coffee together? I want to hear about your life, hear about where you grew up, what kind of jobs you've had? I want to hear your life story. Are you willing to share anything more about yourself here in this thread...you know...to demonstrate your integrity and honesty? I'm particularly interested about your upbringing and education. I will be happy to go first...to break the ice. Don't worry. I'm not shy. i will break the ice and shatter it into a thousand tiny pieces around your feet. You will instantly know that i am genuine and graphically honest.
Are you willing to share a little bit more about yourself, your education, where you grew up? I can't recall you saying much about yourself other than mentioning something about enjoying computer games. Unfortunately, I know nothing about computer games. I'm an idiot. I've never even played a computer game before. However, as a bartender, i know a little bit about lying, and consider myself an expert in the seven pantomimes in the art of lying. I might be willing to share some of them with you. I wrote the book on them.
Here are some general questions that i would like to know about you, but don't feel compelled to share them here if it will make you uncomfortable. Still, think them over if we ever get the opportunity to meet.
1. Have you ever had a long term relationship (more then 12 months)? If the answer is no, don't worry, it just means you saved a lot of headaches, heartaches, money, and condoms.
2. Have you lost your virginity? If so, at what age? If not, again...don't worry, it just means you've saved a lot of money on fighting crabs, venereal diseases, and other assorted diseases and genital warts. I'm full of them. trust me, they're not worth it.
3. Do you have a higher education? If so, in what field? If not, don't worry, it just means you've saved a whole lot of money on student loans and you haven't sold your soul to the devil and Uncle Sam.
4. Are you circumcised? If no, why not? if yes, ah, forget it, it's not important right now.
5. Do you part your hair? If yes, where? If no, why not? Do you have a fro, do you keep your hair very short? Why a mustache?
6. Do you eat the Beaver? If yes, what do the beaver taste like? And, do you like the taste of the Beaver? If not, consider yourself lucky...the meat can be hard, bitter, and some of the Beaver's bite really hard, and the bites leave some nasty, life-long scars. Very ugly!
7. Are you religious? I believed you said, "no." Ok, if this is true, can you, in one easy comprehensible sentence, describe why not? Doesn't need to be eloquent, just factual.
8. What is your ethnicity? black, brown, white, green, yellow? are you gifted in any areas--dancing, sports, hung like a horse? If not, why not?
9. What brought your here, to the DR? For the Yucca and plantains? Rum and Beer? Women and song? all of the above?
10. Ever served in the military? If yes, where and why? If no, why not?
11. Where do you think we go after we die? Heaven? Hell? Purgatory? the ground?the water shelf?
12. In one sentance, can you describe yourself? Extroverted? Introverted?
13. If you could do it all over again...you know...travel back to the future in a Delorean...would you be the same person? be more assertive? Be less aggressive? Be more aggressive? Be less uptight? Be more uptight? Change your height? hair color? Nails? your Johnson length?
14. How are you able to live in the DR and survive? Are you a computer geek? Inherited money? Running a pyramid scheme? Sold a piece of property? Gotten an insurance payout? Sold your soul to the devil? Living on credit cards? all of the above?
15. Are you homophobic? If yes, why? If no, why not?
16. Are you easily offended? If yes, Why? If no, answer the last 15 questions.
Remember, i like you, and i'm pulling for you, brother! Love Frank
