I've been dying to ask this question

jackquontee

New member
May 20, 2005
453
2
0
57
Back here in the states I literally go to work, and go home. I usually have my boys every other weekend, and I run errands periodically, when I need to. That is the gist of my life here. I don't foresee developing a relationship here, for a couple reasons.

I will, of course continue to travel to the DR with the hope, and intention, of moving there at some point. One of the things that I've questioned is whether or not I would be willing to become involved in a relationship with a woman there. I'll admit that a large part of my reluctance to be in a committed relationship here in the states is because I've simply met too many women who, in my opinion, are just outright gold diggers. Yea, there goes that term again. But, that has been my experience.

However, one of the more common themes I seem to have noticed is that many men who talk about being involved with a Dominican woman usually follow it up with talk about what they've bought for the woman's family during the course of the relationship. So, my question is this: Is taking care of a Dominican woman's family usually part of the prerequisite for having a committed relationship with her?

I'm not bashing anyone, in spite of how strong my opinions may seem. So, please offer some legitimate advice, opinions, and suggestions. I'm not interested in getting into an arguement over the issue.
 

rellosk

Silver
Mar 18, 2002
4,159
54
0
jackquontee said:
So, my question is this: Is taking care of a Dominican woman's family usually part of the prerequisite for having a committed relationship with her?
It generally depends on the family of the woman you date. If the family is poor (as is the families of most of the women tourists date) the family will expect support at some level from the rich American/Canadian/European. The expectation of support becomes even greater if you significant other emigrates to America/Canada/Europe.
 

Robert

Stay Frosty!
Jan 2, 1999
20,575
326
83
dr1.com
jackquontee said:
involved with a Dominican woman usually follow it up with talk about what they've bought for the woman's family during the course of the relationship. So, my question is this: Is taking care of a Dominican woman's family usually part of the prerequisite for having a committed relationship with her?
All depends on the woman's social/economic level.

95% of the male posters on this board have never dated a "professional" woman here in the DR, . By professional, I mean... has a "real" job, university educated, has no problem traveling overseas, can hold a conversation about various topics, other than cell phones, new clothes or who's doing who.

If your considering dating someone that fits the above description, then no.
The family will be more than capable of taking care of themselves.

If you plan to run with the 95% pack, then it might well be a prerequisite.
 

suarezn

Gold
Feb 3, 2002
5,823
288
0
51
Ditto to the above posts. My advise would be If you do start going out with someone then watch their demeanor. A respectable woman will not ask you for anything even if she's poor. Do not offer anything (even if you see that she needs it) until you've gone out for a while and you are sure she's not a gold digger.

I would say that you must understand that most women in The DR do not make much in terms of income (one of the reasons why they will go out with an older guy) so I would help out here and there...BUT...it must come from you - That's the key...

If you do help her out then do so sporadically. Don't make it an expected thing and definitely do not give her tons of money (100-200 USD max)...I remember a thread about a guy who was "helping out" a girl in The DR and he was giving her 1000+ USd a month. He wanted her to go to shool, etc...This is more than most people who went to school make, so she saw no need to attend college and saw this as someone supporting her.

Have fun, but tread carefully ...
 

AZB

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
12,269
488
83
Decent dominican women from decent families will be embarassed to accept anything from you. There have been a few girls in my life that wouldn't accept anything from me, not even taxi money. I once offered a girl to pay for her taxi and her face turned red. try dating a girl with a full time job or a professional person : example lawyer, doctor, banker or simply a person who holds a good job. You will eliminate 95% of your troubles if you go out with a person who is more compatible with you. Follow hillbilly's rules, this guy is here for 40 plus yrs. He is no fool, he knows what he is talking about. I am sick and tired of hearing the losers repeating the same old stories , she is poor but very down to earth, loving, caring and how they knew a educated girl who was from a middle class family and what a bitch she was etc etc. they make it sound like the poor girls are down to earth humans and the richer girls are all snobs. The truth is these losers can only date the poor girls of this country thats why they put down the girls who are not impressed by their white color.
Anyway, a decent girl from a good family can't go out alone with a tourist to spend a weekend in a resort. This is simply not allowed. No wonder most foreigners support and are compelled to buy everything she needs in order to maintain the relationship.
I never buy a damn thing to any girl and never pay them any money. thats because my girls are always employeed and have honor. They don;t look at guys as piggy banks. Some foreigners have so much to learn.
AZB
 

SweetSue

New member
Dec 15, 2005
23
0
0
Hey mister, what is the difference between D.R. and the U.S.A.? So many folks these days are money grabbers. If you find someone you care for, set boundries, and go for it. Life is too short to get to worried about a few bucks.
 

jackquontee

New member
May 20, 2005
453
2
0
57
Folks, thanks for the replies

Rellosk:
The expectation of support becomes even greater if you significant other emigrates to America/Canada/Europe.
This would not even be a consideration. There seems to be a common opinion by guys that I know here in the states that, if one should ever meet a woman from another country, you never bring them back to the states, for fear of them becoming "Americanized".


Robert, my intent would very well be to look amongst the %5 you've mentioned, though my impression is that that %5 might indeed be difficult to find on the North Coast, i.e., POP, Sosua, Cabarete.


suarezn:
If you do help her out then do so sporadically. Don't make it an expected thing
By nature I am a generous person. But that's where I've found it to be a difficult thing, because it seems that you cannot be generous without it, at some point, becoming an expected thing and, therefore, the basis of most relationships.


AZB:
Anyway, a decent girl from a good family can't go out alone with a tourist to spend a weekend in a resort.
When it comes to committed relationships, I am actually pretty old fashioned, in the sense that I do believe in romancing a woman. I would never expect the type of woman you've mentioned to simply go spend a weekend at a resort (or anywhere else, for that matter) with me. I think we all know that those type of women are a dime a dozen. Well maybe not a dime, but they certainly exist by the dozens.
Some foreigners have so much to learn.
Hence, the need for a forum such as this, and our willingness to ask the questions to which we need answers.


SweetSue:
Hey mister, what is the difference between D.R. and the U.S.A.? So many folks these days are money grabbers. If you find someone you care for, set boundries, and go for it. Life is too short to get to worried about a few bucks.
Hey, miss, I don't know that there is a difference between the DR and the USA. I think that, to a large degree, relationships there and in the US are probably pretty similar. What I do know (based upon my experiences) is that here in the states there is certainly the expectation that you take care of and do for the woman you are dating, and I don't have a problem with that. The problem usually exists with the lack of reciprocity. The impression that I've gotten from reading several posts on this and other forums is that if you date a Dominican woman you not only take care of and do for her, but her family as well. So, rather than go on impressions, I thought it better that I ask the question. And, finally, were it a matter of just "a few bucks" I would never have bothered to ask the question.

Thanks all.
 
Last edited:

AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
16,050
410
83
Jack,

don't lose your head over the first cute thing you see and I think you are smart enough to see through people from the little I know about you. ;)

Take your time, as Oprah says " everyone shows you who they really are at some point"

don't miss that point and good luck. ;)
 

funckytown

New member
Apr 17, 2005
97
2
0
67
Wiesbaden, Germany, Germany
Hello,

Money Money Money...
I thought we were talking about love?

It sounds like you never dated a US, european woman ;)

In a couple of days I will compleano a 1 year relation with a wonderful dominican mother, who tries to raise 2 childrens, to build HER home with blood and tears, these 95 % of women you are talking are fighting for living, and we should be proud to know these dominicans
as these 95 % of men are working and selling for a couple of pesos, what we used to pay 10 times more in a MALL.

Yes MONEY again, yes dominican have a FAMILY survival system, yes you marry a dominican family, when you fall in love...
So?
yes the 10 children pay all together for medecine for their old mother,
so be part of it, be part of a family

I am so proud of her and dominican people
What would you do back in the US, if you had once no electricity for 15 h...
Kill youself I suppose :classic:
and no water?

So Merry Xmas all of you, and care more this person you love
 

AZB

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
12,269
488
83
jackquontee said:
Robert, my intent would very well be to look amongst the %5 you've mentioned, though my impression is that that %5 might indeed be difficult to find on the North Coast, i.e., POP, Sosua, Cabarete.
.
What robert was saying that "95% of tourists..... "not 95% of dominican women who fit this description. So if you think only 5% of women are the the eligible type, you have read it all wrong.
There are plenty of educated, decent women around in bigger cities who need a good man to spend the life with. You will find them in banks, businesses, corporations, private businesses, clinics and everywhere you look if you only look in the proper places. Stay away from women who work in beauty salons, women who don't study or do not have university education. If they live in a house with metel sheet roof where rain falls from holes, stay away from girls who are jobless and live with a tia, cousin or some other friend in a "pension" hooker studio apartments. These jobless women who live in barrios are bottomless pits. They are 100% liability. You have to buy them a cell phone. Then you have to buy her a calling card because she never has minutes to call you. Then she loses the phone after 2 weeks (meaning sells it) and now you have to buy another one. She never has money to pay for her school or institution, never has money to go anywhere beause she doesn't even have 20 pesos for mini-bus to get out of campo. You buy them inverter, then they make sure they burn it by attaching an iron. They they don't have 600 pesos to repair it. Their problems are endless. they are totally lazy and useless.
Now you can have a girl who is from a middle class family and works for her money. She will come to you in taxi and pay. She already has a cell phone and minutes to call you. She will help you with legal work in this country. She is intelligent so she will make you look good in social gatherings. She will fill out you forms in spanish and talk to lawyers and get things done for you. She will know someone in higher power so in case of trouble, you get a free pass out the jail etc. These women will make great wives / girlfriends. their families will invite you to their house and make good food for you. You will never have to feel sorry for them. You will be treated egually.
Remember, there are plenty of dominicans of this nature and they are all around you. There is no need to save a poor girl's soul in some campo.
AZB
 

jackquontee

New member
May 20, 2005
453
2
0
57
AZB said:
What robert was saying that "95% of tourists..... "not 95% of dominican women who fit this description. So if you think only 5% of women are the the eligible type, you have read it all wrong.
AZB, you are correct. Though I understood what Robert meant when I read his post, for some reason I responded to it out of context. I didn't sleep well last night so I'm in something of a fog this morning.

So, having narrowed down the
of woman, how about location. I've often read that most of these women are to be found in the larger cities, as you've mentioned. Does this then mean, literally, that the better quality woman cannot be found on the North Coast (which would be unfortunate as I like the North Coast and am, in fact, not a big city type of guy) or that the numbers of available women in the North Coast who fit this description are much smaller?
 

DominicanScotty

On Vacation!
Jun 12, 2004
1,300
2
0
61
I agree with the usual folks here

You guys know who you are. Some of you guys like HB have been here for a long long time. I am still considered a rookie down here at just over 11 years compared to some of you guys.

Just about everyone has started out here on the same level and that is dating barrio girls that hang around the beaches, clubs, car washes etc. I too have done this and yes, I too have got burned and thankfully learned my lesson.

The more established you become living here the more clearly you will see the "Other Dominican Republic" that tourists just can never see. Don't worry, everything will become more and more clear for you as you live here.

Seriously, you must ask yourself what it is that you want? If you just want to continue seeing poor girls that have nothing to offer you other then what is under their clothes then there is a never ending abundance of it here and always will be. Now, if you desire a professional woman that has a university degree from from a internationally known university? There are many and if you give yourself the chance to at least learn conversational Spanish your eyes will open to wonder!

I know you will do well.

Happy Holidays to everyone!

Scottie
 

DominicanScotty

On Vacation!
Jun 12, 2004
1,300
2
0
61
AZB, excellent post

AZB said:
What robert was saying that "95% of tourists..... "not 95% of dominican women who fit this description. So if you think only 5% of women are the the eligible type, you have read it all wrong.
There are plenty of educated, decent women around in bigger cities who need a good man to spend the life with. You will find them in banks, businesses, corporations, private businesses, clinics and everywhere you look if you only look in the proper places. Stay away from women who work in beauty salons, women who don't study or do not have university education. If they live in a house with metel sheet roof where rain falls from holes, stay away from girls who are jobless and live with a tia, cousin or some other friend in a "pension" hooker studio apartments. These jobless women who live in barrios are bottomless pits. They are 100% liability. You have to buy them a cell phone. Then you have to buy her a calling card because she never has minutes to call you. Then she loses the phone after 2 weeks (meaning sells it) and now you have to buy another one. She never has money to pay for her school or institution, never has money to go anywhere beause she doesn't even have 20 pesos for mini-bus to get out of campo. You buy them inverter, then they make sure they burn it by attaching an iron. They they don't have 600 pesos to repair it. Their problems are endless. they are totally lazy and useless.
Now you can have a girl who is from a middle class family and works for her money. She will come to you in taxi and pay. She already has a cell phone and minutes to call you. She will help you with legal work in this country. She is intelligent so she will make you look good in social gatherings. She will fill out you forms in spanish and talk to lawyers and get things done for you. She will know someone in higher power so in case of trouble, you get a free pass out the jail etc. These women will make great wives / girlfriends. their families will invite you to their house and make good food for you. You will never have to feel sorry for them. You will be treated egually.
Remember, there are plenty of dominicans of this nature and they are all around you. There is no need to save a poor girl's soul in some campo.
AZB

Sorry I did not stop by to say hello at the turkey bash. I would have loved to say hello to many of you! Perhaps next time around.

I agree with you once again. I see that you are blessed here in this beautiful country with even more beautiful, intelligent women then I could ever imagine. After bumbling along for the first few years I have finally "turned the corner" and crossed over to going out with super intelligent women.

Last month, while in my GFs house. The mother lost the tickets to my GFs graduation. The loss was about 1000 pesos and surely a lot of money even for a true middle class Dominican. I offered and was politley, but firmly denied.

Movies, elegant dinners, fine clothes, going to church? What barrio chica goes to the movies, especially a premier? What barrio chica even knows what an elegant restaurant is? Church? Har har har.... forget about it! If they do go you would not be invited! What chica offers to pay not only her way but your also? Not a barrio chica! Fine clothes? No, I do not mean those 100 peso painted on spandex that you see in the disco. These women wouldn't be caught dead in those clothes. If they did they would be dead, from their parents! Perfect English and I mean fluent to the extent that I can use complex words rapidly with no problem with her. Phone calls from her to just say "hello" and not to tell me that her primo was killed in a moto concho accident somewhere in the campo and needs 1500 dollars? I really am not beating up on the poor barrio girl. It is what it is and not their fault. This is life in the barrio and pretty much all they know and all they ever care to know. However, there are those remote exceptions.

Believe me, you will know the difference and when you do you will never ever go back! Once again, good luck!
 

Robert

Stay Frosty!
Jan 2, 1999
20,575
326
83
dr1.com
jackquontee said:
Does this then mean, literally, that the better quality woman cannot be found on the North Coast (which would be unfortunate as I like the North Coast and am, in fact, not a big city type of guy) or that the numbers of available women in the North Coast who fit this description are much smaller?
Not at all. Lot's of woman I would consider "quality" on the north coast.

I have dated woman on the North Coast that have their own businesses and drive their own cars, university educated, 3 languages etc. It's not about location, it's about who you socialize and interact with.

These are the problems your going to face if your looking for "quality"...

95% of gringos do not in "my opinion" assimilate into everyday Dominican life, they are outsiders. They might know 1 or 2 Dominicans, the girl at the bank or the guy that fixes the car, but that's it. They will never be invited to any social functions or meet with (middle class) Dominicans on a regular basis.

If you look at the newspapers or social pages, you will only ever see a gringo at diplomatic type functions, visiting as a CEO or the ones that have made it and do "real" business here with Dominicans. Basically, you will see very few.

Your options to meet the type of woman your looking for are slim on the north coast, unless you break out of the "gringo mold".

If your doing business here and a client (Dominican) sees you on the street or in a restaurant with what they consider a low life. They will drop you like a brick, kiss that client goodbye. Appearances and who you socialize with are everything here. More so if your a woman, men are given a little more rope, the joys of a macho society I guess.

Dominicans instantly categorize people by who they socialize with and they will do they same to you. This is a very classiest culture, the classes don't mix and everybody is aware of their place on the food chain.

Two days ago I was having a conversation with a girl about how most gringos just don't get it. I asked her opinion and why she thought they didn't mix etc.

Her words...

"Gringo's come here to have fun and do the stuff they cannot do in their own countries. They hang around with low life people, you know... cheap girls and that sort of stuff".

The sad fact is, that's how most middle class Dominicans perceive gringo's.
I know it's a little ignorant, but that's how it is and your not going to change that overall perception.

How do you break out of the mold?

Look around at the gringo's that have in successfully assimilated, what did they do? Saying that, most gringos here will not be able to tell you why, as they are still in the 95% bracket.

But...

- They don't hang around with low life's. They are never seen at a bar or restaurant with a sankie or barrio girl.
- They have Dominican friends that they socialize with, usually as a family.
- They can effectively communicate in Spanish.
- They usually don't live in towns like Sosua or Boca Chica that most middle class Dominicans consider "cesspools".
- They don't dress like tourists.
- They don't hang around with gringos.
- They are usually low key.
- etc etc etc...
 

magdalena21

New member
Jun 7, 2005
25
2
0
Hi jack,

I agree with rellock that it depends of the family of the woman you date.
I would like to tell you something that happened to my dad. A person in my neighborhood asked to my dad why are you working so hard if your daughter is living in US and her boyfriend is American. My father answered do you think that just because she lives in US and her boyfriend is American means that she has a money tree. You lazy people have to learn that if you want a good live have to work for it and not to sit waiting until somebody work for you.


My opinion about taking care of her family is, I dont think that is part of the relationship with your girl. If she asks you money every single time for her family it means or she has another man who she has to take of or her family are a bunch of lazy people or her family is very very poor.


My advise for you is try to meet very good the person who you are going to be dating before you have any kind of serious relationship. So that you dont get the surprise of taking care of her family.

Now, take care and be careful

Good luck

peace and love
magdalena





jackquontee said:
Back here in the states I literally go to work, and go home. I usually have my boys every other weekend, and I run errands periodically, when I need to. That is the gist of my life here. I don't foresee developing a relationship here, for a couple reasons.

I will, of course continue to travel to the DR with the hope, and intention, of moving there at some point. One of the things that I've questioned is whether or not I would be willing to become involved in a relationship with a woman there. I'll admit that a large part of my reluctance to be in a committed relationship here in the states is because I've simply met too many women who, in my opinion, are just outright gold diggers. Yea, there goes that term again. But, that has been my experience.

However, one of the more common themes I seem to have noticed is that many men who talk about being involved with a Dominican woman usually follow it up with talk about what they've bought for the woman's family during the course of the relationship. So, my question is this: Is taking care of a Dominican woman's family usually part of the prerequisite for having a committed relationship with her?

I'm not bashing anyone, in spite of how strong my opinions may seem. So, please offer some legitimate advice, opinions, and suggestions. I'm not interested in getting into an arguement over the issue.
 
Sep 19, 2005
4,629
90
0
you can do what ever YOU want and you dont have to do anything YOU DONT WANT TO!

There are NO RULES!

who are the friggin people who say there are rules....thats total BS

there are no rules in love and war. I have NEVER EVER met a woman who got upset a man was buying her something....even women who are stand alone millionaires appreciate someone thinking of them, and giving them something. buying something is just a piece of the interaction. yeah its easier to look like its one sided when you are talking people from poorer countries. yeah the DR fits that catergory. Even the MIDDLE class here is poor compared to the USA. Some people here have gotten complacent and think they are cruising life. But the bottom line is they are stuck there. They couldnt move "back".

buying soimething is no different than helping out physically. Paint the house, help repair the car, move furniture around........its life man! its all in there

whats with these DR people picking it apart and seperating everything into little classification that MEAN what ever they want it to mean. And then they back it up with telling us how long they have lived there ............yeah GOD designed different people for the DR than he did for other countries..................its a feel good way to just put down others. There is nothing magical about relationships in the DR. Put anything under the microscope and just look at that alone and you can nit pick it to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but its out of context.

I think too many people have the syndrome that if they trash someone they are putting themselves up on a higher level............power to the people that can let that crap run off their back like water off a duck............

bob
 

jackquontee

New member
May 20, 2005
453
2
0
57
Good stuff

Anna, thanks for the compliment, and advice. I am a 42 year old man, so I have had the benefit of some experience in this life. I certainly would not be persuaded by the first good looking thing that comes along, particularly in a country where there seems to be quite a few good looking things. LOL. But, that is part of my reason for asking as well--to get beyond the looks, and get down to the real character and substance of the issue.

Both Scottie and Robert, though I really do understand your points and descriptions about what a "professional woman" is, and the virtues and benefits of her being such, I guess my interest would be in that of a "good" woman, as vague as that may be. Ideally, I would like a woman with whom I can share a life, one that we have both worked hard to build and to which we have both contributed. Also, one who is willing to give just as much as she is willing to take, in whatever form that might take.
Now, does this mean that she, from my perspective, has to be all of those things that you guys have outlined and described? No, not necessarily. But, does this mean that, in order to find the type of woman who I'd like to meet and be involved with, she has to have those qualities and accomplishments under her belt? I'd hate to say it, but I guess so. Because, as you've pointed out Robert, as has so many others, things are the way they are there, and I'm not going to change it. But, this also leads me to Bob's point as well.

Bob, I hear what you're saying and, to a large degree, I totally agree with you. I don't judge people by their financial status, or from where they come. There are other things I look for in people. I think we've had this very discussion in another thread somewhere else. I have read about your situation with your relationship, and think that you've been very fortunate and lucky to have found the woman you are with. However, would you be willing to agree that your situation is the exception, rather than the rule? See, I wouldn't want to say that because I don't yet know enough to make that determination. But, based upon what I've been reading over the past several months, your situation does seem to be one of the exceptions. Good for you, and I truly wish you well from this point on.

However, my real point has nothing to do with helping others. I have been doing that my whole life, and have been helped at times as well. Do I take issue with someone who helps his woman's mother at her house by running an errand, landscaping the yard, moving furniture, or some other such thing? Absolutely not. Do I take issue with someone who buys a gift for his girlfriend, or some other member of the family? Again, absolutely not. I have been known to do these things as well. What I do take exception to is when doing these things becomes the basis of the relationship on the part of the one you love, when the bond that holds the two of you together no longer involves common interests but, rather, the interests of the woman and her family. This is what I'm trying to avoid. From much of what I have read, it seems to be a more common factor in dating someone from the DR, than it is here in the states.

In any event, as the saying goes "the only stupid question is the one not asked". And, seeing that I've got much to learn about the DR ,and the fact that I don't have the benefit of being there full time, I thought I'd pose this question to those of you who might have a better grasp of it. Thanks for all of the input.
 
Sep 19, 2005
4,629
90
0
hey I am not a know it all. I would say that from the majority of the postings here, my relationship may be just that, the exception rather than the rule. I wont say, I only know of my situation and what i read. I dont let bad realtionships elsewhere effect mine thats for sure. And sure enough my relationship can go south at any moment, for a variety of reasons, but none would be "the dr curse" and sure enough she COULD become so accustomed to me taking care of her, that she may expect it. At this point it doesnt look that way to me. Same goes for her family. because it is one way now, does not mean it will always be that way. I am divorced...obviously that started out differently than it ended up!!!!!!!!!!!!

believe me there is so much to learn on this forum, there is so much usful information to be had from the people with the time and experience here. I just dont think any of those things can be applied to a relationship between a man and a woman!!

They are perfect for finding the better beaches, or hotels, or places to wind surf. they are great sources of info , for looking for a place to live, and how to go about getting your car registered, or where to go shopping in a certain kind of store. Or maybe where there are good places to go dancing. But giving cast in stone romantic advice is crazy......romance is where you find it, and its right next to heartache

power to you bro.....bob
 

Nelly

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
614
4
0
Are there really no nice women left in NA? I find that so hard to believe. We sure get a bad rap on this board. :)