Met my husband here and need some advice

lifeisgreat

Devils playground
May 7, 2016
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Serenitydp you know the answers you seek rest is up to you! Sink or swim...you won’t find your answers here sorry :(
 

the gorgon

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Sep 16, 2010
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Yes but then when he split from his wife in 2009 then he should have went back. If he is so unhappy here

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i understand your assertion that he should have gone home when he split up with his former wife. however, the moving parts at that time in his life might have been convoluted, and maybe he decided to give it a shot in Canada..maybe he thought that he had a better shot financially in Canada...who knows?
 

Serenitydp

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Jan 1, 2019
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i understand your assertion that he should have gone home when he split up with his former wife. however, the moving parts at that time in his life might have been convoluted, and maybe he decided to give it a shot in Canada..maybe he thought that he had a better shot financially in Canada...who knows?
Yes maybe. I mean I know it is tough for someone to come to another country when they are older especially if they loved where they were. I think it was for his family back home that he stayed to give them opportunity. Also he really cares what people think of him so he may not have wanted to go back with nothing. My thing is I rather him be happy then miserable.

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the gorgon

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Sep 16, 2010
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Yes maybe. I mean I know it is tough for someone to come to another country when they are older especially if they loved where they were. I think it was for his family back home that he stayed to give them opportunity. Also he really cares what people think of him so he may not have wanted to go back with nothing. My thing is I rather him be happy then miserable.

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i think you have a very good understanding of the motivations. people who plan to emigrate are going to be met with two different sets of responders. one cohort is going to tell them not to go, because the grass is not greener on the other side. the other guys are going to convince them that they will be better off if they go. so, returning home with nothing to show for it creates two unpleasant scenarios..

1..they feel they have disappointed the folks who encouraged them to go..

2...they fell they have given the last word and laugh to those who told them to stay put.

going back home in third world countries is not pretty. if you have to look to people to hire you, they sometimes take the approach that the only reason you want their job is because you could not get one with gringo.
 

Aguaita29

Silver
Jul 27, 2011
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He had his first kid with a Dominican also in canada and she actually had him scared. It wasnt until he met me that i told him she can't call cops on you just because you are at the same place etc.
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Maybe she had him scared for a reason.
 

Auryn

Well-known member
Apr 22, 2012
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"Peroooo, no es mi culpa....." And yes she can call the cops on him if she had some sort of peace bond or protection order against him.
 

Serenitydp

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Jan 1, 2019
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"Peroooo, no es mi culpa....." And yes she can call the cops on him if she had some sort of peace bond or protection order against him.
Yes but she didnt. He was new here and didnt know the ins and outs

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jad604

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Nov 17, 2011
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So been married with my husband 6 years and things are very difficult. He is very selfish along with his family and he was raised very tough and with basically no love and he is the same with our kids. He doesn't want to spend time with us it is all about him and what he wants to do and we are always last. Everything is about the DR and how he misses it etc. So I tell him I didn't bring you here and if you miss it you should have gone back. He ruins every holiday I have as he is not happy. I am at a loss. I am near the end. Dont know what to do.

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For the first 6 years my wife acted foolishly too. I call her a joy thief. I put her out for a year almost. We have a son. I relented and took her back. I realize my happiness doesn't depend upon her. I got her a job and make her contribute money monthly. Her stubbornness only hurts her. 7 years later her attitude still sucks but it goes only to her detriment. It's why I've taken so long to bring her 1st child here. My money is used to keep MY HOUSE updated. She works as often as she can, avg 6 days a week. Her money pays her car insurance and maintenance, 2001 Infiniti. She is the victim of her own demise and doesn't realize that if she just shifted her mind things would be great for her, in comparison to her previous life they already are. I'm not unhappy and we're okay paying our own bills plus the money she gives me. I give her no money but plenty of opportunities to earn. I'm about to retire and would like to live in or near Las Terranas in an expat community. I won't buy because of the marital laws giving her half my property so I want to rent a house from December to April for a few years.. I digress. Give your spouse either additional time or put his ass out so he'll realize the good situation he blew up. Good luck.
 

USA DOC

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Feb 20, 2016
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For the first 6 years my wife acted foolishly too. I call her a joy thief. I put her out for a year almost. We have a son. I relented and took her back. I realize my happiness doesn't depend upon her. I got her a job and make her contribute money monthly. Her stubbornness only hurts her. 7 years later her attitude still sucks but it goes only to her detriment. It's why I've taken so long to bring her 1st child here. My money is used to keep MY HOUSE updated. She works as often as she can, avg 6 days a week. Her money pays her car insurance and maintenance, 2001 Infiniti. She is the victim of her own demise and doesn't realize that if she just shifted her mind things would be great for her, in comparison to her previous life they already are. I'm not unhappy and we're okay paying our own bills plus the money she gives me. I give her no money but plenty of opportunities to earn. I'm about to retire and would like to live in or near Las Terranas in an expat community. I won't buy because of the marital laws giving her half my property so I want to rent a house from December to April for a few years.. I digress. Give your spouse either additional time or put his ass out so he'll realize the good situation he blew up. Good luck.
Thats why women are like hurricanes.. they come in wet and wild...and when they leave they take the house and car..........
 
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bob saunders

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Jan 1, 2002
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Well the lot of us bemoan a bunch here on dr1, no ? ;) It doesnt mean we dont like it here in the dr ( or we wouldnt be here, would we ? ), it just means we want the best of both worlds ( even though we wont get it :( ).

To the OP, you could ask your husband why he is unhappy ( or if he is unhappy ). You may have diffrent goals in life.

He is from the Dominican Republic, he was not fleeing famine or war or persecution, he was just looking for better economic opportunities.
Clearly, a successful dominican migrant is someone that will come back to his home island when he is 30 or 40, having made enough $, €, £, or yuans to live life in a relative comfort ( and/or open a small buisness ), and lie back and enjoy life.
I say that as I understood from your post that it was not you who brought him there ( wherever there is ), so I guess you met him in your home country.

And yes, some things in the dominican culture may seem selfish to us westerners, but, in my opinion, it is because they have a sans-souci outlook on life. And values are diffrent, life is lived in the present. ( whereas in the western world we plan years ahead, ie, savings, university for the kids, pay a house over decades, etc.......)
Bear in mind that there are things we may do that seem selfish to dominicans.
I mainly agree with you but your last paragraph is incorrect for many Dominicans I know. Many sacrifice family life to earn money so their children can go to university or good schools so they can be successful in life. Many are smart business people that are good at saving money and know how to invest that money in businesses or real estate. Living life for the moment is what many people in many cultures do, that's why they remain poor. Buying loto tickets as their pension hopes.
 

TropicalPaul

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Sep 3, 2013
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Many Dominican men have temper issues – although you may rarely see them. When they feel under stress, or cornered, they become angry. This is usually verbal but unfortunately can sometimes become physical. I think it is simply because they are not used to communicating and it is the only way they have learned to express how frustrated they feel. This is by no means condoning it, just that by understanding you can help to avoid these situations. Dominican men will become like a cat, cornered by a dog and hiss and spit. Afterwards they forget about it, but many relationships fail due to the woman not appreciating the stress their man is under, as for them stress is a way of life and they know how to cope with it. All they see is the man they married disappearing, and being replaced by someone who is sullen, uncommunicative and with outbursts of temper.

Gosh, it's just over a year and two months since Matilda was murdered by her husband and his two sons. And reading this that she wrote a few months before she died sent shivers down my spine.
 

Yourmaninvegas

I am here to protect and serve
Feb 16, 2016
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Living life for the moment is what many people in many cultures do, that's why they remain poor. Buying loto tickets as their pension hopes.
This comment ignores the fact that economic success is tilted in favor of those who already have the money.
In many economic systems throughout the world.
I have pointed this out in my Bourbon section and you commented on it.
A great man in my country of origin explained how the playing field has been tilted.
Like playing cards with cheats.
And then when everyone who has their big stacks.
They get religion and decide to play fair.
If you were one of the ones who got cheated and your stack is short
You will be at a disadvantage as the game continues.
I do not see the situation being any different in 🇩🇴
Except that many Dominicans I have run across that have money think they are better than others because of it.
I just laugh at them behind their back and go on about my business.
The same way I do at those proffering their "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" smack up here in DR1

RIP Matilda
 

USA DOC

Bronze
Feb 20, 2016
2,179
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This comment ignores the fact that economic success is tilted in favor of those who already have the money.
In many economic systems throughout the world.
I have pointed this out in my Bourbon section and you commented on it.
A great man in my country of origin explained how the playing field has been tilted.
Like playing cards with cheats.
And then when everyone who has their big stacks.
They get religion and decide to play fair.
If you were one of the ones who got cheated and your stack is short
You will be at a disadvantage as the game continues.
I do not see the situation being any different in 🇩🇴
Except that many Dominicans I have run across that have money think they are better than others because of it.
I just laugh at them behind their back and go on about my business.
The same way I do at those proffering their "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" smack up here in DR1

RIP Matilda
So true about the Dominicans with money... and how they treat others.
 
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rfp

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Jul 5, 2010
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So true about the Dominicans with money... and how they treat others.
It may be ugly from the outside... however have you considered the rightful disdain that productive, prudent people feel towards those who are incapable of executing basic family planning or demonstrating any type of economic or sexual impulse control ?

Remember they all have lots of contact with poor people ie their employees, domestic staff and are very aware of underclass dynamics. Frankly, they are better !! Most of the poor deserve their lot in life
 
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NanSanPedro

Nickel with tin plating
Apr 12, 2019
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It may be ugly from the outside... however have you considered the rightful disdain that productive, prudent people feel towards those who are incapable of executing basic family planning or demonstrating any type of economic or sexual impulse control ?

Remember they all have lots of contact with poor people ie their employees, domestic staff and are very aware of underclass dynamics. Frankly, they are better !! Most of the poor deserve their lot in life
Wow, you win the horse's ass award du jour and probably du mes.

Congrats!